Cost of living out of control

[Ev01]

Do you think more women return to work because they are forced to or because they choose to? From friends and women I speak to, I feel like the right to mother your own child is generally becoming something for the well off as the cost of living is now so high. My mum and my nan were full time mums and I assumed I would be, but I fell in love with a teacher whose wages only cover the mortgage, not the food and heating bills, so like others (most?) I had to return to work to cover the basics. Angry at the government for going on about getting mums for toddlers back to work or more nursery places, when it feels no one is fighting for the right to mother your own child by sorting the cost of living out. Does the government not think the role of a mother is important? Aren't we beginning to shove babies into institutions so mum's can help grow the economy by paying for ever increasing living costs? Would love a campaign to join as it feels so wrong putting a child under one into a nursery.

Well I went back to work because I chose to. Full time parenting was not good for my mental health. DH on the other hand chose to give up work and be a full time parent.

Incidentally I was a teacher at the time. We coped. Am also slightly that your post seems to assume that parenting is the sole preserve of mothers.

Yy
I think most mums who work have little or no choice
I've reduced my hours as far as I can, whilst still being able to pay the mortgage
I work in a professional environment, and most people assume it is my choice to work
Most of my staff who are mums would give up full time work, or reduce their hours if they could

People are lucky to find work at all!
Why are you not asking the same questions about fathers?
Mine went to nursery well before 1yo. Because I was an uncaring old breeder wanted to keep my job.

I don't think there is much you can do about parents working away from the home.

My own mother worked, from home and so did many of my friends when I was at school in the 1970's, my grandmother worked and so did her mother.

I work and have done for all of 9 months when dd1 was a baby and 9 months when dd2 was a baby.

No, the government aren't going to support parents ( and I would emphasise I mean both, and not just mothers) to stay at home. Far better to have them working a paying tax. It is crap. People have to work more and more for the same returns.

YABU. My experience as a seventies kid in a working class community is the same as ivykaty44's. All the women worked as standard in much more difficult circumstances than there are today. I've followed my mother's example and worked from DS being a baby... not because the government forces me to but because it's my right to be financially independent and economically active.

A mother's role is important but opting out of paid employment is a privilege not a right. Do not insult working mums just because you think you're too posh to get a job.

The women have always worked in my family, mum worked nights so that she could be there for us during the day whilst we were growing up. I would love to go part time but I like what having a little extra means we can do at weekends, that we can afford a safe and decent car to drive around in, that we can spend time together as a family doing fun things.

If anything did happen to my parents who are my main source of childcare, then DH would have to give up work.

We would struggle if it's only my DH working. But it has never occurred to me to not work my whole life. I've always dreamed of having a fulfilling job, and a loving family. I love my job and I'd be gutted to give it up. Also, I felt quite bored during my maternity leave. The thought of going back to work was what kept me going.

My mum worked full time too.

i returned to work when ds1 was born because if i hadn't the state would have had to keep me. i was (am) a single parent so yes work was down to needing to pay to live. tbh though, the thought of not returning didn't happen for me. i wanted to go back there was never a question of that. with ds2 i felt totally different. i was with EXP then and he earnt enough to keep us so i didn't return, i wanted to be at home with them. then EXP left and i was suddenly dependant on benefits for our living expenses. i'm looking for work now.

CogitoErgoSometimes, I like this a lot

A mother's role is important but opting out of paid employment is a privilege not a right. Do not insult working mums just because you think you're too posh to get a job.

Agree one little baby terror - well put cogito.

Massive load of generalisations here- both my mum and grandmother worked as others did (I won't even go into The sherry fueled rant my mother had at a thread she read on here that also Said this as it is before the watershed).

What about fathers Doing their bit on parenting?

Wtaf about nurseries before one!!

And here was I thinking this thread was a serious discussion on inflation and economics .

I feel very sorry for those women (generally it is women) who work because they have to and not because they choose to.

It must be awful

I have been an sahm for 9 years now (large gap between dc) and although at times I have longed to go back to work I am glad I have had the choice...the poster above is right, it is seen as priviledge atm to be a sahp and IMO that is so wrong...it should be possible for every parent to be able to be sahp if they want to and be able to keep a roof over your heads and put food on the table too.

Something has gone very wrong somewhere...........Whan a Govt minister (IDS) can state that "sahps contribute nothing to society" (thanks btw Ian!!) and not get sacked then we are all in trouble.

Sigh...

Slashing of benefits, inc DLA and carers allowance to cut costs
Cap on free school meals to cut costs
Smaller portions of said school meals to cut costs
CB cuts

Oh! but its ok! - some middle class families will get a tax break! Thats fine then

There is a finite amount of money to go round. How would you propose splitting that pot? When something becomes more about a lifestyle choice (sahp to non sn children) than necessity , I am not sure it's something I see as a priority for getting state support.

And that does seem to be what op is inferring. The other alternative Being some kind of economic policy that brings down the cost of living . I am no Keynes but trying to fix food , petrol, house prices costs (for starters) so it I more affordable for one parent not to work is a big ask.

Which does sort of bring you back to the government position of making it easier to work so that there is more labour to drive the economy.

There's a very serious issue that faces a lot of SAHP's and that's when relationships break down. You've only to look on the Relationships board on MN to see just how vulnerable stepping out of paid employment and becoming wholly dependent on a man makes so many women. It may start as a noble aim to provide a good start for the children but, so often, they are taken for granted by money-earning partners, their efforts are dismissed and they find themselves financially vulnerable. It's not IDS saying they contribute nothing, it's their husbands. 'I'd leave but I have no money and I don't know how we'd manage'.... is the most common phrase.

In Denmark 90%+ of mothers are in the workplace. Childcare is more affordable and parents take more of an equal share in raising children and generating income. That seems to me far more equitable and places women in a much stronger position.

I agree with ragged, I went back to work 12 weeks after having dd, because I wanted to finish my internship for better hopes of a job in future.

I think we should feel pleased mothers have more choice these days.

My wife has to work but would love to be a SAHM. Her salary is, coincidentally, the same as what I pay in tax. If my tax contributions were lower, my wife wouldn't need to go out to work meaning that someone currently festering on the dole would be able to take her job.

High taxation is a major cause of misery.

Thanks for all the feedback, particularly from those skilled enough to leave out personal judgements and avoid self-righteous rants.
CogitoErgoSometimes not sure why the anger with comments such as 'too posh to get a job' when i am a working mum and have been in paid work since i was thirteen, now thirty seven.

I celebrate that we have choice. I think we have difficult choices, but they are choices nonetheless. If parents are passionate about one being a SAHP, the family could choose to do this but accept the sacrifices that go with it - whether that is work in the evenings or weekends, live in a smaller house, cheaper area, go without holidays etc. I appreciate that the cost of living is massive but I really believe that where there's a will, theres a way.

I think it is sad when people are forced to make decisions they don't want to - whether that's working or SAHM. That said, I also don't think the govt should be subsidising people not to work. If you can afford to make that choice, then great - but I don't think people should expects others to pay for it (through their taxes). Working should be the default position IMHO.

I also think your OP is full of assumptions... Many people do choose to stay in work to maintain a lifestyle. I know friends who have moved and downsized to enable the mother to stay at home, others where they have remained in very small houses etc. I know if I moved to a much smaller house, on a main road in a cheaper town, I could knock 60k off my mortgage. This would enable us to have one SAHP. But it's not a choice we want to make. for many others, I think they need to work to maintain a lifestyle, but sometimes there are alternatives for those that don't!

Also, Why do you assume that of the people who work are going to automatically be putting their babies into institutions? Amongst my friends, grandparents have been a very common source of childcare, as have mums working evenings / weekends do childcare is not needed. Then there are childminders... I know more people who have gone down this route than have put their children into full time nursery. In fact, out of my friends only 1 returned to work full time. All the others went part time or gave up completely.

Part time working seems to be a very common option (with most of my friends working 2 or 3 days) - this is not exactly the farming out of children you picture in your OP.

I guess what I'm saying is that amongst the people I know, the choices they have made have been very different to the scenario you paint. The majority of coupled I know have made sacrifices to enable the women to work part time (I do know very few women who do no work at all - it seems to vary between part time career work, a few hours shop work or even just looking after someone's children for a few hours a week). This seems to be the situation amongst the overwhelming majority of people I know - not the scenario you paint.

Sorry it's long!

"I fell in love with a teacher whose wages only cover the mortgage"

Jesus, how big are your mortgage payments? If they are taking the whole of a teachers wage they must be huge. Sounds like you have massively over extended yourselves.

What Cogito said - very well put.

@EV01 I'm not sure why you're so bitter about working or why you think working means we can't be proper mothers. You seem to think you're above it just because your mother and grandmother didn't work. Like it's your birthright or something. In fact, you're lucky. Women have fought for the right to be financially independent whereas people your grandmother's age would have been literally kicked out of a job the day they announced they were getting married or having a baby. Many intelligent women your mother's age were prevented from working by domineering husbands who thought a 'woman's place is in the home' and spent great chunks of their lives miserable and frustrated.