April 2011; springtime arrivals - blackbird, song thrush, mistle thrush, nipple thrush, nappy thrush...

[ILikeToMoveItMoveIt]

Here we are, our new thread and this time we all have our babies !

I thought we were getting thrush again, but then realised I had let ds's latch get sloppy. He was constantly clicking and tutting at the breast but I was too distracted to notice.

Ds and I made butterfly cakes together this morning, ds got to choose the colour of the buttercream icing ..... It is a very lurid shade of pink and they are covered in sugar strands. You can never have enough sugar!

Kitty re anti histamines, I had a bit of a nightmare few days after coming out in the worlds most itchy rash last week - turned out it was a reaction to my stitch Anti B's - anyway, GP mulled it over for ages online and in some drug books and said problem is that the decent ones will make breastfeeding mother and LO drowsy and would only prescribe me Cetrizine which is mild b ut harmless, it took a bit longer to get rid of the hideous scratching but we did it with a clear conscience!

Lis I haven't posted much but have been trying to keep up, I think you have done amazingly well to keep up with the EBF despite all problems, you are a better woman than me, I'm BF'ing but can't swear I would have had the tenacity you have to keep going.

Anyway, my little man is now 5 weeks and really packing it on - he's on the 99th centile thing for everything and is super hungry - his last feed of the day is now formula because he cluster feeds from 5 - 9 every night and by that point I'm totally empty and he's still screaming hungry, so thats what we do and it seems to keep everything even, I'm ready to go again by 3am. anyone else finding that?

on bed times T goes down at half nine after formula and we are right behind him every night for now, only way to ensure we're not exhausted but means abso no social life for us, for now.......

after having a happy baby for a couple of days, F has gone back to screaming at my boobs. He was ok this morning, but now is only quiet (I wouldn't say 'happy') if I'm pacing with him on my shoulder. (good job I can mn on my phone).

this baby business is baffling. can't I just plant him in the garden?!

he's just done a massive burp. He's already on infacol, but he gulps so much air when he actually does feed. Latch, I know, but I can't see what's wrong apart from him getting into a grumpy spiral.

my back hurts, he must be a stone by now. can't wait for DH to get home at 8.

T has been awake since 11.30am. DH has just got home, thank God.

Petal - I reckon T is a stone by now, he is huge and flippin heavy to pace around the house with.
Do you get a clicky sound when F feeds? T does it, and I find it's when he lips aren't fully turned back to make a seal. Stand in front of a full-length mirror when you are feeding so you can see what's going on underneath so to speak.

It must be a day for grumpy babies maybe it's the hot weather?

J has refused to nap today and had a total hissy fit in boots- I think it's due to overtiredness. Has also not fed well. Methinks a fun night ahead....not

Ali- did you dump ds with dh as soon as he walked through the door? I try not to do that, but sometimes I have to do that for my sanity!

Ds hasn't had impetigo constantly for two years, on average he gets it every 6-8 weeks and it is easily treated by the antibiotic cream. Its always on his ear and in pretty much the same place. It's annoying because we have to stay in quarantine for a few days, but also the day before it comes out he ha a bad night - a warning sign for us that it's on it's way. We've all been swabbed and something came up on dh's results which he had anti bits for, but ds impetigo persisted. Our gp seems quite ambivalent about it, but it's getting on my nerves and I'm now paranoid about baby I getting it. Which is why I am going to ask for a referral.

i does the clicky sound, I often have to flick his top lip up during a feed.

He had a two hour nap in his cot this afternoon and since he got up he's been a delight. Daytime sleep makes a huge difference to his demeanour but I just don't seem to be able to give him the time to get him into some sort of daytime pattern - it also doesn't help having a loud toddler about when he just drops off.

Ali he does sometimes click, bf ladies couldn't find a reason why, but I'll check his lips.

I just find it impossible to think about latch when he's fully screaming and letting go every couple of sucks.

I stupidly did some digging in the garden while F was asleep earlier. I'm so exhausted.

Please tell it's normal to have (albeit v late) second thoughts about this whole "let's have a baby" thing. It will pass, I'm sure.

It is VERY normal Petalouda, it's just most people don't dare say it. I remember after having ds1 thinking 'what the he'll have we done?' I felt very out of my depth, I over analysed EVERYTHING ds done or didn't do, I missed my previous relationship with my dh, I missed the old me, and the list goes on.

But, it DOES pass and get better I promise you. Things will never return to how they did before, but everything does settle down and really relatively quickly. It won't feel like that now, but when you look back in a years time, you will see how much better things are. I can only say this because I am on number 3, and I know things will get better. When you have no experience to draw on you can't see an end to it.

Hugs to everyone feeling down, I remember how hard it is first time round.

Petal - you're not alone. I frequently have those thoughts - usually when DH is at work and I'm left trying to hold the fort with an inconsolable baby. Then out of the blue she pulls a cute face or is nice and peaceful for a couple of hours and everything seems better again!

We'll get through it I'm sure

Not having the best week here either! After going for 6-7 hours for several nights when G was sleeping on me, on the sofa we're now going rapidly backwards and only scraped about 3 hrs in total last night with us in the bed upstairs. Haven't even tried to put him in his bedside crib for ages. I really need to try and get something sorted, but he rarely falls asleep before about 2am and at that point I'm so tired I really don't want to put him in his crib only for him to wake about 10 minutes later (and wake DP too) and have to spend more time trying to get him to sleep but last night was a disaster.

The night before last he woke every two hours for feeding so I thought maybe a growth spurt but last night he barely slept either and I tried feeding but he just threw it up everywhere (there was loads all sploshing over the bed resulting in an outfit change at 3.00am and he really never went back down after that, having only gone to sleep at 12.30 in the first place).

It makes it so much harder in the day when you're not getting any decent sleep. Just had a bath and started reading the 'no cry sleep solution'. Still reading all the people saying how amazing it is and haven't got the bit that actually tells me what to do!!

Oh heavens yes petal - what did we do? How am I going to go back to work? Where did my abs go? Are we ever going to have sex again? When can I go more than an hour it out being pawed at? How come DH gets to escape to work? Where are we going to put him when we move? Why the hell was I broody the other day because this is never ever going to end... Ad infinitum. It's like groundhog day sometimes.

Well every single post on this last page has made me feel infinitely better, I know I'm not the only one feeling like this!! I wondered if maybe it was the warmer weather causing the grumpiness too daisylu although normally when its warmer R feeds more but she hasn't really had much today, well actually she has fed often but just hasnt taken very much! Hmmm.

I hope tomorrow is better. HV is coming on Thursday too and doing my postnatal depression questionnaire, slightly worried that if things don't improve a little this week, the way I'm feeling just now I might cry all over her!!

My broodiness has also evaporated for the time being Frak!

Thanks all. I think I actually love you all!

F finally went to sleep at 7:30, just as DH got home (jammy git!). Feeling much better after dinner and a couple of hours to myself, with the sound of F breathing on the monitor.

I better get to bed, he'll be up anytime now.

Here's to a good day tomorrow

It is completely normal to think 'wtf have we done?'. I've done it this time around as well - largely in relation to feeling awful for 'ruining' DS1's lovely life. In my saner and less sleep-deprived moments it is wonderful, and the boys were lying on my bed together earlier holding hands and grinning at each other - totally priceless
I agree with ILike (as usual!!) that it does get better so quickly. I hadn't realised until we had T, just how easy and straightforward life with DS1 had become. I'm trying very hard not to wish this baby phase away, because T is our last baby

MrsW - having had PND after DS1 that wasn't diagnosed until 8 months post-partum, my advice is not to guild the lily when you are talking to her. If you feel shit, tell her and if you cry then so be it. You very likely haven't got PND, but if you have then better to know now and do something about it.
Sorry if that sounds really bossy, but I so wish I had been more honest with myself and others sooner about how I felt :)
It could well be the warmer weather causing the grumpiness, I think babies are far more affected by the heat than we are.

ILike - DH was in fact rather heroic. He walked in, took one look at me and swooped both boys upstairs for bathtime immediately while I had 15 minutes to myself. Lovely man

Lis - I'm sorry the BFing isn't going well. You have done so, so well with the pumping, you should be really proud of yourself.

T has fed and fed today, not for long each time so he's clearly thirsty from the heat. We've got him in just a shortie romper thing and I've moved him up into the 3-6 month clothes so he's got more room and hopefully won't get so hot.

I think my lowest points come when M is crying and I just don't get why. I sit there thinking 'you're my baby, why don't I understand you?!'. It's so much easier to be objective when they're not yours...and so easy to get tangled and go round in circles whn they are.

Oh yes Frakk,i forgot to mention the lack of personal space. I remember saying to dh when he came for a cuddle 'go away. I don't want to be touched anymore today. I am all touched out.' He just didn't get it and that made me feel worse as I felt like a terrible person.

I have to say though that things do get easier with subsequent children. You are more confidant, you know that this too shall pass, and I think the biggest thing is acceptance. You accept it's going to be difficult for a while, you don't analyse every single thing, and you don't run yourself ragged trying to fix everything. You also learn to ignore people when they tell you that their 4 week old sleeps through the night in their cot and that they have three two hour daytime naps - cos you know they're probably talking out of their arses!

MrsW - the heat probably meant she wasn't so hungry, but thirsty. which is maybe why the feeds were shorter - more thirst quenching fore milk.

That sounds tough Moley. The way I get through hard times is to know that things do and will get better. For example, if I has a bad night or two, I know that it's just a hiccup and it will get better. Fingers crossed we haven't had a long run of shitty days or nights, so when ds think it's party time at 2am, I console myself with the fact it's unlikely to be like this every night. Or I make sure that we nap together at lunchtime. Sod the cleaning etc, my sleep and sanity are more important IMO.

Not bossy at all Ali :) I'm pretty sure it's not depression myself, but think maybe I just need to offload a lot of issues I've pent up since R was born. Crap aftercare, breastfeeding issues, guilt about breast feeding issues etc etc. I know from previous experience that keeping all that to myself will only fester and cause problems later on!

Even now I look at I sometimes and think 'I have no idea what is wrong'.

The going round in circles is exhausting. I remember reading every baby book going and trying to fix everything that I thought was wrong. Of course very rarely did I 'fix' anything, they just happened in ds's own good time. I jumped from possible solution to possible solution and never gave anything a chance to work. I was hell bent on getting more sleep and I just wanted my nice calm life back, not the chaotic mess that I thought I was in.

I remember ds1 crying and being awake forever one night. We tried everything, and I remember dh saying to me 'what's wrong with him?' I saw red, I said 'how should I know, I don't know what I'm doing, this is all new to me too.' I was bloody furious. I think you are expected to know everything, gawd knows why. It's not as if they come with an instruction book - if only!!

Oh, and I'm glad dh was your knight in shining armour Ali. Isn't it amazing that all you need sometimes is 15 minutes of peace to recharge? That small break can make a world of difference.

I semi shouted 'just go to f%#^ing sleep' when H woke up after being put in his cot last night. I was just so tired. I wasn't shouting it at H, I was just exhausted. You are so not alone in sometimes feeling like the whole baby idea was ridiculous Petal*. xx

H is trying to poo right now, is hilarious.

I think I should get this

"The cubs and the lions are snoring / Wrapped in a big snuggly heap / How come you can do all this other great shit / But you can't lie the fuck down and sleep?"

F woke up screaming this morning, which had the bonus effect of getting DH to make the tea. Asleep next to a boob now tho. F, that is, DH can only dream!

Well I'll add to all those who have have had their struggles. I too have moments where L is crying and nothing seems to work and I feel like the most useless Mummy in the world but then as someone said you get a smile and it's all more than worth it

My main problem is dh. He believes he can continue his old lifestyle and shouldn't have to adapt at all! He's working nights this week which basically means I have dd 24/7 with no real breaks for four days in a row. He's off on Friday, so there was me thinking excellent some help on Friday night but no he announces he's going out for a 40th birthday!!! To top it off he thinks I'm being unreasonable for complaining about him going out. I've tried explaining my feelings and I've even told MIL, who's staying for couple of days, what he's doing. She's not impressed but won't get involved- wtf use is that to me? Someone needs to make him see sense and step up to his responsibilities!
The only positive I can come up with from the situation is that at least I'm not missing all the precious baby moments that he is and i'm sure he'll regret how much time he spends away from her later.

Petal love the little rhyme-made me laugh. Also love the comment about lo lying next to boob and how dh can dream!

Ah Sassy that is shit. You are right, he will regret it. There is a great book by a guy called Armin Brott, called the new father or something like that. Every new or expectant Dad should read it IMO.
Have any of his mates got kids? Can they have a word?
I think it is really hard if you haven't thrashed all that out before the baby actually arrives :( I hope you can sort it out.

We tried to put M in her crib last night so we could have some adult time watching crap TV for an hour. It didn't work - she woke up soon after we put her in and cried, wouldn't really settle again. How do we get her to sleep without us being in the room with her? She did settle fine for 6 hours once we went to bed too - I think because she knows we're in the room. Do we just need to stay with her until she's in a deep sleep?

Sassy, that's rubbish about DH. I'm always really pleased when mine gets home from work and he can just take M for a bit and we can share the evening crying.

Oh dear - M calls - what's wrong now?