March 2010 - Six months in - will they ever sleep?

[Arcadie]

Welcome to the latest thread for mums of babies born in March ( and a few in Feb and one in April!).

Come on in. Find out who'll be pg next and who's weaning onto what.

RKD arsehole consultants [grr] (which is what I think should be renamed) and (since a similarly charismaticLESS consultant led me to be induced early with the Elk because she was ENORMOUS and A Danger To The Mother) (at 8lbs 9) I know that's not as bad as losing a ball but anyway () some doctors are twunts a bit emotionless hey. (don't even get me started on my Dad's treatment)
you sound like you are still, simply, marvellous.
and we missed you at the MMMM but let's think of it like a nice aperitif to York

X-posts Arcadie. Sorry to hear about rude/unhelpful/unsympathetic consultant. Not what you need, is it?

All that said: I have a close friend who is a Directorate Manager at York District who said that if her chap were to need his bits opped on that said BB Consultant would be her first and only choice. So I guess he gets something right!

Hmmm, he may well be a topnotch surgeon, Arcadie, but BB obviously skipped the classes on Patient Information and Reassurance. I hope there is someone else (nurse? more junior dr?) who can answer your other qs.

I really enjoyed the meet-up today, even if it did leave my DD rather wired and sleepless! It was slightly surreal to meet so many of you in RL but lovely nonetheless and, as Melk and BMI said, I just wish there had been a chance to talk to more people for longer. But perhaps there will be a next time (especially for those of us who work in/near Fleet St/Temple/Ludgate Circus ).

Thank you Bluey for leading Dizzi and I to Waterloo. I don't know about you, Dizzi, but I'd never have got there so easily (I took a taxi on the way up ). You'd never guess I lived in London for, er, 12 years. Again, .

Dizzi and me. (Oh, I so should preview.)

RKD don't really know what to say... but at least you have some reassurance that he's a good doctor.

TooBlessed I'm so so sorry . I'm the one who is toostressed :o

It seems that you had a great meeting. Looking forward to meet you in York

Today I took DH and DS to a professional photo session. Can't wait to see the results!

Night night

Today was lovely, but I definitely agree on the not enough time to chat and forgetting what to chat to everyone about! All babies in attendance were both beautiful and beautifully behaved, too - we're such a lucky bunch, don't you think? Quite happy to lead route marches the way any time, Sariska and Dizzi!

Rkd, at your consultant's bedside manner and sorry to hear about the need for an op. Fingers crossed all goes well this time.

Good for you on the wedding Melk.

Hope you're enjoying reunion with DH, Pixie.

Haven't done anything I meant to do this evening as got sidetracked chatting to my brother. So a quick set of ballet shoe elastics and bed for me. Night all!

Quicky- how would I know if I have pnd rather than exhaustion? I went to bed an hour ago and am still awake. Which is annoyingly common. I've been crying too because I've realised that quite often I don't like DS so much. He doesn't seem to give a fig whether I'm here or not. He seems to cry alot with me and not with others. I'm falling out with the not so DH daily and all I crave is space and peace and quiet. I start back at work on Monday on nights and have no idea how i will manage on limited sleep. I had thought I'd go part time but as that means spending more time with a crying child it's actually not so appealing- plus now we are likely to lose child benefit and have to pay more ni, vat and pension I don't know that I can afford to. Does anyone else not miss their child when they pop out? I also get so annoyed with him when he wakes me before 7am. If I worked 9-5 and could go to bed early I'd care less but when I have a crap sleep and I've go to work til 2am it doesn't make me a happy bunny!

Hope you all enjoyed your meet up x

arcadie sorry it wasn't good news for your DH and more surgery is being suggested. It's horrible when medical personnel have no people skills but on the plus side your friend has confirmed that he has excellent surgical skills which is more important. Poor bed side manner is really inexcusable though, why do some people have to be so brusque?
scooby it is really hard to assess yourself but what you describe does sound quite like PND to me . I'd make an appointment with GP and they can give you a questionnaire to complete which 'scores' you. I've done it twice, the one the HV gave me was different from the one the GP gave me. I remember you had such a traumatic time at DSs birth and all the issues with his weight gain (and incorrect initial weighing etc) all these things can make PND worse as well I think. Do you have a regular GP that knows you? Or is there a GP at the surgery that is good with Postnatal mums?

Right bed is calling sorry no more shout outs. I'm still jealous of those of you who got to meet up (and Melk going to Oz!)

scooby - you definitely sound like you need some support whether it is PND or not. I agree that going to your GP is a good first step. Also, FWIW I was feeling pretty low before I came back to work, and having a break from the DC every day has definitely helped. Now I look forward to seeing them, don;t feel resentful of DH having a life outside of the DC and feel much calmer and more myself. Dealing with a crying baby all day is so hard and some time to yourself might improve things.

arcadie - and at the consultant. My DH had a similar experience recently where the consultant basically told him to arrange a date for an operation with the nurse without even telling him what was wrong! However, like you I also have a doctor friend who says that this is not uncommon in the older generation but at the end of the day you need a good surgeon and that is what really matters. Still awful for you both though. Also have a friend who had a testicle removed and the op was fine with little discomfort afterwards.

Glad you all enjoyed the meet-up

Good morning

Scooby yes definitely go and see the GP or HV and they can do the questionnaire which "smac* mentioned. I did my second one last week and I scored a little bit high,but I'm having CBT sessions with a therapist and that is helping lot. I know exactly the feeling of looking at DS and wishing I could love him more. Don't worry, you are not alone! Hugs

x

Ah scooby, I shed a little tear for you. Think how you're feeling is common, maybe because of pnd but also because of severe sleep deprivation and not everyone liking the "baby stage". You sound like such a great mother. I read the DCs can ctu more with you than with others as they feel comfortable and safe and can "leave it all out" whereas they are their social selves with strangers and on best behaviour as they know no-one can comfort them as good as mummy or loves them as much, so take the crying as a compliment!

RKD so sorry about hubbie. Pity about BB but if he's a dab hand in surgery then definitely go with him.

evitas must check out your sleep thread. CBT sounds good. Would love some therapy myself to sort out childhood issues but money is so tight now.

Was great to go to the MMM. Sorry I was late and then left early. I had to get the 14:57 train to Hove (pre-booked for cheapness). I was peed off I didn't get to talk to more people and longer. I wanted to flit around the table but it is hard (for me anyway) to just march up to people interrupting the conversations they are having. Also I felt maybe people know each other better than they know me from Facebook and just because I'm not great at posting. I was thinking first that people were a bit reserved but decided that was too judgey and that it is really hard with babies and everything, food, small space, total strangers, limited time, to get in proper chats!

Now the ice is broken I'm really looking forward to the next meet.

DD is crawling and noticed she has the pincer grip 9DH said she's had it a long while but this was the first time she picked up a crumb of food). God I sound competitive. Not at all, she has no teeth yet and is not pulling herself up really. Also haven't noticed her doing any signs (I am doing signs myself with her) God, I love her though whatever she can or can't do.

She didn't sleep at all yesterday afternoon and was awake much of the night. yegods...She was cheerful though (aprt from splitting my eardrums at 11pm)

Smac and Flip my 50ish nappies are mostly BGs and Diddys (newborn cotton nappies) but also some Fluffles, Bimbles, Little Lambs, Bambinex Teddies and Bamboo nappies and shiteloads of wraps. Got 20 Diddys and some wraps for £15 off usednappies.co.uk.

DizzI can't remember meeting you ysterday but congrats on job.

Can't reveal my baby product yet [enigmatic emoticon]. Flip has me thinking I should do nappuccinos now in Brighton as there were none when I looked. can't do it all though...

Now, I've forgotten lots of shout outs so as usual , no offence.

Mummyelk go to the wedding! I understand why you wouldn't but you might regret it.

quick one because packing for london (again) and everything is up in the air (including Oz due to my brother.....for want of a better word, mucking us about somewhat ) (more on that anon)
but.....
I made the Talk Round Up!!!!! huzzzaahhhhhhhh. Small things, i know
scooby agree with what's been said and do get yourself checked out and DO remember to give yourself a break. It. Is. Hard. Work.
and donttry it was lovely to meet you at the MMMM i am still struggling with who was who but i thought you were on good form myself so worry not, as you say, ice is broken now anyway!

onwards.

Scooby, Please try not to beat yourself up too much and yes, go and see the GP. It is ok not to adore your child all the time and they do play up for their mummies too. I think motherhood, however you play it, is hard and your feelings are completely understandable, but the GP should be able to rule out anything clinical or offer some help.

That's just about all I have the energy for. Certainly no energy to cook so indian delivery tonight, I reckon. Lemme just clarify: IWCAS I'm to flash the indian delivery man but not the chinese delivery man, right?

FFs, congratulary isn't even a word. But I'm hoping you all realised I meant congratulatory

Manda I didn't even noticed you'd mistyped it! I have now though

scooby big hugs. I know exactly what you mean about not missing the DCs when you go out, it's perfectly understandable for you to enjoy a bit of baby-free time. I almost look forward to the weekly Tesco shop (on my own) for that very reason. You sound exhausted as well. I agree with others that there's no harm in seeing the GP for an assessment; in the meantime though, be kind to yourself.

Ooo liking the new mobile version of Mumsnet but no good for posting long messages still on iPhone...
Arcadie sorry to hear about DH. How are you feeling about it today?
Melk I hope Oz sorts itself out for you. I'd love to go too!
Pixie dont expect to hear from you this weekend! Is it timed nicely for SWI?
Today I have mostly listened to DD moan and moan. Poor thing, it is almost definitely teething as I can see them waiting to pop through but I saw them a couple of months back and they dissappeared! But she has never been like this before. Fingers crossed they arrive tonight!
Uh oh she's off again...
Ps glad the MMMM was a sucess :)

Oh and Scooby I couldve written your post last week. What helped me was talking it through with DH at length, even though we have been fighting so much, now he knows that I'm not necessarily being a bitch, I am unhappy and bored and beating myself up because it looks like everyone else is having a great time being a mum. I'm seeing how things go now, this week has been so much better for me but if I start to feel that way again I will get help. Hugs x
Pps really sorry about all the typos!

rkd at the con, but when it comes to surgeons I think their surgery skills are in inverse proportion to their interpersonal skills. He must be the best in the business then.

pixie you sound really upbeat lovely to hear (?) you so happy

scooby wise words have already been said. You are amazing to be going back to such an important if unsociable hours job, I hope your gp gives you the support you need

bmi and donttry I know what you mean about not having chance to chat as much as you would have liked at the mmmm was great to put real names to faces, and to spend lunch with so many BLW and breastfeeders, I am usually the odd one out in my nct group!

melk well done on your epic journey home with your gorgeous dd's

Siamese thanks for the tip re new mobile app, much better but still want the iPhone app!!

Happy Friday night to all, and I proclaim it wine o'clock if you haven't imbibed already!

Oh yes 8Ang* it is most definitely wine o'clock. I'm guzzling before the onslaught of DD waking up (FOUR times last night, and didn't go back to sleep easily like normal).

Yeah it was great to see all the BLW babied. Down here in sunny Brighton it's purees a go go. Think people are just afraid of the choking thing and the mess.

Pixie glad ye're happy.

Evening

pixie really pleased you are enjoying DH being home. Make sure he looks after you - you have the hard end of that stick whilst hes away remember!

Thanks to smac drskid evitas donttry mummeyelk bluey bmi siamese and pixe for all your thoughts on my issue.

I hear what you all say but I'm a bit head in the sand. I dont want to take meds and dont know how I'd go in to see a GP and say 'by the way 7 mths down the line I feel pretty shit!' I always think that GP's see all patients ( me included ) as having munchaussens(??) and feel like i'm bothering them. I seem to go reasonably frequently for a variety of ailments. I'll consider your observations over the weekend and see how I get on.

DS been a pain in the neck again a bit today. I know it's not his fault - he is sore with his teeth that seemingly don't wish to appear but when anyone else sees him he is as good as gold so I feel a fraud and also worse cos no one else sees much else than giggles and beams. He is obviously just plain bored with me!

arcadie sorry to read of your husbands predicament. Good to hear that someone at least knows that the idiot surgeon is good as his job despite his impression!. FWIW my sis is a surgeon and has a terrible bedside manner - she figures it doesnt matter as long as she is good at the cutting cos 90% of her time is spend with people unconscious!

donttry looking forward to hearing what your producet is when you get sorted! Good for you.

manda enjoy your takeaway- I wish I could even fancy one. Barely eaten in a week - great for my weight loss - half a stone gone!!!

siamese hope they arrive tonight!

pixie enjoy your family time - you deserve it

xx

Scooby* PND can start months after birth. My sister got it I'd say maybe 8 months after. GPs deal with this every week of their working career I reckon.

You sound like the kind of person who takes pride in being strong and especially in your profession you must be the strong, supportive type. But (and I know this sounds like a hallmark card) sometimes the hardest and strongest thing to do is admit you need help.

Anti-depressants are just pain relief for the head, nothing more, nothing less.