Dec 2007 - Little People, Large Strops

[strandedatseasonsgreetings]

Will this do everyone?

I'm getting quite into this life coach thing [preens] anyone else need my help?

Hi all! House of lurgy here, DD and I both been hit with chest infections, although typically she was getting better as I am getting ill so she wants to play and I want to lie down and die in a corner!

buzzy that document is really interesting! DD definitely tends towards "trajectory" (sigh, couldn't it be a less messy and active one?!), but I also find it interesting how she really doesn't do some of the others, you think their play is quite random but it really isn't.

BT your DS sounds like he is doing well! We are almost 3 weeks in now and I am finding it a bit depressing tbh - I think DD is doing pretty well really but we are definitely not accident free and she is still holding onto poos which leads to sore tummies, tears, accidents etc. She did her 1st week at nursery in pants with no accidents at all and I was over the moon, now 2 accidents in 3 days this week (and she is only there 3 hours!)

dundee I would not recommend teaching atm altho I am in Scotland and primary, so totally different, but it is a bloody mess and no jobs! If I could find anything that paid the same and let me work term time I'd be off like a shot, but I don't think such a think exists! How is your pregnancy coming along, all ok? And you too BT?

Re the knitting etc I have bought lovely things from a seller on Not on the High Street- but I imagine they might take a big cut? Really nice scarves and funky bangles with buttons etc.

Re DD and friends - I have 2 girls who each have a DS the same age, well a few months older, we've been getting together almost every week since they were less than a year old after we escaped baby group together - DD loves the boys and asks for them and they definitely play together - role play, chasing, copying each other etc. If you ask who her friends are she will name them, and often asks to see them etc, BUT she didn't exactly get to choose them herself, it is only because I like their mums! Her play is v different with them than it is with another wee girl she sees quite often, it is funny to watch, it is all very physical and shouty with the boys and quiet and girly with the girl!

PS skid me please, term time work at teacher pay without the paperwork - any suggestions?!

Ds is really stating to get potty training but still nervouse about taking him out - he won't go to order, just when he feels his bladder will do, and he will only sit on the potty, not the toilet. I guess that will come with time!

Saw MW on Tuesday, everything fine!

It is the going out bit that is terrifying/depressing - I am constantly on edge!! And fed up carrying umpteen changes of clothes!

maybe we should set up a life-coaching collective - between us we seem to be able to sort most things out, or at least sound like we can!

I already do have a wool shop, if anybody does ever want to buy anything, but it's been very neglected since december when got pg and has attracted a total of no customers at all so far.

re being pg, all going well, btw, but MUCH MUCH more achey than last time. haven't really gelled with the "due in august 11" board though. you guys are much better company. glad all okay bt. can't remember your due date i'm afraid. brain is like big floppy sieve.

Skidd, re friends, sorry when I said "best friends" what I meant was the two girls she plays with most often at her childcare centre. Putting my Mum's "schema" hat on again I think there are some children who have an interest in experimenting with things like transporting which are more inherently social and therefore likely to attract other like minded children into something that looks very much like "playing together" from an adult perspective (so because my DD is into transporting there are quite a few transporting type activities that groups of children can get involved in like pretending to go shopping with trolleys and moving things from A to B). Other children experiment with schemas which are inherently much less social - DD1 for example liked ordering so would sit for hours alone at age 2 or 3 lining up blocks or cars in size order. The child she eventually became best friends with by about age 4 also liked to do this but they mostly seemed to do it silently side by side! She still struggles to express herself clearly (i.e. talking is not her strength) and has a select group of friends at age almost 9. She is slowly becoming more socially competent though and I no longer have major concerns with her ability ultimately to cope in the real world. It also turns out that she has a high IQ so spending 1 day a week at a school for gifted kids has given her a huge confidence boost.
In fact she is also technically classified as disabled (receives a child disability allowance) as she has what is termed a Sensory Processing Disorder. I recommend reading a book called "The Out-of-Sync Child" by Carol Stock Kranowitz if you are interested in these sorts of disorders.
I don't know whether any of that resonates for you but its only when I started reading this schema stuff that I've been able to make sense (belatedly) of some her behaviour.

Friends - dd2 is very attached to a little girl who is a year older than her but at her playgroup. I think she "plays" with her, but a lot of it is playing alongside rather than with. Yesterday we had another little girl round and they put on princess dresses and sat side by side listening to Disney music and looking at books. She mainly plays with her sister and HER friends though - which usually consists of being chased or chasing after each other.

Work - it is VERY depressing at the moment, there just doesn't seem to be anything available. Any school hours job has hundreds of mums chasing it, even part-time work seems to have disappeared (places like the Council which used to have a few part-time jobs are now giving them to their workers who have been made redundant from other jobs).

This is why I have decided to go down the training route, with a view that hopefully things will get better soon. Although tbh I don't think there will ever be a problem with finding work as an NCT antenatal trainer in Cheltenham - it's an affluent place with lots and lots of people having babies (as my soon-to-be tutor said, lots of GCHQ'ers push them out between postings!).

All of you who are potty training - hang in there! It often goes backwards just when you think you are getting there. I remember thinking so many times, why did we bother? But she got there in the end and she's ever so good now and dry at night too. I am so glad to be out of the nappy years!!!

Potty training - yes we have good days and bad days. He definitely knows when he needs to go, but sometimes he gets distracted!
What do you do about long journeys? DH is taking the boys to his parents on Saturday, it is about 90minute drive, so DS will sleep through it, do I put a nappy on him? When do you stop using nappies for incidences like this?

Nursery friends, he has a little friend at nursery to whom he is attached at the hip they do everything together, sit together, play together, eat together Real shame his mum didn't bring him to DS's birthday party.

Dundee - I am due beginning of June, so a couple of months ahead of you. I too have baby brains!!

I have so far avoided long journeys for that reason BT! Maybe depends on the route, could your Dh stop easily or is it motorway? I currently have a towel and a plastic bag on my car seat but 10-15 mins has been our limit!

I am due end of may!!

I doubt very much DH will want to stop, and DS will sleep most of the way anyway, so not practical to stop.

does he still wear nappies for naps BT? If so then you would put him in a nappy anyway. Going out gradually becomes easier. The initial stage is soooo stressful but it does get better very quickly. It sounds like he's doing really well

dundee - your website looks AMAZING! Sadly I am not a knitter but I have a good friend who is - I will direct her to your website immediately! FWIW I also found it hard to gell with my new ante-natal group when I was pg with DS2 - not that they weren't lovely but I feel like this is my true home

buzzy - thanks for the info/advice - makes a lot of sense. DS does the tiptoe walking, hates loud noises - think that can be indicative of sensory issues? Will have a look at that book, thanks

Caz10 - I am a life coach not a miracle worker - NEXT!

PS dundee just sent your website link to my friend - I'll settle for 15% commission

PPS - does anyone remember mixedmama? She is 40wks with baby no.3!!

[must do some work and stop posting to no-one]

Scary shit in Japan, thankfully DSIS and BIL are ok.

Extra freaky is that dd was awake in the early hours whimpering and saying everything was moving and the the shaking was making her feel ill Have kept her off school but she is now fine.

Wow that's so wierd about dd. Really glad your sister and family are ok. I don't think I know anyone in Japan at the moment.

Bringing back some not great memories for me. Not sure if you remember or not (this was before I knew you but I might have told you about it) - I went out to Thailand after the 2004 Tsunami to assist the British Embassy work (I was a press officer). I ended up in Phuket - and that was when I found out I was pregnant with dd1. About three days before I found out I was pregnant I had visited one of the temporary mortuaries. It was awful.

In a way though finding out I was pregnant was really fortunate as it really distracted me from what I was seeing. I am very good at compartmentalising so it hasn't - luckily - affected me in the long run.

That is so weird about your Dd, bless her, is she ok today?

That must've been v hard being in Phuket at that time . I tend to compartmentalise too so know exactly what you mean, but times like this must still bring it back. I moan about the uk all the time but we are really very lucky!

I just couldn't keep up with my ante-natal thread! Seemed like hundreds of people.

BT funnily enough my friend was just saying this am that she quite often puts a nappy on her ds for car journeys, he has been trained for a few months now but they have a regular journey to make to see family. He rips it off in protest when they get there apparently! But he is not dry at night so she says she just treats a car sleep the same way. Do you have a peaceful weekend coming up then?!

Just about to pick Dd up from nursery and praying she is still wearing the same pants I left her there in!

Skidd - DS only naps in the car, and only on long journeys like this one.
Nappy it is!!
Caz - I was thinking the same thing, until he is dry at night he will end up having a wee when he is napping!

Sorry forgot to say earlier, we had a portable potty called a potette which we used to take out with us. Sods law if you took it you wouldn't need it, but if you forgot it you would!

I don't think we did use nappys for long car journeys, at least not once they were at the point of asking when they wanted a wee. I have memories of stopping by the side of the road and whipping the potty out for dd1. With dd2 we did used to put her in a nappy for plane journies, until it got to the point when it would have been too many steps backwards. And then I just kept my fingers crossed and kept a nappy close by just in case she needed a wee when we weren't allowed out of our seats....

Caz - I think there used to be hundreds of us on our antenatal group. I had forgotten about Mixedmama - hmmm, let's think, who else was there? Do you remember The Lady? And Suey? There must have been loads more...

thanks goodness your sis is ok clairey - just watched some footage - so so awful. Freaky that DD said that as well. Where is your sis? Must be terrible just to be there

clara - I remember you saying about being in Phuket - can imagine that this brings it all back. Whenever I hear about an earthquake I always relive my experience of being in one (which wasn't even very traumatic)

Yes I remember Mixed Mama! See Macdoodle around as well sometimes.

oh and amani - I remember her too

and wizz or was it MrsWizz?

lizzer, ambi, mellymooks, furryfox, pecka, loucee, awen, shells, housemum(but she moved to Jan08 and still posts I think), neuro, mememummy (didn't we scare her off after she weaned realy early and we were all ?) beanster, fifi....probably loads more too. Am amazed at how many names came back to me!

Skid my sister lives in Tokyo BUT had been at a meeting in Sendai and was on the train back. Less than 2 hours earlier she had been in Sendai

Have stupidly agreed to take dd to a party today at a village hall. Thought it wasn't far because the pub and chinese belonging to that village are about 5 minutes walk from my house but it would appear that the village is in two parts divided by about two miles of country lane so the village hall is actually miles away! Oh well, bit of exercise I suppose!

And have you done my mysinglefriend profile yet??

Ah well keep you fit FO!!

Glad your sister is okay, but that was very close for her!!

I recognise all those names. Yes we did scare Mememummy off think she started weaning at 6 weeks or something ridiculous! And I think it was Loucee who said something really horrid about mums who work full time and I called her out on it as I found it really offensive. I could be thinking of someone else though.

Clairey, that sounds a bit close for comfort...must admit I've been avoiding coverage. Too close to home after recent events in Chch. Heard on the news today that NZ's premier search and rescue team has been sent to help in Japan - 48 people freshly freed up from doing same in Chch. I just don't know how they can find the energy - emotional and physical.

I always wondered what happened to Neuro. So many of those people posted heaps pre-baby then disappeared completely!

Skidd, this is from the book I mentioned: "the child who avoids ordinary sensations or seeks excessive stimulation, whose body is uncooperative, whose behaviour is difficult, and who "doesn't fit in" is our out-of-sync child". The hatred of loud noises is sounds like an auditory dysfunction - I believe its quite common.

The tip-toeing could be a tactile dysfunction but I feel like I'm straying a bit far into pop diagnosis here!

DD2 loves having bare feet and feeling things with her feet. I'm constantly having to tell her off for standing on things. Your DS could possibly have the opposite?

I also have the companion book "The Out-of-Sync Child has Fun" which is full of games and activities to do which are aimed at either satifying their need for extra stimulation or helping them overcome their fear of certain types of stimulation. And mostly they are quite fun and do seem to help!!