April 2011-kicking back drinking lactulose cocktails and riding the maternity surfboards

[Petalouda]

Post-natal thread for all the antenatal April 2011 Family!

Share the birth stories, the baby blues and everything else.

Thankfully I have a hands off MIL who has only visited for one day. Int hat time however she said she hoped B had his dads brains, that they didn't "do" c-sections when she had her kids, she had to push , and held B in a way I thought his head was going to roll off. Anyway, at least she's not interferring now.

My mum is here and sometimes we rub each other up the wrong way. The BF peer supporter hasn't been in touch liked I'd hoped today so we attempted to latch B together. Big fat fail. Mum thinks its my anxiety B is picking up on, but he is just flat out refusing boob and I can't cope with his screaming. He is such a good baby, feeding every 3-4 hours, nappy changes are fine and the rest of the time he sleeps. Touch wood we are doing well in everything other than the BFing.

Lis I think B is R's twin!! She is much the same, feeds like clockwork and sleeps the rest of the time!! TBH I think the routine we now have is one of the reasons I'm not keen to re-start actual BFing, I don't know if I could cope with going back to cluster feeding and using mummy as a dummy! Does that make me terrible!??

Expressing is floundering a bit today again, supply seems to be waning since my night out on Saturday :( so trying to go back to 2 hourly today to keep supply up but getting pitiful amounts :(

Had my first poo-explosion today - not sure how I've avoided it so far? It was up the front and back and escaping from all angles out of the nappy!! Luvverly!

My MIL is I think a little bit scared of me, she has been really diffident with me about both boys, even though she came and stayed for a week when DS1 was tiny to help me out.

kitty - I would just have picked S up I think in that position, but it takes time for you to become confident as a mum - I know it did me!

I think I must be wired a bit differently, because when DH took both boys out for an hour the day after I got home from hospital I was so pleased to have an hour to myself! I would definitely let my Mum or Dad take DS2 out, and I would probably let MIL take him just for an hour or so.
I find the best way to get the baby returned to you if they need a feed is just to start undoing your buttons and bra, the baby will be shoved back at you like a shot!

Agree Ali I love it when my mum takes G and very happy for her to take him out - but she does a fantastic job with him and I trust her 100%.. he cries less for her than for me so he's in good hands! Certain other people though I loathe holding him and I'm shocked by the strength of my feelings. Its really awkward as they're very close family members :( Still, my problem to get over!

lucie - I pretty much loathe my FIL (divorced from MIL fortunately). He is a twat and makes bugger all effort, and then turns up and expects DS1 to cuddle him etc. It makes steam come out of my ears. I had an almost physical reaction to him holding DS2 when he met him, I just wanted to snatch DS2 back. Mysteriously it was suddenly time for DS2 to have a feed, and I just started undoing my top so FIL had no choice but to pass him back

haha yeah.. I've taken G off for imaginary feeds before now too when I can't stand them holding him anymore!

Noit terrible MrsW I think I am the same about restarting Bfing. I know that BFing is meant to make bonding easier but I think the stress its causing here isn't worth it. I still love B just as much, and the fact I can calm him when he is upset without him searching for food is almost worth not feeding him myself. The consolation for me is he is exclusivley on EBM so still getting from me what he needs. Next week will be the test when I'm totally on my own, no DH, no mum. If I can keep up the pumping I will, time will tell.

Feel less of a cow now

DP home but 'exhausted' so is having a nap while I feed and play with H

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who hates handing over DC and finds family as stressful as they are helpful! Last time my ILs were visiting I barely kept my self from saying something I'd regret. They weren't doing anything wrong at all, I just couldn't settle if they had S (didn't help he cluster fed that entire weekend so I was exhausted).

Anyway, after Friday's BF themed meltdown (thank you all again!) things have been getting better and less painful. We went back to the BF clinic today and the amazing lady there helped me till I was confident with latching on correctly. She also explained that the horrid nipple pain I get is due to Raynauds Syndrome which was triggered by the damage done by my difficulty latching on. So I now have to keep my nips warm to try and stop the pain, apparently in Scandinavia it's common to use woolen breast pads to avoid this so I might have a look into them as well. I don't think a hot water bottle when out and about will be workable!

So relieved to read all the posts about visitors and not wanting them to hold dd! Had the ILs today and watched them like a hawk when they held dd! Poor thing got passed around several times which was stressing me but didn't want to seem the paranoid overprotective Mummy. It was even worse when one nipped out for cigarette then came back in and held dd again. All I could think was of all the smoke being breathed over my poor little dd. Wish I'd spoken up but felt too awkward. Oh well it'll be a while before have to do it again.

Ah Sassy so glad I don't have to deal with the smoke problem - it must be really awkward - my dad used to smoke and hold my niece and I know how much it used to stress my sister out. It annoys me that we feel we have to reign in our instincts so people dont roll their eyes. I haven't had a glass of wine sice G was born and have asked DP not to as he is sleeping in our bed - my family think I am being OTT ('surely one wouldn't hurt') Maybe not, but we're tired enough and I know I sleep a lot more deeply after a glass of wine so I'd rather not. I don't care if i'm being PFB nothing is more important than my baby's safety!

I agree about the smokers Sassy BIL & SIL smoke and I think she knows how I feel about it as she hasn't asked to hold P. She is always good for a game of football in the garden with DS though.

We also received a knitted cardigan for P which a colleague made and sent to us. We opened the parcel and the reek of smoke was disgusting. I've washed it a couple of times but I ironed it last night and the heat from the iron still made it give out a whiff of smoke. There is no way P is going to be wearing it which is a shame as it looks lovely.

Jen Good luck with the interview.

I'm returning to work part-time on 12th October. I was doing 33 hours before and found it quite hard. Especially trying to keep DS in his bedtime routine etc on the days I wouldn't get home until gone 6pm. When I return this time I'm doing 16 hours over 4 half days. 2 mornings and 2 afternoons. I figured twice the amount of children, halve the hours at work, hope my logic plans out alright.

Also any fellow April mums with 3 year old's, there's a good thread here. Their made me .

I totally agree lucieloo - I wish I'd just spoken up. Neither dh or I smoke so why should our dd have to breathe in secondhand smoke. I know if I'd said something it would have been frowned on but as you say nothing is more important than dc's safety.

At least your ILs are aware of the fact it's not great to smoke then hold dc, mine didn't bat an eyelid! I think next time I will speak up and stop worrying about what they think.

hello folks,
I need your help - F has discovered how to keep himself awake, and now takes ages to drop off, and wakes as soon as he's transferred to his cot.

I'm into the 4th hour of trying to settle him this evening with no luck. He's been quite quiet about it so far, but screamed the place down on Saturday night.

I've never swaddled him before, but have just wrapped him up. Hopefully it'll help without overheating him.

Any ideas? I'm starting to flag! (DH is away and DSis is here 'helping' me, but that's another story!)

Petal - sorry i'm no help. I got truly fed up with M last night, crying/feeding/messing about/crying and eventually DH got home late around 12.30 and took her downstairs where i assume she slept (& him) until they reappeared at 4.30.
I was getting so frustrated it feels silly now in the light of day, but she just wouldn't settle near me. Not sure what we would do on the nights when Dh is away
No help i know sorry!

Petal hope you and F are sleeping now.

Sassy I feel for you on the smoke front. My FIL and his partner think I am a complete loon as I wouldn't let them smoke when they stayed with us after DS was born. Not just I wouldn't let them smoke in the house, or in the garden, but at all because of all I read about 3rd hand smoke.

They were over from Italy and there the family think nothing of holding a baby in one hand and a cigarette in the other. I may have been OTT PFB in their eyes but I was terrified of sids as well as not wanting my baby exposed to smoke.

It caused mass falling out when they went out one day on a walk and smoked and came back smelling of air freshener thinking we wouldn't notice. I took DS to the bedroom while I left DH to deal with it. It wasn't pretty and whilst I think FIL is ok with it now I think things between me and his partner have never been the same since. Ah well, I'd do the same again!

As for others holding my baby, I don't mind but I don't get my MIL's desire to aggressively wind S all the time. She so much as twitches and she's like 'S's got wind'. Queue rigorous back rubbing and patting until she usually pukes a little when MIL declares it a victory as the wind is out. Er, I'm not sure she hasn't just made her sick and there was no wind at all. Wouldn't you spew if you'd been patted so much after feeding? Lucky she lives a long way away and visits are not regular!

It's so good to know I'm not the only one who worries about the effects of people smoking then holding dd. I just firmly believe that people need to respect my wishes and not judge on what I believe is an unacceptable thing. All your comments have given me the courage to speak my mind next time so thank you.

Petal - no advice, T is the same and has been for weeks. Last night it only took 40 mins to settle him, which was a miracle.
DH frequently has to take him downstairs or to the spare room because he won't settle where he can smell me.

Another one who had a shite night. I would not settle for me or dh and just wanted to have a nipple in his mouth constantly. Hence I am knackered today. I didn't swaddle him last night for the first time (I forgot) so I'm hoping it was that and that we won't be having a repeat performance tonight.

Luckily none of our friends or family smoke so we haven't had to have 'the conversation'. I would make dh do it if we had to

Hello April ladies!

I often read the updates but never seem to get the time to write as I am crap at typing with one hand and only get online when Conor fancies a cuddle. It's so nice to keep up with what's going on. Conor is 12 weeks old today, I can hardly believe it! Corrected age is 4 weeks, mind, and he is much more a one monther than three! He's doing so well, I am so thrilled with him.

I'm still following The Sensational Baby Sleep Plan and it's going reasonably well, so if anyone else is thinking of a routine I would say it's worth considering. My experience is not quite the same as you all, as I've not breastfed and I think bottle feeding makes it a bit easier to follow a more structured routine - not least because you know how much milk they've had so you have a better idea whether crying is due to hunger. He goes down after his 7pm feed and wakes to feed at around midnight and around 4am, he is pretty good at going back down after both feeds. I guess he's a bit older so even though his corrected age is young he's had more experience at settling himself, and had to in hospital. He's even having his mid-morning nap now in his bed (that said some days it doesn't go quite this well!).

Mrs W I totally get how you feel about going from bottle to breast. I thought much the same and would have struggled to give up the routine that both Conor and I were happy with and was working for us both. I did carry on trying to breastfeed but I've pretty much stopped now as I think at 12 weeks old it would be way too much of a change for us both to cope with. However, my milk supply is on the decline and I am only really getting enough for one or two feeds a day. I think I might knock expressing on the head altogether soon. If I can get to three months with him still having at least some then I think I've done ok. The difficulty with expressing and bottle feeding is finding the time to express, it's like you are doing everything twice.

Conor has seemed quite constipated for the last few days, which I think could be due to a mainly formula diet and still developing digestive system, I've tried massage and cycling his legs but if anyone has any other tips for getting things moving that would be ace.

Finally, one of the ladies I met in the NNU is creating a book of top baby tips which she is hoping to self publish and sell to raise funds for the Born Too Soon charity at Kingston Hospital. If anyone has any good tips (things like 'if baby's tounge is up it means they still have wind') can you direct message me with them as she needs loads.

Cheers for now.

Doh, tongue rather.

Thanks for the sympathy, it really is helpful to know that others are experiencing the same things. I think maybe I should just expect to go to bed after midnight, it'd make it a lot easier! DSis put her LO into a routine very early, taught him to self settle at 5 weeks. I must resist the pressure to follow her lead, we're not the Gina Ford types.

I've got a new phone and have got an (android) app to track F's activities. Hopefully I'll find he's in his own routine which I can then tweak.

DSis is going home today and DH is back tonight, so normal, relaxed, routines service will resume shortly.

Sympathies to all having sleep problems. We had 5 hours til 4am last night, though had to deal with poonami just before so maybe that tired her out. She wasn't even crying at 4am, just awake and (i assume) rooting quietly, I needed to feed her though

caramel my MIL, and the older generation in general, seems to be constantly jiggling and patting the baby - I don't get it is there a reason for this? I tend to hold M still unless we're playing or I'm trying to wind her.

hey april mummies,
My little man decided to make an appearance at 41+3, with some coaxing.
Was admitted on the 1st may, at 1100 for induction, labour began early that evening.
By 0530 was in established labour and taken to labour ward.
13 hours later my little boy was delivered by forceps in theatre as he was back to back. All in all was pretty traumatic for the both of us , but all worth it !!!!!
Two weels later and i finally feel slightly backn to normal, but my partner only went back to work yesterday, so im sure the lack of the extra pair of hands will eventually take its toll.