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Philosophy/religion

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Fuming - absolutely ^fuming^!

34 replies

MrsMattie · 03/02/2008 22:27

We had our son baptised (RC) today. DH is RC, I am not, but I'm supportive - attend Mass every week, have attended bible study in order to understand the faith better, am active in the church community (toddler group, voluntary work etc).
I have always thought the priest at our local church was an arrogant, unfriendly man, but I have tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and be friendly and polite to him.
However, today was the straw that broke the camel's back. He rushed through the baptismal service as if he was doing it by numbers. He was rude to my mother (it was really embarrassing - she was doing a reading and he spoke to her rudely, as if she were a little girl, and corrected her in front of everyone). He was impatient and narky at certain points in the ceremony. It was truly cringe-worthy.
But by far the worst thing - by far - was that he chose to devote half his sermon to ranting about 'people' who baptise their children in order to get them into Catholic schools. I was gobsmacked that he would mention such a thing in a religious service, in front of a small group of family and friends, on such a special day as this. To be honest, I am fuming. Everyone commented afterwards and said how awful he was and how dreadful his sermon was. I was mortified. I felt like crying, and to be perfectly frank, I feel like abandoning that church and going to another one further away. I just cannot face him again without telling him in no uncertain terms what I think of him.

AIBU? What should we do? (My husband is livid,too. Not least because before we had even left the altar the priest accosted my husband who was still carrying our son, and asked for the 'financial donation'. It was done in such a tacky way....honestly, I feel angry just thinking about it...raaaah!)

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Benitez · 03/02/2008 22:32

I am not RC either, but is there someone in the church you could discuss this with?
Or maybe a Priest frrom a different Rc church, who will know this guy and could have a quiet word?

MrsMattie · 03/02/2008 22:35

I don't know, Benitez (thanks for your quick response!). I'm not sure who you complain about a priest to, how you go about it, whether it's worth it...or even what i want to achieve out of it? I'm just angry and upset that he thinks he can behave inappropriately and use my son's baptism to make a point.

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MrsMattie · 03/02/2008 22:43

bump - still fuming! Need advice :-(

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seeker · 03/02/2008 22:46

The first thing I would do is write a detailed but cool letter explaining what happened to his bishop. And see what happens.

Sounds horrible - how dare he behave like this!

MrsMattie · 03/02/2008 22:50

Do you think the Bishop would take it seriously? I have no idea how these things work. I think I might do it, though. I don't see why he should be allowed to get away with it. Maybe the mad clamber for RC schools has made him cynical, but I felt like saying 'please don't take it out on my son'!!

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Janni · 03/02/2008 22:51

I was raised in the RC Church but am long since lapsed. This priest, as you know, behaved abominably and a careful letter to his superior (parish priest/bishop) is in order. In your shoes I would not attend another mass taken by him.

Something which had a profound effect on me happened when I was a teenager and a friend became orphaned - she lost both parents within a couple of years of each other. I attended the funeral of the second parent who died and the priest, at Communion, made a big point of saying that only those who were baptised in the Catholic faith were to come and receive Communion.

I could not believe the inhumanity of this man - this poor teenager, orphaned and all he REALLY cared about was that everyone stick to the RC rules on Communion.

MrsMattie · 03/02/2008 22:55

Thank you so much for your responses. I don't want to keep banging on about it, but it has really upset me and nearly ruined the whole day for us. Luckily, we have a great family who saved the mood of the day by being really sweet and funny and just lovely about it afterwards...I think people felt sorry for us,though, which is sad, as it was supposed to be a joyous occasion. :-)

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teakettle · 03/02/2008 23:00

Write to the Bishop. If your Priest thought that you were only having ds baptised so you could get a school place then he had no right to allow you to make those vows in church. If he didn't think that then he had no right to be outrageously rude during a private service. Your Bishop will/should take it seriously, its part of his job. Baptism is an important sacrement and shouldn't be used as a vehicle to slag of people who are trying to benefit from the school.

Did you get married in church? If you did then you will have vowed to raise your children as Catholic and your Priest is duty bound to support you in that.

I am outraged on your behalf.

MrsMattie · 03/02/2008 23:07

Very good point@tea kettle. No we didn't get married in a Catholic church. However, we have discussed having our wedding blessed in the RC church with the Priest. I also attended a Baptism course, bible study and the first part of the RCIA course (didn't go the whole hog and get baptised myself) in order to prepare for having my son baptised into the RC faith. We spoke at great length with the Priest and the catechist lady who runs the baptism course about why we wanted to baptise our son and what it meant to us. The joke is, we are unlikely to send our son to a Catholic school, as the nearest schools are non-denominational and very good! These are not our reasons, and I feel offended that he clearly thinks they are and chose to broadcats this during my son's baptism. {sad}

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MrsMattie · 03/02/2008 23:08

Sorry should have said 'have our marriage blessed, as we married in a registry office

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Tommy · 03/02/2008 23:10

whether the Bishop responds would depend who it is. Where do you live? Do you know the name of the bishop off hand?

This really annoys me - it is not the priest's place to make a comment on this during a homily when he should explaining the bible readings. If he disapproved of you or anyone else who is having their child baptised then he should sort that out them before the ceremony

I am fuming with you on this one

drosophila · 03/02/2008 23:11

There are some really good kind RC priests but ime too many assholes. I could tll you countless stories of abusive priests (don't get me started) and a few angels.

Me lapsed long time.

FInd a different church with a nicer priest.

MrsMattie · 03/02/2008 23:16

The church is in the Diocese of Westminster. There is an 'auxiliary' Bishop who has responsibility for our a few boroughs in north London including ours, though. I don't know his name, but he visited the church a while ago. I can find out.

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Fireflyfairy2 · 03/02/2008 23:18

Oh, I am so so sorry for you.

How dare the priest make you feel this way.

Is he the PP? Or is there more than one?

When we had our children we went to another parish to get them christened, as the priest we had at the time was a narrow minded bigot. We have a mixed marriage, I am RC dh isn't. We got married in chapel & therefore promised to bring our children up RC. But that priest asked me why I married a Protestant

It wasn't him who married us, it was MY parish priest, so we went to see him & he agreed to christen dd & ds.

We now have a lovely parish priest who is very empathetic & trustworthy.

I think you have to make a complaint about this man's behaviour & attitude!

Tommy · 03/02/2008 23:19

you could just straight to the top and email Cormac. He always seems like a very affable chap - I can't imagine him saying anything like that.

IndigoMoon · 03/02/2008 23:19

my sil is not catholic while bil is. he is a half brother and raised in the catholic faith unlike my husband.

anyway she has four children who have all been bought up within the catholic faith and she has never recieved treatment like that. i have been to their christenings etc and it has always been a lovely and inclusive affair.

i woulf make a strongly worded complaint to his superior and go from there.

also her children all go to catholic schools.

Tommy · 03/02/2008 23:22

I now I shouldn't be shocked when I hear crap like this anymore but I am still always really saddened.

I have been very lucky with priests in our parish. When we got married (DH is not Catholic) we said that we wanted DH to receive communion with me and the priest was fine with it. He let us put "All are invited to communion" in the booklet.

It's unbelievable what some of you have to put up with

teakettle · 03/02/2008 23:23

And like Tommy says, they can't just arse around in the homily. Its supposed to be explaination and application of the readings.

MrsMattie · 03/02/2008 23:30

That's what I thought@Tea. I had pretty much learned by rote what was going to happen because I wanted to understand the service (ditto to the 'usual' Mass - I have learned the order of Mass, many of the prayers, the Creed, the lot, really...because I have taken this seriously!), so I was shocked when he started rambling on about Catholic schools! He also gave an inappropriately long ramble about not taking photos of the altar as this 'wasn't a photo opportunity' and taking pictures 'debased the sombre ceremony' (he really banged on about this, for several minutesm in an accusatory tone). I wouldn't have minded, but none of my family even had a camera, as they assumed it would be inappropriate to take pictures! I might have even come away from the ceremony thinking 'Maybe it was just me being insensitive' if our entire party hadn't instantly said the same hen we left the church.

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MrsMattie · 03/02/2008 23:30

sorry! maybe it was just me being sensitive (it's late!)

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Tommy · 03/02/2008 23:34

unbelievable that this man is in the same church as our parish priest - who is DS3's godfather and baptised him and had to keep asking himself the questions which was quite amusing. Also had loads of photos taken during the baptism and afterwards with him and DS3's godmothers all together with each taking a turn at holding DS3!

Countingthegreyhairs · 03/02/2008 23:40

I'm so sorry you've been through this MrsMattie - you have every right to feel outraged - especially when you have taken such time and trouble to attend bible study etc.

I second writing a carefully worded letter to the priest concerned AND copying it to the bishop or Cormac himself. Mention in it how you went out of your way to support your dh's faith and how this service has upset you/why you will be looking for another parish.

A baptismal service is meant to be a service of "welcoming" for heaven's sake.

Earlier this year I posted about an awful experience we had relating to our father's funeral so I can really sympathise with you. The priest concerned was old, rude and over-stretched. Absolutely NO excuse however ....

teakettle · 03/02/2008 23:41

We have a huge display in my church with photos of confirmation candidates at the alter in the cathedral with the Bishop. I have a photo of myself at the alter with my Priest and my friend has a picture of her mother with Basil Hume taken inside Westminster Cathedral. He sounds like a nutter, you shold write to the Bishop (or Cormac).

MrsMattie · 03/02/2008 23:42

I'm even more upset now! I will definitely write a letter, just need to cool down first. Thank you so much for all your replies xx

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MaryBS · 04/02/2008 07:33

I would complain to the bishop as well, this is completely out of order!