Having children is essentially a selfish thing to do.

[PrettyCandles]

We have children because we want them. Is there any other reason? I suppose religious people have children because of God's commandment to multiply, and sometimes parents have another child to try to save the life of one they already have.

because that's what we were 'designed' to do......male and femal sexual reproductive organs were put there for something

I think you're right, but essentially I think it's a nurture thing - it's what a lot of us crave.

But when they arrive, isn't it the most selfless thing we do?

it's also instinctive i think (for most people)

gingerbear was jusst going to add that!

nowadays and in the west i think that yes, it is a selfish act: the planet is overpopulated, we have access to contraception, we don't need lots of children to help us with the manual labour needed for survival...

I'm with QoQ on this one.
Broodiness is a basic animal/human instinct encouraging many of us to want children and so multiply.
I'm Catholic but I think I would struggle with the effort required of being a Mother if I didn't really feel I wanted children.

In some strange way sophable, your reasoning actually endorses mine.
Wanting children is instinctive and I believe that we (society) are being very naive is we disregard how important it is to understand this.

Yes, it is selfless, isn't it! . But I don't think that it's selfish in the sense that Western progeny are unnecessary to the 'overcrowded' world. I think having children is selfish because it fulfils a very personal need, without regard for the needs of others. Off hand I can't think of any other selfish behaviour that is welcomed by society in general.

I think instinct is selfish.
Survival of the fittest!

However, don't get me wrong and assume that what I think is right for us to do. I am merely answering the question of why we want children.

Read the selfish gene by Richard Dawkins.

It's natural and instinctive. I think selfish sounds over judgemental. I think it's normal!
And to be a decent parent requires a degree of selflessness that is quite shocking!

Thank you, Aloha, I was just trying to compose an over-complicated post about all the quite basic acts we do in our lives - eating, sleeping, buying or building a house...all of which might be selfish in certain circumstances, all of which we do for survival, and pleasure. I'm not sure that 'selfish' is a particularly relevant way to look at childbearing.

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I think it probably is selfish, in that yes most of us reproduce because we want to. I think also it's a cultural expectation of a lot of women - that we're only 'real' women if we have children. I certainly don't think it's 'selfish' not to have children.

I agree,it's certainly not selfish to not have children. I go along with the idea that wanting children is a natural part of our makeup.

I would find it hard to not have children and also not believe in an afterlife. I know plenty of athiests don't have children, but I would feel odd about feeling no part of me carries on after my death.

Having children is my way of ensuring something of me lives on. There may or may not be an afterlife- I remain undecided, but I know my children will carry my 'life' forward. My children have something of my ancestors, too, so they don't entirely 'die' either.

Tigermoth - I so agree. When people talk about 'why are we here' I always think, 'so I could have my children'. Absolutely. It's my meaning of life.

Tigermoth - I so agree. When people talk about 'why are we here' I always think, 'so I could have my children'. Absolutely. It's my meaning of life.

That's interesting, Tigermoth. I have never thought of it in realtion to 'non-afterlife beliefs'.

I agree that it's selfish the same way as eating and breathing is.

It is selfish, but that?s such an emotive word with so many negative moral connotations, isn?t it? It doesn?t mean quite the same thing in biology.

We all do what we need to do to survive; in that sense everything is selfish, as Caligula says. Even altruism is intrinsically selfish.

The Welfare State helps us raise more children than many of us would be able to do without it. But it benefits our society and economy. Swings and roundabouts.

People say sex/love makes the world go around - but what is that for? To make babies, primarily. We can't help it. It?s lovely too.

interesting thread! A few years ago I had a converstaion with a work colleague and said that I really wanted children. At the time, I was on my own. I told her that if I reached 35, was on my own, but financially stable, then I'd consider having a child on my own but, obviously, would have preferred to have a partner. She said in a really harsh tone 'how selfish, you can't just have children just because you want one' . I said to her, what other reason does anyone have, other than because they want one? A few years later I have got a dd whose father unfortunately is no longer alive to see her. My colleague was all for the treatment I had???!!!

I also think this "selfish" thing is another symptom of mysogyny and a stick with which to beat women. After all, it's women who have children, isn't it. And quite often in relationships, it's women who push for children to be introduced. When people talk about selfishness vis a vis children, they're usually talking about mothers, not fathers.

Dh and I were discussing whether to have another child, and he was concerned what effect that would have on our other children, on us as a couple, what our parents would think (subtext - not spoken! ), could we afford it and so. I put the point of view forward that, fundamentally, having another child was about whether or not we both wanted one, deeply so. Everything else proceeds from there. That's why I used the word selfish. I suppose I also wanted to shock him slightly, to make him reassess his point of view.

But, Caligula, I don't quite understand the misogyny aspect.

Well, I think because children are still very much associated with women. They're "women's business". "Women and children first" "Women and children" - it's a phrase that trips off the tongue, because they're so closely associated with each other. And so when people talk about being "selfish" to have children, they are usually talking about women, as if men don't have much input or choice in the matter. "She's had four children" (not "they've had four children"). The business of "having" children is associated with females, not males. That's why I think when people talk about the selfishness of having children, they are usually talking about women being selfish, not people.