Sept 2010 - Another 6 months past, it's going too fast!

[comixminx]

Our lovely new thread for the September 2010 babies. Dive in folks!

Luke has a car bed and his mattress is slightly lower than the sides so I think that may help him not roll out but he still gets up if he wants to/thinks he won't get in trouble with the bit round the edge. Give it a try you can always put it back :)

Hi all, long time no post!! Things just seem to be pretty crazy at the minute and I'm getting a bit fed up.
Dh is working ridiculous amount of overtime because there was a bit of trouble before Christmas and 3 of his workmates ended up getting the sack. The bosses have been booking the same amount of work in so they're ridiculously busy.
Whilst I appreciate this and understand that he's under a lot of pressure he seems to have decided that work comes 1st. I feel like a single mum trying to juggle the house, the boys and my own job. He just comes and goes as he likes and I have to ask him to come home. I'm sick of it.
The final straw was yesterday. Ollys had tonsilitis again and although he's not been as poorly this time he's still not been well. I've had to send him to nursery because my work have started being awkward with carers leave. Anyway, I asked him to pick olly up early yesterday. He should finish work early on a Friday, at 1 so he wasn't having any time off. I said it was because olly want very well and didn't want him there all day. What did he do?? Stayed at work till he had to leave to get ds1 from school and then went and got him. He put work before his son!!! Again!!!
I really don't know what to do but things have got to change. I'm exhausted!

Anyway. Ollys in a toddler bed with a built up bit round the top. Only because it was the cheap pest nice one we could find!! I'd just take him out. He'll probably fall out a couple of times but it's worth a try.

I don't do lent either. I don't see the point!!

Sorry for the range. Hope everyones ok!

Hi

We did pancakes too. Except dp was away, and J, I, and E didn't like them! So only me and Chloe ate them. I like sugar and lemon and also chocolate spread. Never tried syrip or orange and sugar- definately next year.....yum.

lumpy Eva has tonsilitis as well. I'd be furious with my dp, if he prefered to do overtime, than go and get his sick child. I'd be tempted to tell him to go, tbh. It's probably quite drastic, but for me personally if he constantly doesn't give a shit about me, my job, (if i had one-iyswim) and his own kids- than i wouldn't bloody want him. But i am very very high emotionally maintenance.

However, (reigning in the bitch in me) is he under pressure to do the over time? Is it the case that he has no choice?

All mine have conjunctivitis too. Groan. It's never ending illnesses at the minute.
And at least 1 of them wakes me up during the night at the minute and jacob has a body alarm of 6.10am every frigging morning!

On the good side, i am off the anti depressants and feeling happier than i have in a very long time. We have been house hunting and have found a 4 bedroom house that we both love. We just need to sort out finances etc. And i have joined a new gym, that has brilliant classes( ie, not dance related) I think ive booked 5 for next week.

mine are still in cots........

it's just easier at the minute as they all share 1 bedroom and there isn't space for 3 beds and i feel they are a bit little yet for 1 of them to be climbing up into a bunk bed iyswim. But i have started looking for a small one.

If we get the 4 beds, isobel and eva will be sharing and we will need them then anyway.

Sorry to hear about your pap time recently lumps sending hugs x
sassy how do you manganese 5 times in a week?? kudos!

Jack is still in a cot with the sides on! He sleeps in it totally fine but he's having the sides off soon when we move rooms around.

Gotta go..... Be back tmrw xxx

bean i havent managed it yet, as i have only been 3 times per week tops. But im going to try my best.

mon night is spinning class and only leave after kids in bed. 19.45-20.45

tues morn is 6.15-7.00 so will leave before kids up and dp says he will get them up and give milk and i'll be back for 7.30am so i will do breakfasts and he is free to get ready for work.

wed night is spinning again. not late though, so dp will have to put them to bed, but i'll have given them dinner.

fri morn is at 9.30, so my mum is coming round to watch kids

posted too early!

and sun morn at 8am. dp will have to get up with kids. but he wont complain, as i get up on sat morn for him to go wrestling.

so there you go. im going to fit some runs in eventually too. ha.

i did use to train 6+ a week before the kids.

might be a bit ambitious now though!

My honest opinion lumpychristmaspud is that he may be under a lot of pressure from work to do overtime with even an underlying threat of losing his job? As the main breadwinner (which I assume he is as you work part-time but feel free to correct me) he may feel that he must do whatever it takes to keep his job and bring money into the house and that is a big chunk of his part of taking care of the children.

Does he realise quite how upset you are at his extra hours? He may think you're slightly upset about it not totally at the end of your tether. I am lucky in that I can work with poorly children but it does make life so much harder and although dh does get woken at night it doesn't have a huge impact on his life whereas it makes mine much harder and makes me more tired and stressed. I generally think men don't feel the empathy for poorly children that we do and perhaps he thought if you felt Olly was well enough to go to nursery at all what would the difference between staying until 1pm and 3pm?

It's obviously something you need to sit down and talk about and sounds like you need a break too. He's tired from working long hours and you're tired from the extra stress of having a poorly boy and less help from dh at home so not a good combination.

Great news about anti depressants sassy34264 and good luck with the move, new beds and exercise! Dh has started cooking one evening a week so I can go to training with my club and I do one run after the boys are in bed and one early Saturday morning but they are never dressed or fed by the time I get back!

Had an annoying Saturday! Did my usual run in the morning and had an hour to get a ready and feed us all as ds1 ha a friend round to play. When ds1 went round there she said 2 hours was enough so kind of expecting 11-1 and as my mum got the boys excited about goig swimming with us and them and then backed out but we still felt we should take them, I needed it to not be much longer as I was babysitting at 5.30! We had a little chat at the door as you do and then dh offered her a cup of tea so in she came, she then proceeded to stay for 3hrs! This really p'd me off as I had lots to do which you can do around 2 five year olds playing but not with a mum visitor too. Perhaps have a cuppa and go after half an hour but THREE hours when she'd said 2 was enough when she had my ds, grrrrrr!

3 hours!!! I would be grrrr too. Perhaps you should have just stood up and said 'right, well i must get on'

Had some horrible news last night. My friend (isobels god mother) came around briefly on fri, and we made arrangements for this thurs. I had to text her yesterday to say i needed to cancel as eva has tonsilitis (the arrangement was taking them to a park and it is too cold with her ill, even if she is loads better by then) She didn't answer, which was unusual.

Turns out her dad had been stabbed 13 times leaving his house. They wanted his mercedes car keys. 13 times! My friend said they stabbed him before he even had chance to give them the keys, which he had every intention of doing. He was/is critical. Lost 2 pints of blood and has had 2 operations.

How shocking is that? Still stood in your own front garden. I feel so bad for him and her and her mum. I'd be in bits.

lumpy i do agree with all of cinnamons post. It's vastly slightly more rational than mine. But i am very 'don't even think about trying to walk over me' after my last exdp. I hope you have sorted it?

Oh dear lord..... jack has only just gone to bed! Having a bit of a phase at the moment where he simply cannot do without a long enough nap in the afternoon but then is up til goodness when in the evening. Please don't say "don't let him sleep so long" it isn't working at the moment. Had a couple of awful nappies this weekend too so really hope it's a bit of a bug rather than an issue with sleep.

So only just about to start work for the night and I am so shattered. This baby is definitely going to be nocturnal if my body clock is anything to go by

Lumpy I was thinking last night after reading your post, that I think most Dads go through spells when they have so much on at work and stresses about finances etc that getting on with it all away from home and having a bit of a break from the kids is, eventually, going to help. If us Mums could do it I'm sure we all would. I think Dh deals so well with things but he never fails to go out to football training and I never begrudge it as I feel it helps him have a clearer mind iykwim?!
It does leave me going slightly insane some nights if I have a house full of laundry to deal with and work to get done which I still have to squeeze into the small hours of the night
I have always really struggled with the thought of abandoning my business but more and more recently I know I just won't cope with it all when dc2 comes along and Dh is still self employed, doing insane hours.
I do feel your pain and with Olly being ill it must be so much harder but the sun is coming!!!!! It really is and we can all shake s.a.d out of our weary bones soon
Xxxx

Cinnamon yeah my dp does that to, looks after them, but apart from giving them milk, it just entails sitting in the same room as them. I get up / back to face all the jobs i would have done if i hadn't had a lie in or gone out. But wewomen end up coming across as ungrateful cos they watched the kids as a favour. It really gets me pissed off. Are they not their kids too?!

I couldn't live my life in the knowledge that my life as changed beyond all recognition and dp's has hardly changed at all. as a lot of women do The resentment would be too much and i would be angry as hell.

Plus, I've done the single mum thing. I won't lie, it is hard. Much harder than having someone there by your side, carrying you when you need it. But, if you have someone who doesn't carry you, when you need it, and just adds to your workload, doesn't let you get a break, or help with the kids, you are much much better off without them.

They will end up with contact, that will give you a break and you end up with less housework, as they have to do their own washing etc. I think men who don't help forget that we would have less to do without them and they would in fact have a hell of a lot more to do. idiots

By the way, this isn't aimed at anyone's dh/dp on here. It's just my general musings about my own dp.

Been circuit training this morning, so i'm all pumped up...........
Think i will lose this in about 1 hour and fall exhausted in front of the tv for the rest of the day.

I'm very happy with my life having changed but I know exactly what you mean! He's stressed so totally withdraws from family life and I have to carry on but when I am stressed the children don't just disappear. BUT he is very supportive and he does do things round the house, would be nice not to have to ask sometimes :) I wouldn't be without him though, want to grow old and grey together, exploring national trust properties and seeing the grandchildren at weekend

Sounds lovely cinnamon Me and dp dream of having the kids grown up and then going mountain climbing, kayaking, flying over the grand canyon etc

In fact we wrote a bucket list the other day. And it's adventure all the way! ha.

Aphra's still in a cot with sides but soon we're going to move Bruno into the same room as her so things will have to change: not sure if we'll put him in her cot & get her a new bed, or turn her cot into a bed (it is doable but we don't have the instructions).

Ali Beanstalk, if our experience is anything to go by you'll find the first few months, at least, of having two is pretty full-on. Is there any way you can put your business into sort of suspended animation for a while without giving it up entirely? Probably far too rosy an idea...

My dreams would involve a lot more travel but I'm realistic about how much we'll be able to afford to do, plus dh is 15 years older than me so won't be up to much

Wow loads to catch up on suddenly. Never seem to be able catch up as the kids always come round and disturb me, at the minute Ive got Maia sat on my lap fastening my buttons and DS asking if he can watch the video with the embarrassed (means pregnant ) lady (the ad that pops up on the side.)

sassy sorry to hear about your friends Dad. how awful. . How do you manage it, I do 2 Pilates classes a week 9 - 10 pm, would love to go for a run but DP leaves at 8 am and its still dark. Maybe when the clocks change...

lumps Id agree with cinnamon mostly. Id try to speak with him, explain how stressing it is with the children and that you need a bit more from him.

Beanstalk With DS i dropped to part time, but when Maia came along I gave up working, what I would have earned didn´t seem to warrant juggling around an the stress. With no family around would have had to pay for child care which is the same rate as what I get per hr for teaching. I now do 6 hrs of private English classes spread over the week. Have to add that Im so much happier now than I was when working PT with DS, love being with the kids all day. Is there any way you can limit your orders so you only take x hrs per week??

Oh and Maia is still in our bed! and DS

sassy I love your blunt opinion!!! I'm not at that stage yet but I do sometimes think of going to my parents to shock him into action!!!

cinnamon yes he is the main breadwinner, and under a lot of pressure from work but not at risk of losing his job, his colleagues were sacked for stealing from the company!!! He doesn't seem to understand that I'm also under pressure from work tho and sometimes I could do with staying late to finish what I'm doing. I have told him and tried to explain, it just seems to go in one ear and out the other!!!
What he doesn't realise is that although I nag him, I do appreciate how much pressure he's under and how hard he works. He doesn't know but I've booked a mini cruise to bruges a week on Friday, cleared it with work for him to have the Saturday off. I think it's what we both need.

We've also just found out his sternum has leukaemia and as been given 9 months and his sister almost definitely has a brain tumour. It's very unlikely to be cancer but it still needs treating!!!

sassy your poor friends dad! Was it just random thief???

My dreams are like cinnamon I want a little cottage in the country and my grandchildren round me!! I'm not very adventurous, I like a simple life!!!

lumpy sometimes just telling them that you are thinking about going is enough to shock them. I think though, that if you threaten or give an ultimatum it has to be with the realisation that they may take you up on it. And you have to be ok with that.

Sorry to hear about your family's bad news. Yes and no to the random thief. The men didn't know my friends dad, but they are slightly related. Not blood related, through marriage. They have been arrested and charged with attempted murder.

patio I would need a padded room and a very straight jacket, if mine were still in bed with us. In fact there wouldn't be any 'us' as i'm sure dp would have buggered off by now. How are they not driving you mad? Respect to you for managing that, without going insane.

Oops, I really need to learn to preview my posts. His stepmum has leukaemia, not his sternum!!!!

2 boys, what are the odds of having a third?!

are you pregnant????

No. Well I wasn't 3 weeks ago when I did a test. My pco is playing up again and my periods seem to be on hold!!! I have decided that I want another tho. I thought I might one day. The negative tests have told me that I do. I was disappointed, not relived. I'd love a girl and dh said "I don't really want another but I didn't set out to just have boys" which I think meant that I might have a chance of talking him round!!!!

Sounds positive to me. That weekend away might do the trick.

Fingers crossed!!! Watch this space!!!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh HORRAY

Oh but hang on a minute!! You can't! You'll be that terribly annoying Mum of three who stays a size 8 all her life