The last one out forgot to start a new thread!

[blueberryboybait]

Morning, hope you all find me!

[HippyHippopotamus]

can i join you in your 'feeling like death warmed up' corner please? thank goodness for tv is all i can say! it also helps that neither of dcs are well either. poor P doesn't know what's happening. ds lying on the floor under a blanket

hmm, so she does tidy as well as clean? i stand corrected!

[HippyHippopotamus]

every word enya thanks for replying or should that be replyig

[FjorgynAndHotWater]

Sorry to hear you two are still feeling so rough hippy and enya

Glad you got to talk to H properly hippy but that he is picking fights with you on the basis of something you haven't even done. Am on your behalf. I really think that if one person's idea of tidy is much stricter than the other's then it's up to the freak tidier person to put more stuff away. As long as you don't just leave stuff all over (like me ). I sometimes get annoyed that DH doesn't do more housework as he is at home all the time, but have mainly learned that his main job is looking after the DC and if any housework more than general hoovering and tidying gets done then that's a bonus. If I want to be able to see out of the windows too I have to clean them myself

[FjorgynAndHotWater]

Just won a bundle of dressing up clothes on ebay for DD's birthday, she's going to be so chuffed and my Christmas pressie list is nearly full already, phew. See, this is what I do when I'm at home, shopping and mn-ing, sod the housework

I think it really helps that we have been over to stay with some friends this weekend, they are truly lovely folks with two very lovely and well-adjusted DDs yet their house is filthy Makes mine look positively sparkling! Do you have any slattern friends you can use to lower the bar a bit?

[CrispyTheCrisp]

LOL at lowering the bar

hippy my cleaner comes in for 2hrs a week so i have the place completely tidy so they can just clean. I too would feel funny aboout making them put my personal stuff away - Enya- toys are different LOL

As her and her DH do it, they only stay an hour and this is usually when i am walking DD1 to school and DD2 is at the CM or i am working in the study/away. I have also had cleaners come when we are at swimming lessons/playgroup as it is much less effective with DC's in the house - mine just want to talk to them and help them

Hurrah for the clothes win hots and your Xmas preps. I have stockings filled and DC's friends presents covered but struggle with the adults

Boo for death warmed up . I prescribe homemade curries with plenty of spices, fresh ginger/chilli/garlic and fresh herbs.

[CrispyTheCrisp]

In fact here is a recipe:

Chicken Dhansak

1 tablespoons groundnut or vegetable oil
1 onion, chopped
5 cloves garlic
3cm ginger, chopped
1 red chilli
½ bunch coriander
1 tablespoon ground cumin
2 teaspoons ground coriander
1 teaspoon turmeric
1 teaspoon chilli powder
4 chicken breasts chopped into pieces
1 x 400g can tinned tomatoes
200ml chicken stock
150g red lentils
salt and pepper

Firstly make the curry paste by putting all the paste ingredients into a blender and blitzing until smooth. Heat a wok or deep frying pan and throw in the paste. Stir fry for 2 minutes.
Add the chicken to the pan and continue to stir fry until the chicken is coated in the paste and begins to go slightly golden. Pour over the tomatoes, stock and lentils, give a good stir and cook slowly for 30 minutes. You want the sauce to be thickened and reduced and the lentils to be plump and soft. Season with salt and pepper.

For Vegetarians replace stock with veg stock, and add some cubed squash (when you would have added chicken) and a couple of tins of chickpeas/cannellini beans etc

[HippyHippopotamus]

when can we come and visit you fjorthg?

who else can help with my 'lowering the bar' plan?

i think i'd have to be out of the house if we get one

[HippyHippopotamus]

ooh crisp that looks lovely but P doesn't like it when i have spicy food

DS is screaming at me that he wants to watch racing cars, he's obviously feeling better!

[salta]

Um cleaners. It's not that you will work any less hard by having one, it's just that they will do stuff that might not otherwise get done quite so frequently. i.e. there is no way in the world that I would clean our bathrooms twice a week, but I quite like it that she does.

I had all sorts of middle class angst and stoppiness with DH even daring to suggest having a cleaner at first after DS was born for just 3 hours a week, but now I have decided just to accept the fact that it is really nice to have a clean house. Not sure what I will do if we move back to the UK as yes, she works out at about 2.50/hour

She is a professional. What she does in 3 hours would take me 8. We are helping the local economy by employing someone, and improving their lives too.

I usually spend the first hour of her visit pottering around with the kids tidying while she cleans the kitchen and bathrooms. They quite like having someone to pester. I don't do it before she arrives.

There are a couple of places she doesn't clean (i.e. our desks, so any paperwork gets put there). She sorts out the clothes but if you didn't want her to do this then why not just tell them to leave anything that is on a particular chair/bed/room etc.

Anyway, sorry if this all sounds a bit selfish part of me still can't believe that I am the type of person that has this kind of help in the house, but well, I have to say that the feeling of having a nice clean house outweighs this and I justify it to myself with all the reasons above.

PS why not put an ad in the local job centre or a card in a post office window, or an advert in a church newsletter probably cheaper than an agency.

[blueberryboybait]

Hippy - As I have said before are you sure you don't have my DH??? Please bring your DH here - we can sit and eat choccie on the sofas and the pair of them can discuss their OCD tidying together! And if my DH is to believed my bar is VERY low.

Crispy - did you read my mind about dinner? I was just looking for a recipe!

DD2 is much much better thank you all. DD1 is not sleeping well at all since the change and keeps falling asleep at nursery so the are concerned about her. I think I need to take on the 5.30am wakings - she wakes to come into bed with us but then wriggles and jiggles until we give up an get up with her. I know she is still tired but refuses to go back to sleep I am going to have to do the stay in bed thing aren't I?

Sorry ot hear of all the illing (is that a word?)

[PertyPru]

Hippy not much to add except agreement - on your behalf, that "I know you so well, you'll never change" routine is really unfair. And my bar is very low indeed, so come on round anytime

Sorry there's so much illing (definitely a word Blue!) around. Really hard when you and the LO are suffering at the same time . Rest, tea and cake needed all round I'm sure.

There's a gap in the clouds so as I'm clearly not doing any work I think I'll make a run for home. Seeya.

[Silkstalkings]

As soon as my business gives me a little cashflow I am getting a cleaner (not the clingy one again though). DH is quite happy with the idea as he accepts that neither of us are going to do it enough. OK, feel free, those who need it, to grab a little schadenfreude from my house: I basically do laundry, dishwasher and bin-emptying and he does a big hoover and kitchen clean at the weekend. Floor's not been mopped since spring when cleaner came last. Bathroom is vile because neither of us can face cleaning it at the mo. But I can't think what we'd have to talk about if I spent any more time cleaning.

Hippy You could get a cleaner on toddler group days so you let her in and go straight out again and she's gone by the time you get home. In the holidays, go play chez Albs.

[CrispyTheCrisp]

I know that it is a constant uphill struggle to keep the house tidy, let alone clean. DH is the messy bugger round here and it drives me mad. However I can just about keep on top of putting stuff where it belongs but no time to actually clean. I do have to clean the toilets mind you, that is my one OCD tendency

BBBB glad DD2 is better and you have some inspiration for tea. I do have to say i think the fact that we eat loads of fresh herbs/garlic/ginger/spices does help keep colds away here. Either that or we are very lucky to be struck down

Re early waking - have you got a clock so she can see when it is time to get up? I must say we used it far more effectively with DD1. DD2 tends to come and climb in with us and wriggle round for an hour or so and we are too lazy to put her back to bed and keep doing the returning thing

[RedLentil]

Hello all. I was waiting for you patiently at the end of the other thread and wondering why you were all quiet.

So, given that I was stranded there for days, can I backtrack a bit and ask something about the start of it Hippy?

When he was shouting on Saturday, both you and DS were in tears. What exactly happened? There are cross words in every house, but when he's crossing over into upsetting ds that badly it's on another level.

[CrispyTheCrisp]

'not' to be struck down. Meant to say the DDs enjoyed the veggie curry very much yesterday which surprised me slightly as DD2 is a big meat eater

red what were you waiting for? A striptease?

[RedLentil]

Sounds lovely Crispy. We had beetroot curry here last night and it was gorgeous.

[RedLentil]

On the tidiness thing - we live miles from any relatives, we have no childcare at all, no napping children and no cleaner. Remind me again why I decided to start a new business at this point in my life?

Anyway, I am much tidier than I used to be, and dh is v. tidy by nature, but he knows I'm doing my best even when it's not great and mucks in.

[RedLentil]

No childcare isn't strictly true. DD1 goes to playgroup for 3 hours for 4 mornings, but I absolutely always have dd1 with me. Good job she's nice.

[HippyHippopotamus]

legume of course you can back track. i was talking calmly to ds and walking away, telling him that i wasn't cross with him but that mummy was upset. he was crying when i actually left (in tears) and dh was telling me to just go, that i wasn't helping (dh was changing his nappy when i left so ds was on floor, bum out, sobbing) I haven't been brave enough (for my benefit) to ask how long he was crying for but i'm pretty sure he would have stopped quite quickly

[RedLentil]

We've all been through crappy times in v. long-term relationships. I suppose what I'm saying is that you always have to have minimum operating requirements in place so that you can live in a dignified way. Also, ST's point about trying to act towards your other half the way you want to be treated is so important.

Is there a way of ignoring his behaviour when he's being a shed hospital, instead of not speaking to him?

Here at the mo, dh is adjusting to me not being on call the way I have been since I gave up work a few years ago. He'll get there in time. I'm standing firm on needing time to do some work, but when he asked if I could make a special effort to sort out his clothes for work because he's up at 5 marking, and doesn't have time to get them sorted, that was fine too.

Gah, I haven't my explaining head on today.

[HippyHippopotamus]

sorry, not v clear, when i walked away, i was holding ds because he wanted to give me a cuddle

[HippyHippopotamus]

red... how would i ignore behaviour but continue talking to him?

[TwilightSurfer]

Just want to say, I want Salta's cleaner!

Honestly, I need to higher a cleaner too. I've only managed a good cleaning today in the kitchen, dining room, living room and hall bathroom. All excludes mopping and shower/tub scrubbing. If I had a cleaner, she could have done everything I did plus the two main items I missed, plus hoovering the bedrooms, plus making the beds/changing out the sheets. I'll not get to the bedrooms until Thursday, okay maybe Saturday. Mind I mentioned NOT the massive laundry mound in my bedroom. I am taking a stand and only washing what I can manage to dry then put away. I think the dirty pile is going to consume my room before the week's over. DH has mentioned on more than one occasion that we need a cleaner. I however find it hard to budget for it. I just find justifying the money for it versus a dinner out for the whole family once a week difficult. If we leave I don't see the mess so for me it's a win-win.

Off to dry my hair. I've had to start taking DD2 into the shower with me for fear she'll be down the street playing with sticks before I'm done. She's a sneaky little devil. Her midday naps are fading, I think. That alone makes planning for things very tricky.

[alittlebitshy]

Hello, am watching red for her very sensible advice as i have no idea what to say next hippy. I could never tolerate that kind of behaviour and it just makes me so for you:(

[Silkstalkings]

Maybe ignoring as in not snapping/rising/getting shrill which he is trying to make you do so that he can do the "Calmer than you are" thing and justify escaping to the shed? Mind you, it's v easy for us to say that when we haven't been in that role for X years, having our sanity chipped away at. But Lentil is right, there have to be lines drawn in the sand about certain behaviours. Hippy I actually think you do a good job of pointing out the obvious irrationalities he comes out with, that seems to be when he sulks, doesn't it? When you've shown him up to himself.