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Philosophy/religion

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Don't know if I believe anymore

39 replies

CaliforniaGal89 · 07/12/2025 22:47

I am a Christian, raised in a Christian family. I have never believed in a literal account of Genesis but a lot of Christians I know do. I hear a lot of people say that you need to give your worries to God, but I try that and it makes no difference. The same answers are given all the time, no matter the query and it just feels like a lot of Christians only have the same responses and don't have any real insight at all.

I have also been badly treated by a Christian man, who has just got engaged. Everyone thinks he is a lovely person but how I was treated has made me wonder why God would bless someone who can talk the talk but doesn't actually demonstrate Christ like behaviour when no one else is around.

I am just struggling to keep believing that there is a God as everything that happens in life just seems to be random and If there is a God controling everything, he comes across as cruel.

Has anyone else been in this situation?

OP posts:
CaliforniaGal89 · 09/12/2025 11:20

BigFenianEnergy · 08/12/2025 22:22

I think @Thegreatestoftheseislove has made some good points.

you seem to be moodily mulling and looking to blame god for this man’s actions. Why? Don’t look to blame someone else to make yourself feel better about either not seeing this guy was bad as quickly as you could or making excuses of god for his behaviour. Ultimately, this guy isn’t a good guy but it has nothing to do with god and everything to do with humanity.

if you want to believe in god then you must know bad things happen. This goes against the classical god of theism but is also a fact in the bible. If you aren’t happy with these answers then step away from god.

I'm not moody, just trying to make sense of a something I went through that was distressing.
It is natural to look for answers when something like that happens. I do know bad things happen and I don't think I should be immune to experiencing trials and suffering at all, that is not realistic.

Are you a Christian?

OP posts:
Mrsbucketthe3rd · 09/12/2025 11:43

OP just be aware that Christianity encourages self hate. Demonstrated by posters on here. You are not allowed to blame God and you must feel bad about yourself. You feel bad about yourself so you turn to God! It’s like someone making you sick and then looking like a hero when they give you the medicine.

Sorciere1 · 09/12/2025 15:30

CaliforniaGal89 · 08/12/2025 14:21

I suppose my questions revolve around, if God is in control, why doesn't he intervene? If he really cares, why does he allow suffering, especially continuous suffering? If he chooses not to do anything, how can that be considered good?

It just seems to me that the more I look at Christianity, the more it doesn't make sense. We are just meant to give everything to God, but what does that even mean?

I think that my mind is just struggling to accept what I know to be true, which is there isn't a God and no powerful deity has our best interests at heart. Believing there is a God is a security blanket that I think makes me afraid to let go as it means that comfort and hope is gone.

Polytheist here, in Buddhism or Greco-Roman philosophy, the cosmos seen as intelligent, organizing and Divine, and beings have sparks of divinity too. So there can be many gods.
So the problem with monotheism is that if the one god in total control doesn't like you you're done. Plus he can send you to hell.
In a polytheistic worldview there are many gods and they have powers but not absolute control. Meaning they can help you or not, depending on how they feel.
and yes some gods have really helped me and some goddesses just aren't interested and that's okay. There are concepts of fate and reincarnation which explain bad things that happen. And also a philosophy of being strong in difficult circumstances.
Stoicism does so does Buddhism (and Hinduism...)
So there are choices other than monotheism or atheism, that other brilliant minds have found to be nourishing and giving meaning to life.
I do wish you the best!

BigFenianEnergy · 09/12/2025 18:26

CaliforniaGal89 · 09/12/2025 11:20

I'm not moody, just trying to make sense of a something I went through that was distressing.
It is natural to look for answers when something like that happens. I do know bad things happen and I don't think I should be immune to experiencing trials and suffering at all, that is not realistic.

Are you a Christian?

Well you don’t sound happy…

it is natural, completely, but this can’t be the first bad thing that’s happened to make you question, so why now? What’s changed?

i would say that It’s nothing to do with god and this guy is just a prick. If you’re asking about whether to believe or not, then I think you have to dig deeper to the faith or give it up. Whichever you choose to do will be a well thought out decision and will be right for you but does this happen every so often or this is the first time?

I was raised catholic. Staunch atheist for the last twenty or so years. Starting to rethink recently but can’t see me changing back as it were.

please know, I’m not saying this harshly. I hope it’s not coming across that way but it’s hard on messages.

EducatingArti · 09/12/2025 19:02

LeaningOnTheEverlastingArms · 08/12/2025 16:05

Thanks for being so forthcoming in your replies.

My advice would be to seek some prayer ministry in your church or home group. I say this because you’ve mentioned experiencing a lot of trauma in your life, and from experience I know that this can affect us very negatively in our spiritual life.

I would be hopeful that a few experienced people would be able to discern what the underlying issue might be and the best way to go forward.

In response to your question
”why does God allow suffering?”
you might find this helpful.
https://www.gotquestions.org/bad-things-good-people.html

This is very dangerous advice unless those offering prayer have had some significant psychotherapeutic training. It is so easy for well- meaning pray-ers to actually re-traumatise someone and actually make things worse.

ErrolTheDragon · 09/12/2025 19:14

i was a Christian, raised in a Christian family. My faith felt real… but I lost it. I earnestly prayed for faith, but it was gone, and the Christians around me really didn’t help at all.

And when I finally faced up to to idea that maybe god didn’t exist - everything became so much more clear. The contradictions and inconsistencies simply vanished.

I missed the church a lot but there’s no way to fake it.

Milkwort · 09/12/2025 19:41

ErrolTheDragon · 09/12/2025 19:14

i was a Christian, raised in a Christian family. My faith felt real… but I lost it. I earnestly prayed for faith, but it was gone, and the Christians around me really didn’t help at all.

And when I finally faced up to to idea that maybe god didn’t exist - everything became so much more clear. The contradictions and inconsistencies simply vanished.

I missed the church a lot but there’s no way to fake it.

Yes, I also experienced a real sense of relief when I stopped the exhausting mental gymnastics of trying to square that circle. These days if I’m in a church, what I see is people desperately placating a deity they’ve imagined into into existence.

Mrsbucketthe3rd · 09/12/2025 19:43

Milkwort · 09/12/2025 19:41

Yes, I also experienced a real sense of relief when I stopped the exhausting mental gymnastics of trying to square that circle. These days if I’m in a church, what I see is people desperately placating a deity they’ve imagined into into existence.

Me too, the cognitive dissonance is exhausting!

Catinabeanbag · 10/12/2025 09:44

Christmas eve back in 2008, I was at a midnight mass service, reading the creed, and suddenly thought 'I don't believe any of this any more'. It was like reading a recipe. That was after being brought up in a charismatic baptist church, teaching sunday school, being involved in the worship band....same all through Uni and my 20s. And then suddenly it didn't make sense any more. So I stepped away from church for eleven years. I think doubt / questions are perfectly reasonable as part of a faith journey. People often say the opposite of faith is doubt - I don't think so, I think the opposite of faith is certainty. Faith is the belief in what we cannot see, but alongside that come questions - is this real, does God exist, why does crappy stuff happen? For me questions were around being gay, and being brought up in a church environment that taught that being gay was wrong.
In hindsight, it was necessary for me to step out of church for that period - and I tried quite hard not to be a Christian through that time - I had to 'deconstruct' what I'd been brought up with and see if there really was truth in it and what that might mean for me.
Ultimately I ended up going back to church six years ago, because I wanted to, not because I thought I ought to, and my faith and relationship with God has completely changed for the better. Crappy stuff still happens to me (my wife of 19 years left me for someone else last year), but I haven't questioned 'why does God let these things happen'. God's been with me through it all; in the people around me, and in the good things that have come out of it (which seems strange to say, but that's what's happened).

Nowhere in the bible does it say that when we're Christians life will be rosy and only good things will happen.... we live in the real world, where people die, hurt us, we lose out jobs... all sorts of crap. We're not immune to any of that, and Christians and church institutions are sometimes the people and places that hurt us. That's not to diminish anything you've been though - far from it - more to say that (sadly) other christians can and do hurt us, and aren't always a good example of Christ. I could drive myself nuts wondering why my partner left me, but actually, that's for her to figure out with God, and I need to let that go and just walk my own path (to sound a bit cheesy!).

If you're part of a church at the moment, it might be worth talking to the vicar, if they seem like a decent person, or a trusted 'someone else' - it sounds like you need to untangle all of this with someone who can do it gently and kindly with you. If you're in the right headspace, I'd maybe suggest praying, even if you're not sure what you believe, but you might not be in that place, and that's fine.
You could also try noticing where God might be at work..... in your OP you say that you take your worries to God and only ever get the same answers.... sometimes it's about learning to notice the ways in which God is at work or speaks to us. Very rarely is it a 'bolt from on high'....often God speaks & works in much quieter ways.... through other people, things we read, through situations, sometimes in completely unexpected ways. It's about listening, and learning notice those times; the little whispers that can often go unnoticed.
It could be that you start by saying to God 'speak to me today' and then trying to be aware of little nudges, how you feel, things that happen, and so on (though be careful not to read 'God' into everything!!!)

butterdish93 · 10/12/2025 10:08

Sometimes your faith has to be completely stripped away. Sometimes for years, before you get to a place where you can completely rebuild it. Once I cut out all the bits that don’t resonate with me or don’t make sense, I had a much better starting point to feel gods presence around me and in my life.
I have returned to church but take a lot of it with a pinch of salt. I can still experience god though.
God is bigger than the bible.
and bigger than Christianity as a religion
and bigger than all the people who do harm in his name.

QwertyAtThirty · 10/12/2025 10:20

I'm from a similar background to you I think, OP - raised in a Christian family and have been a Christian all my life. But increasingly I feel so disillusioned with Christianity. The pastor in my church was recently found to be having an affair with one of the congregants, for example. It also doesn't help that half my family is American and subscribes to all the Trump/MAGA rubbish under the guise of it being "Christian", which just seems like the complete antithesis to everything Jesus ever said.
I keep thinking "If this is Christianity, I don't want any part of it", but then I come back to Jesus asking his disciples "Who do you say I am?" and it helps to take my focus off of all the rubbish I see in the world around me, and puts it back onto the person of Christ, who I do actually believe in, and I think that's what the Christian faith actually comes down to - not the behaviour of people in the church, not politics, not the myriad agendas that Christianity has been co-opted for, but who you believe Jesus is.

Leskovac · 10/12/2025 21:48

OP- I am a lurker here- complicated relationship with religion.

You mentioned not having had a “spiritual experience “. I wonder whether this book might be of potential interest to you:
https://amzn.eu/d/8R8ET

Apparently a stable 20% of people have what might be called spiritual experiences, but the interpretation they put on those experiences is culturally constrained. A lot of Christians never have an experience like that but are still Christians, and conversely some people have these experiences but don’t become religious.

Sorry about your ex. Try not to let your sense of your self be defined by men (easier said than done, I know).

Leskovac · 10/12/2025 21:54

Actually try this:-
https://amzn.eu/d/j4Zu4Ik

Carla786 · 17/12/2025 03:20

CaliforniaGal89 · 08/12/2025 14:21

I suppose my questions revolve around, if God is in control, why doesn't he intervene? If he really cares, why does he allow suffering, especially continuous suffering? If he chooses not to do anything, how can that be considered good?

It just seems to me that the more I look at Christianity, the more it doesn't make sense. We are just meant to give everything to God, but what does that even mean?

I think that my mind is just struggling to accept what I know to be true, which is there isn't a God and no powerful deity has our best interests at heart. Believing there is a God is a security blanket that I think makes me afraid to let go as it means that comfort and hope is gone.

🫂You could look at theologians like Alfred Whitehead and the rabbi Harold Kushner who argue God is not all powerful (finite God theory) . This was how I personally reconciled with these doubts.

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