Starting the discernment process in the CofE

[MrsTulip]

For a few years now God has been telling me he wants more from me, but that's all he's saying. He hasn't yet revealed what more is, then over the last 18 months a few friends and people I know from currently serving in children's ministry have mentioned I should consider ordination. Strangely this hasn't freaked me out like I thought it would but I do have a lot of questions and uncertainties about it, I feel this may be the way God wants me to go.
For a short while I did think it might be a call to reader ministry and I asked the vicar at a school I'm connected to (not my vicar or my child's school) a few questions about it.
I've also spoke to my own vicar about a placement in another church but have said I want this to hep me develop my current role.
I don't know why but I'm finding it hard to be totally honest with those around me and say outright I think God wants me to start the formal discernment process. Other than praying (cause I'm already doing tonnes of that) has anyone any advice of how to approach my vicar? I also for reasons that would be too outing don't want to talk my church warden. Thanks

@eveoha you are so right and naturally I’ll defer to you 🙄 ( heavy sarcasm).

I think the 'heavy sarcasm' might have given you away there!

I agree with Mrs Tulip that we should respect each other's differences.

It's nothing to do with the warden.

I think I read somewhere that if you are sent to BAP then you need a reference from your church warden and as she’s also a LLM/ reader then it’s highly likely that she will find out at some point

So, the DDO's PA emailed me an appointment that I can't do as it's when I'm working. I've told him this and he said he would email back after the weekend that will be three weekends ago (after today)
people who have been through the process or are further on, at what point should I email the PA again? Thanks

It has been a bit bonkers over the past few days but it would be not be unreasonable to give the DDO's PA a nudge.

Thanks for the advice I will do it tomorrow and include some suitable dates, otherwise we will just end up going backwards and forwards

And still not heard anything. I know things have been a bit up in the air the last week, but starting to get a bit frustrated, not responding to or taking action people said they would pushes all my wrong buttons.
This is going to prove to be more challenging than needs be if I have to keep contacting people because they ignore emails

My husband's DDO told him early on 'you cannot speed up the process, only slow it down.' My own experience is that (to quote Shawshank) CofE time is slow time.

That is very true but from the DDO passing it over to his PA to me getting my original appointment only took 18 hours!
I couldn't do the original appointment (work in a school so can't just book an afternoon off) so am now still waiting for another appointment.
The email to say I could do original appointment was acknowledged but then had an email from the PA saying he would follow up after the weekend, but I was still waiting so gave him a little polite reminder (put a read receipt on the email) and email has been delivered and read but the PA hasn't got back to me.

Just wanted to say good luck Mrs Tulip. I think anyone who becomes a vicar is amazing - it’s such a challenging thing to do but so worthwhile. I prefer female vicars so Go Girl!

Thank you. I can't really remember when I was younger but from being about 11 apart from our current team rector all the vicars that have been part of my church have been female.

Although I won't be doing anything anytime soon as I'm still waiting on the DDO's PA

I’m not part of the Church of England but I do know as a nonconformist some brilliant female ministers who have made great successes of the churches. The whole thing depends on the call of God on your life and if you are called, obey God and he will make the way for you. Every Christian is called by God to serve and I believe the greatest cooling we can have in our lives is to do what God wants to do whether it’s a cleaner, a mother or a vicar!

OP I want to wish you the best of luck. The vocation aside, it's thrilling to see someone pursue their dream and ambition no matter the obstacles, so bravo to you.

I left the church after I was confirmed, when an adult during fellowship said "don't you feel so different now?" I realised I didn't at all. I still occasionally take in a service, more to connect me to the simplicity of my childhood spent in church.

I'm happy for you on your journey x

Well, really not getting anywhere with all of this. Still waiting for the DDO's PA to give me a date to meet with the DDO, even after I have chased it up with an email.😡

Finally have a date for my first meeting with the DDO -12th November 😬

And because the PA didn't check with the DDO first , the meeting has now been moved to 5th November. Can anyone tell me what to expect? Been told I don't need to prepare anything or take anything with me which seems very strange

It's a long time since I had my first vocations meeting but my sense is that you need to think about your faith journey. Are there key or significant moments that you can identify? Maybe do a dry run with your spiritual director.

The other thing to begin to think about is what a priest is. There are differing understandings in different parts of the church so don't worry about getting the right answer. Just think and reflect about what being a priest means to you. What have you observed in others? What calls to you at this stage?

Thank you

After a very positive (he thought) first meeting with the DDO, my husband was then told to go away and get back in contact after 6 months, which he found surprising and disappointing. It all worked out in the end though. Good luck with your meeting, OP.

Whoever said upthread it is a slow process is spot on - but that in itself is a good thing. A smooth process for many (ie no previous divorce to go through the separate C4 process for) is often 2 years from first meeting the DDO to starting training if successful.

At a first meeting, there is usually some fact finding - ime they want to know about you, who you are, your faith journey, why you're here and exploring a call to ordained ministry. They are listening to you and to God, to sense whether this is the right thing.

In this diocese, you are often sent to see a vocations person next for a few meetings over several months, to discover more, get you to read or write maybe, think about a particular aspect of ministry. That may be different where you are.

It also helped me to remember that the DDO was responsible for people at this early stage, right through the discernment process, BAP, follow up and college, plus arranging curacies and ordination arranging - and all the regular diocesan stuf, working with parishes, national networks. Although it can feel that you're not important, you are a piece of a bigger jigsaw and as you progress through that becomes clearer.

My DH has been in the discernment process for nearing 3yrs now. He's not yet met the DDO but has spent all this time working with the Vocations Advisor. He has been given the green light to begin working with the DDO and has been sent a HUGE set of forms. Some of them are safe-recruiting forms e.g paperwork for a DBS and related declarations etc but the bulk of it is "get to know you" stuff. He had to detail his personal life story, his faith journey, his views on communion, all the books he's read in the last 6mths, his professional qualifications and experience......

I'm surprised (and very pleased) that things seem to move in a more logical fashion in your diocese but I hope this reassures you that the beginning stages are all about getting to know you and forming a relationship rather than any kind of test or formal interview.

I've been seeing my DDO for just over a year now, our initial conversations were about getting to know me, my journey and my understanding of priesthood.
There has been a lot of paperwork over the last 18 months and essays and reflections, I also undertook a 12 week placement in a church of a different tradition.
I'm sure your meeting will go well. Prayers for you as you start exploring.

Please be aware that the DDO is also responsible for ordinands and initial curacy placements. These tend to happen at specific times in the churches year and often have priority over meeting those who are beginning to explore a possible vocation. Its an intense process as it needs to be. The current demands of being able to cope with multiple church parishes and ongoing structural changes is not for everyone. Not all vocations that are emerging are to ordained ministry. The best known are clergy and laity. Its worth having a look at religious orders [some recognised dispersed communities and new monastics allow for a prior committed marriage] Church Army and recognised lay ministry such as lay pioneer ministers. They may not be you but its good to have a wider idea of other forms of vocation.

Both myself and hubby have been through the process. Hubby is clearly a priest. He serves in parish settings, In my case the ongoing process made it very clear that I really was one of the rarer religious and belonged with a recognised order. Through that I became one of he handful of recognised contemplatives. I serve the wider mission of others through art work via my order.

Some people on the thread have me to keep them updated, so just to let you know I will be having my first meeting with the DDO (in my diocese you see them first then you see a vocation advisor) on Saturday morning.
Eeek this is getting very real now!!!

I pray you have a really good first meeting. I know that feeling of everything's getting real now very well, it doesn't seem to go away things just get more real with every step of the journey!