jan 09 brrr a chill in the air as our babies turn into threenagers :)

[2012hellokitty]

hi ladies

new thread

happy bday to zach
brackens is a wk thurs just been looking at cakes!!

Good title 2012 (is that you tink??) Happy birthday babies! (They can't possibly be three.)

Also, to Edgar, if you see this, your DS is in my thoughts often and I send you and your family much love. x

hi hkz yep tink here
also in my thoughts edgar

Gooness me its quiet on here. Everyone must be busy with birthdays!

Hope everyone is doing ok.

We are bumping along. Had my electrocution evoked potential testing done last week and was surprised to find out I have an appointment with the neurologist this Thursday, as she said she'd have me back in February for the results of all my tests. Hoping they just allocated cancellation slots before standard appointment slots and I was just next on the list, but can't help worrying just a bit.

Off on a school trip to the theatre with both boys on Wednesday, so at least that will be a good distraction.

Dd had her birthday yesterday. Just a quiet day at home and then both sets of GPs for a small party tea. She is seriously in love with her helium balloons (she asked for "balloons I can hold onto" ) and taking all six of them for walks around the house with her. . The other big hits were a musical jewellery box and ladybird hugglebuddy.

Cake was a fairy castle and I was pretty pleased with it for once, as I'm usually very critical of my own cake decorating. Mind you it took roughly 8-9 hours to do, so it blooming well should've been good! Dh has taken some pics, but they wouldn't upload to MN last night for some reason, so I need to have another go.

Right, must go and cook some food - I have been hiding on MN avoiding it and now the dcs are late to eat - again!

hi mm - great to hear from you
good luck for thurs like u say wed trip will be gd distraction
belated bday to Elizabeth
glad she had a gd one
cake sounds lovely

dd2s 3rd bday is on thursday cant wait
hv bought her a cadburys hedgehog cake for bday

Gosh - it seems this thread has died a death.

Come on ladies - come and let us all know how your three year olds - or nearly three year olds are getting on.

Hope dd had a lovely birthday Tink.

Not much news here. Neurologist is still running with the diagnosis of 'probable ms'. Lumbar puncture was clear and they hadn't received my evoked potentials results. If they come back clear, I will be left with the 'probably' diagnosis until such time as I have another 'serious neurological episode'. In the meantime I will have 6 monthly appointments while they monitor my 'minor neurological symptoms'. All very frustrating. Obviously I don't want the MS diagnosis, but equally I would rather know what's going on than be left in limbo indefinitely.

Ds1 has the start of his assessments and medicals etc for Statutory Assessment next week and we have an enormous form for him to fill in with his thoughts and feelings about school etc. Fortunately I am allowed to do the writing for him, otherwise there wouldn't be a cat in hell's chance of him doing it.

Dd seems to be coming on in leaps and bounds at the moment. She constantly surprises me with things she can do or knows. She's suddenly taken a big interest in letters and is keen for me to tell all their names and sounds. She's also decided she can write and is doing some incredible letter like shapes on her drawing board and on every bit of paper she can lay her hands on. I'm a bit worried that she's going to turn out to be clever than me. Which can't be good. Neither of my boys was the slightest bit interested at this age, but I've heard that girls tend to be moreso than boys, so perhaps that explains it.

Now - your turn. How are all of you and your dcs getting on?

hi mm

we hv scared everyone away!!

mm - at least u hv poss dianosis
sounds like things r being sorted with ds1
dd sounds great

dd2 had a great bday thankyou
took her to soft play on her bday then had lunch in town
she luvs all pressys got a kitchen,wooden hospital, lalaloopsy treehouse, vtech mobigo,scooter etc

on the sat after her bday went by train to bstke went to build a bear girls chose a pink cat each then had lunch in pizza hut

dd2 luvs nursery she got upset about me leaving her for a while but is now fine.
she is doing allsorts at nursery - they have hot choccy with marsmallows, does yoga, painting and they have pet fish and a giant snail

dd1 was sick tues late is better now was off wed and thurs from school now back just very tired!!

enjoying a quiet morning here
finally got out last nite delivered betteware orders and went to tesco bought dd1 moshi monsters and crazt bones and got myself socks

Good to hear dd2 had a lovely birthday Tink.

Sorry to hear dd1 has been poorly. Hope she's on the mend now.

Dd loves crazy bones and ds1 has a massive collection (two huge tins of them) along with an album full of moshi monster cards.

dd1s favourite things r moshi monsters - she has a folder of all the old trading cards , now she is collecting the new trading cards
she has a tin of gold moshi monster figures and lots of normal moshi figures 2
she also luvs zoobles has lots, squinkies has lots and a gumball machine (dd1 is 6 yrs old)
her fav things r her teddies especially cats she has lots her favs r her build a bear cats she has 5
also luvs her dsi especially moshi game

dd2 (3 yrsold) fav thing is her vtech mobigo that we got for her bday, got her case too, rapunzel game and mickey game and have also downloaded acolouring book game and a few others
dd1 has a dsi so i guess she feels grown up now she has her own console
she also luvs cooking things on her new kitchen and playing with her elc fairy treehouse

Oh yes. Ds2 has a gold and silver tin of the gogos, as well as his two massive tins of random ones. They really hurt if you tread on them - as do lego bricks!

Dd is still really into the dolls house she had for christmas. She currently has all her mini lala loopsy dolls living in there. She also plays withe the ELC garage her GPs bought her for christmas, as its the same as the one they had at her old toddler group.

Out of her birthday presents she's loving her alphabet train jigsaw, ELC playdough fairies, musical jewellery box, her ikea play food and her vtech laptop. She has a whole set of beautiful fairy dressing up stuff, complete with lovely embroidered ballet shoes, but despite begging for them, she apparently only wants to wear the shoes.

We are booking up this weekend to take the dcs back to Legoland for the boys' birthdays later in the year. If you book before Jan 31st kids go free and you get an additional day free as well. We're going to book the same hotel, as it was great to have adjoining rooms with glass doors and a kitchenette last time.

Also booking us all into a Travelodge somewhere for a weekend in the next few weeks, as it feels like we could all do with a break from the old routine. We can get a room for all of us for less than £30, so its a cheap way to get a break. Still not sure where we'll be going - currently debating North Wales and bracing walks on the beach vs North Yorkshire, Fountains Abbey, the Jorvik Centre and various Castles etc.

For the first time in a loonnnngggg time I've come looking for our thread I'm having a very difficult time right now and it's not the sort of thing I want to talk about on facebook Otherwise I could probably do it there I suppose?

Last Tuesday the head of DS's Pre School rang me. Another mum has complained about me and they had to inform me. She actually wanted my phone number to take it up with me personally. She said that my son deliberately targets her daughter and said on Monday night her daughter came home and said DS pushed her over and trampled on her and said her daughter often came home telling her DS had done x,y or z and she'd had enough.

The Pre School leader was really lovely on the phone to me, she said DS definitely does not target her DD and that she had been there for the recent incident and DS had pushed her over but then immediately apologised and hugged her and realised it was wrong. She assured the mother he doesn't target her daughter on the phone as well. Apparently the other day the little girl banged her knee and when the leader asked her what happened she said "it was DS" to which the leader replied, "but he's no where near you and hasn't been near you recently".

The area SENCO has been in before to see him when he was going through a biting stage and said that he wasn't autistic, he had good eye contact, played well with other children and some other things. She said that they shouldn't give him a time out for each incident but to try and catch it before it happened and say "we do not bite our friends". That what he struggles with is dealing with his emotions, due to his speech not being great yet and that when a stressful situation arises, rather than saying "don't do that" or telling a grown up, he reacts with biting/ pushing. She said it's not like he sits in the car on the way there and says who can I bite today? And that it was best to try and intervene in each situation at pre school before it gets to that stage. He has improved massively lately. He has been there since September, two mornings a week. FIL pays, bless him and it is really helping him to learn to play with others, having always been at home with me and having a sister who actually often just lets him do what he wants, he is having a steep learning curve there. It's preparing him for Nursery. I know he is no angel and that there is an element of truth to what the little girl feeds back to her mum. However as the pre school leader said to the mum. He struggles in the setting at times and it's not just with your daughter.

I told the Pre School leader thank you for informing me, but I'm not really sure what I'm meant to do about this, short of either coming in and being with him in pre school for each session, or pulling him out entirely from there And that I didn't mean to be funny, but it was their responsibility to ensure every child in the setting was safe, that they had a duty of care to all the children there and that with their staff to child ratio they should be able to keep an eye on him.

I am actually signed up for the About Boys course the local Sure Start Centre are doing later this month, I booked in for it about a month ago. ExH is going to babysit.

When I dropped DS off for his next session on Thursday morning I was really worried the mum would have an altercation with me. She didn't thankfully. The Pre School won't actually tell me who it is. I can see why, however she has the advantage as she knows exactly who I am. When I came to collect DS at 1pm the other 3 mum's had already arrived and were standing in a tight circle. They glanced at me and changed the subject rapidly. It wasn't subtle. I know that the mum's child also has lunch club and is full time and I know it is one of the mums. None of them would speak to me and they all ignored me. It feels like the school playground all over again. I feel horrid and I am having trouble sleeping. I am a coward and avoid confrontation and I'm fighting the urge to pull him out of Pre School altogether.

I can see the other mum's point if there is one child there who seems to be a problem. He is the same height as a lot of the children in DD's reception class. So he's tall and boisterous. I think she thinks I must be doing something wrong for him to be like this. I used to think that and judge other mum's when I saw boys acting up, I'm ashamed to say. I admit I haven't always got it right as I struggled with my marriage ending and coping with 2 small children but I have tried hard to be consistent with him and set good boundaries and he has come a long way in the last 6 months. But if she is going round and telling the other mum's that my son is a thug, it won't be long before things get worse at the Pre School surely? If you ask a child a leading question like "was it DS?" They will sometimes say yes won't they? At least my DD would, she is prone to over exaggerating herself.

Oh I don't know, I'm all of a muddle

Well done for getting this far, as this is a monster of a message. So what do you all think, what should I do? You all have children of the same age?

I cannot ask my mum as I've had to stop seeing her, as their insistence I should smack him and I'm doing it all wrong had all got too much and after my last visit to them I came home with an awful tension headache and threw up. I had to tell her for my own well being I can't see them. It's all too much.

So as you can see I really do not want to be talking about this on fb. As I feel I must be doing something wrong with DS myself a little, not to mention my mum and dad being my friends on fb I feel like no one likes him apart from me at times. He has a lovely, funny side to him too.

Oh Tea ((hugs)) what a horrible thing to have to go through.

I've been there - still do often - with the other Mums huddling together talking and looking over at me. It did used to bother me, but its water off a duck's back these days. Its just reinforces that they aren't the type of people I would want to be friends with anyway. Currently getting it because one or two have heard I've had a brain scan and I've lost a lot of weight, so they've put two and two together and come up with ten! I'm not interested in putting them straight - my health is none of their business.

Your ds wouldn't be the first child to bite/hit/push at preschool, its amazingly common. As you say, its probably just that he's big for his age so its more noticeable.

If his speech is a little slow, I would agree that its probably borne out of frustration and will improve as he gets older - he's still so little. Would there perhaps be any chance of arranging a speech and language assessment (either via HV, GP or SENCO) to see if he needs a little bit of help there?

Fwiw, dd does all of these things biting/hitting/pushing etc with her brothers on occasion, usually when she's frustrated because they're not listening or not letting her have her own way. Its pretty normal behaviour for a frustrated 2/3 year old imho. She doesn't do with with the other children at toddler group, but I am there with her and she's a bit of a tell tale rather than proactive in self defence in that situation. It might be different if she attended a preschool without me.

Could you possibly book yourself into some stay and play sessions at a surestart centre so you can observe his behaviour with other children yourself and do a bit of work with him on how to handle these situations? I was just thinking it might give you a better idea of the flashpoints and he might take redirection better off you than off the pre-school teachers.

Please don't blame yourself, you haven't done anything wrong. In fact you are a brilliant mum and I've always been impressed by the routines and rules you employ. I know from your posts on here that you don't stand for any nonsense and your children have firm boundaries and lots of love - which the a perfect recipe for happy well rounded child. This is just a blip. Issues will come and go with all children throughout their school years and you do develop a tougher hide as the years go on.

((more very un-MNetty hugs))

Tea, I agree with moosemama totally, i am sorry you are going through this

As regards to the playground just ignore and hold your head high, you are such a loving mum, some parents just don't care what there own children do but you are the complete opposite, and that's just one of the things I admire about you, you seem to take it all in your stride, I know some days can probably be hard but you are strong, and all your buddies love ya

Have you sat and had a quiet word with ds about it all, what does he say? Do you think the situation with the ex could be having any effect on ds? Although what you have described does not sound all that bad, and you are right that the staff need to keep a closer eye as its not fair for him to be blamed when he hasn't done anything.

And back to you just ignore the mums in the playground as they do not sound like they are exactly acting in an adult way themselves. Do you have anyone in rl that could come to the school with you if you are feeling uncomfortable?

Loadsa hugs I will be back shortly and on the bench, or you can message me on fb if you wanna chat, you know where I am x

Thank you ladies.

The waves of anxiousness come and go at the moment, but I'm not sure I'm strong enough if things continue like this. It's a horrid feeling being judged by someone who barely even knows me or my son, just what she's perceived and heard from her DD In fact I'm not sure she's ever talked to me since he began there. Most mum's are friendly but she has never really spoken to me.

He's paid up until 10th February and they will invoice me again after half term. The temptation to pull him out of the Pre School is always there at the moment. There is a lovely Pre School nearby that has a massive outside play area and lots of space indoors. His current Pre School has very space limited and they have a corridor of wood chip and a slide out back only. I do wonder being a boisterous little thing and full of energy, if a Pre School set up differently would work better for him.

I go to a mums and toddler group with him Moose and follow him about like a shadow, if he's tired his behaviour becomes more random, but most of the time his main flash points are sharing nowadays tbh

is very

tea -

sorry for all that you are going through!!

my dd1 has dyspraxia - finds it hard to do up shoe laces and coordination type things
she has awful mood swings only at home and kicks dd2 who is 3 years old alot and can hit
she is fine at school though

hi mm -

breaks away sound lovley - lego land is fab
wewent for the fireworks a year ago

Tea, problems wiht sharing are perfectly normal at this age this link explains it and another I just read even mentions that its related to not being able to clearly express their feelings, wants etc.

I completely understand how this woman is knocking your confidence in the playground. I've been there myself and as I said earlier, I still get it pretty regularly even now, with ds1's behaviour being reported second hand by various children in his class. I've even sat around at table with the other mums at a soft play party and had one comment on how when she was helping out "there's one particular child who wriggles around, goes under his desk and does no work - its shocking, they really should do something about him, its not fair on our dcs" etc etc, whilst staring directly at me. So, I looked her straight in the eye and said 'I hope you're not referring to ds1' and then she got all flustered and insisted it wasn't him and that he was a beautifully behaved child. Ridiculous. Since then I have found out that her nephew has ASD and her own son is struggling in school (he is in ds2's class) yet she still thought it was fine for her to pass comment on other children's behaviour without any knowledge of the circumstances behind it - vile woman. I would never have stood up to her a few years ago. I guess the battle for support for ds1 has toughened me up though, because I don't take prisoners any more.

Have you been for a visit at the other pre-school at all? Perhaps that's something you could do that would help you feel you are taking control of the situation. You may have a point about it being better for ds to have room to charge around indoors and outdoors at pre-school.

At the end of the day, what matters is that both you and ds are happy. If that means moving him to the other pre-school, its not a problem, you are just doing what you need to make sure that happens. You don't need to be having daily contact with judgemental, bitchy parents - do whatever you feel you need to for yourself and your family.

I'm not entirely sure that the preschool has handled this as best they might, tbh. Obviously, they have to listen to what a parent says, but they are not obliged to act on it, or at least not in the way that parent wants. We have an example of this at dd1's nursery (nb I am not saying J is like this boy, only drawing the parallel with the approach). Dd1 is quite a shy child, small for her age, verbally precocious but physically timid. There is a younger, but bigger boy, whose speech isn't that great, who is a hitter, and is generally quite challenging - he tends to be the focus of attention. DD1 often complains that he has hit her, but I know that this may have happened a few times, and in her 3 year old head, all bad things are now his fault (well, there's a smelly troll in contention too :)). I mentioned this indirectly to the key worker (well, it arose in the course of conversation) and she quite rightly and professionally said to me, 'look, there isn't a child in this room who wouldn't say that x had hit them, whether he is there that day or not' - e.g. it is a problem, but that one doesn't act on the basis of a 3yr old's testimony and that it is not down to parents to sort out. If the nursery had contacted you on their own behalf, rather than because a parent effectively asked them to, I think you would have more cause for concern.

And as for the muttering at the gate - I say, sod them, you are 3 times the mother any of them will be; and I would like to see any of them doing such a great job in your shoes.

dd1 isn't really a hitter, but she does do it sometimes (usually at home), but all of them have things that have to be curtailed, and getting there is bloody hard work, especially when you are doing it alone without daily support

here, have a hug

Thank you. Your advice/ words mean a lot to me. He isn't perfect but he's a damn sight better than 6 months ago.

Now if you can just get my mind to stop churning it over 24-7 that would be perfect. It's driving me nuts how it's going round and round. I feel so low this weekend, and everything is an effort. I was at peace recently with life and could see light at the end of the tunnel, DS was getting better, the kids are starting to play nicer together etc but now it's like all the wind has been taken out of me

Can you do something out of the ordinary tomorrow - nothing fancy, just a trip to somewhere different or somewhere you don't go often but all enjoy when you do?

I find a change of scene, even if just for a little while can really lift the spirits and give you some space physically and mentally.

I'm the same, once I've got a worry in my head it will go round and round keeping me awake at night, making me feel restless and miserable.

I know its hard, but try and keep hold of how you were feeling before - nothing has changed, you are still a fantastic mum, your dcs are still playing more nicely together and ds is getting better. Don't give that judgy Mum at your ds's preschool the power to make you feel like this - you don't deserve it and she has no power, unless you give it to her.

And ... I for one am really pleased to have you back with us on this thread.

Helloooo!!

Tea I'm really sory about this crappy thing. My advice is this - play it out this way...

Preschool ring to say a child has been jumped on/bitten/bumped in to and they need to inform you for x,y,z reason as it was your ds who was involved. Other parent is also aware and will also sign accident book.
Preschool say these things happpen but other mum is reassured and they will monitor situation.

Now that is the reality of the thing - and that is really how other mum should have taken it.

A good reminder for us all when these things happen, and they will, to remember 3 year olds are not nasty. They are 2/3/4/5!! Tiny babies!!! 6 and 7 year olds begin to develop empathy and an understanding that they can affect how others feel and control it. Younger than that and they just act and apologise.

Hang on to that and be cool. All will be well. And hey - he may or may not be on the autistic spectrum or have some other condition and all that is ok too. But incidents like this have didly squatt to do with spectrum disorders and plenty to do with 20 small puppies playing in one little puppy cage.

Other mum totally unreasonable and slightly deranged. Other mothers being gossipy and silly. As my nan says 'it would be a misfortune to be liked by them'. In other words - God imagine if they wanted you in their club, then you'd be like them......

DD2 is grand, was 3 last week but had at home dinner party today. Pics on fb - just the grannies and us. Lots of behaviour issues with her though, she is very very impulsive.

Have been truly snowed under and barely keeping up with life tbh. Loads going on here.

Hellloooo Moose Aw it's nice to 'see' you.

Agree with Moose, Tea. Get you and yours out and about, have a lovely day and fill your head with something that matters. Like trips to library and delux hot chocolates and a biscuit.

"'look, there isn't a child in this room who wouldn't say that x had hit them, whether he is there that day or not" I love this quote.

I went to a soft play with them today they were both fine until the last 10 minutes when DS was getting very over tired, we'd been in there over 2 hours and he'd charged around for most of it. At the end he pushed a child over, no idea why and then I warned him and 5 mins later he did it again. So home we went. If he is tired he does do odd things sometimes. But most of the time he's fine nowadays But after all the criticism from my parents I doubt myself constantly.

'it would be a misfortune to be liked by them' LOL that made me giggle. Sitting here at home night after night on my own you start to think they're 'normal' and I must be doing/ be something wrong. It's always mattered to me way too much what others think.