Compulsory Fox-Hunting

[Sweeedes]

As part of their social equalization policy, the Lib Con coalition have decided fox-hunting should be compulsory and taught in all primary schools. Children who have animal allergies must do fencing or real tennis.

The weekly National Lottery Jackpot is going to include a free place at Eton. Places at Harrow, Charterhouse, Westminster and a few others will be prizes in the midweek Lottery. Hundreds of minor public school places will be Lottery scratch-card prizes.

What other policies have you heard about?

has anyone mentioned deportment yet, as part of girls' PE?

ID cards to be kept, but instead of medical data etc will include family tree so we can see EXACTLY how everyone is related to the Royal family/descended from William the Conqueror. Anyone who isn't will be forced to work below stairs.

Hounds will be tax deductible.

Immigration quotas will be waived for domestic staff providing one elects to house them indoors and limit their movements to trips to Waitrose and compulsory lessons in 'grovelling to the English'.

yes Amicissima, I think you and Sweedes are right re Latin CBeebies/DirtGirlWorld.
Something Special would work well in Latin, I think.

Old people's homes will be closed down and it will be explained that we can all house our elderly relatives 'in the attic - or, if you don't have an attic, put them in the east wing'.

Lol at minor public school scratchcards

A referendum will be held on the direction of travel on the roads, moving away from old Labour policies of driving on the left to driving on the centre right. This will entail the abolition of all central reservations.

Schoolchildren will be obliged to wear ties

The most sought after school in the catchment area shall have compulsory school uniform of Burberry-check boiler suit and ELC fireman's helmet. And green patent Boden boots in the winter, blue crocs in the summer.

Parents who fib to get their children into faith schools shall not be fined, but instead must wear a tankini with boy-leg bottoms to work, until such time as their child leaves the faith school.

Nannies will become compulsory when one's child is 2 weeks old. As will boarding school at the age of 4.

Lol at abolition of central reservations.

NHS food and school dinners are both going to be redesigned by Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall to feature a lot more game and offal.

In order to ensure that places at the most sought after state schools are available to children of the deserving and not wasted on the feckless and immoral, parents will be required to attend weekly church services, and encouraged to make regular donations.

Oh, hang on...

Which Fox are we teaching the children to hunt? Liam?

Oh and real tennis is brilliant - we really need more courts.