June 2008: new year, new diets, new resolutions, but when push comes to shove creme eggs are still the solution!

[KnittingRocks]

Sorry, couldn't cope with Christmas anymore!

Thank you

In my slightly less emotional state I'm wondering whether S is yet at an age where we can introduce the concept of a reward chart. Any thoughts? There are some repeated behaviour sticking points - going to nursery, bedtime, mealtimes etc and I'd like to try and find something positive that works as opposed to constantly counting to 3, timeouts etc. I feel like I'm taking on the role of disciplinarian which is how I remember my mum being when I was young and it's not the kind of mother I'd like to be! I do love my mum, but I do have quite a few 'ishoos' about her as a parent.

Keep calm, what a rotten time you've had today, had to smile though at you being comforted by some wee boy!!I think S sounds like he would understood a reward chart as long as there's a definite reward, not just stars or stickers.

I braved the toddler group today, it was OK, just a bit scary not knowing anyone, but at least I could speak English.The honeymoon period of being back in the UK is over now though, dh is quite depressed, and Tristan was in tears at bedtime , missing his friends in Austria.

Keepcalm - lots of sympathy from me, we have had a lot of bad behaviour recently, so much so that at I was already at the end of my tether by about half eight this morning and I got out J's pens and drew out a reward chart, on mine 3 ticks and he gets a treat, then I came on here and read your post, so very timely. Since then he has been really good, I've just been in to tick another box and found that he's climbed up with a pen and ticked the treat boxes! So I think he understands.

Deb - love the houses you've been posting, keep them coming! I think the first one has been my favourite so far as well. Sorry to hear about Tristan and your DH being sad, it's been a big change for you all.

Doctors for us this morning, H has a cold and when he coughs at night he starts wheezing, I'm worried it might be asthma. Not looking forward to the trauma of dragging both of the boys to the doctors surgery. Just trying to get parked there is a mission in itself.

Keepcalm ? S?s tantrum sounds awful, poor you. It?s unbelievable how stressful they can be isn?t it? Add bickering with DH on top and that sounds like a rubbish day to me too. Hope today (Weds) is much better.

Debs ? If Stefan is 10, intheory that gives me another 7 or so smelly free years. Told DH that if it gets bad in future years, I demand a separate, non smelly, clean bathroom just for me.

Ethan checking out cupboards could be very useful?.

Rolf ? I like the description ?armpitty?.

I am really appreciating all the real life co sleeping stories, so reassuring. Systems ? I think you?re right about the variety of boobs affecting how you do it. I am now co-sleeping and feeding F most mornings, for some reason when it?s light outside I feel like there?s less risk of me rolling over on him. Completely irrational I know.

Going ? Did you get your floor board sorted? If not do you have or could you borrow a plane for the wood? Maybe easier than taking it back and don?t have to worry about measurements quite so much, just plane a bit and try it in place?

Systems ? Good article.

Keep Calm ? I know what you mean, when it feels like all you are doing is being the bad cop. It particularly bugs me as DH is good cop. I didn?t find the whole sticker reward chart thing to be any good yet, but I was using it for potty training, something R is clearly not ready for. I do use rewards, but only offer a treat (raisins) and excessive praise when something good is done, I don?t say ?if you do this you will get this? IYKWIM. I am slightly embarrassed at how effective simple praise has been, high fives are particularly good. I?ve trained R to get Mummy a can of diet coke out of the cupboard whilst I am BF-ing this way?.

Although I do like J?s tactics KTpie. Very clever.

Deb ? Well done you on coping with DH and Tristan. That can?t be easy for you either. Esp with the recent appeal and house hunting too. I always used to think that Jan in the UK was pretty damn depressing whatever else was going on. How are YOU feeling?

KeepCalm huge sympathies, I've been there too, many times ... I have shuddering flashbacks to moments of holding down a screaming 2-year-old between my knees outside nursery, with a baby strapped to my front, as other parents picked their way around me pityingly! have even had to be 'rescued' by other parents before now, which was also rather embarrassing. Kids just do this; another of those lovely parenting things you don't really get warned about beforehand.

I know how exhausting it is being the bad cop too, I hate it, but in recent weeks have perfected a really scary shouty voice which is having some effect - Caitlin is the master manipulator and if she is pushing the limits, she can tell when I'm just trying to get her to toe the line and when I've completely lost it. We do rewards, positive praise, all that stuff too, but sometimes, some children do just need to know where the unacceptable limits are; another thing real life has taught me, I was very idealistic about the possibilities of positive parenting before I had 2 very strong-willed children to deal with.

Also I think it does them no harm to know that we are human, and that sometimes parents too can get pushed past their limits, get upset, etc., and that these things can be fixed and aren't the end of the world.

Hope you are feeling better today. And I think your nursery staff must be lovely if they look after you as well as the children!

Keepcalm how are you feeling today? Yesterday sounded awful, and everyone has given really good advice about it. It's reassuring that the nursery staff are so nice and kind.

Maya when DD2 was tiny I co-slept with her. DH de-camps to the attic when they are tiny so he gets a good night's sleep, so there wasn't so much worry about overheating. I'd put her in the middle of the bed with a pillow on the other side as a buffer, and sleep with my arm around her. I would put one of her blankets on the arm that wasn't under the duvet to keep the draught off. I agree with systems the many options of breast configuration . I was able to tilt on one hip to get the starboard nork to her .

Deb same as maya - how are YOU feeling? Sorry T and DH are finding it difficult. Hope you see some nice houses today.

Thank you all for your lovely supportive comments and advice. I feel much better today (the restorative power of a good cry is amzing ). It's reassuring to know that everyone goes through something similar some days. System I really liked your point about it being good to know the limits and that people get upselt etc. S was an angel this morning, but I suspect that was more to do with the fact DH was dropping him off. DH goes to London tomorrow then we head down on Friday, so hopefully S and I get there without falling out too much!!!

Going back to reward charts, I'm going to do bit of a search in the archives, but what kind of treats do people use? I'd like to try and avoid the 'if you do this you can have X' approach like someone mentioned, so something along the X number of ticks/stickers whatever sounds worth trying. Should it be something that's achievable in a day or longer?

Deb - sorry to hear the family aren't very cheery just now. It's such a big adjustment. January can be such a miserable time. Like everyone else, wondering how you're feeling about it all? Maybe it's a good time to plan some fun things to give everyone something to look forward to? Poor Tristan, missing his friends.

Keepcalm - sticker charts work well for us. Fraser still has his potty training one up three months later and likes to show it to people. We also used a puzzle as a reward, one piece each time. It's less like bribery and more like earning a treat. I think of it that way anyways.

Deb I think it's natural to be down and especially when you're not settled yet in a house. I still love the first one! It's a good combo of lovely and practical. Could the boys walk to friends houses from there?

Thanks everyone, I'm OK, but a bit down too I suppose. It's hard at the beginning making friends isn't it? It doesn't help that the boys go on the school bus so I don't get to meet other parents that way either.Also worried about the finances now that we're back, the houses are quite expensive, oil and diesel prices are going through the roof. Hoping to help out at Nursery next week which in time might get me some supply work which would be great.On the plus side though I have just spoken to the Headteacher about taking the boys out of school to go back to Austria sometime soon so off to look at flights now Just for a few days skiing, and seeing their friends, and most importantly keeping up their German.

Abdn - yes the boys could walk to friends from that house

Have people on here seen what's happening with Riven? if you hang around Mumsnet much beyond this thread you may have come across her, her 6? year old daughter has severe CP, she has been driven to desperation today and asked SS to take her into care because of lack of respite care - cue massive MN campaign on Twitter, Facebook, writing to PM etc - thought I would just draw it to your attention in case anyone wanted to be involved - here

Yes there's a ton going on! I'm sort of holding back though to make sure this doesn't turn into a political issue. I feel for her but don't want to add my name to something until I'm confident in what the message is (respite care is something we should all be able to get behind regardless of politics). Riven and I have disagreed about politics before.

Deb - is the first house the cheapest too? I'd love a house like that but we'rein a modern bungalow - prices are v. expensive here. (well not compared with London)

Being able to walk to friends is really important to fir the boys in my opinion. It really makes my house for me that ds1 can already go to his best friends without me. (we phone each other and stand on the pavements with the phone so he's not on his own really). Dh wouldn't consider a rural cottage for that reason - which I'd love and will try to convince him to move to once the boys are grown

Agree with ah re riven- am desperately sorry for her and anyone else in that situation but not can't say I 100% could sign the suggested wording. That said it's something to add to the lengthening list of things I should write to my mp about.

Tired and got to work now when want to watch tv and Mn

The article in the guardian is very political too - what a waste when it's an issue like this that everyone could agree on.

Riven's situation is desperately sad, but I do agree that I would hate to see it become a bit of a political football. I can understand the desire to bring it to DC's attention given that he met with her before the election though. I haven't seen the Guardian article, but will have a look out for it. I did retweet a link to a blog article about it.

On a seperate note entirely, would London folks recommend the giraffe restaurant on Southbank for lunch? I seem to recall some of you had a meetup there? Would I be daft not to book? Any other suggestions for somewhere child friendly in Covent Garden?

Deb, sorry to hear that your down too. It is hard when you move somewhere. At least you have your trip to look forward to!

Gosh the Riven thing has gone a bit bonkers now ... guess it has lots of 'news value' elements.

C's latest unnerving pronunciation, she was just laying the table for breakfast and the Weetabix box toppled off into her face as she was reaching up to put it on. She paused, looked a bit taken aback and then said, "When Liam does it it does not do that. It does not fall on his face. You are big, and Liam is big. And I am little." Then looked satisfied to have reached a conclusion and nodded and said, "So, possibly not to do that." She is making sense of the world in her own little way ...

Keepcalm I really like Belgos. Last time I took the kids they put us in our own room so DS had great fun running around and we didn't disturb anyone!

Yesterday DS dropped a bowl of peas and said exactley what I would have said 'oh shit'. I really don't swear much at all so a bit .

Debs Hopefully you will all feel settled and happy once you have bought a house and feel more permenant.

Rivens situation is very sad, hopefully she will get more respite. I do feel that the media storm that has been created is going to put more stress and pressure on her situation, hope it's worthwhile in the end.

keepcalm - giraffe great, not sure you can book tho. Brings back memories of dewin's ecitement at tom jones busking outside one meet up (i'm not a big fan...)
if you can't get in there i highly recommend ping pong round the corner, then canteen, then wagamamas, in that order, all within 2 mins walk of giraffe. Pain quotident has a branch there too. South bank centre itself does a good coffee and great big space for toddlers to run around (their downstairs bistro was a disappointment tho). Damn, I miss the south bank!!! South bank art shop great too, along with 1664 or similarly named coffee shop.

Going - R says "oh god' far too much. Wouldn't have thought of belgos, it was a pre kids place for me usually pretty beer fueled. ah more reminiscing....I MISS YOU LONDON TOWN!

Cant better mayas excellent summary except there is a pizza express and the arch duke on road between Waterloo and south bank. Ping pong yummy but service hit and
Miss. And perhaps you should come back and reassess these places Maya . how you feeling and how is scar?

Deb how you doing? It is hard when you
Move.

Rofl at c's pronouncements .

Wow systems, what fantastic speech and great understanding!I love her thought processes.

Better today thanks people! Nice walk out in the sunshine helped. Saw one more house today and another tomorrow, then on Saturday we're having a 2nd viewing at #1 house, with the boys this time.The neighbour is showing us round this time so that should be good. I want the boys to make a normal amount of noise and then ask the neighbour if she can hear us. I don't want to live in fear of annoying the neighbours. I am hoping that the walls will be thick enough to muffle the sound!

Maya, I found it very hard being away from the Uk with a newborn, how are you doing? Are you still planning on returning to the UK at some point?

I wasn't on MN yesterday so first I knew of the Riven stuff was when I turned fivelive on this morning. I could hardly believe it - it seemed an odd story to have as top news, if you didn't know about MN (and they didn't mention MN at first). At first I thought what an invasion of privacy - but I didnt realise she was on Daybreak! I hope it does help her cause and that of other parents of disabled children. My friend works in a respite home for disabled kids and they may have to close one night a week to save £100,000 .

Systems, C is so funny. i don;t think T or E could come out with anything like that yet. E does love to recite the jellyfish rhyme out of Commotion In The Ocean though: The jellyfish just likes to jiggle, which other fish think is quite dumb.... can't remember the rest of it!

Deb it's tough round the playgroups at first isn;t it. You just have to persevere! I hope you all settle in soon.

I have a dilemma about pre-school - I'm not sure if I am happy with it. T and E have been going for a couple of weeks. On the first session, they sent pics home with them of their first day which was lovely, but it showed them having juice when I'd written on the sheet they were to have water only. That's not a big deal and I wasn't bothered, but I did think why get me to fill in all those forms if they are not going to look at them. Anyway, on Mon they got full of paint, again no big deal, the girl apologised and said they didn't get to them with the aprons in time. But then today they were covered in paint again. I asked if that was normal and I was told yes because they don't force them to wear aprons if they don't want to. I said I would rather they were told either wear an apron or don't paint. The owner said 'we don't make them wear an apron if they don't want to, we don't like to make an issue of it, we'd rather they just paint...' (well she doesn't have to scrub the bloody paint out). Anyway, then she said 'it's like when they have their snack - we don't force them to sit at the table, they can wander around if they want to.' Well T and E sit at the table to eat at home - I don't let them wander around with food and I'd rather they weren't allowed to at pre-school either. Also, when I got there to pick them up today, I asked if Theo had been to the toilet (cos he hadn't been since first thing this morning when I dropped him off at 12.30pm). They didn't know if he had and in fact when Theo came over to me he had wet himself and they hadn't even noticed. Now I am not bothered about the paint on the clothes, I'll just send them in old clothes, but I am bothered about this 'we let them do what they want' attitude. And I'm bothered that they didn't realise T had wet himself! It just all seems a bit laidback. The thing is this pre-school is expensive (£12 a session, others in the area are £7 a session) which is not an issue but I do think if I am not entirely happy with the ethos why spend the extra money? So I am thinking of moving them to another preschool, what do you think?

Sorry for epic post but please let me know what you think of the pre-school saga.

Neenz I wouldn't personally be worried about the paint on clothes or the choosing their own activities - they will be governed by the Early Years Foundation Framework which is very child-led (although at the nursery mine go to, they do still make them wear aprons and sit at the table when eating, but I can see there could be other interpretations of this). I would be more worried by the juice if you've specified water, since food and drink instructions are important - kids might have allergies or other particular reasons for minimising sugar intake etc. And at this age I would be quite worried if no-one noticed a child was wet. They should be working on ratios of 1 adult to 4 kids at this age so someone should have noticed. If they're happy there I wouldn't necessarily move them straight away but it is probably worth discussing your concerns with the manager.