April 2011 - Food Glorious Food, Sleep Glorious Sleep <subtle key change> They're our babies, we'll obsess if we want to!

[fraktious]

Thread 4 - that's one a month!

Just checking in as have been awol over the weekend. In a grump today and it's not even baby related!! PMT I suspect :( Although AF is being a bit indecisive!! Stop, start, stop, start.....grrr.

Do you mind if I have a huge little moan?

I'm fed up with DP being on nightshift now, he's grumpy because he's knackered all the time, which makes me grumpy because he is!! Still another 4 weeks of it to go too. I'm really trying hard not to moan about it as I'm used to doing nights too and know how stressful it can be, but looking after a baby 24/7 is a little bit tiresome too, feel a bit like a single mum at the moment! Thankfully R has been on best behaviour the last 2 weeks but we're bound to get a little blip sooner or later. We're only getting a 2 hour window together each day at the moment and in that time DP needs to get showered have something to eat and get ready for work so not really time to help out or spend much time with me or R. Then we have to tip-toe around the house all day or go out as he's sleeping so I can't keep up with washing/cleaning etc and end up having to do it all at the weekend. I really would like things just to go back to normal!

I'm in awe of those of you already back at work! I'm actually starting to really freak out about it now and I still have 4 months at home but it just doesn't seem long enough. Being a SAHM is really beginning to appeal, it's just a pity it's not a financially viable option!! My feelings aren't helped by the fact that I've heard all is not well at my workplace either, it wasn't before I left but apparently has got a million times worse! My boss is a moron who shouldn't hold the position she does (god only knows how she got the job) and she also hates me, you might remember from way back when, that she tried to tell me I wasn't fit to do my job because I was pregnant and tried to get me moved to another area and then denied it when I went to her manager about the fact she was tying to discriminate against me! Well on top of that, I had a meeting with her and her manager a few weeks ago to discuss having one set day a week so I could put R into nursery for that day, it was agreed between us that it wasn't possible to guarantee that one particular day each week but they would try to accomodate it as much as possible. Then I heard from a colleague on Friday that she was discussing the meeting on the ward and told everyone that I had requested a set day and that if I thought I was getting it I could think again!!!!! Furious is an undertsatement, a) beacuse as far as I was concerned that meeting was private and b) because it was agreed that it would be permitted when possible. I knew she would behave that way. She was penalised when she had her child and so thinks it's acceptable to do the same to others. She literally made my pregnant working life a misery! What's annoyed me more is that before I found out about this I had offered to do keeping in touch days to get my training up to date before I returned properly but now I feel like telling them to stick it, it's only the prospect of a few extra quid that's keeping me going!!

I was going to have another tiny rant about one of the mums at massage group but I've written a novel already! Pat on the back to anyone who made it to the end of that!! Hope your ears aren't bleeding!!

Bleeding ears? Maybe eyes is more appropriate!!

MrsW I really feel for you about the late shifts and feeling like a single parent. My dh does either early, late or night shifts and works most weekends with days off mid week-it's a nightmare and I often feel like a single parent! Nights are the worst because as you say you get about a 2 hour time when dh is awake but is then getting ready for work!

I also feel for you about work your boss sounds like a bitch and clearly has a problem with anyone with a baby. I wouldn't take the talking about your private meeting though, I'd be fuming.

I'm sure everyone's suggested them Star, but Karvol, snot suckers, nose spray, and propping up the mattress. Plus H sleeps far better on his tummy when snotty. H has started sleeping really well all of a sudden and I'm sure it's his cold abating so fingers crossed your nights will improve too.

Fizz, that's sooo not PFB. I'd do exactly the same!

Sorry your husband's work pattern is taking it's toll MrsW, sounds stressful.

Talking of work, I too am in a conundrum. Because of my transfer to a new company just before I found out I was pg it's a near two-hour commute each way and involves me being out of the house from 7.25am to 7pm. Logistically and financially it makes childcare near impossible. I'd also have to give up my half days of music teaching on Saturdays, which I love. The new company is known for being rubbish to returning mums and was crap throughout my pregnancy. We're in a very small flat at the moment but the rent is low so I think we'll have to stay here while we work it all out.

Your boss sounds awful MrsW. I hate to go against the sisterhood and all that, but the worst, most aggressive and least understanding bosses I have had were female. I worked in male dominated environments and it was as if the woman tried to emulate them, however the male bosses were never aggressive!

I've also noticed that a lot of people are of the opinion 'well I didn't get xyz, so why should they'. You would think it would make people more understanding wouldn't you?

Boy at pre school this morning, while I and I go for a walk with some other pre school mums from the village. Then pick the boy up from pre school and off to meet some old friends. A couple of hours there then back home and cook dinner. Bath and bed for the little blighters, then I'm off to the cinema. Today HAS to run like clockwork otherwise it could go horribly pear shaped!

Grrrr I'm for you MrsW. That is not on at all. Can you take it higher? I would, she is bloody unprofessional at least.

I could have a rant about my work, but I can't be arsed, just like they can't be arsed to even let me know there has been a total restructure and the team I worked on now no longer exists! God knows what I'll be doing when I go back. I also don't have my bosses telephone number because they've moved to another building and all the numbers changed. AND they have also told people I'm not going back at all. Hmm, that kind of turned into a mini rant, didn't it!

Off to baby group!

MrsW that is rubbish. What will you do for childcare if you don't know what days you will be working?

Cycle - that is exactly what happened to me. We would have needed childcare 12 hours a day and so I didn't go back.

Buck I'm glad you are keeping your head above water :)

Not a great night here. T went down at 7.30 but then woke at 10pm, 12.30am, 2 further times and then at 7am. I think the most sleep I managed in a single stretch was 2 hours. Bleugh.
I think there is a bit of reverse cycling, he is so easily distracted during the day now that he often won't feed unless I take him up and we lie on my bed. Which obviously doesn't work if we are out and about, and isn't brilliant the days we are at home because it means leaving DS1 to his own devices a fair bit. He weighs 21lbs now, and is 26 weeks so he really needs to be getting a decent amount of solids, but he is getting really frustrated at mealtimes and not a lot is going in. DS1 was a dream to wean, he just wolfed everything we gave him from day 1 - I sense that things are perhaps not going to be so easy this time.....

Ali I'm with you on the reverse cycling pain but I don't know how to fix it. Also DH gets cranky if he doesn't sleep so I feed to keep M quiet.

Sassy I'm in 2 minds about taking the issue further re: boss discussing meeting. I don't know if it's a good idea to rock the boat before I even return! I'm just going to keep a note of it and see how she reacts when I'm back, I already have a list of things she's done written down as I was going to complain about her before I left. I know there are 2 other people considering a complaint as well for different reasons so it might be prudent to wait and see what comes of that first.
Cycle The logistics of my job aren't ideal either, I start at 7am on an early and would finish at 9pm on a late, nightshift is 8.45pm-7.15am and all of these start finish times clash with DPs or are too early/late to fit around standard childcare. Makes it near impossible to organise hence why I asked for at least one set day! Luckily my commute is about 10 minutes so at least that's one positive!!
ILTMI I'm the exact opposite with all my colleagues being female - it's a bloody nightmare!! Boss is very immature and pathetic really. She had her daughter 13 years ago (looong before I worked with her) and she had a difficult time conceiving, when she did finally fall pregnant she was then diagnosed with non-hodgkins lymphoma (i think) so baby had to be delivered early, she had to go through treatment etc etc. You might think that given all she's been through it would make her more understanding but no. She loves to play the matryr and milks it at every opportunity. She is also of the opinion that because she was poorly treated when she was pregnant/ill then it's ok to behave the same way to others. She's obviously still very bitter about it all. Good luck with your day!!
Fizz Unprofessional is an understatement!! This is just one of many many issues I have with her. I genuinely don't know why she's in nursing, she doesn't have a caring empathetic bone in her body and that extends to her patients as well as staff!! You sure you don't work for the NHS souds like something they would do!!
Ali the short answer to that question is I don't, we are supposed to have our shift pattern 4 weeks in advance but don't always, I've seen it where I've only known what I'm doing for the next 3 days before!! So basically I'm relying on nursery one day a week, DP covering weekends and hopefully my mum, dad or friends covering any other week days!! It'll keep me on my toes that's for sure!!! Sorry you'e had a crap night, R is starting to get very distracted during the ay and not taking all her bottles but is also having 2 small meals a day so I think that might be making her full so she doesn;'t want her milk? T sounds big!! R was only 13lbs9 last time she got weighed and was 5 months on Sunday!!

Well prompted by MrsW I emailed my boss this morning about doign some KIT days and discussing what I'd be doing when I go back. So I'm going in next week for a "chat". God i feel sick now. And I really need to work out what hours I want to do! Shit, what have I done!!

Hugs mrsw

Hope those not sleeping see an improvement soon.

Had S weighed this morning. He's gone from 14 1b to 14 1b 10 in one week, so I think we can safely say he's caught up

I'm back to work on the 10th October. I emailed my boss in August to ask about my annual leave allocation as I was changing from 30hrs to 16hrs a week and hadn't taken any annual leave before I went on maternity leave in March. They finally got back to me 2 weeks ago and said it wasn't feasible for my to take all of my annual leave when I go back so they are paying me for 75% of it instead. I'm not too bothered as I'm still going to be having 2 weeks off a month in Nov & Dec and the money will be handy, but if they'd told me this before going on leave I would have just tagged my holiday onto my maternity leave.

Sounds like some of you are having a bit of a nightmare with work. I'm relatively hopeful that everything should be ok when I go back. I work in the public sector and my bosses have generally been pretty good about letting parents work flexibly. I really need to pull my finger out and find a nursery though, otherwise I'll be taking P to work with me and stashing her under the desk!

We had a better night yesterday. P needed quite a bit of resettling after her dreamfeed (which surely negates the whole point of it ) but only had one straightforward wake up after that. Unlike the last few nights, she went straight back to sleep after a feed, so I feel much better today.

We're also having a much better day. She's napping now (second one of the day in her cot!) and is full of smiles :). Her nose is still stuffy though, so I've got some of those drops that you recommended Cycle - thanks for the tip off.

Kitty Great news that S has piled the lbs back on!

Buck Hope you all got some sleep last night and that F's cough isn't troubling him a bit less.

Yay on the weight gain kitty and grrr at all the crappy employers.

Operation cot was not a success. Gave up both times after an hour of fussing, dirty nappy, 10 mins screaming because we were overtired then take 2 1h10 of cooing, nearly dropping off, rubbing eyes, stretching, fussing that this isn't how we sleep and escalating to overtired screaming. So no afternoon nap and an overtired baby with 2hrs to bedtime.

I sometimes get the feeling I'm talking to a brick wall.

Frak were you ever frakkit??

If you were see here at 12.55 today :o

MrsWajs If I were in your position I'd put it in writing. It sounds a bit like she has you marked anyway for being a mum and if you stay quiet she will think it's acceptable and will make it harder to be respected by her. It is clear to me that this is bullying behaviour. She has disclosed personal information in a derogatory way to your colleagues. She is making it near-on impossible to make sure that you find keeping in work with R safely looked after at the same time. Who is your union rep? Have a chat with them. Seriously if you say nothing you will leave yourself and others open to more ridiculous and unacceptable behaviour from her. Before you speak to your rep consider what the best case outcome would be for your family. For example do you want to work less hours? Do you want to be transferred to another group? Do you want her to just behave herself and a timely shot off the bows? Do you want to work elsewhere? Write down every single act of bullying she has done in your pregnancy and maternity. Have a think about what you want from the situation then pick up the phone to the union rep. Don't let it slide as you'll continue to feel under-threat and vulnerable.

I empathise with all those who are feeling the "practically a single mum syndrome" due to OHs working pattern. Here my DH realised that he hadn't seen our DS since the previous weekend and this is becoming the way things are regularly. He applied for a job closer but didn't even get an interview, apparently there were over 1000 applicants.
Thankfully no AF here either. I hope it stays that way for a very long time.

Thanks for that arch. I already have a note of all the things that happened while I was pregnant and contacted my union about it, they were fully supportive and said I had a good case for discrimination. The problem is that my boss while she is vindictive/manipulative etc etc she's also not stupid and covers her tracks very well. For example when I had my risk assessment (the time she told me I wasn't fit for my job) I had just finished my 6th night shift and was knackered, she didn't give me a copy of it (my fault too for not asking but night shift turns your brain to mush) and by the time I'd got home and realised what she was implying I was fuming. Conveniently when I took the issue higher than her she had "misplaced" the original paperwork and therefore there was no proof that what I said she'd said was true!!
I imagine it'll be a similar case with her word against someone elses as far as discussing my meeting goes. The facts of the matter are she doesn't like me and I don't like her plain and simple and just because she thinks she can, she wants to make life as difficult as possible. My only option is to ask to be moved elsewhere, which I would have to do if I make an official complaint anyway - this was the main reason I didn't do it before I went off on ML, didn't want the stress of starting somewhere new whilst pregnant.
To let you understand more about my job, nobody else I know barr one person has ever been granted set working days, it's just not generally the done thing. Everyone works shifts so it's deemed unfair for people with children to be allowed to request set days when those without children can't. I don't have a problem with this but I know my boss will use that as her excuse everytime she gives me crap shifts. The key line is always "....to suit the needs of the service" as long as she can somehow justify that what she makes me do is to suit the ward then I don't have a leg to stand on!!
But don't worry I am really not the type of person to take something lying down and my boss knows this only too well (probably the main reason she dislikes me!) so I will be doing something about it I'm just waiting a bit to see what is the best way to proceed!

MrsW that's why there is legislation for working parents to request flexible working surely. the nhs must have people working set shifts to fit with chikdcare. Knowing where you are on the world is it an old school attitude type place? Matron all fierce and busty wearing a doily hat?

I'm up and b is up. After the fifth wake up I stopped counting. He is straining like he's doing a poo but then only farts a little. He's obviously in pain but I don't know what to do for him. I've been doing the tummy massage and cycling his legs. I gave up at 5.30 and came downstaris and put him on the bouncer on vibrate. it usually helps him poo. But no sign yet. Anyone got any tips???

Have u tried gripe water fizz?

Poor B. No tips here though I'm afraid Fizz. We have the opposite problem - too much poo rather than too little! Although having said that, she didn't go yesterday so I'm expected a poonami anytime!

Mrs W Your boss sounds like a nightmare. Nasty old witch! What do other working parents on the ward do?

Are you weaning yet Fizz? When I discussed it with my HV she she explained that while too much fruit can produce baby with a rampant sweet tooth, not enough leads to serious constipation issues.

Not weaning yet. I've not got gripe water. Will get some. He seems better now. Giggling away totally unaware that mummys eyes aren't opening properly.

Fizz I agree gripe water.

T has taken a dummy and is napping in his cot! Hallelujah!!

Hurray Ali, sounds like progress.

Wow MrsW, she sounds like a prize heifer, must be tempting to tell her to shove it. Hope it improves soon.

We've just had our fourth night of a couple of wake ups before 10pm but then a straight run til about 5am. It's sometimes a bit tricky o get him back down, but when I do he then goes until about 7.30am!

I think it's a combination of cold recovery and him getting over a growth spurt. He's now 25 weeks.