Don't know if I believe anymore

[CaliforniaGal89]

I am a Christian, raised in a Christian family. I have never believed in a literal account of Genesis but a lot of Christians I know do. I hear a lot of people say that you need to give your worries to God, but I try that and it makes no difference. The same answers are given all the time, no matter the query and it just feels like a lot of Christians only have the same responses and don't have any real insight at all.

I have also been badly treated by a Christian man, who has just got engaged. Everyone thinks he is a lovely person but how I was treated has made me wonder why God would bless someone who can talk the talk but doesn't actually demonstrate Christ like behaviour when no one else is around.

I am just struggling to keep believing that there is a God as everything that happens in life just seems to be random and If there is a God controling everything, he comes across as cruel.

Has anyone else been in this situation?

Doubt is a hugely normal part of a Christian's walk with God. Believing in God is foolishness compared with all of the 'wisdom' of the world. It's illogical, and countercultural, but IME the highs, the joy, the peace are so worth it.

I'm sorry to hear that you have been treated badly. People can be cruel, and life certainly isn't fair. But God doesn't promise us that it will be. Look what happened to Jesus, and indeed to the disciples. He promised instead that He will be with us, through the hard times, that He will love us and help us, in the tough times as well as the good times. Have you read The Hiding Place, by Corrie Ten Boom? She explains it far better than I can.

In the meantime, do you belong to a church, with good teaching and supportive Christian friends? That's so important in the tough times.

I appreciate what you are saying but I have had a lot of trauma in my life and I don't feel that Jesus is there. If he is, he hasn't done anything about it. Instead, he puts me through more pain and suffering. I pray for respite, but he never gives it.

I'm fairly new to Christianity, just over a year, before that I was in to witchcraft, I won't go in to details but I was saved.

What I've learnt is its not Jesus and God who put us through things. We are stalked by demons constantly. When I've been going through hard times, rather than praying for respite I pray for strength and guidance, when you ask differently you get different help. This is so hard for me as I am so new to it and I'm still trying to deal with my own journey. You've clearly been through so much but you're still here, he is with you, come to him a different way, that maybe what he's waiting for. The book of Job explained some of this for me. That "Christian" man may way look like he's being blessed in this world but after that will be a different story. I'll pray for you and I really hope you have peace

I can't give too many details, but he demonstrated behaviour that I didn't realise was manipulative until people with experience told me that his behaviour was exactly that. I can't really accept it as he was so kind and charismatic, he preaches in his church and everyone loves him. I have asked for strength and guidance in the past but I don't ever get an answer.

He will answer for that, as hard as it is we have to ask God to forgive people like that, He passes judgment not us. The truth will out, He will deal with him.

You will get an answer but it won't be when we want it, He has a different time line and plan for us, the biggest thing (and I have struggled with this myself) is to trust Him. Keep praying, be with Him as much as you can.

You've linked this man with the church and with God. You're going to need to separate them again to find your own truth. Men can do terrible things, whether they are Christian or not. Look back in history at all the people who professed to be Christian but treated their fellow human appallingly - slave traders, colonisers, priests who abused children just for starters. This man is just one flawed person - he has nothing to do with your personal relationship with God.

(I am not a Christian, just curious and exploring.)

This is so true and probably one of the reasons I avoided Christianity. So many "Christians" have done terrible things in the name of Christianity that He expressly told us NOT to do tarnishing Christians as evil really when in reality if we followed the teachings the world would be a better place.

@CaliforniaGal89 from reading your various posts it would seem you are looking to other people for answers and blaming God for what other people have done to you. If you are a Christian and know your Bible, you will know that we live in a fallen world and no person is perfect. Take your eyes off other people, and just prayerfully concentrate on God’s Word, ask Him to examine your own heart, for your own life. You will also know that He does not always answer our sincere prayers in a way we want nor in our timing.

Your complaints about your ex who is now engaged to somebody else, and who preaches in church and is ‘loved by everyone’, is something else. His Christian walk and relationship with the Lord, is his own.

@Thegreatestoftheseislove I know you mean well, but your response is one of the reasons I really struggle with the Christian faith. It's never God that is to blame, it's always the fallen world argument, a classic example of the same answer being given out to address all issues.

Also, I take issue with your use of the word complaint. When people have suffered and been treated badly by others, stating what they have done is not complaining, it is simply stating the truth. Your response is nothing new, I'm afraid.

@Thegreatestoftheseislove Also, all I was doing was giving some reasons as to why I find this man's behaviour towards me difficult to accept. The fact that he is engaged, preaches in church and is well liked are just facts. You have judged me on very little information. It is obvious that I am struggling with my faith and have been through a difficult time and I'm afraid your response hasn't done anything to make that struggle any easier. You may not realise it but you have not been a good witness here.

You could look at it a few ways

1. its a test sent by god
2. having faith in god despite these bad things because he knows best and takes you down a path he knows
3. use this as your time to step away from the church.

it’s moments like this where people question what they have been taught and the whys. Your response is either to step away from it all or read what’s in the bible and listen to that. It’s a personal journey just for you to decide.

It is never God to blame

okay so imagine God is to blame then. What does it change for you? Do you feel better?

I suppose my questions revolve around, if God is in control, why doesn't he intervene? If he really cares, why does he allow suffering, especially continuous suffering? If he chooses not to do anything, how can that be considered good?

It just seems to me that the more I look at Christianity, the more it doesn't make sense. We are just meant to give everything to God, but what does that even mean?

I think that my mind is just struggling to accept what I know to be true, which is there isn't a God and no powerful deity has our best interests at heart. Believing there is a God is a security blanket that I think makes me afraid to let go as it means that comfort and hope is gone.

You said you were raised in a Christian family. How did you come to personal faith yourself?

It was after university, I had a lot of questions and ended up on a Christianity Explored course. I wasn't a practicing Christian before that.

Did you never have any personal experience of Jesus after you became a follower? Did your life change in any way?

There were gradual shifts in attitudes, views etc, it wasn't an overnight transformation.

Personal experience can mean different things. I've never heard his voice, had a vision etc. I suppose I have felt convicted to act in a Christ like way on several occasions. I haven't had a "spiritual" experience.

It sounds as if your experience with this man isn't the only difficult experience you have had in life.
In my experience, many Christians and much of the church in general don't handle people who have been traumatised very well. They don't know how to cope with it.
If you can , stick with "I don't know what I believe right now". It is ok not to know. It is ok for things not to make sense.

A Book that has helped me is " Out of Sorts" by Sarah Bessey.
You may also find articles/ books on "trauma informed theology" really helpful.

Thanks for being so forthcoming in your replies.

My advice would be to seek some prayer ministry in your church or home group. I say this because you’ve mentioned experiencing a lot of trauma in your life, and from experience I know that this can affect us very negatively in our spiritual life.

I would be hopeful that a few experienced people would be able to discern what the underlying issue might be and the best way to go forward.

In response to your question
“”why does God allow suffering?”
you might find this helpful.
https://www.gotquestions.org/bad-things-good-people.html

Fair enough.

No, not judged you at all. Merely responding to the information you provided. I will bow out, if you have heard it all before and don’t want to hear it again.

I think @Thegreatestoftheseislove has made some good points.

you seem to be moodily mulling and looking to blame god for this man’s actions. Why? Don’t look to blame someone else to make yourself feel better about either not seeing this guy was bad as quickly as you could or making excuses of god for his behaviour. Ultimately, this guy isn’t a good guy but it has nothing to do with god and everything to do with humanity.

if you want to believe in god then you must know bad things happen. This goes against the classical god of theism but is also a fact in the bible. If you aren’t happy with these answers then step away from god.

But it doesn’t sound as if your belief is any kind of security blanket or comfort to you any more, if it ever was. It’s just leaving you with difficult questions about a supposedly benevolent, omnipotent deity who doesn’t appear to act in any discernible way for the benefit of his creation unless his followers perform extreme mental gymnastics to regard the death of a first-century Galilean Jewish preacher as evidence of divine benevolence.

Would it not free you to at least consider the possibility to ceasing to be a Christian might be a liberating and meaningful act, and to think about acting with compassion, love and charity without some kind of supernatural watcher?

I’m not suggesting you need to ditch the entire thing, but take a step outside for a bit. It’s perfectly possible to lead a fulfilling and good life in which you behave ethically and care for others outside the bounds of a religion.

I grew up in a very devout family in a devout society, and I’ve found stepping away from it a positive experience.

I'm am atheist with no interest in influencing you either way, but I hope you find your way to peace of mind. What I will say is that I find comfort and hope in difficult times, in a different way, but I find them. Part of that is simply accepting that sometimes bad things happen to good people, sometimes good things happen to bad people, there's no big plan or intent behind it all. Why me? Why not me? The only fairness is the world is that which we as humans can strive to make. Personally I find that way more comforting than believing in an ineffable plan that includes so much suffering. Shit just happens.

I was a Christian for over 30 years before I realised none of it really made sense and that it was perfectly fine not to be a Christian if I didn’t want to. Over ten years later I am so happy I left it behind. My advice is let yourself lean into the doubt. There are loads of really good ex Christian podcasts out there which are really helpful. I am so glad I left and don’t regret it.