Catholic funeral - what to expect

[squashyhat]

I am (loosely) C of E and am attending a Catholic funeral next week. There is a requiem mass and a cremation on separate days. Can anyone tell me what to expect? I have heard that it's likely to be quite long. I am confirmed so can I take communion? And what is the dress code? Is the cremation for family only or does it vary? Obviously I could ask them all of this but want to avoid adding any stress.

I think it depends where you are.
Its still done near our family in Ireland and I was at a removal in London just a month ago.
We stayed all night in the church

After ‘deliver us from evil’ the priest usually carries on with a few more lines ending ‘as we wait in joyful hope for the coming of our Saviour Jesus Christ’ (Pope Benedict may have changed the wording since I regularly attended) and then everyone joins in with ‘for the kingdom the power and the glory are yours, now and for ever.’

As an aside re clothes.

Its not necessary to be totally in black
Bright colours aren’t really ok but
and I hope I don’t get a pile on for this

tight fitting and low cut clothes would be frowned upon……it’s not a night club

im going to ignore comments if there is a pile on

My mum always used to hate the idea of the coffin on its own in church overnight after the removal. We never knew anyone stay in there - that’s even creepier!

My mum died in Covid so had no funeral at all, so she didn’t need to have worried!

Exactly

Yes you can stay with the coffin and even stay in relays taking turns
You don’t have to leave them alone, although I’m guessing you’d have to be a regular church goer. As you have the church to yourself.

No you absolutely can't take communion. Go up for a blessing if you want to. But for the rest of the service just following what other folk do as regards standing up sitting down and kneeling if you want to

What @Fink says.

Why would there be a pile-on? I don’t think non-Catholics generally dress as if going clubbing at a funeral either!

At this point, as a Catholic, I would like to apologise to you op.

Whenever I have attended a C of E service, a baptism for a godchild for example, I have asked in advance and every C of E vicar has been most welcoming and allowed me to take Communion. I am really embarrassed and dismayed by the fact that we Catholics are not as accommodating.

I hope you are made to feel welcome. You will recognise the format of the mass. Just be careful at the end of the Our Father as it differs from yours slightly.

And if you would like to receive a blessing from the priest, just approach him in the communion line and cross your arms over your chest, with the tips of your fingers touching the opposite shoulder. He will make a sign of the cross on your forehead or in front of it.

There was a thread some time ago on a similar subject and the person who mentioned low cut tights clothes got a MN bashing.

As an aside my SIL and her daughter turned up to my parents funerals dressed in very very short tight dresses. So, worth mentioning I think.

I've only been to one and remember a lot of water being flicked around, it can give you a bit of fright if you aren't expecting it.

I also had to watch everyone else very carefully to follow along as the standing and sitting parts were different to other services I've attended.

I did kind of try and hide myself away at the back as I didn't want to do anything wrong.

Only the coffin is blessed with Holy Water
Its not chucked around at the back of the church 🤣

The Priest walked down the middle (aisle?) swinging a brush dipped in presumably holy water and it hit my face, he could maybe sense my heathen ways 😳.

I've seen it too. My Uncles funeral, cousins gf had on very short shorts, bare legs and high heeled ankle boots. She stood out like a sore thumb especially as she was part of the close family funeral party.

Exactly
I mean no one’s going to stop you going into a church but if you don’t want to stand out and want to be respectful then dress accordingly.

Yep
That’ll be it 🤣🤣

It will be long! (All relative but agree with 1 hour). No, you won't be able to take communion in a catholic mass.

If you are a UK Anglican attending a UK catholic funeral, you won't find it that different. You can't take communion although to be honest some do and I haven't seen anyone smited so far.

As for the cremation, be guided by what people say at the funeral - it is entirely up to the family whether the cremation is for everyone or a smaller group.

Thanks very much to everyone who has responded. Really helpful. I am planning on wearing this cardigan as a top, with black trousers, shoes and coat. Do you think that will be OK? https://tuclothing.sainsburys.co.uk/product/tuc144953935

The cardigan looks too bright. I would go with black or navy at a push.
You shouldn't take communion, but you can go to the priest for a blessing - cross your arms onto your shoulders.
For the mass, coffin still already be in the church.
For the prayers, everything will be written out in the order of service, just follow that. Kneel, sit, stand when everyone else does.
If you don't know the words just murmer quietly.
Mass can be anything from 30 mins to just over an hour.
Don't be surprised if there isn't a eulogy or there's only one at the end.
Depending on how traditional, women who aren't family may not go to the graveside. There is no issue with you going it's just sometimes "not done"

Feck it, I say go and get communion, how will they know 😂😂

….joke…

I wouldn’t wear a pink cardigan personally.

As an atheist I have attended several catholic funerals outside the UK for the in-laws side of things, and they have had absolutely no issue with non-catholics taking communion (I just stay in my seat). So clearly some of the detail will depend where the funeral will be and what the local rules/conventions are.

Yes, they're a lot longer than any other church funeral I've been to - you could get two C of E funerals and a christening in for the same amount of time. Sit back, enjoy the ritual aspects, and don't get hung up on following the responses as the regulars will take care of that. Try not to sneeze when they fumigate the congregation.

I've only encountered open casket in the chapel of rest before the coffin is brought to the church.

Yes, but this has nothing to do with Catholicism. Catholicism doesn’t have a specific funeral dress code. Dressing as if you’re going to a nightclub would be equally inappropriate at a C of E/Methodist/Unitarian funeral.

@DogInATent, I believe you, obviously, but canon law stipulates non-Catholics aren’t allowed to take communion at a Catholic mass, so it shouldn’t be down to differences in local practice.