People assuming: if you go to church, you are holier than thou, hate swearing etc.

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I had this happen to me recently, which surprised me: a colleague I like very much who knows I go to church swore in front of me, then covered her mouth and said “I forgot you don’t like swearing”. I had never said such a thing, and she added that she thought I don’t like it because I go to church, and I don’t think she was joking.

I swiftly put her right, explained that I don’t think many of us who go to church are any holier than anyone else; but I was wondering if this is a popular belief. Has anyone else had this?

Well I am not a church goer, but some family members are, and they truly are holier than thou. Swearing from mildest onwards is anathema to them .

I wouldn’t normally swear around anyone other than DH, but the odd ‘bloody hell’ has been met with a whole lot of tutting…

Church of Scotland , if that makes a difference.

I swiftly put her right,

by telling her to fu@k off?

Colleagues who are aware I attend church have variously assumed the following about me:

That my husband must also be a church goer.
That I must vote Conservative.
That I must be homophobic.
That I must find swearing terribly offensive.
That my children must be forced to attend church.
That I’m prudish about sex.
That I must be tee-total.

None of the above are true.

I was most shocked about the “Tory voter”

An old friend of DH was pleased to be asked to be one of our witnesses but expressed surprise that we were getting married in church: "Thought you didn't believe in all that". When DH said that he didn't but it was important to LaMar, old friend said to me, shocked, "I'd never have taken you for a Christian!".
I think it was a sort of twisted compliment 😀
Nobody's ever worried about swearing in front of because I'm a church goer.

I’ve been told off for swearing in a church car park, apparently responding to the question:

”How has life been since your husband died?”

with:

”Fucking awful if I’m honest.”

was “inappropriate and not suitable for church-going folk to hear” (bear in mind the only other people in the car park were some distance away and partially deaf).

So, unfortunately it is the “holier than thou” folk who give religious types the reputation of being anti-swearing, by speaking on behalf of you and declaring that you lot don’t like it 🤷‍♀️

They told you they assume those things about you? Your colleagues?

How rude and bizarre.

This is because people who attend Anglican churches are on the whole more small c conservative and vote Tory (and now reform) at a higher rate than non religious people

Traditionally Catholics used to vote more for labour but this has now dropped off and are now becoming more right wing.

Muslims tended to vote Labour but this is changing too.

Do you swear?

I think it's a fairly reasonable assumption that Christians wouldn't wish to use or to hear foul and course language. I've just done a quick google search and come up with the following from the Bible:

Ephesians 4:29 instructs Christians to let "no unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up"

Ephesians 5:4 condemns "obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking"

Colossians 4:6 encourages Christians to let their speech be "gracious, seasoned with salt"

So there we are. Of course, just because you're a church goer doesn't mean you're a Christian.

I was brought up a Catholic and I find that people that were not raised as church goers tend to have a peculiar view of those that are.

Most Catholics I know are extremely sweary and the opposite of clean living. Most Catholics I know never set foot in church (like me), but that’s another matter 😂

Yes I do swear, when I'm angry, and I'm not ashamed of it so shoot me. And so do some other people at my church (Church of England), I've heard them do it. Usually they choose carefully who they do it in front of.

This same colleague (who's fifteen years younger than me, and I don't think has been to church much in her life, and probably doesn't know many people who do) also assumed that I'm terribly prudish, and was surprised when I told her stories about my past that showed that I'm not. She asked "how do you reconcile all that with going to church?". I said, with a smile, "I don't", and explained although I go to church, I decide for myself what to believe, and what to act on.

I haven't come across the "Tory voter" thing, but the area I live in is very conservative. I did wonder as a child how to reconcile having money and property with "easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter God's kingdom"; but at that age I took things very literally.

Certain older members of my family objected to phrases such as "Oh God", and I knew a churchgoer who didn't like hearing "hell" out of context.

It's more that this is the first time I've been aware of somebody assuming things about me, because I go to church.

Yes, I would have that view. If I realise someone is Christian (or other similar persuasion), I will forcibly say “oh my gosh!” rather than my usual fluent blasphemy.

Well, growing up in Ireland in the 70s and 80s, literally the entire town would shuffle through the car park into the parish church every Sunday, so there was no particular ‘type of person’ who ‘went to church’. Everyone did. Now that church (where my parents still attend) has a tiny congregation of octogenarians and west African and Filipino immigrants. I live near a church which is run by the traditionalist Society of Pius X, and there’s absolutely a ‘type’ — right-wing, ultra-conservative in multiple ways, worshipper of tradition etc.

Mind you, until I met the evangelical vicar of the village church where I last lived in England, I’d never met anyone who believed Genesis was literally true. I wanted to poke him and see if he was real.

So I suppose I’m saying that ‘types’ absolutely exist within different subcultures of different religions.

Oh, the speech of many of our more observant colleagues is definitely quite salty at times.

I was brought up a Catholic and I find that people that were not raised as church goers tend to have a peculiar view of those that are.

I was brought up Methodist, and I agree.

People make a lot of assumptions. But actually, people everywhere tend to like putting people in boxes and are often surprised to find out what individuals like, or do outside of the setting you know them from.

I've had people surprised I am a Church goer, but equally, I've quite often had people at Church quite surprised about other things I like doing.

You see it on here all the time, with people stereotyping people.

When I was a kid (and went to a fairly evangelical charismatic church) swearing was a big no, drinking was ok, as long as not too much, smoking was a no.
My parents are Tory voters (and might well vote Reform).
I now go to a CofE church in a big city - it's fairly middle of the road in terms of style / liturgy, but I'd take a punt that a fair portion of the congregation are labour voters, I have sworn when in front of the vicar in conversation about a particularly tricky issue and it's fine, though I certainly wouldn't do that with most members of the congregation. My experience is that in more inner city churches there's a more diverse 'political' mix in terms of voting, and folk tend to be less conservative in all sorts of areas than in more rural areas (where I grew up). Many churches in the Inclusive Church network are in the cities.

Not all in the one conversation! 😆 Or in fact in the same company.

Some of the comments were posed as sincere questions, some as “jokes” and others were indeed just rude.

Ah, I’m not Anglican and that’s not really the case in my denomination so that passed me by.

Agreed, people stereotype other people all the time.

I’m a church goer and there are plenty of po-faced puritans so the reputation isn’t entirely inaccurate. Evangelicals are the worst - homophobic and strait laced being a pretty standard experience when I meet them (snobby too).

Me? I’m a Christian but drink and swear like a docker. I figure that my behaviour is between me and God. I try to live by the golden commandment. Jesus chose to live with ordinary uneducated friends, I hope he forgives me my potty mouth.

Gina with great respect, Christians are not perfect. That is the whole point of requiring forgiveness from God.

We are meant to try but as mere humans won’t always succeed.

Jesus spent time with the social outcasts and sinners of his time, lepers, prostitutes and tax collectors included. If he were to pop back to Earth next Sunday I’m fairly sure he wouldn’t be spending it in church.

Better to try to give each other encouragement and support- self righteousness isn’t that helpful.

Unfortunately many many church goers are very very holier than thou

Well I know a female vicar who swears like a sailor, wears leopard print under her robes and does pole fitness, so she blasted any assumptions I had about religious people straight out of the water!

I grew up catholic and we were the worst blasphemers, I didn’t realise it wasn’t acceptable until I met my Protestant mother in law who visible recoils when I say ‘Jesus Christ!’ when something goes wrong. She also hates ‘oh my god!’ Which I say at least 5 times a day.

other than the disapproval of swearing she’s otherwise fabulous. I try my best not to speak like that around her because I don’t want to upset her but I often forget and it just slips out 😃

My husband's a vicar. He visits a 90+ year old parishioner who swears like a docker in front of him - she's brilliant