Trying to be a Christian... any tips?

[HeroicMinute]

I've just started listening to the Hallowed app. The first thing I've come across is a Routines course, which is great for me as I am horrendous time waster, which probably explains why I haven't spiritually evolved.
I was raised loosely Christian and attended the village church as a child. I think I want to replicate this traditional experience, but with some slightly more intellectual content.
I've been thinking about Christianity for a few years, and have tried a few different churches, but nothing's stuck.
My reasons for not sticking at a church:
-I can't handle a church band, it all seems very nice and worshipful but it makes me cringe a bit. I love a choir.
-I am very opposed to modern identity politics and didn't go back when a vicar started talking about structural racism in the church.
-I stopped going to an evangelical church because the curate was sweet and excited about his Christianity but did lengthy sermons suitable for children with no analysis or intellectual stimulation.
-found a curate at another church a bit creepy.
-found the sermon in a big popular church on 8th October to be a bit antisemitic.

You get the picture; I'm a bit of a PITA and I'm obviously putting up barriers. Don't get me wrong; I'm not a particularly intellectual person but I am curious and I sincerely want to be a Christian. I don't yet believe properly, sometimes I do, well I suppose I usually do, but with varying levels of conviction.
Any tips would be very gratefully received.
Thank you in advance.

Reported. Don't know if it'll do any good. Plenty of places on mumsnet to bash religion and spout hate. Leave a peaceful thread to swap resources and share experiences. Go and jeer somewhere else.

@HeroicMinute you are confusing several things. Church services are for worship and community rather than education. Find a service you like- a traditional CofE or Catholic Church/cathedral are your best bet. Don’t expect to explore your faith there- it’s too deep to do within a service, the format doesn’t lend itself.
Exploring and learning is best done with a home group or online course. Bigger churches are likely to have a choice of home group or bible study group, one of which may be exploring theology.

Don’t stay anywhere the teaching in services is repeatedly anti semitic/sexist/homophobic. I say repeatedly because the odd sermon from a cover/retired leader doesn’t reflect the overall position of that church. My church has both leaders who are for and those against same sex marriage, for example. Everyone will hear the occasional sermon they disagree with, but not regularly.

First things first.
Talk to Jesus, use you own words. Talk to him like he is someone who knows you intimately, loves you immeasurably and has your best interests at heart, but someone who is not going to let you get away with being less than your best.
Treat him like this, because that is who he is.
Talk to him in the style of language you normally use...correct grammar and big intellectual words? Great...lots of slang and can't form a sentence? Just as great.

There are two ways to find a church

1. visit local churches regularly till you find one you can cope with. Go to each church more than once, attend different services at different times. Be careful that the one time you go is not the week they decided to experiment or had a visiting preacher or you went to the youth take-over event.
2. read listen and watch christian media until you have an idea of your theological beliefs then go to the church which most aligns with these. I suggest a mix of both.

It sounds like you are an intellectual. Most people aren't. You will not get fed that part of your need at an average Sunday service. We had an intellectual priest once. He thought he was giving easy to understand teaching. Meanwhile many of the parents started to attend the little kids (3-7 year olds) liturgy using the excuse thst their kids needed them there, in reality, they admitted it was because they could understand what we were teaching the kids and were learning loads from it, but they couldn't even begin to understand the priest's sermon.

I am roman catholic in my beliefs. So I attend my local roman Catholic parish. They are a great community. But they are into organs and Latin. I like worship bands and prayers which are personal, so I fulfil that need elsewhere, which helps me to serve my parish better.

Remember the church is made up of sinners. If you expect people to be holy, you will be disappointed.

@HeroicMinute

Hi 👋
Have you ever thought about going 🤔 to vist spiritual & well being retreats places ?
sometimes they can be in unausaul places/buildings of interest stay at too.

Also think as you are searching spiritual things,
i think going on a Christian pilgrimages at places of spiritual significance,
could be beneficial to you in some way, and meet like minded people too doing the same or similar thing..

If you are interested or curious just look online Google to have a look and see whats out there..?

I wholeheartedly echo those who say being a Christian isn’t something you try externally; it’s a personal relationship with Jesus Christ as your Savior! But if you’re looking to learn more, grow closer to God, and you don’t love the modern worship/praise team concept… take a look in your region and see if you can find a smaller Independent Baptist church. We tend to have choirs, sing traditional music more than modern, and take a personal relationship with the Lord quite seriously in a very old-fashioned way. 🤍

Thanks OP for starting this thread. I've found it useful. I've actually just ordered a new bible as my previous one had such tiny typeface that it was difficult to read. I've picked up one or two ideas here.

I quite like the writing of Henri Nouwen who was a Dutch Catholic priest - here is a link to a book of daily meditations :

www.amazon.co.uk/You-are-Beloved-Meditations-Spiritual/dp/1473632552/ref=asc_df_1473632552/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=310817460612&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=12874783997866031230&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9180597&hvtargid=pla-527711813995&psc=1&mcid=79d1c598d06d337591ccb2b9586bc3ac&th=1&psc=1&ref=d6k_applink_bb_dls&dplnkId=758e92e3-e436-4fe1-9ed2-1c76799427dc

Try Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster. Great for guiding you through trialling different expressions of faith to see what works best for you for connecting with God.

I find the Youversion Bible App on Google play quite good. It has a verse of the day, a short speaker about that verse (few mins), a written blurb about the material and a prayer. It's easy to incorporate into daily life.

Read the Gospels. Honestly. It’s so easy to think that you know it all anyway and you’ve heard every part of them here and there, and maybe in total you have. But you cannot let beat sitting down and actually reading them, start at the beginning of Matthew and work through over a month or however long suits you. There are plenty of apps you can use if you prefer to listen than read.

This has been the biggest thing for me in terms of the development of faith.

I agree with this, but... the Founder was very into "modern identity politics" et al. Perhaps less time looking at buildings and contents, and more thinking about the fact that the Founder was something of a revolutionary with a stubborn streak! We are supposed to care about racism ( do you know why there is a parable about the good Samaritan?) and disadvantage, and be the reason for change.

You sound a bit like me. I too am searching for the ‘perfect’ church that will fill me with enthusiasm, but sometimes I think you need to pick somewhere and commit.
Theres a good group on FB called Inclusive Evangelicals which you might like, it’s very welcoming and accepting of everyone with their doubts and messiness.
And lots of people who are disillusioned with the evangelical church but don’t want to give up on it. To me spirituality is so much about community and other people, so I’d say it’s important to find your community.

Watching as I'm v.much a "baby Christian" and learning. Christianity Explored and Hope Explored helped me a lot, as does the growth group I now attend.

What's the app Hallowed? I tried searching on Google play and could only see a catholic one.

@Pinkbonbon - thank you for your wonderful summary of Christianity! Just lovely.
Also, for dealing with the idiots 😐.......

Church of England churches vary widely in their worship styles, from the worship band, longer sermons, no dog collar, not always communion every Sunday 'low' churches, right through to the Anglo-Catholic 'high' churches with 'smells and bells', robed choirs, priest in vestments and the like.
A Church Near You is a good place to start in trying to find a CofE church - and I'd suggest checking out the individual church websites as well to get a sense of what their beliefs / values are.

Definitely agree with others on here in that Christianity is a relationship with God, not what you do, or where you go to church.

One thing someone said to me recently which I found really helpful is that no one church can feed us in all the ways we need, as we're not one dimensional people. So for example if you find one church that you go to the majority of the time and call 'home', there's nothing to stop you going somewhere else once a month, or to a midweek thing somewhere else, or joining something online, or whatever you need.

Wow! Just catching up with this. Thank you so much. I feel quite moved by your suggestions and kindness in sharing them.

I'll have a more detailed look later and respond properly.

Today I've listened to Bible in a Year on Hallow (yes it is Catholic I think).

Nice to be in touch with some others finding their way to God.

@Pinkbonbon I have yet to meet a single Catholic who prays to statues of Mary, that's quite a narrow and simplistic view point. It doesn't help anyone to tear down an entire branch of Christianity based on misinformed ideas that you have.

We are saved by grace, not our works, so if you trust Jesus as your saviour, you are a Christian. I believe the Bible when it describes Jesus as God with us, fully human, fully God. That is part of the mystery. There's not 'good' or 'bad' Christians, all Christians are a work in progress, no human is perfect and to be held above others. Church is full of imperfect people. Jesus came to heal the sick not those who thought they had no need. Music can be really divisive, it's not the main thing though. I love choral music but listen to that at home. Focus on a church that's committed to faithfully preaching the Bible, that sees the prayer meeting as important, and that is seeking to serve in the community. If you find the perfect church, don't join it, you'll only spoil it! Seek to listen and serve. You need to work at being part of a Christian community, give it time too before dismissing a church. Focus on God's word and test everything else by that. Hope you find somewhere you can settle, grow and contribute your talents.

Any true spiritual enlightenment will cover mind body and spirit

If you like rituals look for an Anglican high church - most cathedrals will be like this or a traditional Catholic Church - this is the physical, the body - rituals are so so important for spiritual transformation

learn - look at how your chosen religion )Christianity) has developed, seek out the esoteric within your religion, what does the symbolism mean? Look for the heretics, you’ll learn far more through their writings, read the primary sources, join online groups to discuss these sources - look for esoteric Christian groups and books, this is the mind

pray and meditate (done properly these are the same)- western discursive meditation, find a direct experience of god - this is your spirit,

I'm a pagan but experienced church with many dear christian friends; high low, Quaker, Anglo-Catholic....
I also recommend a cathedral service as a great fit, the music, rich history and aesthetics would appeal and uplift you.
And Christian art, architecture and music (I love you Bach) are phenomenal; it's a path that leads to the divine.
An Anglo-Catholic church would also probably give you what you need .

Finally I would search out an Anglican monastery or convent and go for spiritual direction. Having an experienced guide on the path is invaluable.
My final suggestion would be to read "The Showings of Julian of Norwich" a spiritual classic you may enjoy.

I wish you could come to our church. It is so warm and welcoming and traditional but without being stuffy. My friend is the vicar. She is all for traditional-hates ‘happy clappy’, bands, guitars, waving hands etc. we have a choir (we aren’t brilliant but we try haha), have a Sunday school once a month, tea and coffee after mass, autumn fayre, carol service etc. I love it.
I have always been Christian but until I met my lovely Rev friend I had nobody to pray with or discuss Jesus with. She took my gran’s funeral, and I fainted on her during it - we sort of hit it off after that, you have to laugh.

1. Pray
2. Pray
3. Pray some more
4. Get familiar with the Bible

Hi OP. You sound a bit like me. I like a bit of analysis and intellectual stimulation too, and I don’t like identity politics or antisemitism. Have you tried asking God to guide you to a suitable church for you?

Alpha courses can be very helpful. This online course looks good too. I am a fan of Glen Scrivener, the presenter.
https://speaklife.org.uk/321course/

i agree with the PPs who suggested Tim Keller’s The Reason for God. His Making Sense of God is also great and was written for sceptics and enquirers. (£2.99 on Kindle.)
https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B01ARXVWBK/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?ie=UTF8&qid=&sr=

His Open Forum talks and Q and A might be helpful too.
http://podcast.gospelinlife.com/?s=Open%20forum.
‘Open Forums were specifically designed for skeptics or those wrestling with the claims of Christianity.’

Basic Christianity by John Stott was part of my journey.

Is God Real? by Lee Strobel tackles some key questions in a readable way. He was an award-winning journalist.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0310368235/?encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_plhdr=t&aaxitk=0312258b3069847f4e63417c6a91d80e&hsa_cr_id=0&qid=1704664864&sr=1-1-e0fa1fdd-d857-4087-adda-5bd576b25987&ref=sbx_be_s_sparkle_mcd_asin_0_img&pd_rd_w=1Hjlh&content-id=amzn1.sym.25f7c301-a223-4ff8-91c9-accfeab9fda8%3Aamzn1.sym.25f7c301-a223-4ff8-91c9-accfeab9fda8&pf_rd_p=25f7c301-a223-4ff8-91c9-accfeab9fda8&pf_rd_r=Z74NGH8S4QPAKVGFX7XW&pd_rd_wg=DwqRj&pd_rd_r=653a1a2c-f65f-4506-bd6c-9975b851a3c2

All the best with your search. Feel free to DM me if it would help. I did quite a lot of thinking before becoming a Christian in my thirties.

I thought I'd drop in to update as I think a few other people might be looking at this thread on a similar path.

I've been trying to pray, I guess I feel rubbish at it and I'm not feeling anything back, but I've had a blast of inspiration this morning so may be better equipped when I try again later.

Thank you for the cathedral suggestion; I listened to the service I plan to go to online this week, and plan to attend in person a week on Sunday.

I'm listening to The Reason For God by Timothy Keller which is brilliant. Thanks to those that suggested it.
I'm starting the Alpha course tomorrow evening. Again, thanks.
Your church sounds perfect @Mariposistaa
@Skye99 this is incredible!!! I willDM you but I wanted to leave this here incase anyone was interested. Thanks so much! I listened to Glenn Skrivener today and am blown away. This is right up my street. I'm incredibly moved and hopeful following his interview with Heather Tomlinson
They talked about my path pretty much, although I haven't reached the point where I could get baptised (again) or really in good conscience call myself a Christian. I was a rigid unthinking lefty all my life; I treated politics like religion. Then 5 1/2 years ago I became extremely concerned about one particular issue and it changed everything. I'm pretty much heterodox now, neither right nor left, but probably socially conservative. I started on this Christian path by listening to Tom Holland, followed by a lot of academic non-religious religious types and it seems people I have been incredibly impressed by politically in recent years are going down a similar path. I was surprised and delighted by Ayaan Hirsi Ali converting to Christianity, and live Louise Perry's secular (but sympathetic to Christianity) take on cultural issues.

I can now see how lost I was and the 'god-shaped-hole' is very real.
I'm looking, and I'm trying. Still failing in most ways but I have hope.

Thank you all!

That’s great 😀 Glad GS helped! God won’t mind how you pray to him. He’s just happy you’re talking to him.

I was a rigid unthinking lefty too. Guess I got less rigid as I went along 😄

I’m a Tom Holland fan, and I love his The Rest is History podcast.

@HeroicMinute please do, any time.