Catholic Baptism - can I opt out?

[WhiskyCollins]

So I was raised Catholic - varying levels of devotion/strictness across my (large) family. I went to catholic schools, went to church reasonably frequently, and did my communion and confirmation.

However, I haven’t been to church except for family events for many years, and I don’t feel the loss of it or particularly want to go back, and I don’t call myself a Catholic anymore.

The only problem is, I am now a mother to a beautiful little boy and I am struggling with the idea of him being the only one in my entire family who isn’t baptised.

I know that my other family members who aren’t really religious have had their children baptised and just gone through the motions. Part of me considered doing this too, but I can’t bring myself to stand up and lie about what I believe.

I would love to let my parents stand up and say the baptismal vows in my place, as I know it means a lot to them that my son should be baptised and I have no objections. It would be easy to find loving and genuinely devout godparents amongst my family too. I would be content with my son becoming Catholic, but realistically I know this is unlikely as I won’t raise him that way myself.

Has anyone heard of anything like this happening? I will talk to my parish priest about this too but he’s quite unfriendly/unpleasant so I thought I would gauge strangers on an internet forum first 😁

I don't see an issue with having your parents present him for baptism, assuming it's allowed. I had mine baptised purely for my mother's sake too

Hi I'm not from a religious family at all so no christengs for my Dc. I don't actually think there is anything wrong with getting babies christened/baptised if you are essentially from a religious family what harm will it do? and your parents will be happy and it will be a family get together if you decide to go ahead with it.

Is this priest the only one nearby? I'm sorry that he's not helpful to you. Does he have a deacon? The deacon often leads on the baptisms.

I don't think you can baptise a child without at least one parent saying they will raise the child in the faith, but I don't know for sure. If you don't want your ds to not be baptised then it does seem like you are happy to pass on something of a faith in God to him?

In our diocese, you have to do a course before baptism - you could do the course and then consider? If there is no course, then maybe try Alpha to see if something there resonates with you. Best of luck 😊

Sorry I meant to finish don't the god parents stand for the baby? I'm not familiar with who says what,

Parents ( or at least one of them ) do have to declare their faith, reject satan and say they will bring up the child Catholic.

Right, I mean can you interpret in your head as bringing up your child to be on the right path but say that out loud ? Because that's sort of what it means .

I have fairly firm faith and find all the parts of the baptism pretty awkward to say out loud. Felt the same at my confirmation too, to be honest. So I get you.

I think you need to find the right preist who can sympathetically talk through how you feel. If you didn't feel at least agnostic, or have some faith, saying the words on behalf of your baby probably wouldn't bother you?

Christening my daughter has led to a strengthening of my own faith and catalysed my husband and I finding a church community that suits us.

If you feel that your parish priest is unfriendly/unpleasant, is there another priest that you can talk to about this+

Maybe it is the case of finding the right priest. Ours seems to really relish being a bit of a fundamentalist and was very unkind to a beloved (and devout, regular church goer) member of my family when she became infirm and was known to be suffering from dementia. So he’s not the best advert. I’m pretty sure he’ll say no, and enjoy saying no, if I express any doubt to him at all.

I’d be asking myself in your shoes why I was acting against my own convictions — DS is certainly the only child in either of our families, ever, not to have been baptised, and his four grandparents are devout daily Massgoers, and DH and I were both brought up in devout practicing households.

That makes no difference to the fact that we’re both atheists who feel much of our religious childhood was pernicious, and our parents’ religious beliefs simply count for very little in comparison. I’m not going to sign my child up with an institution I believe is corrupt, misogynist and abusive.

The priest sounds horrible that would put me off , is there another church you could go to.

I suppose because that wasn’t my experience growing up. I grew up around people whose faith has been a beautiful and positive thing in their lives. It’s simply that now, as an adult, I don’t believe in God. So my only conviction is that I don’t want to stand up and say that I do - everything else I’m pretty relaxed about.

You definitely can, this is what most of my siblings have done - made the vows despite never going to church or intending to take the child to church either! Personally I’m not sure I can ‘renounce Satan and all his works and all his empty promises’ with a straight face.

I also grew up around people whose Catholicism they would consider as a positive thing? To me them considering it a positive doesn’t come anywhere near counterbalancing my own lack of belief or my awareness of the pernicious effects of institutional Catholicism, as another set of dead priests are named as abusers.

I don't get it, Op. If you have no religious beliefs why are you wanting your son baptised? If you aren't religious what do you think you are missing out on? Have a naming ceremony instead. No lies or pretending to be anything you aren't and you can still have a party, photos, and gifts if that's what you want and identity godparents informally.

I don’t understand the logic either, and I am a practicing Catholic with increasing Faith.
I don’t think you should go through with something you don’t currently believe in.
But I do think you should explore the reasons why you want to have your son baptised.
There’s likely to be more than one Catholic Church in your area, and it’s unfair to Priests to judge them all by the one that is unpleasant.
There are loads of resources for exploring Faith these days - Bishop Robert Barron on YouTube is an excellent speaker.
I think the Faith we are exposed to in childhood is not deep enough to last as an adult, unless we look into it further.
At least that way you’ll make a more informed, adult decision for your child.

My parents brought their grandson to be baptised and his parents were not even present.

I can't understand compromising your beliefs on something so significant.

Oh go on it doesn't cost anything don't deny him what you've had and the schools are usually very good

I wouldn't go to any church where the priest was unfriendly or unpleasant.

We had ours baptised to please my parents, for tradition and to ensure they’d get into the outstanding catholic primary here. I’m a completely lapsed Catholic (husband is nothing) and the godparents are like me, Catholic but not practicing or believers. We had no issue with saying the words required even though we’re all atheists or agnostics.

Our priest was an absolute dick, too.

"The only problem is, I am now a mother to a beautiful little boy and I am struggling with the idea of him being the only one in my entire family who isn’t baptised."

If you don't attend church much why is it important to you?

If you have no intention of bringing him up in the faith why does it matter?

I am disappointed to hear you describe your Parish Priest as "unfriendly and unpleasant". If you hardly ever go to church and engage with him, how is it you have formed that opinion?

@WhiskyCollins "Personally I’m not sure I can ‘renounce Satan and all his works and all his empty promises’ with a straight face."

If you think the whole thing is a joke why bother with it? Have a Baby Naming Ceremony instead.

I think many Christians have a more nuanced view of evil that makes rejecting Satan out loud feel more than a little awkward. There's no call for other Christians to be judgemental about this, everyone has aspects of Biblical teaching, liturgy, etc thay they feel in tension with. Wrestling with that is part of the journey.

I had a similar "What the...?!" reaction to being told I had to kneel in front of the Bishop as part of my confirmation!

I'm AngloCatholic though - and I think there is much more openess in most Anglican churches to the fact that not everyone finds it easy to sign up to an entire catchetism in one absolute go... particularly when you're talking about inviting the Holy Spirit to support growth of faith in a baby, alongside the godparents, rather than making a final commitment to that religion for the baby. Baptism of a baby is only sowing a seed.

@Trallia "I'm AngloCatholic though - and I think there is much more openess in most Anglican churches to the fact that not everyone finds it easy to sign up to an entire catchetism in one absolute go... particularly when you're talking about inviting the Holy Spirit to support growth of faith in a baby, alongside the godparents, rather than making a final commitment to that religion for the baby. Baptism of a baby is only sowing a seed."

Maybe that's the Anglican view but the OP is having qualms about a Catholic baptism,

In the Catholic Church, Baptism is conferred upon infants to free them from Original Sin, to initiate them into the Church as Christians, and to give them the supernatural grace of God that will allow them to be formed in sanctity. Baptism is the gateway to the other Sacraments, and so it prepares the child for later reception of Confirmation and the Eucharist, among other sacraments.

As i said earlier if OP has no intention of following the Catechism of the Catholic Church then, IMO, she shouldn't take part in a ceremony which she has already admitted she sees as a bit of a joke.