To think some posters need a "reality check" re. views on benefit changes

[lesley33]

I have some concerns about some of the proposed changes to benefits and how these may adversely affect people. So this is NOT a thread about that. But I am getting increasingly fed up at some of the frankly ridiculous reasons some posters are giving against the proposed changes. Examples include:

1. That children 12 and over will be traumatised if both parents work - even if second parent only works 20 hours a week.

1. That a parent with children 12 and over shouldn't have to commute up to 90 minutes each way to work. Far from ideal I know and if someone is on low wages this might not be affordable. But perfectly doable.

1. That childcare is impossible to get for teenagers. Ignoring the fact that many parents, myself included use a combination of kids home alone and afterschool activities.

AIBU to think some people need a reality check? Plenty of people with children already work, many with both parents working full time by the time their kids are teenagers. Plenty of people have long commutes, struggle with childcare, etc. Things might not be "ideal", but these are things that many many working parents already do.

THisis thats fu***king terrible. I hope things are better now.

But people won't have known that you fell accidentally pregnant; I haven't seen anyone tell you that you should have terminated, but apologies if that's happened and I missed it.

I found it ironic that whilst railing against being derogatively labelled as a benefit scrounger, you were more or less expressing the view that people who terminate are murderers (in CAPS no less).

But thanks for seeing my point TNAPAS*

*Totally Not A Passive Aggressive Smiley

OK, can we back off from this becoming a termination thread?

Two people have faced difficult situations and because of their different personal beliefs have come to different conclusions. Respect to you both.

Nobody said she should have aborted

Well, I ended up leaving my job about 6 months after he left (convoluted childcare issues mainly, although there were also behavioural issues with my oldest who is suspected to have AS and was not coping very well) and the children haven't seen him at all since May, but apart from that things are much better now, thank you carer. We are much happier and less stressed now we are out of his influence. There is no way on this earth I would ever consider him a co-parent ever again though. I truly thought I was doing the best for the kids, they saw him as much as they had before we split except for the obvious fact that he no longer lived there, but in hindsight it was a terrible mistake, and one I would never make again.

Nilgiri - I didn't think I was making it a termination thread
I completely understand why Hunty feels like she did - I don't have an issue with her viewpoint or personal beliefs, just her experession here

I wanted to address a point (after sitting on my hands the first time) on the thread straight away. That's all. I have no wish to discuss the topic at all, actually

Sorry to hear that Hes. I did the same thing at nineteen even though my BF at the time was lovely and happy to have had me continue as we could have got a DOUBLE bedsit and more money for drugs

Difference was, when I was older and owned a house and had a good job I thought that it would be okay.

I also had one of those very common men who only started ramping up the abuse and violence after marriage and during pregnancy.

You see Winter, I of course made the classic mistake of replacing the aborted one with another baby, text book stuff me, but I had a job and a house, not married but it was alright. Everything turned out really well.
I don't think that was down to luck I really don't.

That sounds terrible I'm very glad it worked out for you. Mine was probably textbook too even though it took a few years and yes, same precautions - house and salary, career, pension etc

Always thought DD would be an only because it was so hard. She was seven when I married now DH and had her brother but before then I found it so difficult combining full-time work, childcare and her severe medical disorder that I made sure that I could rely on him.

I can. Absolutely. But then life threw me another curve-ball and DS's autism isn't like mine and is very limiting for all of us.

The curve balls are a bugger aren't they, are you happy though, that's the main thing ?

In response to those posters concerned about the availability of Childcare for older children;

As a Registered Childminder I'll happily take children up to 16. In fact 50,000 plus minders across the country who (legally) have public liability insurance policies which cover 6 children aged under 8 (as per Ofsted registration) and 6 children over 8 (where there is no legal requirement for registered care). So that potentially is 300,000 Childcare places for older children.

Not all childminders will choose to offer those places, but many will if asked, and many will assess a children's individual needs before deciding whether they feel confident and capable to take on their care. Please don't feel offended if a minder can't offer you a place. They have to weigh up their existing commitments and children to ensure your child would get the level of care needed. But in the current climate many childminders are losing families due to redundancies and belt tightening and are much more open and flexible to taking on an older age range.

Personally I only offer care to school aged children but in reality most families choose to leave me when children start secondary school in favour of independence. In all my years of minding I've only ever had 1 enquiry from a parent of a 13 year old, who I really enjoyed supporting while she was with me. From this I would deduce that most parents assume that there is no care available for older children.

Furthermore, childminders can be registered for overnight care to support shift and night workers. And as tax credits are payable to 16 (or older for certain disabilities) childminding fees for the oldest children can be subsidised.

I am thank you Hes. It isn't what I had imagined my life would be like and I get scared for my family and for all the other families facing hardship but I try to keep a sense of perspective and count my blessings. Works for me. And keeps my weight down

Good luck to you.

You can claim tax credits to pay for week long activity courses for camp beaumont for older children too.
I've not done it yet but last year I was away on training for a few days and paid out £700 in childcare in one week, wish I'd sent them on holiday for the same amount.

Pinkcanary is there some kind of register for minders who'll take 12+ with SN?

I am getting a bit upset at the comments about not having children if you can't afford childcare etc. I was 37 weeks pregnant with DD 2 when DH was made redundant. He has been actively seeking work since, including walking several miles to hand deliver an application.

Admittedly I only restarted job hunting yesterday but should my dds really not exist, should we be giving them up for adoption?

Hecuba, your choice was to take extended maternity leave. Choice. No point whining about it now.

No one on this thread has actually said that anybody should terminate, or give their children up for adoption. It's purely trying to use emotional blackmail to suggest that. And it backfires because it weakens the posters point of view when they say it.

The reality is that life throws curve balls at pretty much all of us. It's a rare person leading a charmed life who hasn't experienced that.

And the fact is, whatever curve balls we get, people do respond differently. Some people have a greater sense of entitlement than others. We have already seen on other threads that some people don't believe they should have to move from the area they live in. They think they are entitled to stay put. Other people think they shouldn't have to work until their children are school age. Other people think that they should only have to consider work between 10 am - 2 pm when their kids are school age. I'm not talking about this being a financial decision btw- I'm talking about people who would be entitled to childcare subsidies but who still feel they shouldn't 'have' to do what millions of other people do.
Life is tough - probably for most of us. I don't think there is any family among my friends who haven't experienced financial hardship, or illness/disability, or redundancy or some such.

...or perhaps circumstances dictate decisions callmemrs rather than just a sense of entitlement.

Just as an example I have a disabled child and live in the expensive south east because my family and all my support is here. As it happens I work and pay my own way (although I am being made redundant at end Feb). I cannot consider moving away - it's more than just a choice or sense of entitlement, it's a necessity for me. That's just me but I would think most people have their own reasons. I suspect very few make their decision based on a sense of entitlement.

Extended Mat leave? DD is only 7 weeks old. I was going to start job hunting on 3rd January when places were open again after the holidays but I was ill with a wound infection. My initial post was pointing out how difficult it is to actually find a job.

Dilly- my family are all in the south east too. Would be great having them nearby but sadly I cant afford to live there.

I'm watching the progress of the various proposals through parliament, seems some of the Lords need the same reality check. The taxpayer is there to be milked seems to be M'lords view.

I must say I think what call said will chime with many many people.
In fact when I was canvassing at elections that is what everyone was saying on the doorsteps (working class ones I'll add).

That everyone struggles. That there are always things to deal with. People have to make decisions and take actions that are far far from ideal, because the alternative is to fall into the abyss.

And they do it. Not with a glad heart, but they do it.

And it really pisses them off when they see others refusing to do the same.

And it really pisses them off when they see others refusing to do the same.

...and being told to pay for them too.

callmemrs- somehow I suspect that keeping someone housed close to family with a disabled child is likely to cost less overall than the myriad of support services social services are likely to have to put into place where they end up. Especiall as in Dilly's case I know she is actually a professional in a very important role so hopefully she should be able to find work again within a decent timeframe- childcare would be seential then.

An alternative would be guaranteed chidlcare for all but i'll ask- if ds1 was guaranteed a aplce and you turned up at his carer because your child was there and asked why your child was injured* wouldn;t you rather they had sacked him and paid me my £55pw CA than be forced to retain his palcement?

in the last 36 hoiurs DS1 has tried to break my hand, scratched ds2's face 'because I am Wolverine' and had to be physically prevented from hurting ds4. he is bright but in meltdown uncontrollable. Social Services closed our case despite lettrs from police and my GP begging for us to get help. He will shortly get an NAS befriender one afternoon a week which will be wonderful but is voluntary; he goes to a holiday palcement that every child in my city is entitled to a free 10 - 3 placement at but last time blacked someone's eye unnoticed so we will probably have to give that up.

*Police for family reasons, we'd never allow him to be out without support and hurt anyone else.

PiNK would you take him? Because in truth I don't think anyone who would, should be allowed IYSWIM! Thing is though that if he slept he'd be on MR Care so I'd not get Carer's any more. Indeed, such a high % of SN kids are being denied HR DLA that I assume he will be dropped at review. Especially as so many support services have disappeared we have a minimal papertrail apart from the SNU Base school.

I remember hearing something on Radio 4 by Alvin Hall that some council houses in the SE will fall above cap level. Can't remember exact figures. Youc an't just move to a council house in the North so where shoud those families go I wonder? They will ahve been landed completely outside the safety net then.

word would you like to give me the solution then?

Oh and I thought childcare TCs were ending at age 12? That no longer the case then? Been reviewed? Hope so.