Hello, sorry I am late to this thread. It's kind of funny (in a sad way) how similar some of the experiences are, and how they have shaped our lives.
My mother was Catholic but when I was quite young, she got sucked into becoming a JW. My dad hated it and avoided it. It was the source of a lot of tension and arguments at home (among other issues). I got dragged to all the meetings and had the iconic "My Book of Bible Stories". I accepted and believed the JW teachings were "The Truth" as it was the only thing I'd ever known. I was very scared I would see my father die at Armageddon since he refused to come to the meetings.
I was a very curious and intelligent child, and started to have questions and notice things didn't add up. But felt the doubts on my part were due to personal failings and I needed to pray more, study more etc. I struggled a lot with following all the rules as I grew older - I loved music, dancing, felt sad I was not allowed to celebrate birthdays and Christmas so couldn't go to parties that I was invited to by school friends and so on. I was the only JW in the entire school for a while. I tried to hide it as I knew it was an "extreme" religion compared to the laid back views of my classmates, and I didn't want to be bullied and ostracized and lose the few friends I had.
The doubts kept piling up. Obviously we weren't allowed to read anything that wasn't JW-approved so I had no way of finding out any answers to my questions while I lived at home. There was a lot of pressure put on me by my mum and others to get baptised. I didn't want to as I had all these secret doubts, but in the end I caved in and went through the whole baptism process. I felt like I would be struck by lightning or something for doing this while my faith was so shaky.
Higher education is frowned upon, but thankfully both my parents were supportive of me going to university etc as they wanted me to get a good job and achieve the things they were unable to do. I think there was pressure on my mum to get me married off, but somehow she didn't try to do that to me.
Eventually I managed to leave home and that's when I was finally able to search the internet for answers and came across a lot of shocking information. I eventually plucked up the courage to read "Crisis of Conscience" by Raymond Franz and realised how manipulative the religion is..and essentially it's a cult. I was emotionally and mentally shattered as I didn't know what to do... "The Truth" turned out to be a complete lie but it was the only thing I knew.
It was a long process, but I learned to move on with my life. Happy atheist, but I couldn't tell my mum that - it would break her heart as she would worry she would see me die at Armageddon. Also she would face pressure to shun me and cut me off if I openly said I was against JW teachings. So I pretend to be a "lapsed" JW rather than an atheist. Keep our conversations to a minimum.
Anyway, I came across this article and it made me remember all my past. I usually don't think about it much until something triggers it.
https://www.theguardian.com/books/2024/feb/17/fiction-opened-my-eyes-author-jodie-chapman-on-growing-up-as-a-jehovahs-witness
I've never heard of the author but I have ordered her books. It will be interesting to read it and see if it's any good.
Coincidentally , there's a new helpline set up in the UK for anyone leaving or left high control religions and cults. Maybe some folks here might find it useful.
https://humanists.uk/2024/02/21/humanists-uk-launches-dedicated-faith-to-faithless-helpline-for-people-leaving-religions-and-cults/