Have you or your kids been to Soul Survivor?

[Coffeeandcards]

You might want to read this if so:
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2023/04/12/mike-pilavachi-soul-survivor-charity-watchdog/

Yeah - the whole subculture was in complete denial that gays even existed.

Also they were obsessed with being single even though we were 18. Like this would be forever

There was somehow a smugness to it

Oh yes I remember "don't touch what you haven't got". There were questions about nipples if I remember rightly!

Oh, yeah! I guess "God has called me to singleness" sounds better than "I can't get laid".

I've not read it yet but meant to read Vicky Beechings book about being gay in this world.

So much was damaging sexually.

User I completely relate to looking back at it all as a happy time I was swept into something bigger than myself but also seeing the damage it caused to my self esteem and to my life really. Affected uni choices, first marriage etc and so much time at uni was caught up in chur h and CU when it should have been gfun.

So much effort as you say into "looking pure." My ex would leave his door open when I was over so people would know. Now I'm out of it I think who the f cared?!

So much of one church I was in qas all about their presence in the city and changing it spiritually and all sorts. And again when I was out I realised how little people think of it. Ever.

Oh it was all bonkers.
I was brought up with 'marriage is best, being single is ok until you get married' - and even then if you were in your mid to late 20s and single, people thought there was something odd going on. Hence the bloody 18-30 groups that so many churches had. It was basically to pair everyone up, so that the marrieds didn't feel uncomfortable.
Everything else was just not even talked about. I asked my mum once why Martina Navratilova was wearing shorts when every other female tennis player wore skirts and she said "oh... we don't talk about that'. And that was it.
Can't believe I stayed in that environment until my late 20s......

I worry about this kind of stuff as a Christian and also a parent of teenagers. I think we have a lot to learn from the mike Pilavachi situation and we should be taking steps to try and prevent it happening again. Unfortunately most of the people in my church seem to think that it would never happen here or because they have never heard of Mike pilavachi then what he did is irrelevant. Also I find that if anyone does something bad in the church then people tend to say that they can't have been a proper Christian and therefore their behaviour doesn't count. To be honest I think that way of thinking is dangerous.

Yes the whole "nothing to see here" thing going on.

I really feel sad for the CU leader above keeping the pregnancy quiet "people don't know " it's not healthy to be so much about appearances is it?!

I think there's often youth leader worship in big churches. Or worship leader adoration. Or sometimes big name speakers. It's not a healthy environment for a teenager reallym

@elliejjtiny Yeah, the "they couldn't have been a proper Christian" thing is a serious problem, used to write off wrongdoers as hostile outsiders in a desperate attempt to protect the reputation of the Church.

As someone who has witnessed some absolute horrors, do keep a very close eye on your church safeguarding policies. Make sure they're clear, properly documented and that everyone is trained to follow them. Look at best practice elsewhere and steal other people's ideas. Hold your leaders accountable. Talk to them about what's happened at Soul Survivor, and ask them to think about how to make sure it doesn't happen in your church.

https://twitter.com/gabriellaswerl/status/1685896464977793024?s=46&t=oe6Lr-bMkSpnC5WBu8BQOw

The charity commission is investigating the running of soul61 and donations. I was not aware that girls were being charged 7k and the favoured boys were having an exotic gap year paid for by the church donations( notably MP godsons and sons of close friends).
How did anyone there think this was ok?

I didn't say I was being persecuted but hating on Christians is just par for the course - it doesn't phase me at all.

Christianity gets enough of a kicking without other Christians/ ex-Christians sticking the boot in too.

Really don't think any of my posts warrant being labelled a 'dick' btw and I don't appreciate the swearing.

No, not Mike P, not young either.

On this thread you can be honest but in church circles you can't really say this sort of thing

Do you think that people who have been hurt or abused in christian communities should not talk about it?

Christianity gets enough of a kicking without other Christians/ ex-Christians sticking the boot in too.
To be fair, I'd be more concerned about Christians who WEREN'T willing to identify, discuss and reflect on institutional failings.

Some christians' willingness to turn a blind eye to harm and/or switch off their ability to identify harmful behaviour is part of why this mess has happened.

That should have read fazed.

If it happened in my church, yes of course I would like to see the perpetrators held accountable. I hope the leaders of S.S learn some valuable lessons in the aftermath of recent revelations and appropriate steps are taken to ensure it never happens again.
Posters have the right to voice their concerns, but this has gone far over and above criticising the likes of MP - I was attacked over my belief about hell, for example.

Yes exactly Lola! It's the "push it under the carpet" culture, the "it couldn't happen here" that is so dangerous when it comes to safeguarding. A friend on a recent c of e safeguarding course said they bought up spiritual abuse in the training. So it's beginning to be talked about which is good.

I honestly think trying to talk to D is pointless here. But our conversation in general is so important.

I think you're being very rude.

I agree. I think people genuinely think they're "the goodies" so anything bad that happens will be some sort of "honest mistake".

This is absolutely where safeguarding failures result in harm, and precisely where a good, honest, dispassionate look at how actual safeguarding principles can be applied, would help.

It's pretty rude coming into a group of religious trauma survivors and telling us we have no right to complain.

Please, just leave us alone.

Institutional Christianity gets a kicking because it deserves it. Abuse happens because people are bullied into silence, isolated, and shamed.

The church has done me enormous damage. Why does it deserve my respect, or my silence? I'll shout from the rooftops until something gets done, and the victims get justice.

It's worse than 'rude' to (apparently) be upset by the damage to the churches reputation by the exposure of abusers and coverups, rather than to care about the feelings of the victims of those abuses and coverups.

Churches plural. Some of the issues may be particular to evangelical and youth-focussed activities. Others apply to other types of church too. 'Morality', 'hive mind' effects, men (nearly always) who think their 'good work' outweighs their offences, and the people who collude in coverups; the idea that it's just for their god to forgive their sins, not their victims......

I found this blog really useful in considering issues of abuse and trauma and the church. The article is in two parts and I've linked to both

https://laurarbnsn.substack.com/p/why-christians-have-a-hard-time-believing

https://laurarbnsn.substack.com/p/why-christians-have-a-hard-time-believing-22f

I asked you, politely, to stop tagging me.

You're putting words in my mouth now @ErrolTheDragon but I'm not surprised, you seem to pop up on all these threads.