MADAMEZ, Are you here tonight? HUMANIST advice needed please!

[SneakerPimp]

just wondered if you could help me with some ideas for a wedding/naming service please?

Hello, this is Madamez (post namechange). How can I help? DO you want to discuss on here or CAT me? (I will be vanishing for a bit to watch the end of Dead Set but will be back after that...)

lol at name change,

i have too so noone 'knows' me

and i am impressed at the speed of your response,

Dead Set now finished. (puts down bucket of raw meat and brains). Sooooo - what can I do you for?

we are having a humanist service (booked it) and we are planning to combine a naming service in to it,

we started out thinking we would have a 'civil' service but after research and reading i like the humanist values,

can you give me some ideas of what i might say, do, play, talk about,

how do you see a combination of the two working together?

Quite a few people combine a humanist wedding and naming ceremony and they work fine. We did one as a roleplay exercise when I was training as a celebrant; as I recall the couple made their wedding vows/promises and then did the naming part of it, with promises etc made to the child and a poem read etc. Are you in Scotland btw? Because if so, your humanist wedding is legal, if you are in England or Wales (I think Wales is the same as England WRT this) you will still have to use a registrar: depending on your chosen venue/local registrar, you might be able to do the whole lot in one session but some people go to the register office a day or two beforehand.
Your celebrant will go through all the possibilities with you and make suggestions for things like readings, vows, symbolic actions (some people like to light a candle, give each other a rose, exchange rings or other gifts etc) - all humanist ceremonies are written after a long consultation with the people the ceremony is for; the celebrant makes suggestions and asks about what things matter to the people involved. You'll get a draft script to approve before the actual day. If you want some extra ideas for readings there is a nice book the BHA sells called Seasons of Life which contains humanist prose and poetry for everything (namings, weddings, funerals), also you could have a look in your local library as there are loads of anthologies of poetry etc for ceremonies (some of which are even helpfully called things like Poems for Weddings).

live in england,

wedding in scotland,

was also this way so handy given humanist wedding are legal there,

i want to make music a big part of the service and have an acoustic guitar player to hand,

and for dd i would like a balloon release but i am aware of the enviromental issues so probablly a no go,

we are have a sky lantern release in the evening so kind of the same thing,

i will get that book, thanks,

what are the best things you have seen?

Having a live musician is always good - CDs can get stuck or get inadvertently put on the wrong track (you wanted Angels, you get Smack My Bitch Up etc). At the risk of sounding like a right pompous bellend, the best ceremonies are the ones that suit the participants and have bits that really mean something to them.

I'm wondering about whether to suggest a dove release - while they are more often used for funerals it could be a nice feature for a naming ceremony - but there are potential drawbacks (dove shits on participant, dove flies straight into wind turbine...) Depending on where you are having the event, might a tree planting be suitable?

pmsl at the 'doves shit on the participant'

we have had a really tough time getting dd here (lost 3 along the way and i am keen to acknowledge this at some point, i want her brother mentioned)

i quite like that but i think dp will think it is too 'hippy'

i am more 'hippy' than him

candles and fireworks i like but we are having them at the night,

with the lanterns, the fire pits, the oil burners, the band...

tis a fab wedding i am planning

what sort of stuff to people say?

SOunds lovely. Your celebrant will be happy to include mentions of dd's brother etc. WRT vows, promises and suchlike, you can choose whether you want to do it along the lines of 'I Sneakerpimp hereby take You Mr Sneakerpimp, I will always feed you well and give you blowjobs etc' or you can have the celebrant say 'Do you Sneakerpimp agree to feed Mr Sneakerpimp and give him blowjobs' (excuse the flippancy, just using hypothetical examples) and you only have to say 'I Will' or 'I do' - the last ceremony I did, the couple wanted just to say 'I will/I do' as they didn't want to speak much themselves.
How old is DD? Because obviously her level of participation is going to be dependent on how old she is - handing a kid a rose, for example, is perhaps not advisable if the kid is just going to eat it or stick it up her nose... Also, if you are having guideparents/mentors (there isn't yet a standard short term for 'humanist equivalent of godparent' that everyone likes) are they going to say certain words or (for instance) hold DD while they say them - this might work fine if she is a baby, less so if she is an active 3-year-old.

dd will be 14 months

i see myself walking to the beach behind the piper (lol) with my sis and best mate behind him, and me and dd holding hands following,

we are assuming she will be walking and be an angel

my dad to too phobic to be doing any of the father of the bride stuff,

my best mate will do a talk about me and her (i think this would be better placed before the meal tho, like a father of the bride speech, but my bessie instead,

i want dd to grow up to learn to love others for being different, i want her to respect peoples decisions (her 'godfather' is gay and her 'godmother' is atheist )

I would suggest being prepared* to have someone either carrying DD or pushing her in a buggy - some DC don't walk till 16/18 months .

WRT to your friend's talk, if it's going to be in the ceremony it should be under 2 minutes, if it's going to be longer, have it as the after-dinner speech.

(Well that's what I would say - but nothing is compulsory, your celebrant will want to make an event that you are happy with).

no buggy,

bf can carry her,

no buggy,

the 2 min thing is good advice

is amazing grace a no go?

dp wants it but it is a christian song i am feel a hypocrite having it,

thing is, he just likes the tune,

i need to feel the words/meaning,

there are a few songs i MUST have on the day,

obscure to the outsider...

I knew it was you Madamez!

My grandpa wants a humanist funeral.

boco,

i love you,

click on my name

(and pics)

Well, Amazing Grace is a Christian song (is your DD's name Grace?) so you'd need to talk it over with your celebrant. Humanist ceremonies are free from religion but at the same time celebrants kind of use their discretion when it comes to music and readings. Are you planning to sing it/have the guests sing it or just have the piper play the tune - if it's the latter then I can;t see any celebrant objecting because it is a gorgeous tune, especially when played on bagpipes.

yep,

bagpipes,

dd is not grace,

hope is a nice name tho

Can't see there being any problem with that What stage are you at with your celebrant?

Boco: humanist funerals are lovely, generally appreciated by everyone - and celebrants will always include (if asked) a 'moment for quiet reflection' so any guests who are religious can say a silent prayer if they want.

only spoke once,

booked my mail yesterday,

i am excited,

i never thought i would get married,

not in a church anyways,

this is as good as it gets,

i was never one for childhood, big dress, princess wedding dreams,

Well your next stage will be a meeting with the celebrant when he/she will talk to you about all the things you want and make suggestions so you get exactly the ceremony that suits you and your DP/DD. Good luck! Humanist ceremonies are lovely because they are so specific to the people they are for, and I hope yours goes gloriously - your ideas sound great.

thanks,

you are not in scotland are you?

NO sorry, am in South London.
And off to bed now. Hopefully without nightmares (have been watching Dead Set all week so have had a couple of waking-up-convinced-there-is-zombie-in-room-but-it's-just-DS-snuffling moments)

lived in 'soffe east landon' for 5 years,

peckham/dulwich/forest hill way,

thankyou so much for your help tonight