Compulsory Fox-Hunting

[Sweeedes]

As part of their social equalization policy, the Lib Con coalition have decided fox-hunting should be compulsory and taught in all primary schools. Children who have animal allergies must do fencing or real tennis.

The weekly National Lottery Jackpot is going to include a free place at Eton. Places at Harrow, Charterhouse, Westminster and a few others will be prizes in the midweek Lottery. Hundreds of minor public school places will be Lottery scratch-card prizes.

What other policies have you heard about?

They're digging the ditch at the moment to set Scotland adrift into the North Sea to keep a perpetual Tory majority in the rest of the country ....

No, sorry, its us who are digging the ditch .....

esp the minor public school scratchcards

Everyone must keep "a big fuck off horse" in their back garden and be prepared to use it. Against foxes, that is. But also against intruders.

Tax Avoidance GCSE and GCE A level will be offered in all state schools.

Land Management undergraduate degrees at Oxford will be open only to state school pupils who do NOT own a Viyella checked shirt, navy crewneck sweater and a pair of moleskin or cord trousers.

Oxford and Cambridge will be required to form an actual proper coalition Oxbridge University, with snuggly two-lecturn arrangement for Vice Chancellors.

The wraparound care programme in state school will include children being served kedgeree at breakfast club.

Or rather, of course, serving themselves.

From silver chafing dishes.

Public school fagging system to be extended to clarify relationship between junior and senior coalition parties.

lmao @ this brilliant thread. Especially re fagging!

I am fully behind any policy that involves kedgeree.

The President of the Women's Institute is to automatically be given a seat in the House of Lords, like Church of England bishops used to.

Latin will be added to the National Curriculum. From the age of 6.

Families which find themselves homeless in an urban area will be relocated to dilapidated estate cottages and allocated unpaid work on behalf of the local landowner. Forelock-tugging will be mandatory.

Dirt Girl World will be in Latin.

Eleison LOL at snuggly two lecturns.

'Mundus Puellae Luti'? (not sure how you can translate it to make clear that it's 'world of the girl of dirt' rather than 'world of the dirt of girl' - sure someone else can do better than me.)

The new ConDem manifesto for education mandates that all children from reception stage onwards shall wear hats.

The summer hat will be a straw panama, with a blue and yellow ribbon.

The winter hat will be a blue beret for the girls, to cement our friendship with the French. The boys will wear black top hats.

all schools, NHS and other public bodies to use only Smythsons stationery.

Bullingdon-style drinking societies to be set up in all universities including the new universities and former polys.

oh and to facilitate that: all universities which don't already have one will have a fountain constructed for to enable the forcible immersion of homosexuals and proles.

Mandatory elocution lessons for all primary school pupils. And teachers ...

Ooh these are good. Poverty of aspiration will be soon be a distant memory...

The redrawing of the national curriculum will also see the reintroduction of compulsory 2-hour weekly domestic science classes for girls, from 7-18. Topics covered will include tapestry making, but will focus on sound fundamentals, such as laying tables correctly, how to use a fishknife, not cutting but breaking bread, how to cook asparagus and how to serve oysters.