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Original poster

Traumatic premature birth

63 replies

missjulie · 21/08/2010 19:07

Have just joined mumsnet, not sure what i am doing yet!
Am a first time mum, my daughter is 18 weeks old.
She was 7 weeks premature, and in S.C.B.U for a month.
Looking for other mums to chat to about my/our birth experiences, scbu etc....events have finally caught up with me, and i am struggling emotionally/mentally with the traumatic events of premature birth etc....
Am experiencing extremely vivid flashbacks & having nightmares....
Wondered if anyone else in the Inverness area is going through the same thing, and fancies chatting about it?
Willing to meet up in person.
Am feeling very lonely with regards to this.....

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deemented · 21/08/2010 19:19

Hi Julie,

Welcome to Mumsnet, and congratulations on the birth of your daughter. There's a permature topic on the boads if you go and look for it where you'll find lots of people willing to lend an ear.

My DT's were 12 weeks early, and we sadly lost our firstborn son, but i remember only too well the rollercoaster of the NICU, as my other son spent nearly four month there before coming home.

Have you looked at the BLISS website at all? It's really good and supportive and there's a helpline you can call as well.

Original poster
missjulie · 21/08/2010 19:22

Hi deemented, thank you for your post.
I am so sorry to hear your sad story.
I have put a post there too.
I have been on the Bliss site, and emailed them, awaiting a reply.
It is such a horrid time.

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deemented · 21/08/2010 19:31

It is indeed - be gentle with yourself though, and don't expect too much. Just concentrate on yourself and your little one and take each day at a time.

Original poster
missjulie · 21/08/2010 19:41

Yes, that is what i am doing, actually taking an hour at a time! lol!

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deemented · 21/08/2010 19:46

That sounds like a plan. Have you anyone who you can talk to about how you're feeling? Would going over your birth/delivery with a medical professional help, do you think?

Original poster
missjulie · 21/08/2010 19:51

Not really at the moment.........
Requested my health visitor to come in, she did on Tuesday, and is going to refer me to someone to chat to re traumatic births........just hoping the appointment doesn't take too long to come through.......
She said that if they are not the right people, then perhaps she may be able to get me an appointment with the consultant who delivered her.
I do think i need to talk, and cry, and talk....

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hildathebuilder · 21/08/2010 19:53

Hi from me too. Welcome to Mumsnet. I'm afraid I'm nowhere near inverness but online a fair bit, here and ocasionally on bliss. There is a great pre support group where I am too. It may be worht looking into what there may be locally. Start by asking your SCBU maybe or bliss??

Be kind to yourself. It is traumatic to have a premature baby. NICU and SCBU are a rollercoaster and even afterwards it takes time to catch up and the rollercoaster continues. I had a terrible month last month but better this. I think the rollercoaster just continues. My DS was 11 weeks early is now 13 weeks corrected and slowly, very slowly it is getting easier.

Hang in there and keep posting with questions, experiences or just to have a rant

Original poster
missjulie · 21/08/2010 19:57

Thanks hildathebuilder

I am really struggling to find local support
I have been in touch with scbu, and am awaiting response.
Been in touch with Hapis, Bliss, and Birth trauma association, and awaiting replies.

Think the rollercoaster has finally caught up with me............

Can't believe i have had so many replies already, in the 4 posts i have put on today, thank you all..................i thought i was alone...............as i am sure everyone feels..........

Everyone's stories are making me cry :(

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MissMarjoribanks · 21/08/2010 20:06

Hi missjulie. It does get easier. My son was born nearly 7 weeks early too and was also in SCBU for a month. He's nearly 9mo old now, 7.5mo corrected and you would never guess that he was prem.

I found the time around 18 weeks hard, as my DS still didn't really do very much and didn't sleep very well and it just felt like a real slog.

I think approaching your HV to get an appt to talk to someone is an important first step. I'm no expert on counselling, but could a general trauma counsellor help if you could get an appointment quicker, perhaps by going private.

ArseHolio · 21/08/2010 20:06

Hi Julie :)

I'm really sorry your feeling so down :(

It is quite normal to feel mentally complety battered after going though something so traumatic but you WILL feel better and things WILL go back to normal.

How is your Daughter now ? whats her name ?

This is a really great place for talking about your birth experience so if you want to just get it out here that might be helpfull ?

I have had 2 prems a 32 weeker and a 27 weeker. The pregnancy and traumatic delivery of my 27 weeker left me with PTSD which was really completly shit but he's almost 20 months now and I feel pretty much back to normal, though I do still have my wobbles !

Have you kept in contact with anyone from SCBU, any other parents ? I found the friendships I made with other people who had been though the same thing absoltly vital. Your NNU should be able to put you in touch with a parent supporter or something.

Sarah X

Original poster
missjulie · 21/08/2010 20:18

missmarjoribanks - thank you!
yes, we are at the 18 week mark, and a slog is def what it is right now.
It is encouraging to hear your story, i thank you for sharing.
My little one is hardly sleeping at all at nights, which doesn't help the situation!
If i do not hear anything re this appointment in the next week or so, i shall try and go private.
Have been doing nothing but trawling the net the last week - hence me joining here!

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Original poster
missjulie · 21/08/2010 20:23

Hi arseholio!
I thank you too for taking the time to chat.
Battered is exactly how i feel! I have no idea what normal is anymore! I do hope that returns, and you are right, and i soon start to feel better!
i am only in touch with 1 mum from scbu days, who is also having a hard time, but seems to be reluctant to meet up, although i am trying to encourage her to meet me.
I have been in touch with scbu asking if there is anyone i can talk to - whether a professional, a group, or another mum/couple who have experienced the same thing..........i await their reply.
I think PTSD is what is going on....how did you get through it? What helped you? What can you recommend?
I am scared to type out my whole story as it will take days to write, will take up the whole of the net, and i am scared i will completely fall apart.
My daughter was born on 15th April, her name is Evie, and, thankfully she is fine now.
Thank you Sarah,
Julie xx

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MissMarjoribanks · 21/08/2010 20:31

I agree with ArseHolio about getting it out - I wrote my birth story down (on Mumsnet, for the people on my antenatal thread) almost immediately after I was discharged from hospital and I think it really helped me to rationalise the whole experience. I can find it for you if you would like.

Everything, absolutely everything, is worse on no sleep. I started to feel tons better once my DS started sleeping reasonably.

ArseHolio · 21/08/2010 20:34

Evie is a lovely name :) one of the babies next to Georges cot was called Evie.

Well I had some councilling and was prescibed some antidepressants but I didn't take them as was too scared. The councilling did help, My husband is a typical bloke and cant 'talk' so it felt like i had a lot that just feeding to be said.. saying it was a great relief.

I need to go now, my dinners getting cold but i'll pop back later :)

Original poster
missjulie · 21/08/2010 20:42

missmarjoribanks - i would love you to find it for me!
I am looking forward to her sleeping! That def does not help!

Arseholio - thank you, enjoy ur tea. x

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MissMarjoribanks · 21/08/2010 20:55

It's here about 10 posts down.

Original poster
missjulie · 21/08/2010 21:05

missmarjoribanks - do you mean what you wrote under my thread at 20.06????
Still getting used to this mumsnet!!!
Not sure if i should be looking elsewhere for your story??? - which is what i have been doing!

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PomPotty · 21/08/2010 21:21

missjulie... the word "here" in her post is a weblink to another thread
HTH and hope you find some help, take care

Original poster
missjulie · 21/08/2010 21:28

ah!!! thanks x

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Original poster
missjulie · 21/08/2010 21:40

missmarjoribanks - wow!
our stories sound similar! you have made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end with reliving the events through my eyes.
I might go for it and type it out - i have been keeping a daily diary since my waters broke!!!

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ArseHolio · 21/08/2010 21:53

Do go for it, it will help :)

Bliss offers free councilling I think or there is sheila kitzinger CLICK HERE which might be worth a look ?

Original poster
missjulie · 21/08/2010 21:58

Not going to start typing tonight ladies - shall still be at it Monday!
Will have a look at those sites, thanks.

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MissMarjoribanks · 21/08/2010 22:50

Ooops, sorry didn't realise that as a MN novice you might not get the link thing. Hope it has been of some help to you anyway.

Good choice of middle name btw, my mum liked it too. Grin

Best of luck with the typing when you get to it and I look forward to reading it.

Original poster
missjulie · 21/08/2010 22:55

Lol!
Aw, thank you!
Well, shall need to psych myself up for that one!
Thanks again
x

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LRB978 · 21/08/2010 23:18

missjulie, my ds was a 32 weeker and was in SCBU for exactly 5 weeks, prem due to me having pre-eclampsia, so a different experience to you. That was 8 and a half years ago, and he is fine.

What I would say is get some counselling, get a de-brief from the hospital, shout for help as loudly as you can. I didn't, I buried it all, it took me 5 years to ask for help. Please, don't do that.