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Does anyone have a daily meditation practice? Would anyone like one but needs motivation?

887 replies

mangolassi · 18/11/2008 07:15

Ooh, I feel all shy

I am agnostic and generally confused about spiritual things, but after recovering from a bout of pnd found a great book - The Mindful Way Through Depression. It has a programme of daily meditation, and I've tried in the past, but it's soooo hard to stick to with no support.

The meditation style in the book is 'western insight' - basically vipassana with the Buddhism taken out - but it would be great to have a thread for anyone trying to get started with daily practice, whatever kind of meditation appeals. Even better if there's anyone who actually has a daily practice already

OP posts:
katiek123 · 16/06/2009 11:22

pinkfluffy - i called your helpful contact at blackwell's - he remembered having had the conversation with you the day before - i had to restrain myself from saying brightly 'yes! that was my lovely friend pinkfluffyslippers'
anyway thanks to you i have the 'lingering questions' book on order and thanks to PhilB i have ordered three copies of BFM from abebooks - fingers crossed. apparently there is doubt over whether to reprint BFM or not and that is why the book is in this weird limbo. all v strange - of COURSE it should be reprinted you strange publisher-buffoons

x

Pinkfluffyslippers · 16/06/2009 14:27

Just briefly as I'm at work.....

Delighted Katie that you found my useful contact at Blackwells. I've also emailed the company to ask if Guru Sarah is planning on publicity trips to the UK - I could just imagine her at Hay!

PB - lovely to hear about your dad.

I've just made a lovely discovery during my lunch break - the Pitt Rivers Museum sells travelling buddhist alters! For just £13.95 you get a buddha, some incense sticks, beads, scarf and prayer flags. I was v tempted but am trying to stop my consumerist tendencies.! PB maybe your dad would like one? They also sell singing bowls.....

Back to grindstone

PhilB · 16/06/2009 22:27

Glad Abebooks came through for everyone!

Katie - I also credit yoga for helping me through tricky times. I had RSI and had to take time off work etc., very frightening at the time. I started to practice astanga yoga and the body awareness, calm, and physical fitness really got me through it. I did astanga for about three years until I got pg. I always thought I'd go back to it because I really loved it. But now I find that it's just not what I need. Even when I have 90 minutes (yeah right!) to get through the whole sequence, it doesn't feel helpful any more. So I'm doing my own thing, but that doesn't really help me with finding a teacher because I'm not sure what I'm looking for. I want something that's challenging in the same way as astanga, but more flexible about what you do. A lot of the classes I have tried out round here are focused on a kind of quick fix relaxation rather than developing the students' practice. What qualities that your teacher has do you think make them a good teacher for you?

Peanut - thanks for the tip on Shambalah. I'll look into it. A special time and space for meditation would be great. Wonder how DH would react to my going though!

mangolassi · 17/06/2009 07:42

Thanks all for your thoughts... I'd be studying in Thailand (distance, I guess) and yes, staying in the region. At the moment it all feels a little fraught; I'm trying to find some time to meditate but it's hardest when you need it the most, isn't it?

Peanut, great news about your dad, that's lovely. I hope he finds meditation useful - and you never know, it could become a shared interest for you both!

OP posts:
LouieStrumpet · 17/06/2009 09:31

Hello everyone, great to see new people here too! Mango sorry about your job - hope the studying thing works out for you.

Well I had a good chance to practice my calmness and breathing this morning, and I kind of half-pie took it, but unfortunately it all came crashing down at the end. I was confronted by an aggressive mother and daughter team on the tube because I had run over the daughter's foot with my pram and apparently I didn't say sorry quickly or sincerely enough. So I just breathed in and remained calm while they ranted at me. However as I was about to get off I told the daughter that when she has children I hope she feels embarrassed about what she has done to me!

I guess I struggle with remaining calm when things seem so unfair.

And I was thinking the other day - after we learnt about something terrible (truly unforgivable) that an extended member of dh's family has done. How do you reconcile that with Buddhist teachings? Do you forgive and move on (because I honestly don't think I could in this case), or do you just not think about their actions - which is also hard when the results of their actions surface in your life almost everyday? Sorry I can't go into any more detail than that!

Oh yes, and I had my consultation with my PA/the naturalist woman. She was really helpful and gave me a bottle of a herb mixture she had made up (it really is the most awful-tasting thing!!), but I have definitely noticed a decreased desire for sweet things and an increase in energy levels.

Hope you all are well!!

katiek123 · 17/06/2009 09:33

philB - sounds v interesting - i've never tried astanga, simply bcs it's never been locally available where i've lived in recent years despite moving around a lot. i totally take your point about a lot of classes being focussed on relaxation alone, or mainly - that's why it's taken me fully 18 mths to find the right person. i discarded quite a few village hall 'yoga' (ie lying around 'relaxing') classes in the process. this teacher is very committed to iyengar (goes on regular courses run by the iyengar family, constantly gets updates, is going to india in a year's time for a month's immersion etc), is v enthusiastic and is developing us as a group - she knows us well, now, so she is moving us upwards and also has introduced chanting at the beginning of the class which is a lovely touch i think! i find the inversions and anything to do with the upper back v challenging (those are the ones i avoid at home) but it's a real highlight of my week all in all.
mango - take your point about meditation being hardest when you really need it. yesterday i got a real emotional shock which immediately meant all my good intentions and attempts to be mindful and to try to 'make space' around emotional pain etc went out of the window for a few hours. hardly slept. however this morning i did manage to meditate for a few minutes only but it did help. and i do feel calmer. but last night all i could do was wallow in the discomfort. SIGH.
hugs to all - better start work! x

katiek123 · 17/06/2009 09:35

louie - X-posted with you - so nice to hear from you. have missed you. will come back to respond later but GOOD ON YA re the mother-daughter unpleasantness. i have had a good opportunity to practice calm in the face of (to me) unacceptable behaviour recently - will come back to talk more later.

kidsRTW · 17/06/2009 11:43

Trying to catch up with all your book recommendations - has anyone actually finidshed the Buddhism for mothers and found it useful? If so, could I possibly have a little synopsis? there just seem to be a few in the series and I sincerely hope I am past the 'young children' stage but teenagers are not that much better, especially if you are trying to partially home educate etc (don't get me started...)Does BFM give meditation or mangement ideas or is it more a philosophical view? Again, trying not to consume / buy anything that isn't 100% my thing, trying to clear posessions out a lot generally, buddhist detachment or maybe just another symptom of itchy feet..?

katiek123 · 17/06/2009 12:10

kids - BFM a must-read in my view. i think many of us on here have finished it. i've started re-reading it in fact but then felt compelled to pass it on to someone in greater need (temporarily!). definitely applies to teenagers too (i feel i have got a teenage DD already even tho only 8! whole other topic. i would last 10 minutes attempting to home-school her, put it that way ) since it is largely about handling your own emotions - those evoked in you by life in general and also specifically by family life - children, partner. so i would definitely get a copy (abebooks seems to be the way forward ) and not regard the purchase as giving in to the evil devil consumerism x

growingup · 17/06/2009 15:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Pinkfluffyslippers · 18/06/2009 07:17

Kids - I agree with Katie that "BFM a calm approach"is a must read and has lots of things that apply to any age. Re: summary of it - have a look at the publishers synopsis on Google. ALso my library stocks a copy of BFM - so perhaps yours does as well. Guru Sarah has written a book called BFM - lingering questions which I've got on order from the bookshop. This book which reflects on the fact that the authors kids are now slightly older children. When I've read it I'll report back here.

Katie - your recent comments about the Quakers being your sangha motivated me to go to a Quaker meeting yesterday lunchtime. Since going out in the evening is difficult and I can't make Sunday meetings I thought a lunchtime - half hour meeting would be ok.. WOW it was lovely, I felt so much better when I went back to work. MUCH calmer. (It was the first time I'd been to a meeting since DD was born). Katie I think I'm going to join you in the Quako buddhist corner!

My suggestion is if anyone can't get to a meditation class but wants some space/ quiet time then a Quaker meeting seems to be good compromise.

PHilB - since finding this thread I've started attending a weekly yoga class and I love it. Our teacher is v spiritual and this seems to fit where I am now.(Every class ends with Namaste!) I have no idea what type of yoga she practices but I always feel v "stretched afterwards. I suppose you just have to shop around until you find a teacher that suits you - which is a real drag - but probably worth it.

Have a lovely day.

katiek123 · 18/06/2009 12:43

pinkfluffy - i am so glad you enjoyed your quaker experience! that's lovely news. welcome to the somewhat under-advertised and little-explored world of quako-buddhism we are trailblazers

i have found several of the quakers at my meeting very naturally buddhist-inclined, in all seriousness there does seem to be a major overlap. plus quakers are so famously liberal and welcoming to all, that you can't help but feel that you fit in, even if you're not coming from a christian background.

must fly - love to all

Pinkfluffyslippers · 18/06/2009 13:38

Have just taken delivery of my BFM with lingering questions... It looks as good / as relevant as the first book.
Some of the chapter headings seem v relevant to me at the moment:
Who Am I?
Who are my children?
Is this all?
What can I do about all this housework?

HOpe you're all having a good day.
X

peanutbrittle · 18/06/2009 23:54

I found a quaker group that meet near where I work on a tuesday lunchtime - can I just roll up? I thought it might be a good way to get a midday meditation in , as I am crap at sitting at home in the evenings...

what do I do, just go in and sit down? does the non-speaking extend to coming and going or do they converse like normal folk then and just sink into silence at a certain point?

questions questions questions...

I had the good fortune to see Patti Smith perform tonight and from some of her lyrics and attitudes on stage started to wonder whether she is a buddhist, or even quako-buddhist...hmmm

Pinkfluffyslippers · 19/06/2009 07:41

Hi PB,

Katie is probably best qualified to answer your question. But when I went to the meeting on Wednesday I was a couple of minutes late and everyone was already sitting there in silence. The end of the meeting was signalled when the person leading the meeting shook hands with his neighbour. Then they had announcements and everyone stayed for a chat and a cup of tea. (Sadly I missed the tea as I had to hot foot it back to the office).
BTW PB - how's your dad? (I've been thinking of him lots and how lovely it must be for you) Maybe he'd like a Quaker meeting? What I liked about it is it feels familiar and I feel that with Buddhism there might be too much cultural stuff to take on board (red buddhas / hungary ghosts etc).

At my local Quakers they also have lots of groups using the building including the Zen buddhists - which I haven't come across. Anyone a Zen buddhist?

I did a Google search of Quako Buddhists and found this:
thebuddhistquaker.blogspot.com/

Would be interested if anyone finds anything else.

Apologies if my early morning postings seem a bit incoherent but I'm half asleep

katiek123 · 19/06/2009 08:20

hello fluffy and peanut!

re quaker etiquette, fluffy is quite correct - you arrive (no need, at all, to contact them beforehand - everyone is very welcome) and sit down in silence - no-one ever talks at this point. some meetings are, thereafter, more vocal than others. in mine, an average of 3 or 4 people stand up at irregular intervals during the hour that follows, in order to share a thought, or an anecdote, or an insight with the rest of the meeting. some people read from a book (eg 'notes and queries' one of the key quaker texts) or maybe quote from a text that has inspired them. they then sit down and silence resumes. in our meeting the unspoken rule is that no-one ever stands up more than once! the silence is broken after one hour, when the elders shake hands - that is the sign for everyone else to shake hands with those nearest them and to greet each other. then people are usually invited to reflect and, if need be, comment on anything that has been said. then it's notices and business matters - and tea!

i once went to a meeting in bristol and could not believe how much more talking there was than at our meeting; equally, i have heard of meetings where it is rare for the silence to be broken even once during the hour! so they do vary. i like ours very much - just enough talking to focus the mind on new and often inspiring themes, but not enough to detract from concentrating on that lovely, peaceful inner stillness, in the warm and loving company of others who also value that beautiful sensation and see it as valuable and something worth cultivating.

it is really worth going onto the uk quakers site (i think it's quakers.org) and ordering their free welcome pack, because it includes a lovely introductory book and also a copy of notes and queries (a slim little booklet) as well as some general literature in the form of leaflets.

i love that you googled 'quakobuddhists', PFS - that had never occurred to me before!! will check that site out later! i agree that there is something soothing about quakers in that it is a more culturally familiar scene - i do find it quite restful sometimes to take a break from, as you amusingly put it, 'red buddhas and hungry ghosts' ...day to day i find buddhist 'tools for living' invaluable however, and would be much diminished without them.

hugs to you all, you lovely people. i am off to meet a good friend for coffee then take my little girl to the dentist. still no sign of her top baby teeth coming out aged 8 ! to finish on a more prosaic note!!

xxx

kidsRTW · 19/06/2009 14:24

The discussion re quakers is very interesting! I have probably had a bit of a rocky spiritual journey and struggle to belong (conform?)but some of the most lovely people I have ever met (who have also changed my life )have been quakers. I have always shyed away from the Christian aspect of it, though. Very tempting to pluck up the courage to go there but somehow I sense that I would feel very akward just going! I guess I just find dates / times of a local meeting on the website??

katiek123 · 19/06/2009 17:07

hi kids! that's very interesting. yes, dates and times of local meetings would be easily found via the website, that's how i found the one in bristol a few months ago when i was spending the weekend there x

Pinkfluffyslippers · 19/06/2009 19:55

Hi All,
Kids - I totally sympathise with your hesitancy. (I suffer from the same thing)
Two things:

  1. some quakers are aetheists, many are Christians, some are Jewish, some are just there. (Look at their website for more info on this) 2. there's a lovely Quaker phrase - "Live adventurously" - which inspired me to take the plunge to go to last week's meeting.

Katie / PM / Everyone else ---- the new BFM lingering questions book I'm reading is wonderful. I'm only up to page 7 but I've dipped into the other chapters and its just excellent. Very good for mums with older kids - it would appear. Katie- bad news - you may want to buy this book for all your friends as well as the original BFM. The section on housework - is excellent.

I've found what appears to be a very interesting book by a Catholic born Quaker who goes off to Plum Village and practices Buddhism. (Oh she's a shepherd as well). Google :
"The Barn at the End of the World" by Mary Rose O'Reilly.

Sorry for adding to the great wobbling tower of books-to-be read.!

Hope you're all well.
PFS

kidsRTW · 20/06/2009 21:33

thanks for the advice! I was hoping for an evening Quaker meeting locally but it's sun am so really hard with regards to childcare. Might try, though.
Is anyone based in London and happens to know if, say, the big Waterstones would have the BFM ? Would love to browse as I am going down on Wed for an exam and might just want to treat myself afterwards...

peanutbrittle · 20/06/2009 22:29

hi - just a quickie to say that the waterstones on gower st had two copies when I was there a couple of weeks ago, good buddhist section for browsing too..
not sure about one on picadilly

[rushes back to preps for DD1 birthday party tomorrow]

katiek123 · 20/06/2009 23:11

kids - the sunday am thing is a weekly headache for me with childcare. i miss about half of them accordingly! DH working tomorrow morning, so am toying with the idea of dragging both kids along - i've taken DD once before and that was fine but 5 y old DS might be a different matter - i've used up a lot of favours asking local friends to have them in recent months for an hour and a half but there is only so often you can ask people to help you out...sigh...

pinkfluffy- i am really looking forward to taking delivery of 'lingering questions' now - roll on the housework chapter, indeed

peanut - good luck with the party and - crucially - remember not to gag openly as you hand over the party bags. i try to veto them every year, and every year i fail - of course

night night xxx

kidsRTW · 21/06/2009 19:56

thanks, peanut, I will try to get there - some calm mindfulness will do me good pre exam anyway thanks to my lack of preparation with kids, work etc. oh well.....
Havn't even got round to meditating this weekend so far with a very complicated arrangement for childcare to ensure kids' sport events adn friend's triathlon.
Party bags - I thankfully am past the kiddie party stage but generally didn't do them.
We even managed to avoid presents in the last few years by asking for money for charit instead. Having spent so much time travelling RTW the kids had seen enough poverty to be more proud of buying 200 spoons for an orphanage than have another set of crayons. It really worked well. This anti - materialism is causing some other problems now, but, hey, guess we can't have everything.

mangolassi · 23/06/2009 08:31

I'm curious, what problems could anti-materialism cause? I'm struggling with my own control freakiness
desire to be rich
fear of destitution materialist instincts atm, I can't imagine how less materialism would hurt!

I think I disagree with you all a tiny bit about BFM... I enjoyed it, and it was definitely refreshing to read an entire book about Buddhism that didn't say anything stupid about spending 14 years alone in a cave etc, but I have to say I didn't feel like I learnt anything about Buddhism from it. Maybe that's just my perspective, having lived in Buddhist countries for so long, I've had more exposure to the concepts. I felt like she started to say something really interesting about the idea of no-self and having a newborn, but then copped out a bit with, "Ooh, that's quite difficult isn't it? Go and talk to a Buddhist monk about it". I kind of wished she'd collaborated with a monk/ nun-type person and that would have made the chapter much richer.

OP posts:
kidsRTW · 23/06/2009 09:18

there is no problem with anti materialism itself and I am in that respect very proud of them. It is a question of fitting into the materialistic society that we live in. They often just don't have much in common with their peers and struggle to fit in - or find people who can just acdcept their being different. they don't want to give up their ideal and just can't get interested in the lates gadgets etc so often find that they get ignored by their peers as the usual peer pressure mechanism doesn't work. I guess they have an even harder time than the usual teens to find their own way which sometimes makes me a bit sad and I feels sorry for them.
I experience the same thing - being ignored by the mother's crowds at sports day etc - but, hey, I am old enough to be perfectly happy in my own company!