Sept 2010 - Another 6 months past, it's going too fast!

[comixminx]

Our lovely new thread for the September 2010 babies. Dive in folks!

Oh god I can't face doing any of that. I'm sat here feeding all day and the HV thinks Bruno has thrush, and he is still only gaining slowly... :-( An eye patch and bandanna would be a reasonable basic signifier but I can't even face sorting that out.

Oh no comixminx that's not good . Sorry things aren't improving on the feeding/weight gain front. If she thinks he may have thrush make sure you get it treated straight away you really don't want it. I don't know what to say, mine both followed a centile (although ds1 jumped up a couple and Luke down a couple before they started following them). I would say gaining slowly is still gaining and if the midwives have signed you off just don't go to the hv and you can do it your own way. Unless of course you feel you want/need their help and advice. I'm sure nursery will have spare bits for those that don't have them, she won't be left out :)

Comix trousers that she's grown out of cut off zig zaggy at the bottom and not so important stripy t shirt cut at the bottom and at the sleeves. stubble and messy hair!

Cinnamon your poor foot. Hope you're more comfortable not its plastered.

It seems like ages since I posted, I have been keeping up tho. I don't get on the lap top much anymore and since Toby started school I've been pretty busy. I love my new work hours tho. I no longer feel like every work day is 1 huge rush, I can just potter. Had a fab girly weekend at centre parcs this weekend, it was so relaxing & calm!

So, I've missed a few birthdays, Here we go!

After all the waiting and stress I gave birth to baby Luke weighing 9lb 2 oz at 5.30 this evening. Just waiting for dh to put the seat in the car to go home. One gel was enough, left for hospital at 2.15pm and was 7cm when we arrived. Pushed him out with tens and g&a as pain relief, had few probs because of lip on one side of cervix but with 3 fantastic midwives getting me in a good position natural unassisted delivery was possible
My induction story was much better than I ever hoped swordfishtrombones. Had gel at 9am, prostin pains instantly- very uncomfortable and constant but after walking up stairs contractions started to be distinct and I had breaks between by about 1.30pm. Felt I needed to go back in by 2.15, got there just after 3 and contractions were less than a minute apart and I was 7cms. Once I got there I had to have monitors on and despite the midwives efforts to allow me to be mobile they wanted me on the bed as they kept loosing baby's heart beat. Felt the need to push but only towards the end of contraction so did an examination which found a small lip that baby couldn't get past midwife rubbed it with each contraction and eventually it went. Then pushed for 45 mins and out popped my little man. Had few stitches for small second degree tear and a beautiful little boy!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUKE!

Newmum post your birth story!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRACE!!!

Diddly, now that suggestion is something we could even manage tomorrow! Maybe, maybe...

Saw the GP at 6 pm to check out the hv's suggestion that Bruno has thrush. He is not so convinced but has written a prescription anyway. This weight thing is so difficult... :-( he's definitely dropped down the centiles even if he's still gaining a bit...

Aphra dressed like a pirate! here

Fab! She has such gorgouse eyes! Love the photo, hope she has fun. Ds1 has Roald Dahl day next Friday so I'm in the process of collecting bits for him to be the BFG. He was an Oompa Loompa last year but I thought it'd be a bit mean to send him the same again, plus I'm not sure the dungarees would fit and took days to bleach the ones he had!

I'm totally fed up of hopping now! Everything takes twice the time and effort, I am losing more money than I care to think about but I'm still having my littlies so I can't actually rest during the day. Plus my wonderful son has started shouting boing, boing, boing every time I move anywhere! Really hoping that they give me a cast I can walk on tomorrow and that they don't need to pin anything . It's kind of a dull ache now unless I catch it so that's not a problem it's just so debilitating. I understand now how people get depressed when they ahve injuries, I actually couldn't be bothered to get out of bed this morning as it's so much effort.

Dh went to ex's house for dinner last night then onto dss's school for parents evening (basically giving parents a telling off according to dh). She didn't tell him he was getting fatter, balder or ask if he needed vaigra yet as she did last time he was there but they did have a massive fight and he walked out! If there's an evening school thing he goes there as it's closer to work than here and I'd rather that than him staying at work and eating something crap, at least he's seeing dss. I just don't know what to say to him, I'm really glad that he stands up from himself to her as he never has before but I also worry about dss hearing it all. She apparently told him the she threatens dss with his dad if he misbehaves and he said she needs to deal with it herself as he really doesn't misbehave with us (he rarely does, which is amazing for an 11 year old but when he does it's not really that bad just a bit disrespectful). She then blew up at him that he doesn't know what it's like and she is strict but he doesn't listen so he said I don't need to listen to this shit anymore and went to say goodbye to dss, lots of tears later he left after her apparently apologising. I don't really know what my point is! I am most definitely the disciplinarian in our house so I'd like to think if I was on my own with the kids I'd still be able to deal with them but I also feel that perhaps she was asking for his support and he just doesn't want to do anything for her anymore.

Things have also got better with dh and ds1, we've talked about it lots and I quiet try to point him in the right direction if I think he's being too soft/too harsh and he's trying to be more tolerant of ds1's personality traits that wind him up!

Can you tell I can't go out anywhere and have no-one to talk to

comix love Aphra's photo!! Hope she enjoyed being a pirate for a day

cinnamon sorry about your foot and the inconvenience it's causing you.... Glad you got it seen to. So many people let small bone fractures go without being seen. Hope you recover well xx

Sorry if I've missed birthdays. Jack's is tomorrow at 9.37pm
Having a party on Sunday so not a huge amount planned until then really. Will prob meet up with my folks and go to a farm if it's fine.
He's having his settling in sessions at nursery and my mind is all on that at the mo. not going so well and all the usual gripes about staff etc etc

Hope everyone is well

I think it that not many other kids dressed up but some did, I hope they all had fun! She asked to have her face painted with the beard again today :-)

Excitement - she did a wee in the loo today, for the first time! She asked to go to the loo, waited on there reasonably patiently, and then wee'd! Hooray!

Just about recovered from Jack's party today. Having never done one before I don't know if I did the things expected especially as we had older ones there too but seemed to go really well.
Cookie Monster cupcakes here went down well too but I over did the colouring a lot so lots of blue mouths to come
He got a Scuttlebug which he loves and this was a big hit too. He's been spoilt with amazing presses this year.... We're going to need a bigger house before Christmas.
Hope everyone's good and enjoying birthday season!

Yay! Go Aphra! Had said to dh that I was going to start potty training witha vengeance as he clearly knows when he's going but my foot has put a bit of a spanner in the works!!

Love the cupcakes polkadotmoon! Glad you had a good party, I think you don't have to worry about what people expect, you'd know if they hadn't had a good time. We went to one in August that was awful and I couldn't wait to leave, ds1 asked me about 4 times of we could go home yet! Just not enough to do, I find music, balloons, well organised games and a bouncy castle are a winner!

So, I am feel very sorry for myself can't go anywhere without someone to take me not even for a walk. I feel dh is getting fed up with the extra things he has to do and I'm fed up of my house big style! Had a slight flip out at the hospital after waiting 2 1/2 he's for them to do one x-ray and then nothing else!! I then fell down the stairs as we left and fell backwards as I couldn't get my arm out of the crutch and bashed my back on the step! Shouted a few expletives and then cried my eyes out in the car park . I highly recommend no one breaks a foot bone it's really sucks!!

Happy birthday to Flynn and Phoebe too judging from what I've seen on Facebook :)

Can I come on here to rant please?. Also need some nursery/childminder advice from you lovely folk.
Jack had his third settling in session today and I my reservations are building.
I am (I think) really realistic about the leaving him with strangers thing and don't leave in tears or sob all the time until I collect him so really don't think I can blame my emotions.... Think it's gut but your views on the following would be hugely, hugely appreciated.
Day one he was there for an hour and was sobbing when I left and sobbing when I arrived. Was very hot and had extremely dry lips so I knew he'd been very upset and probably for a long time. Manager said she's call me half an hour or reassure me but she didn't and on pick up said he'd cried pretty much for an hour. Then she disappeared so I couldn't chat about the session any more so leftas Jack was disparate to get out the gate.
I'll add that at no point was I offered the chance to stay for any length of time.

Session 2: he was sad but not distraught when I left and I listened to him crying through the window for 20 minutes but left once it started getting less intense. On pick up two hours later I let myself in through the interior gate as nobody greater me after buzzing me in. Found him playing fairly happily with a kitchen and he smiled at me then bypassed me in favour of a table of animals.... Good sign though he was emotional. Nobody approached me to chat about the session and I had to ask for his belongings which were handed to me and then all staff continued being busy. I interrupted two of them (different staff to the ones seen on previous session) to ask if would be ok to have a session today as I thought a week between sessions was a long time. Agreed to an hour so today was:
Session 3: I arrived drenched and had to take my wellies etc off in the foyer but then looked up to see a different face to the one that let me in.... Nothing said so I asked if I should go through this door.....
I let myself and Jack into the toddler room and hunted down a toy that I'd seen him play with before to try to help him as he was very upset. Nobody took lead to reassure me at all so I walked to a member of staff and said shall I leave his bag where it is etc etc she knelt to talk to Jack and try to settle him so put his bag and wet coat down on the floor and left. I stopped outside thinking it all felt very casual and unprofessional but had a mental check that it was about Jack not me so peeped though the window and he had two staff giving him one to one so I did feel better and had a good hour of tidying before going to pick him up......
On pick up yet another new face let me in and just said he sounds quite angry and he's very upset but we've literally just finished changing his nappy which he hated. (doesn't at home) he came to me flushed and melting hot.... Still had his woolly jumper on as well as two other layers and was emotional but not really crying. I had to ask for his bag and coat and explained when his next session was. Someone did ask me a question but I don't remember what it was.... It did lead me to say that I'd found it hard to get to talk to anyboy about how he'd been doing during his sessions and then that staff member really focused and talked to me in general about settling in sessions but not directly about Jack as she explained she worked with the over threes. She did say that she had changed his nappy just then and that he was ok and chatting about the zebra. Different story. Altogether!

Grrrrrrr...... I am in such a quandary now. Everyone says go with your gut but it's hard to know if I'm just one of millions that have to go through this tough settling in stage and I might be over reacting!? I know friends with Los at the same nursery and they have had slight issues but very much praise the new manager and things she implemented.

I have a meeting with a childminder (sounds lovely on the phone) on Friday who lives in a big house and works part time which suits us though it's not just round the corner like nursery plus I dont think she has many children their so I worry that he might not see enough of other children etc
Lots of other phone calls but most childminder have no vacancies.

Arghhhhhhhh..... Words of wisdom please ladies

Firstly stop doubting yourself, you are his mum and NO ONE knows his needs better than you!!!! Secondly where is the nursery's key person system? Research shows that children make better connections with few important people and so (not sure how long before as childminders used to have a different set of standards) when EYFS was bought in part of it was the key person system. This means that every child must have a key person who is not solely caring for that child but should be doing the majority of care and should be told anything that happens related to that child, should be the one to talk to parents if possible and who hould be completing all paperwork for that child. This person is usually allocated when a child starts but if a child bonds more strongly with a member of staff they should become their key person.

Jack AND you should be their priority when settling in! I think nurseries are generally busy places and it depends a lot on yor child as to whether it suits them. Personally I wouldn't put my child ino a nursery but that's nt to say there aren't good ones out there. They should have a better communication, if they can't spare the time (which the should especially for a new child) you should have a daily diary. Even if jack is starting settle you should move him if you're not happy!

He may settle better with a childminder as its more like home and a bit more peaceful! If you're concerned about meeting other children that's something to ask her. I go to toddler groups/singing etc twice a week at least so my kids see lots of other children. One or two others are enough to start socialising and there is a lot of research that shows children only parallel play until about three and so are not actually gaining a lot from other children any younger but gain more from adult interactions. I have to say that I have seen some children younger than this interacting more than other older ones but don't forget you get 15hrs free child care the term after he's 3 which you can use for a local preschool which is supposed to be the optimum time for socialising. Ds1 started then and Luke will too but they had been exposed to other kids with me childminding and ds1 at his childminder. Both are sociable boys and I have a maximum of 4 (including mine) during the day and sometimes 6 after school (still including mine).

I am a firm believer in my gut!!! I think you are generally pretty level headed and your post sounds like you've thought it all through. I am probably a bit anti nursery, not that there aren't some great staff just that is difficult for them to care for children as they should because of the environment but I know it works for lots. Hopefully someone else who uses a nursery will give you a more rounded view :)

Thanks cinnamon sorry for all the typos but think it reads ok! Ha!
Despite my job as a jewellery designer my degree is actually in Early Years Education (still would have needed to do the pgce which never got going as my jewellery took over) so I do know a fair bit about how Los learn etc albeit it was a while ago when I studied
I would never say this to the staff because I want an honest view of their establishment and how they work but there definitely seems to be a lack of communication somewhere.
It is a small nursery which I thought I liked at first but on reflection I think it's cramped.
Another concern is that if they seem this unorganised now when they should be doing all they can to keep their spaces full and new starters happy, what happens when he eats egg because the fifteenth member of staff didn't know he was allergic etc etc....
Just another made up scenario but I bet now I've said it......... ??
Need to check with the cm but I think she has another 2yr old girl starting soon so a good pal for Jack maybe.

Thanks cinnamon sorry for all the typos but think it reads ok! Ha!
Despite my job as a jewellery designer my degree is actually in Early Years Education (still would have needed to do the pgce which never got going as my jewellery took over) so I do know a fair bit about how Los learn etc albeit it was a while ago when I studied
I would never say this to the staff because I want an honest view of their establishment and how they work but there definitely seems to be a lack of communication somewhere.
It is a small nursery which I thought I liked at first but on reflection I think it's cramped.
Another concern is that if they seem this unorganised now when they should be doing all they can to keep their spaces full and new starters happy, what happens when he eats egg because the fifteenth member of staff didn't know he was allergic etc etc....
Just another made up scenario but I bet now I've said it......... ??
Need to check with the cm but I think she has another 2yr old girl starting soon so a good pal for Jack maybe.

Thanks cinnamon sorry for all the typos but think it reads ok! Ha!
Despite my job as a jewellery designer my degree is actually in Early Years Education (still would have needed to do the pgce which never got going as my jewellery took over) so I do know a fair bit about how Los learn etc albeit it was a while ago when I studied
I would never say this to the staff because I want an honest view of their establishment and how they work but there definitely seems to be a lack of communication somewhere.
It is a small nursery which I thought I liked at first but on reflection I think it's cramped.
Another concern is that if they seem this unorganised now when they should be doing all they can to keep their spaces full and new starters happy, what happens when he eats egg because the fifteenth member of staff didn't know he was allergic etc etc....
Just another made up scenario but I bet now I've said it......... ??
Need to check with the cm but I think she has another 2yr old girl starting soon so a good pal for Jack maybe.

Ooooooph! Three posts hahaha DH is downloading on his computer so mine has gone crazy
I dont have nursery ranting issues that badly!

So do you have experience of working in a nursery? How does it compare if you do? I think you need to arrange a time to talk to the manager, ask why you've seen so many members of staff and see if you can pin point Jacks key person to have a chat to. Point his egg allergy out as a real genuine concern with the number of staff you've seen who don't seem to have a clue where he is or what he should be doing. If you feel after that that she's not listening to you or that your questions aren't answered then go elsewhere. I would say that you have knowledge of early years as that's more likely to make them be on their best behaviour. Good luck :)

Only did a month in a nursery and the rest with Y1 but this time around it feels so different (being a Mum rather than a moody 22 yr old) so I can't compare it. There were definitely more figures of authority in the places I worked and it felt more consistent...... Anyway.......... He's back there Tmrw and Wed then Fri I visit cm so hopefully by the end of the week I'll be thinking more clearly.
Do you work throughout school holidays cinnamon?

Yes unfortunately! I'd love to have more time with ds1 when he's off school but I just can't afford to have any more time off. I take 2 weeks in the summer and then a few odd days in the year but that's it. I do know term time only childminders and that does suit some parents, I have some term time only ones who I charge a retainer of a half fee for (they wouldn't need to pay the retainer if they were with a childminder who only worked term time) and I also have a holiday only one, his mum is aware that if I get an all the time child that wants the space we will have to make other arrangements as I can't afford to turn it down just to have him in the hols but it hasn't come up yet :) It's difficult to find a balance some time between what I want/need and what parents are happy to do/pay for. I do charge for bank holidays and don't work them but otherwise don't charge for any of my time off, hence my stress atm with my broken foot!

I have lots to say but not much time!!! Cinnamon, why would you never send yours to nursery?! I felt like that with ds1 because I was worried he'd get lost but didn't have much choice when they both went and it was the best thing I did. I had huge reservations at 1st but to see them now and the relationship they have with the staff make me so happy! It was after I went in and burst into tears that I felt happier. I told them my concerns and gave them a daily diary to fill in. They were fab with it and did it every day. It stopped after a couple of months because I'd got to know the staff better and they knew me. The 1st few sessions are awful cos its all about getting to know each other and routines etc. I agree about the egg thing. Definitely find someone to talk to and don't leave until you're happy they're listening to you. As much as I know the research shows about parallel play etc I do feel olly has come on loads since he's been there. That's not to say he wouldn't have with a childminder. Do you know any other mums whos children go there that you could speak too?? That helped me that although I was uncertain, every other mum I knew raved about it!

Hiya, another voice weighing in here. We're very pleased with Aphra's nursery so are generally pro nursery, though certainly not against childminders - it's partly that it seemed easier to find a nursery with places than it did to find a cm with places. But our nursery is generally well organised, and we've had good detailed feedback, and there's a well-kept-to key person setup, and A's key person up to her being 2 has been fab. She's just moved into a new room for the 2 and 3 year olds and so we don't know as much about her new key person yet, hope he's as good.

Ali, or indeed Polka, I don't think it sounds great the way you describe it. The communication thing and the organisation issues would definitely worry me, what with Jack's egg allergy in particular. By all means talk to them to see if you can work thru your worries, but maybe the cm you mention would be a better bet. For what it's worth, although its nice that A plays "with" lots of kids at nursery, I'm sure it would be just as good if it was a smaller group that she saw more intensely, as it were. And as cinnamon points out, the cm probably takes her group out and about to other places where they will socialise with a wider group too.

There are several reasons, because it's very regimented (I know it has to be because of the number of children they care for) but things like having a nappy change at certain time of day whether they need it or not, nap times (was told that ds1 could sleep when it suited but I don't see how he could have slept in a room full of children) and play in general is quite controlled. I also think it makes them grow up too quickly as a lot is expected of them and there are already so many pressures to grow up. I know lots of things that have been missed in a nursery when someone should have seen it happen. I see it now with ds1 he's quiet and gets on and is passed over all the time at school and I can see the same thing happening at a nursery and when they're smaller that can have a greater inpact (It's a big issue for me at the moment because last year he had speech issues so I spoke to his teacher regularly but otherwise in his class he was forgotten, this year I feel I'm pestering his teacher to talk to her and now I can't take him to school it's even worse. He does good work and is always good, gets told he's doing excellent work but when it comes to rewards like green dots which they get for good behaviour he hardly gets any whereas the kids who misbehave get them regularly for doing things ds1 does all the time anyway. Anyway that's a bit of an aside). I think there are also a lot of staff politics in many nurseries which I wouldn't want my child to be part of. Ds1 was supposed to go to a nursery when I went back to work and I spent quite a bit of time there with him but we worked out I could afford to take another month off with my accrued holidays and they wouldn't move his start date so he didn't go. I have been to others to look around and I also have met quite a few ladies who work in nurseries on courses, have friends whos kids have gone and also a friend of mine's mum runs one. I agree with you diddlybop that I've seen children really benefit from being with other children whether they are directly playing and Luke is much further along than ds1 was at his age because he wants to be like his brother so obviously takes in a lot from other children. I'm surprised you had to give them a daily diary that really should be a routine thing for all children at that age.

I know it works for a lot of people but it's just not for me. I had huge reservations about using a childminder with ds1 but it worked out well for us in the most part (had a not so good ending I'm sure I've mentioned before). I think preschool is pretty hard for a lot of kids who haven't been socialised but if you just go out and about to groups that makes a huge difference and at 3 they are more emotionally able to cope with a bigger place without the security blanket of mum. Bear in mind though that I would never leave my children anywhere if I didn't have to ! I hate ds1 going to school, you are forced by law to leave your child in the care of people who will never care even 1/100th of the amount you do about your child, who don't have enough time to do everything they should and often want to do and cannot protect them from things I feel they should be protected from at 5. I wouldn't home school ds1 because I don't have the time and I don't feel it sets them up well for life but I'd love to have him home with me. I find it really hard that you go from being everything to them and knowing their every move to being shut out of 6 1/2 hrs of every day. The school don't really tell you what they do all day and he certainly doesn't tell me anything. So there you go I've outed myself as a lunatic, control freak mother!

Just to add in my thoughts...I don't have any experience of nurseries yet - Arlo goes to a childminder who has up to around 6 children on any given day. He gets on really well there, and I think the more homely atmosphere has been a good part of it. But now he's (almost!) two, I am thinking that nursery might be a bit of a better preparation ahead of starting school, so I'm going to look into it with a view to maybe adding in some nursery days perhaps in Spring and gradually building them up. Don't know how he'll feel about this, he can be quite shy at playgroups and takes a while to go off playing so don't imagine it'll be easy, but I do feel it might be the way to go for him.

Can I add in another little concern for views...? Arlo is quite a good talker, I mean he has loads of words, has done since he was a year, and been talking in long fluent sentences for a good few months now. He's suddenly started stuttering, and I mean like overnight about a week ago. Not all the time, but frequently enough to notice, e.g. I want an ap ap ap ap ap ap apple. He does it more on certain sounds like a, s, m st start of words, so sometimes it's 'mmmmmmmmmummy's toast'. We've just been ignoring it, and he hasn't reacted much, but then the other day he was trying to get a word out which wouldn't comd and he started clawing at his mouth and shaking his head like he was really frustrated. I know it's only been a week, and maybe it's just related to a leap in vocabulary or something. Anyone else experienced something similar?

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate all opinions.
dixie I haven't heard of anything similar with stammers etc but don't actually know that many toddlers. Maybe it is to with a developmental leap around this age but him being frustrated would have worried me enough to maybe see someone about it. Early days tho.... ?
Jack is a chatterbox too and spends all his time chatting in 5-6 word sentences but is still very shy with new faces at first so is quiet in busier situations. His latest words are hexagon (recognises the shape too) and parallelogram..... "paaalelgam bit like rectangle" but no idea what the shape actually is
On a to so positive note a Skunk is a c* with a prolonged T at the end.

I have been mulling this over for so long my brain hurts. Looking forward to reflecting again tomorrow after session 4. May not voice concerns yet as I really do want to judge on what they are normally like..... Fingers crossed its not egg sandwich day! I find myself wanting it to be right as its so convenient but if I'm not happier by the end of the week I think that'll be decision made.
I appreciate that Los can come on heaps in nursery environments but Jack is as knowledgable as a lot of toddlers his age and older so I think the best teaching tool so far has definitely been one to one and he is really good at sharing etc so I don't think I'm needy for him to be around lots of others just more than the zero he has at home..... So not going to let a quiet cm environment deter me on Friday.
cinnamon what questions do parents usually ask you on first meetings?