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Original poster

Have any gay parents managed to get their children baptised in the Catholic Church?

85 replies

OrangeSprout · 07/10/2023 06:47

Hi

We are a same sex couple but would like our children to be baptised into the Catholic Church? Are we likely to run into any problems? We both have Catholic backgrounds and we know at school that homosexuality was a huge problem but times have rapidly moved on since then and I wonder what the rules would be now?

thank you

OP posts:
CarpetDiem · 07/10/2023 07:39

You can do but why would you really want to put yourself through that? The inclusivity is a veneer and ultimately there will be church goers who vehemently disagree with your life.
Go to any catholic country (Malta eg) you won’t find a rainbow flag in sight and after 5 mins of speaking to a local, the homophobic cracks appear. Fundamentally this comes from the Catholic Church drip feeding their nonsense.

DivingForLove · 07/10/2023 07:42

I was going to say the same as PP - why not find a more inclusive religion? You’d struggle to find a less inclusive one than Catholicism tbh 😢.

cellarst · 07/10/2023 07:43

Some priests will, some won't. But this is a relatively strange question if you were raised Catholic.... If you're looking for a more inclusive religion that embraces same sex partners fry Unitarians.

43ontherocksporfavor · 07/10/2023 07:44

Why would you want to? I was a cradle Catholic but no longer for all sorts of reasons. I’m straight but can’t be part of a religion that excludes homosexuals.

WanderingWitches · 07/10/2023 07:45

Is it to get in a certain school?
I don't know why you would put your family through that.

whosaidtha · 07/10/2023 07:57

I think that your barriers would be more hat you aren't regular church goers. If you go regularly you would be familiar enough with the priest, congregation and how you have been received to know if it was something that would be welcomed by your priest.

whyhere · 07/10/2023 08:14

Anglican Church priest here. For us it's no problem at all - whatever one's views on homosexuality, baptism is about the child, not the parents (personally I long for the day when we're allowed to conduct same-sex marriage). However, I suspect it would be a brave RC priest who would go ahead; they seem to be under much stricter discipline than the CofE.

JustKen · 07/10/2023 08:24

Maybe a more inclusive denomination would be more welcoming OP? Unitarians, Episcopal, Quakers, URC...

stayathomer · 07/10/2023 08:35

I find it crazy that people are trying to convert you to another religion since you said you have catholic backgrounds!!! Saying that I am a practicing Catholic and really really hope that you easily find a church and priest who’ll treat you the way they would any other couple. The Catholic Church does have a horrific past, horrific, and I do regularly shudder at it and there’s still some bad apples there but I still root for it to fully change as I love love love the sense of community, the underlying message, and know and have known some lovely priests, sacristans, nuns etc. Ask around and I hope you get favourable answers x

Whiskyinajar · 07/10/2023 08:50

A friend of mine is a Catholic priest, he'd have no problem with this but his opinion of the Catholic church is not very high. He considers that they need to keep their noses out of families and how they live.

Everyone is welcome in his opinion.

DivingForLove · 07/10/2023 08:54

@stayathomer but it’s a really valid point - the Catholic Church is horrifically intolerant and backward thinking. Leave aside the whole issue of baptism of infants who can’t consent - why would you not open your mind to a different path? Just because you’re born Catholic doesn’t mean you can’t choose to move to a religion that actually acknowledges you’re a human being and doesn’t listen to a celibate man telling you who you’re allowed to share a bed with 🙄.

KnittedCardi · 07/10/2023 09:31

What's the core reason for wanting a Baptism? It's not required, unless you want to be an active member of a church, and it doesn't sound as though you are?

yoshiblue · 07/10/2023 09:38

I don't think our priest would have a problem with this. The stipulation is that at least one parent needs to be Catholic and you need to start attending church if you don't already.

I would make an appointment with your parish priest to discuss. Asking people on here is just going to attract stereotypical negative views of Catholicism which may not be true on the ground.

MorrisWallpaper · 07/10/2023 09:53

I have a couple of devout Catholic lesbian friends, and their daughter was baptised and attends a Catholic school (in south London). They used to attend a somewhat renegade Mass that operated out of different churches in central London, often run by priests who didn’t have a parish because they were working overseas, and were less subject to bishops’ authority, and a priest friend actually offered to marry them using the Catholic rite. (They worried he would get into trouble and refused, though he did a church blessing the day they were married.)

I have heard them say on more than one occasion that there’s a real trend towards far more conservatism now, as, as an ageing population of priests retire and die off, many parishes are now staffed by African priests, with a cultural attitude towards gay people as well as the doctrinaire one.

MissHavershamReturns · 07/10/2023 09:59

We know a couple in similar situation and friend of a friend who is a regular at mass said local priest would sadly not be welcoming

ChesapeakeBay · 07/10/2023 11:03

CarpetDiem · 07/10/2023 07:39

You can do but why would you really want to put yourself through that? The inclusivity is a veneer and ultimately there will be church goers who vehemently disagree with your life.
Go to any catholic country (Malta eg) you won’t find a rainbow flag in sight and after 5 mins of speaking to a local, the homophobic cracks appear. Fundamentally this comes from the Catholic Church drip feeding their nonsense.

We've literally just had Pride in Valletta. Don't be so ignorant.

elliejjtiny · 07/10/2023 11:14

I doubt it but tbh I don't understand why you would want to. I'm genuinely interested, why would you want your child to belong to a religion that believes you and your partner are committing a sun by being together.

elliejjtiny · 07/10/2023 11:15

A sin that should say, not sun.

FrenchandSaunders · 07/10/2023 11:16

@ChesapeakeBay Malta is actually very inclusive!

CurlewKate · 07/10/2023 11:16

Why would you want to?

ChesapeakeBay · 07/10/2023 11:20

FrenchandSaunders · 07/10/2023 11:16

@ChesapeakeBay Malta is actually very inclusive!

I know?

Chanhedforthis · 07/10/2023 11:24

Why would you want to?

Have you read the parts of the bible that condemn homosexuality?

BoohooWoohoo · 07/10/2023 11:27

I think that you need to attend church and get to know the priests. I walk past an Anglican Church which has a noticeboard outside and one of the posters specifically says that they don't judge and welcome all kinds of background including people who are gay. Some churches still do so I think it's a question of hunting ones who don't discriminate.

PTSDBarbiegirl · 07/10/2023 11:28

I don't understand why you would want to seek validation from an institution who has treated you so appallingly and does not welcome you as a family. Is this really how you wish your child to see themselves???? Could you consider something centered on acceptance that will enable your child to feel there is nothing 'wrong' about their family.

Autumcolors · 07/10/2023 11:31

You need to speak to your local Catholic parish priest.
It’s usual for families to be attending Mass regularly first.
Baptism is more than a ceremony - the parents and Godparents are responsible for bringing the children up in the Catholic Faith.
I say this with kindness - but as cradle Catholics you could be aware - as are you a same sex couple, living together, unmarried and unable to marry according to the teachings of the Church. It is going to be very difficult for you to do this.

When your children are older - eg teenagers they could ask for baptism.
I would say you are highly likely to be declined your request.
As an aside anyone can baptize in a case of emergency. It doesn’t have to be a priest. It’s the matter and form which are the crucial aspect.
At a minimum you would probably need to live as celibates, go to confession and make a resolution to live chastely. All Catholics are called to chastity - it just looks different depending on their state of life.
Dons hard hat. I’m just relaying the situation.