Does anyone have Jehovah's Witness parents?

[jwparent]

Long story short I was brought up a JW. Parents were a bit in and out and didn't always attend meetings but still no Christmas or Birthdays. I was always petrified of lightening incase it was Armageddon starting. Not allowed into assembly or RE lessons at school.

It's was all just bloody awful and I wondered if anyone else here had this upbringing?

Me, left when I was about 16, as my parent split up. Siblings left as well

Could not wait to leave. Still have friends and family now who attend

I feel like whilst I had loving parents towards me, they did not love each other and only stayed together as divorce was forbidden.

Miserable upbringing.

I'm in my early 40's now and I still have unresolved issues

My husband grew up in the JWs, I got sucked in for a few years, but because I love history and was reading lots about early Christianity (between Christ and Constantine), I read lots of alternative stuff and discovered what an absolute sham it all is, and also looked into the early history of the JW and how they keep changing doctrine to suit themselves. We actually wrote a resignation letter to the HQ, which threw them into a flat spin as no one had ever actually resigned before! The local congregation said we had disfellowshipped ourselves, and that was that.
OH parents and sister lived a few hundred miles from us, so hardly spoke to us, we were not allowed to visit. His mother died, and a few years later his father. His did not tell OH that his father was ill, and only phoned to tell him he had died the afternoon before the funeral, so obviously he wasn't welcome. How cruel. I phoned my SIL and got a lot of things off my chest (that was cathartic!), since then, 30 years ago, we've never heard from her or her son.
they are a cult, I totally agree with everything the above posters have said, they are brainwashed and any independent thinking is frowned upon. Even using a different translation of the Bible to their own.
if anyone wants more info this website is good https://www.jwfacts.com/ . It's a bithttps://www.jwfacts.com/ Longwinded, but gives the lowdown on all their shenanigans.
Hope the OP is living a happy and fulfilled life now .

My sisters always refer to it as a cult. I can't quite refer to it as a cult as feel I'll be blaspheming. It's a strange feeling to still have as it seems its still got a hold on me and yet I'm completely out of it. Even commenting on this post makes me feel uneasy like I shouldn't be . I do feel I can say that it felt controlling but see it more looking in. However they would see it as more of a protection.

It's classed as a charity so people just donated but I always felt we were poor as they used to read the accounts at the meetings for the congregation and i remember it was always seemed to be in a deficit. Then next time it was okay then next time they read it was in a deficit again. It just gave the impression they always needed money to keep the Kingdom Hall going. Didn't get much from me though as I never had much to give!

If you read the book 'crisis of conscious' it's an eye opener as it's written by someone at the very top (governing body) Raymond Franz who eventually pulled away.

My niece and her whole family converted during covid. They were as a family very scared of dying from covid and were obviously 'caught' at a vulnerable time for them. There has been a big change in them all. The obvious changes around birthdays, Christmas etc that are no longer celebrated, but they now celebrate their wedding anniversary in a very big way with everyone from their hall buying them presents. The women have changed their dress style, now it's long modest dresses. All the adults now work part time as they are pioneering, so at most they work 2 days a week. They had quite high savings pre covid, so are dipping into this now.

The most obvious change has been their conversation. We don't see them socially anymore, so no meals out as most evenings they socialise with their congregation, there are lots of activities they all do together, outside of the pioneering. And when we do see them they talk about stuff that's happening in the world for instance climate change and what we think happens when we die.

So sorry to hear that @jwparent hope you get some help overcoming your upbringing

Thanks for the tip. I'll look at that right now.

@SpaceRaiders I absolutely agree the consequences keep on into adulthood. I hate the feeling that I've let my dad down. He's so disappointed in me.

@Myneighboursarewankers people want to get out because it's a very hard lifestyle. You miss out on a lot of fun things. Everyday you are controlled and living in fear. People think you are a freak.
Families who stay in are instructed from the platform to distance themselves from anyone who has left. This message has strengthened in recent years.

@ThreeBearsPorridge I agree it really shaped my view on sex and lead me to a lot of guilt and self loathing and bad decisions.
I'm glad you said about Brownies. It seems like a insignificant detail but honestly it's these little things that everyone takes for granted that ruins a childhood. Being so excluded from normal things means a child never fits in. It's traumatic. I absolutely used to dread January and coming back to school after Christmas as everyone would be talking about what they had and I wouldn't have had a thing. I remember not being upset about the toys but I'd be cringing about the embarrassment of my life. Im tearing up even writing this and thinking back to those times. I'd hate for my children to live like that.

@summer2030 it's the baptising teens that really upsets me. They pride themselves on not baptising babies as it's meaningless as babies aren't conscious of what they are doing. But baptising teens is awful. Teens also don't know what they are doing with this life changing decision. It means they can be completely cut off from family contact in future.

@PureAmazonian yea I do think it's a cult. I've only recently come to think this way after twenty adult years of thinking about it. But yes i feel it fits the bill to be classed as a cult.

@AmyandPhilipfan there's a lot of homeschooling to protect the child from worldly influences. I don't know what worse a child living in a JW bubble or a child being humiliated and left out at school.

Children sitting out in corridors still goes on. I feel schools should do more for those poor JW kids. They are seen as a bit of a pain to deal with as they can't do what all the other kids do. It creates more work for teacher I know but honestly the kids are suffering and wish teachers would view it like that. (I'm a teacher so not teacher bashing here )

I've name changed for this.

My husband was raised JW and dis-fellowshiped at 16. He was cast out. It has coloured so much of his life and who he is. He is amazing - generous and compassionate and kind and intelligent, the kind of man that everyone likes. But underneath it all he feels like he doesn't fit in or belong and that people don't really like him much. He has done so much work on healing but he doesn't see what I see: this feeling of being on the outside and sense of rejection is because of what that cult and his family did to him. Awful. The fact that he is a wonderful husband and father is in spite of his own upbringing.

After my father in law died my MIL does have some contact with us, and she's always nice and we have some semblance of a happy family. But it's not real. How can it be, she cast her 16 year old son out of her home and everything he knew. It's evil

I’m sorry that you had this experience OP but happy to read that you’re out in the other side as it were - enjoying Christmas and birthdays. We were visited by JWs this weekend and I very firmly told them to leave my property and not to come back. I watched Rebecca Vardy’s documentary a while ago and found it very upsetting.

@jwparent It’s hard isn’t it. I don’t think the experience ever leaves you. I left JW at 15 and was kicked out by 17. Anyway I yo-yo-ed back and forth for 15 years desperately trying to mend the relationship with my mum until finally giving up mid lockdown.

That grief is really unexplainable and most won’t ever truly understand grieving for a parent who is still alive. Letting go was painful but it was ultimately the best choice. I didn’t find healing a linear process and at each marker of adulthood, where you’d reasonably expect a parent to be by your side I missed out on. I suppose that’s why I kept trying for so long. Anyways enough of my rambling, I hope you’re able to find some semblance of peace and healing op.

@AnotherNameNow I also name changes for this thread! Says it all really!

not what you were asking but by coincidence the JW's knocked on my door today. Employed my standard 'blood transfusions save lives, you're evil, part of a cult and going to hell, don't come back' line. Enjoy them trying to think of a comeback to that!

I was amused by the idea that instead of them trying to convert others, packs could be given out with information about what the organisation is actually doing , and making counter arguments to their viewpoints. I knew someone a while ago who loved it when they came round. He would ask them in and then explain why none of their beliefs held any water.

I watched the channel 4 documentary last night. It was interesting, but not very well presented and left a lot hanging unanswered. I really recommend Apostacy. It's excellent.

My local JWs have children they bring with them, usually children with DS. I'm guessing to try to guilt people into not saying things like this.

I wonder if any other cult would get away with knocking on the doors only strangers to recruit them.

oh I'd love them to come with children! I'd say directly to the children that they are being brought up in a cult, that blood transfusions save lives, and that they have choices about how they live their lives as adults.

My best friend as a child and a teenager got engaged to and had to children with a man whose DM was JW. It caused a few rifts between them but the man didn’t follow JW and neither did the rest of the family, not even the DF, who was paralysed through a work accident. I don’t know how much JW affected the family but I’m sure it did.

When I was 18/19 I worked as a receptionist for a professional company who employed phone cleaners (late 80s) and one of them was a pretty, very nice and chatty JW woman, slightly older than me and I think married but no children yet. She told me she was a JW but not much more than that as far as I recall and didn’t try to convert or enlist me. She seemed happy enough. You honestly wouldn’t have noticed her as JW on the street and she wore a uniform for work. I’m sure the rest of the office felt sorry for her being JW as we knew about the religion.

My DM when she retired early on sickness grounds used to invite JWs in to talk and have tea.

Hi, sorry I am late to this thread. I’m an EXJW too.

Baptised at 14, married at 19, miserable marriage, escaped and got disfellowshipped at 23.

My parents are still close to me, but they have been harassed by the elders for not shunning me.

It’s so sick isn’t it? Better that a woman is miserable in her marriage than ‘shame’ the congregation. Says it all. I do think how can any marriage be happy when there is minimal contact between the couple concerned before the wedding, no idea about sex apart from it being sinful until the rings are in the fingers. No concept that someone might not be heterosexual because that’s a sin too. The whole religion is about sin and the devil. Apart from in the New Kingdom where everyone gambols with lions and has not a care in the world for the rest of time of course.

Shelise Ann Sola from Cults to consciousness has interviewed quite a few ex jws and I think Andrew gold has too. They were interesting interviews.

Not a JW no but I was raised a Mormon so i totally get it.

Bump

@newnamechangeforthisone

Hi, cult cousin!

I lived in a small town in Ireland , where the street lights go dim if you charge a phone. Nonetheless we have a JW hall. One day a lovely woman with an English accent called around with some JW leaflets.

I asked where she was from - Devon. She and her husband were living in an even smaller village up in the hills nearby. ' But you must have Irish family? ' I ventured. No , she replied , none at all.
' But then why on earth would you move to Ballybloggs' says I.

The church sent us , she said. That is some power ! They all seem to be thoroughly decent people mind. If you can get them talking on a different subject. They sent me hand written letters during lockdown. I thought that was sweet. There again you can see how ppl get pulled in.....