Fab Feb 2011: Walking, talking and still not sleeping.

[blizy]

I hope you don't mind me starting a new thread? Lets hope it's a lucky one for me.

I haven't posted on here about it at all but I suppose I better disclose.

Me and dh split up about 3months ago and he moved into the spare room so to be around the kids until he could find a place of his own. All was fine and well, he started dating, which was fine with me so long as it wasn't around the kids.
Last Friday I took the kids down to Essex to visit family with agreements he would look after the cat and the house and that he would meet us from the train a week later so to see the kids.
After about 3 phonecalls over the whole week, on Friday morning I got a txt message from him saying I'm moving in with my girlfriend. To which I've said talk to me when i get home. He knew I had a date for that evening. So i then got a message your mom will have to have the kids if you go out. I have then rang him to find he's in blackpool and won't be back that day to see his kids as he can't leave his girlfriend that he had been with for 2 weeks. He then said could he have them overnight sat night, I have then said I do not know your girlfriend and I'm sorry but it should be.just you on your own with them so not to confuse them. To which he has told me its a girl I have known for years and who has had all her children taken away as she was deemed unfit. I will not allow them to stay at her house as I cannot trust her. After I have said no, he refused to talk to me or Thomas, I got home to find my cat missing, none of the bills paid that I'd left money to be paid and no food in the fridge freezer. He was still refusing to answer.
Yesterday morning i then get a message saying I'm staying in blackpool and moving in with my girlfriend she needs me.
I have since had everything from Thomas as he is so confused that daddy has broken his promises and now won't even talk to him.I'm at a loss and really struggling to see how I'm going to do this so completely on my own.

Sorry about the essay

Aw, Hubbard :(. I'm struggling to think of anything to say except what an absolute arse of a DH! I'm so sorry. You will get through this though!

Thanks robin. I will be fine, I always will just never dreamt I'd be 25 with 2 kids and a dad nowhere to be seen. I'm just scared to think what the future holds for is at the moment. I just dont understand how someone can do this to their kids.

Hubbard that is so sad for you and the children. BUT remember that you're doing all the right things at the moment, you're there for your kids and not letting them go see their dad with some random woman miles away, that would be really confusing for them. They need consistency and reassurance at the moment and it looks like you're going to be the one providing that. I really feel for you, you're doing a fantastic job though by the sounds of things.

American oh nooooo! That is so gross, poor you (and dh I suppose ) ew. Carpet in kitchen though, wtf

Blizy thanks for being do lovely, you are one of the strongest people I know so that means a lot. Hope you find a lovely pink book for Z

We're on the way to the park to meet a friend and her little boy, had to leave early so A can have a nap, apparently she'll only nap in the car now

Oh and robin, A woke about 5 times in the night last night after sleeping through for aaaages, I jinxed it!

Oh no, Ponyo! L did ok last night but DD1 climbed into our bed this morning because she'd had a bad dream. I was up really late watching The Mist.

The one based on the Steven king book? I love that film if it is! The ending is different to the book but so chilling

Hubbard, I'm do pleased you've come on here to see us. I was talking yo dh about you this morning as wanted everyone to know what's going on so we could all support you. You come across as really strong and positive, hopefully that will translate to Tom and Freya. Noah only started walking properly about two weeks ago and now won't stop, give Freya time, she'll get there.

Ponyo,sorry your feeling so low.sleeping is something I also do alot when I'm especially down, gives you a break from thinking about it all. Good idea to go to counselling tho. Also, oh, no, to Anya Isobel being awake so much last night.

Robin, I'm suddenly feeling the need to watch how I met your mother, now after all this talk! Hehe to you 'stalking' the other Robin!

Blizy, your book for Zoe sounds fantastic, what a lovely thing to do. Xx

American, yuck to all that sick!

Am chilling whilst dh had taken the boys to the in laws. I tidied our study today, oh wow, it was such a mess! I've now got several bags of recycling and shredding plus managed to Hoover on their for the first time in ages! Everytime I walk past I think 'aaahhhhhh'. Hopefully dh will keep it looking nice and tidy now!

Hubbard he sounds like a right prat just like my ex.

All I will say is that it is a very deparate insecure and needy man who puts a woman over his children and the same for a woman who encourages him to do so.

Defo dont let her around your kids,if she had hers removed then it must have been for something pretty dire. SS will support you in that.

My experience of being left was eventually positive,it gave me so many new things to work towards and put real excitment back into my life.

As for the children then all you can do is support them answer their questions age appropriately and soothe them when they are sad.
We cant protect them from outside hurt but we can teach them we are their for them.

I hope you are coping and at 25 Im sure the future will be brighter.

Dh married me and i had 4 dc so dont think you will be alone all your life.

Make sure you take care of yourself too cos the kids rely on you more than ever now. xxx

american when I first moved out I had a carpet in the kitchen - it was rank and yuck to DH and the smell. FWIW I read on an mn thread to put loads to bicarb of soda all over a carpet after you've done the initial clear up and leave it there over night before hoovering up and it helps get rid of the smell. Or dilute bleach maybe? I clean our carpets with dilute bleach here and it really makes the room pong of bleach which I quite like

hubs poor you. ponyo is right you are doing the right things. Are you OK in the short term with housing etc? I think being consistent for the DC is definitely the right thing - do you have any friends near by who can help you out?

robin I thought you were talking about wiggles' bum too

ponyo I"m glad you contacted cruise - I can heartily recommend them as my DM works for them

ledkr and ems keep you updated re: trip to Cheltenham, but, like I say I don't know if it will be a few days or just literally for the funeral and straight home with no time for meet ups, depends what day funeral is on etc. Grandma still holding on in there but going downhill.

I'm sure I missed out on lots I was going to comment on [sigh] . Been feeling ill still so not doing too much.

deb can you let me know when you get a chance re: next Mon? - if you can't do next mon how are you placed for any other Mondays?

Hubbard ^what ledkr said^. Sorry your ex is being such a prat. Hopefully he will come to his senses shortly and realise he wants to be a part of his kids life. Don't worry about Freya not walking. Edward was nearly 17 months. He couldn't be bothered as Anna would fetch everything he needed!

Am having to brain scrub that rap out of my head Robin! Thank you!

Only taking the pill for a month to try and regulate it again, Borg, but cheers for the dodgy script offer! Too old to go on the pill full time now. Failing that, goodness knows. I try not to think about our health care expenses american. Have you found somewhere in Madison yet?

Glad you had a great birthday wiggles. And you enjoyed your campervanning ledkr.

I need to get at our office too emski. Not changed for 3 years now.

Ponyo, you are doing really well, so take the help from Cruse if you need it. I think I'd be a complete mess if my Dad died.

Blizy, wise and strong as ever.

Hope you are having nice Sunday evenings. Hello to everyone I've missed. Got to get on phoning people to arrange our trip home!

Sorry, reastie, x-posted there. Hugs re your grandma.

hubbard he's a fucking dick (he's such a dick that I'm not even going to pretend to be polite and use feckin') I know you don't have a whole heap of family support but hope you have friends that can pull you along when you need it and don't forget we are all here xxxx Sofia didn't walk until she was 16 months.

american ick, ick, icky - how's L?

reastie hope your grandmother is comfortable. Hope you start to feel a bit better yourself xx

My best friends grannys funeral is tomorrow. She's had to do all the organising etc, her Mum died when she was 15 and then her sister died when she was 20, her granny dying has brought it all back and she's in pieces. Was up for a bit with her today, trying to give her a hand but her granny is country folk and ended up helping her "host" the wake - heebie yeebie time. Never seen so many plates of sandwiches in my life . We have stashed the bottles of wine as well

reastiesorry about your Nan,its rough,I was still crying yesterday.
My friggin Mother was telling me what she had given my sis from Nans stuff-little trinkets not valuable. I couldnt hold back I said "can I have something too please,she was my Gran as well!" Mum suddenly said "oh of course" stuttered along. I get so fecked off with my bloody golden Sisters,Im nice too you know

If you need me to do anything as Im nearby just ask. It would be lovely to see you even if its just for a quick cuppa.

D was sick in the bongo on the way home "american* I just wash it out with bio washing powder prob no good for carpets though.

D woke up at 10am hahaha. She was up at 5 whilst camping so was making up for it I think. Her poor little gums are hurting her and she has been tres clingy today too.

I had planned a relaxing day but I keep forgetting that is a thing of the past.

I asked dh to bath d earlier because i was watching something,he ignored me and sat on his arse watching it too (series he hasnt watched which was on part 3 ) I switched it off and went to do it myself,In a loud manner,so he is now creeping and clearing up the kitchen and making Ellas tea whilst I relax.

I have a thread in relationships,as some of you guys know Ella quite well from my posts id appreciate comments.

damn you ems and wiggs. I read your posts and got a sudden attack of hayfever (runny eyes) It hard because they hurt me so much,soooo much and now my own daughter thinks the sun shines from their arses
Iact brave and im over it now,but I will never forget how it felt to have to have sti checks as i wept into a pillow and Ella sat in her pram nest to me,and people telling me theyd seem them all ove Chelt making me look a prat. I didnt sleep or eat for weeks and lost 3 stone {hoorah} but i carried on working and looking after the dc whilst they went off on holidays as if he was young and childless.
grrrrrrr im ranting now haha. Just wanted you to know thats why its so tough. If it were his new gf id be cool but its because its the ow and she's such a thick chav.

Hi guys! Sorry it has been ages. Been busy with helping my mum look after my dad post op (he is doing great)! Boys off for half term, with jubilee thingys and b'day parties and last friday was our tenth wedding Ann. We have had a night away in York last night which was lovely.

hubbard you seem to be doing great, there are loads of wise mners on here who have been in your situation and worse and have been fab mums. Big hugs.

Happy birthday MrsWiggles

ledkr big hugs. Will have a look over at your thread.

Waves to all! Have missed you all.

Will catch up properly.......

Hi everyone, I can't bloody keep up now, stupid RL getting in the way

ledkr you are a real role model to me of how a mother ought to be, I think you do a fantastic job.

Granny- it looks like I will be co
Ing to London town tomorrow. We will prob be staying outside the city centre somewhere like Boromwood? I can get train/tube into London? You will hve to guide me though, I have no idea where I am going!

Ledkr- I will have a look at your thread later.

Debka- I'm well of your Wimbledon tickets! You deserve them.

44me- glad all is well with you and the family.

Reastie- sorry to hear about your gran, you have had so much to deal with the past few months. . We are here for you anytime. X

Hi all,

Ledkr I can only agree with what others have said on your thread. Plus you are such a fab mum, agree with deb, you're an inspiration for a novice like me!
Oh and good for you asking for something to remember your nan.

Deb oh my GOD I am so jel of your Wimbledon tickets! I love tennis, it's prob the only sport I like watching especially when nadal is playing

Reastie ooh please tell me more about your dm working for cruse, I dont know what really but anything useful would be good.

Blizy enjoy London! That's a massive way to travel for you isn't it?!

Sorry am on my phone and can't remember anything else
We went to the park and there some family fun day event on, it's was brilliant, sand pits, lots of entertainment and ice cream of course A loved it and was v cute running around squeaking.
Oh my cousin had a baby today, 7lbs 7oz, that's a big one for our family!

Morning,

deb if your aunt changes her mind re: Wimbledon I'd be happy to accompany you [cheeky] - it's one of those things on my 'must do before I die' list

ponyo re: cruse. I don't know if all areas are different but re: my Mum she goes to peoples houses to do an assessment - talks through issues of bereavement etc to gauge what sort of support you would need and so they know about your case. Then you'd be put on the local waiting list for a counsellor who (where Mum works anyway) comes to your house to do the counselling (although they may also offer rooms at a local place too I think where they rent them) and you'd have the same person every time from then on, but it might not be the person who did your assessment. I'm pretty sure Mum has done counselling in the evenings before so they probably offer out of work hours counselling too. I think the waiting list depends on where you are - you may not have a wait at all I'm not sure. I'm pretty certain it's all free but in this area at the last session my Mum hands a letter out saying how they are a charity and you are welcome to donate to them if you want to, but it's not like she would expect to take anything there and then, it's more a if you want to send a cheque here's an envelope but no obligation at all type of thing. The counsellors are all trained (my Mum does some of the training here ). I don't really know much else and DM isn't around at the min as staying with gps - if you want me to ask her something let me know, but i'm not sure how things vary regionally.

This weather is so miserable. Still feeling under the weather but was hoping to take Alice to feed the ducks just to get her out of the house but don't think I will looking outside . Maybe I'll take her to the pound shop and ploy her with cheap tat

Hi all, back from hols with PIL and SIL plus her DCs. I need to catch up on all your news so will be having a proper read through everything in a min.
Hol was so weird yall. One day I was thinking 4 days left til I can go home, then realised I'd miscounted and it was 5 more days... Promptly hid in the bathroom in hot self pitying tears.
They are just so AWFUL. All they talk about is money. How much things cost, bills, if they see a beautiful house all they say is ,how much d'you reckon that's worth eh?' Actually that's FIL, MIL and SIL don't really speak about anything but SILs two DCs.
Meals were eaten in near silence apart from their noisy open mouthed troughing. Tables of food disappear in moments. The men of the family spent the days lounging around the pool drinking cold beer, whilst we womenfolk were expected to mind the DCs and bring said refreshments. I realise I'm an ungrateful wench, but honestly. It was just so odd to be on holiday in a lovely big villa in a beautiful part of Cyprus and be bloody depressed!
Sorry for rant, girls. Will be back with less self involved post later!

Oh mizk sounds awful....you have my sympathies!

reastie sorry about ur granny.
hubbard you are doing everything right & don't let anyone tell you anything different! Your ex dh sounds like an utter twunt!

blizy I think ur trains might come into kings cross/st. Pancras from borehamwood? If ur up for a meetup tomorrow then that's cool -I can get a train straight from Bromley to st pancras. But I equally understand if ur not up for it after the journey down. Will pm you my mobile no & u can see how you feel tomorrow morning.

Not much to report here..MIL down for the w/e so we got a night out last night which was nice, tho N was sick in his cot so had to change him, sheets, bath etc...typical!

Hi all
MizK, sorry about your depressing holiday. Bloody in laws eh? Good to hear from you tho.

Granny and Blizy, am v jel of your meet up tomorrow.

Had some bad news this morning. My cousin is in intensive care with liver cancer. I don't know whats happened but my sister said she went into hospital last week. The whole family is in shock. I don't see them very often as they are on my dad's side of the family but am so glad I saw her at my nieces Christening in March. Am praying she will be ok, she is only 39 and has 2 teenage children. Its so scary.

Just wanted to pop on quickly -

Emski horrible news, very sad and shocking. All the best to your cousin, she must be so scared

Mizk your hol sounds grim really feel for you, I cried once at pil's because we were staying longer than I'd thought so you have much sympathy from me! Your pil sound like real twats, yuk

Reastie thanks for the info . I have had an email from cruse and will try and ring them tomo.

Right off to wash up, ah what fun back later x