Dec 08 Mums - happy new year, happy new thread and soon some happy new babies!

[sybilfaulty]

Happy new year!

Sorry for the rubbish title but wanted to get the new thread underway. Let's close the door on some of the sad events of 2011 and look forward to a better year in 2012.

Funny you say that Indith but DD1 said 'why is that lady brown?' this morning. I blushed bright red even though she can't have heard us. Thing is she goes to a very diverse nursery at the university and mixes with children from all backgrounds. We have friends who are from various parts of the world, or their parents were. We looked at her globe tonight and talked about all.different colours etc.

I actually can't answer some of her questions. She asked why a boy in her class has different eyes. His parents are from China. Anyone with an anthropology degree?! We're all the same but different was greeted with a 'but why?'!

Yes lack of diversity was a worry for me when we moved out of London kayz. Especially when we moved to a village where there is not a single non-white face and UKIP posters adorn windows all over the place. But even when we moved into the town where we are now (not renowned for its diversity) I was worried about DS's school as well as we're in a "nice" catchment area (the scummy end obviously) but it turns out the school is incredibly diverse - I think a lot of it due to the university too Indith. V jealous of all the multilingual families. Indith are you bringing your DCs up bilingual?

Interesting how the DCs react though. DD saw a black family walking up the road one day last summer (so only 2 at the time) and said mummy is that family black? I said yes and forgot all about until then later that day she said mummy do only me and you live on our road? I said yes (conspiratorially, as you do) then she followed it up with mummy, where do the black family live? DS (nearly 5) on the other hand, who spent his first couple of years in Hackney, appears to be completely colour blind - I have never once heard him refer to the colour of anyone's skin. I asked him to describe a black boy in his class once to see what he said and he just said he had brown hair.

Effie yes would be lovely to meet up. I'm around this weekend & I'm also off work this Thursday. Text me if you fancy meeting up. I'm also off the first week of the Easter hols (but away for the first few days). Also have you been to the funfair at Abbey Fields before? We went last year and had a ball (£5.99 for unlimited rides). It's back 31st March-15th April. Perhaps we could meet up there (with Jam?). On the posting thing for me it's that I'm out of the habit of going on the PC except when I'm wolfing down my food or when I have something specific to do. I always feel like I'm stealing time from the DCs if I'm on the PC (like right now). And the less I contribute to the thread the less I have to say - I leave it so long between posts that I only have time to acknowledge people's big life events then I run out of time. I am rubbish really.

Vag I would love to be a lady of leisure too. I think if I was in your position I would be in no hurry to get back to work once the DCs were both at school. Or ever actually. Which unfortunately for me is something I have in common with DP. Having said all that I do the school run once a week and although I like the taking DS to school bit I really don't enjoy the hanging around at the school gates making small talk bit. I'm also useless at housework. Best keep on buying the lottery tickets then.

Oh x-posted JB.

Forgot to say on your question ZJ I don't think DS has noticed or cares that DD can write her name (when I say write I mean she can only copy it, and it's a very simple name). On the other hand it was a bit of a shock to him when he first started school and realised a lot of the other kids could read & write (he could only read simple words and could barely write at all). He was bawling his little head off telling me that he doesn't have any talents. Lord knows where he got that from - I hate all that "everybody has a special talent" crap that kids get fed these days. I must say though that I'm struggling to find the balance between being chilled out about school and feeling like we've let DS down by not having him reading Shakespeare by the time he started school. It's one thing letting them go at their own pace but I worry that he'll get labelled a plodder while the other kids with more pushy focused parents race ahead. It doesn't help that they have been streaming them pretty much from day 1 (although of course they would never admit to it). Sorry, that was more than you wanted to know wasn't it?

Sorry it was JB not ZJ that was meant for.

Right really must go and retrieve my wrinkly DCs from the bath and put them to bed.

Oh before I go - DCs are loving Dr Seuss books at the moment (particularly If I Ran the Circus). Anybody got any recommendations for similar stuff?

Interested in all the multicultural chat. I came here when I was about 7 and come from a non-European background. I guess I look vaguely mediterranian. London is completely home to me, but I do feel vaguely foreign when I venture out, especially more rural places. Not sure I'd worry too much about kids noticing differences and asking random questions - they're just paying attention and asking. Best one last week was DD asking me if a neighbourhood watch sign was for someone who had lost their meerkats....

Pd - I totally get the problem with finding the balance. I have to admit my own parents were pretty pushy in their way and I have to hold back my neurotic tendencies. Which is hard when everyone around is obsessed with their kids education.

I love Dr Suess, but I am not sure what counts as similar really. Some kids books are really creative though. At the moment my DCs are pretty tickled by some American "Piggie and Gerald" books which are clever and funny and have the added bonus that DD can read them

Oh and Vag, I am a lefty. Always had appalling handwriting, smeared through the ink etc. But really makes no meaningful difference to life in general. Your DS sounds just brilliant. And it is just such a huge thing for him to get the chance to be exposed to all that he is when he can just absorb it. Sometimes I really miss being young enough that everything is new and exciting

Oh and JB - DD's best friend was a bum shuffler and didn't walk until she was just about 2. They looked into it, and it can just be normal for some kids

Good Morning!

I have just read through to catch up and all the talk about why we post less made me feel I better pull my finger out. I agree with Effie that it's circular, the less people post the less I check in and thus the less I post. I hope we never grind to a complete holt - we have known each other for four years now and it would be sad to lose that. I'm sad some of our old regulars have vanished though, neither Waiting nor Rubes have posted in months and Summer is pretty quiet too. And where is Trace???

All the multicultural chat is interesting. I grew-up in Devon where the only non-white face in my comprehensive of 1500 was a half Kuwaiti girl. That was it. In contrast DD1 is in the minority at her school which has an amazing mix of races and languages. Like PD's DS she seems colour blind and never mentions people looking different.last week she did however turn her nose up at my bolognaise for not being Halal!

I have to go now as tube is pulling in. See you later.

I learnt at school that the Chinese eyes or epicanthic eye fold was an evolutionary trait that comes from humans needing to adapt to the brighter sunlight of areas like Mongolia and northern China. However, the minute it gets slightly sunny both DH & the DS' suddenly desperately need their sunglasses, whereas I, all 'weak' blue, big round eyed can cope quite well without my sunnies.

I'm not sure exposure stops kids being inquisitive, DS1 spent his first 2.5 years in Tower Hamlets & his father is Chinese but when I was pregnant with DS2 we were standing in a check out line and the lady in front of us had a tiny almost Newborn in it's pushchair. The lady & baby were Asian and I said to DS1 "soon you'll have a little baby like that", his very loud reply was "yeah but I want a white one". Ironic considering DS2 has inherited DH's very dark skin.

PD my talent for mothery/lady of leisure seems to stop at being able to lounge about drinking coffee. I'm not great at housework (luckily we have a very small house), and my fav activity for the kids is popping the Tele on. I don't have to worry too much about school gate chit chat as they mostly mutter in Dutch, so if I want to chat to any of them I can siddle up to one and natter but I can also just stand there looking intently at my phone.

I know I'm gonna get bored eventually so I've started the enrollment process to do a masters in Public health, externally through Sydney Uni. Australia has just changed the rules so you can do as many courses as you want in your life time through the deferred payment scheme, in the past you could only do one. So thanks to my having an Australian Tax file number I can do the course now and pay whenever I eventually start earning money in Australia. Yay.

Invis, I've always revered left handed people, because all the lefties I know are very intelligent and really interesting people. So it's seems so weird that people still see it as something different and almost disabling. A friend who is left handed posted once on Facebook that someone had made the comment that him signing his name looked "painful", the guy is a very successful businessman, but the comment really upset him. Anyway myself and all his female friends who have left handed children made very angry but supportive comments in return. My lovely step father is left handed, but writes with his right hand as he was forced to sit on his left hand when learning to write and made to write with his right hand. As a result he has very squiggly writing.

Sorry I reread that, and I think what I meant by inquisitive, was outright embarrassingly unPC.

Hi Aubs.

Yeah where is Trace, I see Daisy on FB but not much on here anymore. Summer is orf skiing so that might be why she is not on here.

Sorry I haven't been on for such a long time ladies. I think effie hit the nail on the head, or maybe it was PD. I kind of haven't had much to say, so I haven't posted and then I stop reading as much and before I know it ages has passed and I've not been on. Anyway, I will try to be better.

I've been feeling really flat lately, so I didn't really want to come back and be a right moaning cow. Anyway, had a little chat with Rubes on twitter & realised I had missed you all and needed to offload for some pearls of wisdom to pick me up again. So here goes...its all trivial nonsense though, and I do realise that....

Firstly, you have to stop with all the running talk! I have lost nearly a stone in weight and the running was going so well. Then I hurt my knee (ligaments) I tried to run on it again too soon and buggered it up again. So I haven't been for almost 3 weeks and I miss it. It really does lift my mood. Everyone is running around me and I feel like a bit slug all over again.

DD has become a teenager at the age of 5. She NEVER listens to anything and it doesn't matter what I take off her or stop her from doing she actually doesn't care. She can be so rude, and some of her mannerisms and sayings are not what I would expect from her. I know school-friends can be a huge influence but I am not liking it one bit. Aargghhhh.

DS has taken to peeing his pants 4/5 times a day. Can't work out if he's lazy or maybe has an infection. So he is off to the GP Fri morning. My sister said he may have a problem if his foreskin is too tight...I know nothing about little boys foreskins!!! My washer is going to blow up and I can no longer afford to keep him in washing powder. Double Aargghhhh.

Enough of me...its boring me now. I need to say a huge congrats to ZJ & Indith...hope you are both doing okay. (I have tried to catch up but it has been more of a skim read tbh)

beans Hope the move goes well.

lady I love the idea of your jaunts around Europe. So exciting getting on a plane to somewhere new.

Huge hello to everyone else I promise to be about more.

Ooh thanks Vag, that is just the sort of answer DD will like. I did chuckle at your DS wanting a white one!

Hello Deids, lovely to see you.

Thanks for the reassurance on J's non moving. It does make me feel better.

PD it is tough that school are streaming already. They are so young!

I have more to say to everyone but will have to come back tomorrow when I'm not on my phone. Agree with everyone about not posting, not checking. Back tomorrow.

Hurrah, lots of posts! Great to see you, Miss DB! Lots of interesting stuff to comment on but it will have to wait until DD1 is at school tomorrow. I have ten minutes before DP gets in and he says he needs me to help him carry some shopping in (that'll be me, with the upper body strength of a canary) and then I have to sort out the supper. I am recording The Apprentice (DB, I know you will be watching, as will Rubes) and just looking up at OBEM.....

Bremen was a very interesting place (architecturally) and quite a large city. How like us the Germans are (apart from the Mullet still being a popular hairstyle choice for men)....Anyway, I am going to bore you a bit more about that tomorrow.

West Oxfordshire/the Cotswolds is basically a multicultural-free zone. Being a city girl, I find that very weird. Oxford is a little more so, but not much, and I hardly ever go in, it's 18 miles away. I do worry about the girls getting a twisted perspective, especially now I haven't got my flat and so they will be spending less time in London.

On lefties - my DP and my littlest nephew are both lefties and both brainy buggers. DP has got rather attractive handwriting and always uses a fountain pen. Other than his weird, backwards ticks you'd never know

Ciao for now, and see you in the morning for all I wanted to say.

Apprentice paused while DH refills my wine.

DD is a leftie, lovely hand writing for 5. I can't recall it ever being mentioned. Vag that teacher was talking nonsense.

Check me out 2 posts in one day!!

Hello DB. Lovely to 'see' you hope you are well.

On lefties both the boys seem to be left handed. DS1 certainly is and DS2 seems to favour his left hand. Play school have said he does switch between the 2 but mainly left. My Mum is left handed and I did read somewhere that it skips a generation. So baby is likely to be left handed too as MIL(2be) is also left handed.

DP has all his flights home booked now. He lands in Leeds at 0950 Saturday morning the boys can't wait to see him.

I can't believe it's been 4 years since we all met on our first Dec 08 thread.

Hope everyone is well.

DB: I have a stroppy and mouthy 5 yo as well. He veers between being incredibly sweet and slouching about being rude to everyone. Lord knows what the teenage years will bring.

PD: eek at streaming. DS1 had no interest in reading or writing before starting school, so we didn't push it. He's getting there slowly. Btw have been told about a local book group which is supposed to be stuffed full of H Rd mums. I may venture along next month if the book they choose isn't too grim. Wine is involved.

Hello!
So sorry I've neglected MN lately. I'm still building up my dose of new pills and it's leaving me rather sedated, so my old MN evenings have been replaced with very early nights or zonking in front of the box. Anyway, after a chat with my CPN yesterday I've come down a bit with the dose to see if I wake up a bit! If I perk up I can try to go back up again in a few weeks. Anyway, they seem to be doing their job because I feel absolutely fine No wobbles for a few weeks now - hurrah!
So an quick update from me - We've sold the house Yippee! And had our offer accepted on the one we wanted, but we're not moving until August. It sounds ages away but it just suits us all with summer hols, and it's only a chain of 3, so we're all waiting till then. I'm very excited!
Running (don't worry deids, this will not make you feel bad!) - I have good days and bad - managed 7k 2 weeks ago but since then have not managed more than 4k. I fear a little for the Great North Run!
Kids - dd1 is being mainly lovely, and dd2 is being 50/50, part deliciously adorable, part monstrously rebellious and uncontrollable! I rang the HV in tears a few weeks ago, after crying on a stranger in Asda at P's terrible behaviour, and she came to visit me. I was wanting strategies to manage her when we're out and about because I keep reaching the end of my tether and not knowing what to do to get her to respond. HV's advice - increase my hours at work so I'm not with her so much and don't take her to the supermarket with me for the next year or so. Very helpful indeed.
Anyway, nuff of me.
deids I wanted to give you a massive hug when you were describing your dd at the moment. My dd1 was just like that at that age. Nothing bothered her in terms of punishments - except being put to bed without a story - so that was our only bargaining tool. I got a really good sticker chart from the t'interweb (I'll try to find it and link it) which split the day into little chunks, like breakfast, before school, after school, tea time, bedtime, and she got a star for every chunk that was mainly good. It really helped me because L would, for example, be a nightmare at breakfast, horrid on the way to school, quite nice after school for an hour, naughty at tea time and go to be nicely, so having the separate chunks helped me to see that it wasn't always all bad. If I didn't have the little chunks, I would look back at the end of the day and think the whole day had been terrible and overlook the pleasant hour after school. It also gave opportunity to give her praise for something, even if the only positive moment all day was that she ate her breakfast nicely! Also we drew up a 'who's job is it?' chart, because we battled over everything before school, like dressed and clearing up, because I expected her to do more than she was willing to do! So basically the chart had 2 columns. In her column was putting on her own pants (yes it was that basic!), putting on her shirt and cardigan, putting her yoghurt pot in the bin, putting her shoes on, doing her teeth, opening her curtains (and some other stuff but I can't remember), and my column had helping with socks and skirt/ trousers, getting her breakfast, clearing the table, doing her hair, helping get her coat on, making her bed...and so on. It helped us both to know what was expected of her and we could refer back to it if a battle was starting. We also had L's Rules up on the wall (and we still have this incase we need reminding), so things like:
3 times horrible talking = no bedtime story,
after school = get changed, have snack, do reading/homework then play out - in that order.
If playing out - home by 5pm
If playing at friends' houses - no snacks without coming home to ask first (that was because she was pigging out on biscuits at her friend's then not eating her tea!)
and so on...
For us it helped because she was used to following rules at school so it gave us all some clarity on what was ok and what was not ok and helped me to be consistent. Hope some of that helps - sorry that was a bit of a long comment!
Yikes just spotted the time - must dash to work but I really will be back soon - hopefully tonight.
Much love to all of you xxx

oh and deids I can't remember how long The Phase lasted, but it did end! She is mainly lovely now (with her moments!).

this is the chart that really helped us

Hello Trace! Glad up hear the new meds are working. And congrats on selling - that must be a massive relief. I am pinching the chart and rules ideas - like you I find DS1 gets on very well at school where there are definite rules. It's good to hear there is light at the end of the tunnel!

What a rubbish HV. Though Tesco online shopping has saved my sanity.

Hi everyone! I'm still here lurking now and then. Haven't read everything, but just wanted to say JJ - great about the poo and sorry about the email title !

Stroppy kids. Ah the joys. Has anyone else read "how to talk so kids will listen"? It is one of those books rthat when you read it you think what it says is blindingly obvious but I find it helps to look back at it because it is so easy to get frustrated and lose your temper and forget the blindingly obvious.

Anyway it helped a lot with parenting dd. Ds1 has always errupted violently, been dumped somewhere to calm down then talked about it. Dd entirely different and needs careful handling. She sits and sings on the botom step, laughs at being told off, doesn't care about sticker charts...... but talking to her differently has helped, I have to respect her as a person so I don't tell her to go put her shoes on NOW, I tell her to finish sitting her dolls down for tea (not finish her game, that would take forever, has to have a limit!) then go decide what shoes she wants. She gets the choice of 2 coats and so on. If she asks for something inappropriate she gets told why it isn't suitable and accepts it so long as she can understand it so everything has ot be brought down to her level. It has taken me a while to work her out and of course we still have times when she refuses to behave and I lose it. Dh struggles more, he wants everything ot happen the instant he says and can't get his head around leaving extra time for things, giving 5 min warnings before leaving to go somewhere and his language tends to be too meandering with lots of "beacuse this that and the other and you said this and you did not do it and you have to listen..." and dd's just can't follow what he is saying! I go for the "what did mummy say?" "and what did you do?" "how does that make mummy feel?" and break it down into chunks. At the moment I'm floundering a bit with sanctions for her that are meaningful, the way I talk to her changing definitely reduces the tantrums and bad behaviour but I still struggle to deal with them when they happen becaus nothing really really seems to bother her that much.

Lately with ds he is responding more to reasoning and to direct consequences. I think stuff has to have meaning so a tou gets thrown it gets taken away until he shows he can respect it. He wants to play on my laptop he has to be able to respect it and look after it. I fins tjose methods work better on the whole than time out etc bcause they have a direct effect they can understand.

Bonus easter egg for anyonw who can think of a good one for refusing to get dresssed in the morning though! That one gets me every time and I end up yelling like a banshee and threatening all sorts of things I can't follow through with before declaring that I will ring the headteacher an dtell her he is being naughty. Quite what I'll do if that ever fails I don't know .

oh I meant to say - I'm not very good at knowing real names of us all, but someone whose initials are CC seems to be sending me lots of spam emails, which I assume are some virus, so it might be worth checking if it's your account.

Indith: both of mine hate getting dressed. I too am shouty. Recently I've tried getting them dressed as early as possible and then making sure they have time to play/read a story before we go. Bribery, in other words . Sometimes it works.

OH, I am so irritated - just did long catch up and lost it. So infuriating! Now for a gallop through as I only have 15 mins left -

Trace - big whooooop on the house sale, that is super news! And another whooop on feeling better, if a little tired.

Kayz - I saw on FB you get married in two weeks - wow. Are you having a bouquet? I do love wedding flowers. Any advance details on your dress?

JB - you know that DD1 didn't walk until 22 months, never crawled, never pulled herself up, never cruised really - just the bumshuffling. She did have the loose joints thing, but only a bit. It'll come!

Vag - sounds like a great idea to do that course. Both DP and I would like to do further study, but just for fun. (DP has already got his masters anyway). If I had the money and the time I would have amazing teachers to help me improve my French and Spanish, learn Italian and Ancient Greek and go back to Latin! I would like to work out of the home at some point, but only part time.

Talking about money, we will lose all the child benefit, which is annoying as it really helps. I take the point that millionaires don't need it but we aren't millionaires and are very far from being so.

JJ, that is such good news about S. Movicol sounds magic.

PD, I would love to see you on that Tuesday. Don't know what time DP will finish as he is in the mags and not the Crown Court and it also depends on whether his guy gets potted, but if he has finished, you will just get four of us for the price of three.

DP had one of his nightmare/sleep episodes last night and knocked the bedside lamp off, thrashing about. It took me hours to get back to sleep. for a cheerful person, things seem awfully bleak to me in the night. I have a 'worry-hangover' this morning, which is worse than the tiredness.

Right, have to go as I need to collect DD1. Very interested to hear what DB, Trace and Indith have to say about misbehaving older kids - DD1 is so difficult lately. Getting her out the house for school four mornings a week is pure purgatory. Maybe she isn't a morning person, because she does like her pre-school.

Trace Its great to hear from you. Your HV doesn't sound all that helpful. Surely you need to eat so therefore have to go to the shops. Very pleased to hear you have sold the house too!!!

LadyT This is my dress. I absolutely love it. A few friends have said its a bit 'Duchess of Cambridge' but I don't care. This is my bouquet and my bridesmaids have these but with purple feathers. All the wedding stuff is in the loft and I need DP to get it all down when he gets home.

Hope everyone is well. I need to sort out DS2 who is demanding more food. Never stops eating.