Dec 08 Mums - still biffing on

[LadyThompson]

Yes, yes, it's a bit lame. I wanted to say: "Still fucking on!" but wary of causing offence....

I know 'biffing' is a bit PG Wodehouse, as well. You'll just have to humour me

Vag has good advice there Kayz - you are amazing doing what you do with so little help for large periods of time. And congrats on the BF, it's really, really great .

Syb, that is really not on for your DH not to get up for the kids. How does he justify it?

T is being a proper, 24 carat shit at the moment. DP and I are completely sharing childcare, and yet T spends his time telling DP he hates him, just wants me, etc. It's making DP so depressed. He took him on a special outing to London the other week - they apparently had a great time, went to the Tate, Diana playground, on a boat, Nat Hist museum, etc. All T could say the next day was that he'd preferred being at his granny's the weekend before.

I know the advice is to make as little of it as possible (which I am doing now, after initially getting really angry and punishing him for being so unkind). I know a lot of 3 year olds do it, and it's a phase and he'll grow out of it. But DP is so down at the moment, he doesn't have any work to raise his self esteem elsewhere (he's frantically applying for stuff), and this opportunity to spend time with the kids that everyone says they're so jealous of and he must be so grateful for, is marred by the fact that one of them keeps telling him he doesn't want to be there. DP says he dreads getting up in the morning with them (we take it in turns to get up with them) as he knows T will scream for a good 20 mins that it's not me. .

I'm so angry with him, I want to tell him that he's so lucky to have a dad who not only wants to be involved with his upbringing, but can. I want to tell him to make the most of it as he won't always be this available - or this willing,if he carries on like this. But f course there's no point as he's only 3 and thinks he's the centre of the universe. I just feel so sad for DP who is pretty depressed anyway, and this is just making it worse.

Sorry for that little rant, just needed to get it off my chest and see if any of you have any advice on what to do?

Oh spot ds does the same to me. It's getting on my nerves now and actually makes me not want to spend time with him. It's all " I LOVE daddy but I don't like YOU!". And dh is quite smug about it as well which fucks me off.

Spot same here. Mummy I am in luff with you, Mummy I am not in luff with Daddy. DH tries to give him a cuddle in the morning and all he gets is go away Daddy I am cuddling mummy.

Fuck me Spot, your DP did all that in one day, wow what an amazing dad, I manage maybe one of those things in a day out and feel shattered and end up needing loads of coffee and treats.

Didn't MrWG have this issue a while back. What did they do? I do feel for him, must really hurt. Maybe T knows that it gets him attention.

I am soooooooo behiiiiiiind but just wanted to say to Spot - DD1 patently prefers me and DP finds it very hurtful. Very very difficult. What a shame that your DP arranged such a lovely day And T was a bit meh about it all, how demoralising. Kids are SO annoying sometimes. Could you try bigging your DP up and talking about him a lot when he's not around?

Ladies, I am not ignoring you and I even have my notes. I just haven't got a handle on my life at the moment - not enough hours in the day. Or not enough days in the week, more like

Is it wrong to want to tell the speech therapist off for not pronouncing DS2s name correctly. It is making me irrationally angry.

Hi ladies just a brief hi and greetings from Australia! Last min plans came together and although exhausting trip over my brothers reaction to our surprise appearance was worth every minute of the hellish flights! The DCs shattered and jet lagged mean worse than ever mummy clingyness and it's draining, to say the very very least!

Anyway just a quick one to say hi to all and prob no chance of a catch up but will try !

Meant to add hope all are well and ok!

Jam, no that is not wrong at all. Surely they should get it right?

Rubes, that sounds lovely!

We've been looking at me joining DH in Singapore in December when he has another course to do. I want to take DD but the flights look very daunting with a 5 month old.

Thanks for the sympathy, folks, I'm sure it's a phase that he'll grow out of, it's just very frustrating and adding to the general tension and anxiety (of which there is already a lot) in the house. It seems like sharing childcare should be a breeze, but when one person is really struggling with it it just puts pressure on everyone.
I'm sure the situation is exacerbated by T's inability to sleep more than 10 hours a night and some nights not even that. It wouldn't bother me if he was full of beans during the day but he's just exhausted the whole time and would sit in all day watching TV given half a chance. If he naps, he just goes to sleep at 9 and wakes at 6. If I try to put him to bed at 7.30, it's the usual half five routine. I tried 6.30 the other night, but he just played silly buggers until 8. He just seems to be in an overwrought mess at teh moment and the fact that DP doesn't have a job and there's always chat of moving house can't help either. Am hoping that moving to the local preschool in 3 weeks (and there being a daily routine) might help stabilise things a bit.

Kayz would you be taking the boys as well or just DD? THree would be tricky to manage on your own, but hopefully by 5 months DD will be able to sleep for slightly longer stretches. It'll still be pretty hideous (how long is the flight?) but hopefully a nice time the other end would make up for it.

Rubes, so glad it all worked out for the best. Have a lovely time and enjoy the winter .

Jam I would def pull her up on it. Did she initially get it wrong or has she just slipped? You'd think a SALT would pay particular attention to things like that...

Just planning on taking DD as we couldn't afford for all of us to go. We can only afford it as we only have to pay for my flight as DH's employer pays for his flight and the hotel.

Still have to persuade XH or my Mum to have the boys though.

Kayz just you and DD? If so its a doddle at that age. Also fly Singapore air or similar ad they are fab.

DH usually flies with KLM and he thinks they are good. But as he flies alone he isn't sure how good they are for kids.

Honestly easy, have boobs will travel. Just make sure you take a spare t shirt for yourself and spare clothes for DD and you will be fine. I always found that the droning noise of the plane helped them sleep when little and when they were awake just whop your jubblies out.

Jam that made me laugh. Have jubblies will travel...

Had first day (well, few hours) without children (DD1 nursery, DD2 childminder) for god knows how long today - DH and I went into town and had lunch. Almost like having a life again

Also DD1 wrote "I love mummy" in her bedtime workbook tonight, when she was doing it with DH. Cutest thing ever.

Ooh, the course and possible Singapore trip both sound exciting Kayz

How annoying about work Kiwi, have you been paid yet? But I am very of your child free lunch. Although I did enjoy afternoon tea with work colleagues today, for a leaving do, for an hour

Your sister sounds v irritating Indith, I can understand how that attitude to money can drive you crazy as my sister is similar, she cant just have money, it has to be spent. Mine went travelling for 6 months and left me with her bank info, in case of queries from anyone. Just after she left, some agency for proof she had the funds for her trip, so i went online to print off her latest statement - and her balance was zero. So at vast cost, I ring her in a panic to ask where her money's gone, to which she calmly replies her over draft will do the job. Any poo progress?

Enjoy the rest of your holiday Sybs, and demand some sleep. And also Rubes, have a great trip

Spot your DP is a wonder, planning a day like that. I've no ideas on his attitude towards DP I'm afraid but I hope you resolve it soon. On sleep, DD1 seems to get stuck in a vicious circle if she gets over tired, as for some reason her quality of sleep gets worse and she wakes loads, and so gets even more tired and so on and so on. We seem to need to make her physically tired, long walks, swimming etc, to get her to sleep well and break the cycle

We are gearing up for the Paralympics here (Kiwi will your DH be on duty again?), and I've explained to DD how they differ from the Olympics, about disability etc. So whilst waiting for her swimming lesson to start we were watching the adult lesson, which had a few disabled adults in the group. DD suddenly says, in her loudest possible voice, 'that man has no arm Mummy, will he be on Paralympics the next week?' I suppose that could be considered a compliment, but given he was learning to swim, I don't think he'll improve enough in the next week for us to see him in London!

Bloody hell Kiwi she writes! DS2 is having enough trouble drawing dinosaurs let alone letters!

Kayz I've flown solo to Oz with a 6 month old and then a 2.5 year old (same child just at s different age. Believe me 5 months is easy peazy, in fact nicest flight I ever had. They gave me a few seats to myself plus the basinett thing for DS1, and they were constantly checking to make sure I was ok or wanted food. DS1 slept the entire second leg of the flight from Hong Kong to UK and I'd just pick him up and carry him to the loo with me if I needed to go. On one flight they sat me with another solo mum so we watched each others child if the other needed to go to the loo.

Also am with jam on the jubblies, just make sure you have plenty of water, I got so thirsty.

Jam that's crap.

Vag She's obsessed with writing. But she won't walk more than about 4 blocks without demanding to be carried. So, swings and roundabouts...

DD has just had her first jabs. She screamed bless her. She now weighs 12lb 14oz and is 62cm long. She's right on the top line of the length chart.

Blimey Kayz, DD is only 61cm and she hit 6 months last week! That milk of yours is good stuff

Writing DD1 can even hold a pencil properly so scribbling is as good as it gets here

CAN'T hold a pencil, I mean

Dd writes her name as Di and a squiggle. She won't hold a pencil properly either.

Ds2's head seems to be right at the top of his carseat . The child isn't quite 6 months yet. Good job I have a big semi-extended rear facing from dd! Must have a play later.

It amazes me how children vary in size. Indith and kayz must both be producing jersey cream. J has only just moved out of her baby carseat! She's a tiddler.

Glad I'm not the only one amazed by junior kiwi writing! L writes her name but the letters are sometimes the wrong way round.

Spot Ignoring it and lots of praise for being nice with daddy. It is hard. J prefers me and makes it very clear. DH feels very rejected. I think Obes had something similar.

The terrible 3s continue here. It is so exhausting. Huge dramas about absolutely nothing yet L can be so kind and loving.The girls were playing a sweet game of horses this morning. L was the horse!

Ds1 moved out of the same carseat at a year old. Dd was around 9 months I think. I don't see ds2 as being all that huge but I suppose he is pretty big, or a least long.

Blimey ds2 is nowhere near letters at all. He does do drawing and at peuterschool he is doing shapes but that is it. I don't think they do much more than play at school here until they are 6. Then it's full speed ahead it seemwh

I grow small children too JB they sprout up until about 6 months then just grow teeny bits after that. I know several 2 year old who tower over poor ds2.