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CRESH - Crap ham, stinky Brie, gin and lol'ing at birth plan believers

999 replies

AlpinePony · 16/08/2011 15:23

Heeyah.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
HoppedOnAFairy · 16/10/2011 16:20

Go Box, Go Box. Ehm, remind me, what is it that you do?

CurlyCasper · 16/10/2011 17:28

Fab stuff Box.
Just checking in from phone cos I lost the Fred.

Backinthebox · 16/10/2011 17:52

Fairy, I scare holiday makers. Obviously! Are you on t'other place? I'll put you a picture of me at work there.

SilverSky · 17/10/2011 09:06

It seems the best method for turning a man into "SuperDad" is to have yourself a house guest.

AlpinePony · 17/10/2011 09:11

Well done box - for keeping your cool last week as much as anything. What a total nob-cheese, why on earth couldn't he just've said "ah, my mistake, forget that, let's do y instead". Fucking box-tickers.

okie Stay in your pyjamas until 4pm and drink lots of gin?

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Lighttaperstandback · 18/10/2011 10:20

Congratulations on the double pass Box!

Am beginning to wonder if my unemployable status maternity leave will ever end. Spent all weekend tinkering with my CV/cover letter to apply for what sounded like my dream job and fired it off to the agency on Sunday pm. Got an automated message back to the effect of "don't call us, we'll call you if we like you". So far, nada, so clearly they didn't look at my CV yesterday and think "she's the one"! Hey ho.

Crumbs, it's suddenly decided to turn into autumn hasn't it? Though round these parts it's being lovely and bright and fresh outside, which I lurve. Good thing Granny was over this weekend to buy Squib a nice warm winter coat and his first pair of shoes. How did he get so grown up? Something in my eye it seems...

AlpinePony · 18/10/2011 10:50

Well upon checking my mail last night I received one which clearly I was not supposed to. My replacement starts 1st November. At least I'll not be surprised at this announcement during my meeting today. Hmm

Fuck 'em, I've got a wedding to plan. Grin

Where to buy stylish dress for fat preggo rapidly approaching middle-age?

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CluckyKate · 18/10/2011 12:28

I love this time of year - chilly mornings, blue skies, log fires....a bit cold after 10 days in 40 degree heat though.

Bummer about the CV situ Lights. The quote that gets me through setbacks is from the baseball player Babe Ruth: "Every strike brings me closer to the next home run". At the risk of sounding cheesy, keep swinging that bat [hsmile]
Am working on mine to actually & sending it off to agencies today.....have been putting it off as I'm a procrastinator not looking forward to the interview stuff but am running out of dosh and have some expensive hobbies to fund.

When does your mat leave start Alps?? Does this mean you'll have a long handover and a leisurely build-up to your departure???
Ooh - I love Thanks weddings Thanks. Thought these dresses looked rather lovely and not too pricey.

The stairgates have gone up in the Cluck house - the little monkey can climb and dive with no sense of self-preservation. Is only a matter of time 'til he starts trying to walk!!

AlpinePony · 18/10/2011 13:50

Kate Alas not that luxurious, I've been "let go from the account". Shock Nobody is able to provide any evidence that I have been failing at my job, in fact my performance review in July was good. Hmm I am out the door 11th November and then going on maternity mid-jan. So basically I'm going to sit on my GFA and organise myself a bigger wedding than I was planning to. I need to get in touch with our "union" but in reality they can't get rid of me for ~18 months and even then I'd get a few k a month dole. It's not a position I would choose to be in though.

That's Mylene Klass's maternity site - I've looked there before. You don't think I'm too old , fat , non-virginal to wear a mini-dress maternity in white then? Wink Oooh I like the asymmetrical one.

I for one am loving this weather - it's what I expect of October.

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Lighttaperstandback · 18/10/2011 15:18

Did I miss something? Is this your wedding Alps? Congratulations! How preggo will you be on the day? I think you should really complete the look by going for a really short dress and accessorising with a bottle of Jack Daniels...no? Oh well then.

May I seek the counsel of more knowledgeable ESH than me. Was thinking as Squib is approaching a year old and the cow juice drinking age, it would be a good idea to try and wean him off bottles and onto sippy cups whilst the milk still tastes the same. So my question is, how the fuckity fuck does one get a child to drink milk from a cup? Squib's got no problem with sipping water from a cup during meals etc, but can I get him to drink milk from it, can I arse. Tried giving him a bit in the bottle first, then the cup, tried it the other way round, whatever I do he just fights it off and I end up resorting to pouring it all into the bottle. How the hell is this done? I'm trying one of these which he has to suck at the milk out of same as the bottle, but he'll have none of it. Any recommendations?

CluckyKate · 18/10/2011 20:09

'Kin 'ell Alps - that is shocking [hshock]. I had no idea.....poor you. The redundancy really shook me up and left me in a not very good place for a while after the boy chick arrived. Hope you're holding up alright.

Every bride has the right to wear white - no such thing as a virgin bride these days is there [hhmm]

We used the Nuby straw cups with LC Lights - didn't bother with sippy cups. They only spill it so why bother is my view.

Rollerbaby · 18/10/2011 21:09

Ello chaps. Just catching up.

alps I am O at your redundancy. Where the hell did that come from? Are you ok? And when's the big day then?

Box glad to hear you will finally be taking to the skies once more. I was wondering when the bloody hell you would get back up there!

Light since we do toothbrushing after bottles now before bedtime and no late bottle I really cannot be arsed to try and wean from bottles. I'm not even going to try until he is taking more than sips from a beaker at mealtimes. too much like hard work and a full bottle = a full tum at bedtime and a better night's sleep!! Idon't really understand the whole timetable for these things. I don't think he's ready to drop it yet. Maybe early next year things will feel different.

AlpinePony · 19/10/2011 03:17

Kate/roller its not really redundancy, I'm just being made a consultant without a client. Now this might appeal to some, I.e., paid but no work, but it's how I've got here which is so upsetting. A personal crusade by some Dick at work. I cannot sleep obv, second night in a row, so will be pooing doc in morning to get signed off. They get 50 plus hrs a week, they don't get my baby's health. Fucking politics.

Haven't booked wedding yet, should do it today. Was planning on nothing really at all but am now wondering if I should concentrate on dress, shoes & flowers rather than corporate warfare.

Kate was it similar political point-scoring your end too?

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CluckyKate · 19/10/2011 08:52

Sort of. Jobs were allocated on a subjective points basis meaning that continued employment boiled down to how well you brown-nosed your boss. This would explain why so many blokes stayed and women, predominantly working mothers too busy to arse-lick, were kicked out.

Am glad to be out of there to be honest but really resent the bastards for making me so bloody miserable at what should have been a joyful time. I'm also fucked-off that I'm having to spend the last 3 months of my mat leave looking for a job and fork out over 100 quid a week in nursery fees for the pleasure.

On the positive side I have a new mega-tent, pony for my daughter, trailer for me and a top-of-the-range tumble dryer so it's not all bad [hwink]

Lighttaperstandback · 19/10/2011 11:05

That sounds crap Alps. Don't really know what you do, but could you expect to be given another client to look after once you are back from mat leave and not expecting to disappear off again, or does it look like this is stage one of booting you out othe door? If the former, then I guess it's sort of adding to your mat leave, and could be a good thing? If latter, then sounds utter crud.

AlpinePony · 19/10/2011 11:23

lights I will get another client - but I am livid that somewhere on file will be a note "Nov 2011: let go" iyswim. :( It's unlikely to be getting rid of me permanently - I mean god that's hard with my contract - e.g., big bag of money would pay half of mortgage - but even so it's not a worry I want. Why can't I be on AIBU worrying about reporting a SN trolley-boy? Wink

I am just back from doc and he said "go sick immediately" and I've got an appointment with the company doctor tomorrow. So now I'm going to lunch with my boys and then going to put my feet up this afternoon.

They've said I can pick up a client in Spain/Switzerland from mid-november to mid-january. I explained I was in no condition to fly... Hmm

You're right though - and I will find some zen about it at some point and relax and enjoy it.

Have also kicked off at the union - worker's rights and all that jazz that these socialist yerpeans love so much. And I've kicked off in this direction, and that direction.

Oh, and did I tell you that I had a bad feeling last week so I ordered myself a nice samsung galaxy II to play with? Wink On their bill I mean, not mine!

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PollyCrystalTits · 19/10/2011 13:14

Hello. Can't stop. Terribly busy tinternet shopping preparing for the weekend. However, just wanted to share this Grin I've put it on BB's xmas list. Along with 'monsters eat whiny children' for Boo, and this for TG.

PollyCrystalTits · 19/10/2011 14:33

Pone that is an awful way to treat you. Bastard bosses. Who is this knob jockey waging a vendetta against you? I call the ESH to battle... let's go and kick his whiny ass. Good news on the time off for wedding planning though. Silver lining and all that.

I am supposed to be tidying up the office for FP to sleep in there on Saturday. Instead I am sat in front of a roaring fire catching up with Spooks. Someone kick me up the arse please?

CurlyCasper · 19/10/2011 16:01

alps They are all a bunch of cunts. But at least doc agrees you can be signed off. Didn't you just get a promotion/new post in the same company?

I have a house full of people at the moment. Cute pics will follow. But I am mainly looking forward to this weekend. After that, I have to start packing up my house, which I am dreading.

FannyPriceless · 19/10/2011 22:28

Polls Sitting in front of fire good. Don't worry about tidying rooms, you daft cow! As long as I can force the door open against all the piles of crap, and clamber over the piles to reach the futon, that will be fine - luxury even.Wink In fact, even if there's piles of random crap on the futon I will probably still sleep OK, given that most nights I share a bed with two giant snoring lumps.

Also I should mention I have Friday off work to clean my tip of a car in preparation for LadyG's journey in it get the food organised, so please send me a shopping list for any other stuff needed we've not yet talked about (milk, bread, butter?). You are doing too much. Share the load, my lovely.

alps What can I say? As you know, I have experience of work mistreatment while pregnant (understatement). You have to focus on protecting yourself and your pregnancy. But for me, that included knowing that I wasn't going to be able to calm down and let it go until I got the bastards in front of a judge writing a bloody enormous cheque with my name on it!

Foolish maybe, given my condition? You have to judge for yourself whether it's worth fighting or not. In your case, you have every right to keep taking the money, refuse to travel on obvious grounds, and sit at home planning a bloody fabulous happy wedding. And don't feel guilty at all. They don't care a jot about you or your unborn child, I can tell you that for sure.

Enjoy the wedding planning. White dress is compulsory of course. Can I ask, instead of bridesmaids, are you having miniature ponies covered in hot pink accessories made of glitter and fur? Oh, and when's the ESH-hen party?Grin

curls There's about 1000 empty cardboard boxes on our front steps you can pick up any time you like.Wink

AlpinePony · 20/10/2011 10:04

Yes, it's all types of shit and I'm feeling a little stronger today and will be I think going after them in a fanny way. I'm just trying to sort that out now so I will no doubt be in touch.

Whilst they're not making me redundant - there must be laws which say you don't replace someone when the "role" is not redundant... never mind the whole pregnancy bollocks - and if they were replacing me due to "non-performance" why is there no trail of this - why did I get a good performance review in July etc., etc.?

curly No, that fell through at the last minute the cunts. :(

So I'm sat here with dye on my hair, going to put some make-up on and go out to town. Just want to feel a bit confident and glam for an hour or two rather than a complete cunt.

My confidence has been wiped out and yesterday I was thinking "oh maybe I should just get a job in Lidl because I'm clearly incapable of anything else". :(

Oh... and a vacancy has come up in Saudi Arabia - that'd go down well wouldn't it? An unmarried, pregnant Jewish woman strolling through the doors...

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Muser · 20/10/2011 19:08

Utter cunts pone, don't even know what to say. Go out and enjoy yourself and screw those bastards.

MadameBoo · 21/10/2011 11:17

I just wanted to post here.

Pone, that's shitty and shit.

Cosmosis · 21/10/2011 12:55

I have come to reassure that I am not dead.

Muser · 21/10/2011 13:38

Hooray for Cos not being dead!

We are having a lazy day to recover from the House of Vom scenario at the beginning of the week. The baby definitely has her appetite back. She was sat on my lap while I ate Twirl bites and watched Buffy. She nicked a Twirl bite off me and looked so please I didn't have the heart to take it back off her.