Hi,
I am a nervous, frightened, confused and truth seeking uk Mum.
I was born in Archway North London as the youngest child of legal Irish Migrants in the 80’s.
Mum and Dad lived in private small room rentals whilst on a waiting list for a council house. Dad worked on the buildings and Mum took care of us and later worked in a school. They were labour voters and often had the odd wink or joke about the posh English conservative neighbours.
Looking back we were probably exposed to mild anti British attitudes in the sense we thought the ‘pure’ English were rich, posh and looked down on us. However we all loved Princess Diana, the red arrows, ham egg and chips.
Mum said the day she got our council house she felt like she won the lottery. They paid rent on it but it was ‘our’ home. They kept it impeccably clean and well presented. Dad painted the front every few years and mum had beautiful flowers on the window sills. They were thankful for it. Us siblings toed the line, not one of us was ever in trouble with school or the law. Mum and dad told us we had opportunities they didn’t have and we had to do our best in life. Dad would tell me this as I plucked splinters from his rough hands. My brother kicked a ball in the Scottish neighbours garden and Dad told them to keep it to teach him a lesson. They wanted us to be good citizens.
We had a catholic community around us which was obviously lacking diversity in religion but not race. As a kid I really enjoyed the church ‘international evenings’ a celebration of all the cultures and races. Tasting lots of different global foods was exciting and watching all the kids from my school perform different traditional dances with their parents on stage was a beautiful melting pot of modern community.
What I am trying to say is I grew up the child of an immigrant, I am aware of the hand outs my parents received (they did always pay council rent) but did get a roof over our heads. Racism was something we hated.
I was educated in a fantastic all girls senior school, my friends were all colours, I didn’t even notice who was from where, they were my friends. We played with the girls from the corner shop who were Hindu, they brought us back presents from their homelands as we did for them when we visited Ireland once a year.
The families on our road were Irish, Turkish, Nigerian, Cypriot, Filipino, Greek, we knew them all and got along well. Looking back now I wonder how did the English who also lived there feel?
I took the loan and went to uni and studied hard, I found a job in the city in finance. All 4 of us siblings worked from the age of 16 part time alongside education. Then we all got full time jobs and paid taxes.
We married and looked to buy our own small homes. Mum and dad were so proud of us with this accomplishment. The 4 walls of our council home were all they needed. Dad died age 56, mum moved to a one bedroom council flat and is happy there.
Fast forward and I met a husband who was indeed pure English and married and we started a family. Living in London was not an option as too expensive.
We moved to the suburbs of Chelmsford. I took a part time job in a local dr surgery and my husband continued to work in London.
He has a well paid job but works long and hard for it. He wakes at 4:30 daily and leaves the house by 4:50 to be at his West London workplace and working by 7am. He arrives home from work at 6:45pm.
The length of his working day means I took a local job to be able to raise our two children.
We would have liked more children but we decided we couldn’t afford more. Both of our parents are elderly so I raised the children with some help from friends.
I am trying my best to bring them up well, I am reading with them doing spellings, badly baking cakes for sales and help pta where I can. I want the world to be a great place for them to grow in.
We both pay all taxes and have a 3 bedroom semi detached home with a mortgage for another 25 yrs at least.
We used to have an annual holiday to Portugal but won’t be next year due to budget, we are hoping to go to Norfolk instead. Not complaining just a noticed adjustment for us.
We have a lovely life, our children do sports, we have noticed a squeeze on our finances but overall we are very lucky with all we have.
We love Chelmsford and its amenities for families. We chose it over my husband’s hometown of Southend as it felt safer.
My eldest daughter is now at senior school in Chelmsford and doing well.
I have watched the news over the last few years and aware of the migrant crisis and small boat crossings. I am aware of some of the big names in it. I remember the heartbreak I felt when I saw the little body of the Syrian boy washed ashore. I would have loved to have helped that poor little soul.
Our school did a fundraiser for humanity washed shore and we all wanted to help in some way.
However over the last 6 months I have noticed the huge increase of migrants in my town of Chelmsford. It’s really impossible not to notice as there are large groups of men hanging around the high street and parks.
It’s the scale that is just really hard to ignore, groups of 100 men together is intimidating.
I always believed myself not to be racist but I suddenly feel uneasy walking through such large groups of these men.
In honesty I would feel the same if they were white British men just hanging around in those numbers.
My daughters like the freedom to pop to boots or any other high street shop while I might do the food shop. I suddenly feel this is not an option. I would feel really uncomfortable with letting an 11 yr old and 15 year old walk through the crowds of men. I try to rationalise it but it’s my mothering gut instinct telling me it’s unsafe.
My husband feels the same and tells me to watch the girls even more due to the influx of these men hanging around. I want to allow my girls freedom but the high street has over night become a no go area for them without me. Even with me there it feels I want to quickly get out of town. Last year it was still a lovely town.
I want to know how my friends feel about it but I am so fearful of being branded a racist that I don’t want to ask.
I have voted both labour and conservative in the past depending on which person was leading. However right now I don’t feel any of them represent me here stuck in the middle!
I respect people’s varying opinions but I wouldn’t really hang a Union Jack flag on my house. I believe those that do have a right to be proud of their country though.
I know racism is a horrible experience and that I am lucky enough to have not experienced it.
However this migration crisis is now here, on my doorstep and I can’t help feeling frightened by it for myself and my daughters.
I today was sent a video of a new apartment block for migrants who arrived in the country 3 days ago. It is next to the leisure center my girls love to go to with their friends.
I feel uneasy and confused.
This is along with two other large hotels for migrants in town.
I really don’t believe all of the people that I see hanging around are fleeing from unsafe places.
I am watching my husband and I pay more and more tax for these men to be given apartments instantly. I would like to know who voted for this? Was it me without even knowing about it?
Am I racist for feeling intimidated by the amount of men hanging around my town?
I sure would like to help those really in need but seeing the videos has made me wonder if there is a media coverup. Are middle of the road people like me being forced to stay quiet due to fear of being branded racist? Before I would have thought these videos are scaremongering but now I am seeing it first hand I know the scale is true.
Are we allowed to to ask why this is happening on the scale it is happening?
Am I am hypocrite as my family lived in a council property?
Or is this different? It feels different, the pace, scale and secrecy feels different.
I wonder how other children of immigrants like me feel about current immigration. The children of all the nationalities that I grew up with, how do they feel now they have grown up in the uk like me.
Are a lot more people worried than I know about ? Am I over reacting?
Who do I vote for ?
I can’t believe I would ever say this but some of the facts Nigel Farage says are agreeing with my thoughts.
How do we know these men who are freely walking around our towns?
I don’t want to protest in the streets as I don’t identify with the left or the right but instead I am here stuck in the middle wondering who is with me!