Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Philosophy/religion

Join our Philosophy forum to discuss religion and spirituality.

Original poster

Helping a small child adjust their hijab

43 replies

Holidayz · 11/09/2021 17:04

I work in a reception class and one of our new children has come to school wearing a hijab. It's a child friendly hijab that covered her head and shoulders, so it doesn't need to be wrapped. She is not yet 5 and while playing it sometimes slips back to show the top of her head/hair.

I've helped her adjust it this week but was reluctant to tuck in any of the fly away hairs from the side of her face in case that was the wrong thing to do.

I don't wish to come across as ignorant, but can anyone help me and let me know what is and isn't acceptable in this situation so I don't make any mistakes.

I'm a woman if that makes a difference.

OP posts:
Themorethemerrier · 11/09/2021 17:24

I would just leave it. She will have no concept of everything associated with it and is probably copying her mum wearing one. Well, at least that’s why the little girls I know did it before deciding not to wear it till much further down the line v

Hellocatshome · 11/09/2021 17:25

I would just ask whoever comes to pick her up although I cant see the harm in tucking in some loose hairs. After all you are in loco parentis or whatever its called.

Rainallnight · 11/09/2021 17:26

I’m not a teacher but I definitely wouldn’t collude in a small child feeling she needs to cover her hair, so I wouldn’t be tucking anything in.

PinkyU · 11/09/2021 17:32

You can ask the child directly, “oh, your hijab is a bit wonky, would you like some help to fix it?”. If yes, help, if no, just leave her be.

Definitely don’t touch or fix her without her consent, but that’s an obvious and applies to every child in every situation.

littleducks · 11/09/2021 17:53

Why do you want to adjust it? Because its slipped and looks uncomfy or unsafe in some way? Because she has asked for help?

Nobody would expect you to adjust as her hair is sliding

Original poster
Holidayz · 11/09/2021 17:59

On the first day mum asked us to make sure her hair was covered. I did ask her if I could fix her hijab and carefully moved it forwards towards her forehead, in doing so some of the hair ended up sticking out from the sides.

I'm not getting into whether it's appropriate for a child of that age to wear a head covering, just trying to work out what is respectful as it's not something I've had to deal with before.

OP posts:
Gingembre · 11/09/2021 17:59

I would leave it unless she asks for help. At this age it's basically just to prepare them so when they hit puberty they don't have to make a change to wearing it(supposedly helping the girl by avoiding an adjustment..but some people say it's to help the parents lot have to deal with any protests from the daughter because she's already used to it).

If she asks for help, help her. Like you would if her classmate's pony tail started slipping and she asked for help putting the hair elastic back in. If you adjust it or offer to when she's not asked, you're indirectly policing her body.

FleasInMyKnees · 11/09/2021 18:03

Does her mum know it slips a bit, can mum make it more secure.

Gingembre · 11/09/2021 18:04

If you had 12 girls in the class with hijab, would you be expected to police the hair of them all? Is it really on you to be partially responsible for this child's hair? What the mother asks is for attention on her daughter's appearance. Is this what reception is for?

I'm Muslim by the way. I think I would want to raise this issue with someone higher up. There should be some kind of policy about what your responsibility is here.

Pebbledashery · 11/09/2021 18:05

I think you should just clarify with mum or dad at pick up if it's OK to tuck her hair in if there are fly aways and explain you wanted to be respectful in asking and not assume you could touch her hair. Nobody can argue with that.

Rugsofhonour · 11/09/2021 18:09

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

0blio · 11/09/2021 18:25

@Rainallnight

I’m not a teacher but I definitely wouldn’t collude in a small child feeling she needs to cover her hair, so I wouldn’t be tucking anything in.
This. I don't think headscarves should be part of primary school uniform, poor child must be boiling in this weather.
Mintjulia · 11/09/2021 18:30

She's FOUR!

I wouldn't aid the parents in imposing such ludicrously restrictive rules.

CorrBlimeyGG · 11/09/2021 18:33

poor child must be boiling in this weather.

Quite the opposite.

Holidayz, best to ask the mum.

lazylinguist · 11/09/2021 18:39

I'm a teacher. I wouldn't adjust it unless it looked obviously uncomfortable. I understand that you are interested in the child, not in making a religious/equality point by deliberately 'refusing' to do anything to facilitate the child's wearing of the hijab, but I really don't think it's appropriate for the parents to be placing any responsibility on you to ensure the child's hair is covered.

Mymycherrypie · 11/09/2021 18:40

If you had 12 girls in the class with hijab, would you be expected to police the hair of them all? Is it really on you to be partially responsible for this child's hair?

This is exactly it. How much time is spent on this?

I really think the parents need to manage their expectations. If you are asking a very small child to cover their hair, you have to be prepared that you cannot be in control 100% of the time and asking adults who are employed to teach 30 children to personally mind every strand on their child’s head is a bit much.

Whinginadeville · 11/09/2021 18:41

Poor child

ittakes2 · 11/09/2021 18:41

I think if it fell off you could help her because her mother asked for her hair to be covered - but I would not touch the strands of hair. I could be wrong but for me its similar to deciding to do more buttons up on a child's shirt ie that an adult is telling a child they need to be careful of hiding their body. I think the best thing to do as others have said it tell the mother if you are concerned and she can pin it more carefully.
I must admit I thought hijabs where for girls who had started menstrating - I have never seen one a child that small in any country I have been to.

Seesawmummadaw · 11/09/2021 18:44

Ask the mum how they would like you to deal with it. It’s really kind that you care enough to ask.

Adelino · 11/09/2021 18:46

As the mum specifically asked that of you, do you think there is any chance the child would be pulled out of education if her family felt that school was unable to meet her religious "needs".
I think that would change how much attention I gave the matter.

Workyticket · 11/09/2021 18:49

I'd not touch it unless it was strangling her.

RobinHobb · 11/09/2021 18:49

Poor little girl

2et2font5 · 11/09/2021 18:55

@Holidayz

On the first day mum asked us to make sure her hair was covered. I did ask her if I could fix her hijab and carefully moved it forwards towards her forehead, in doing so some of the hair ended up sticking out from the sides.

I'm not getting into whether it's appropriate for a child of that age to wear a head covering, just trying to work out what is respectful as it's not something I've had to deal with before.

Would you fix another girl's hair if her plait came undone, for example? I don't see that you would have time, so how is this different?
2et2font5 · 11/09/2021 18:57

@ittakes2

I think if it fell off you could help her because her mother asked for her hair to be covered - but I would not touch the strands of hair. I could be wrong but for me its similar to deciding to do more buttons up on a child's shirt ie that an adult is telling a child they need to be careful of hiding their body. I think the best thing to do as others have said it tell the mother if you are concerned and she can pin it more carefully. I must admit I thought hijabs where for girls who had started menstrating - I have never seen one a child that small in any country I have been to.
I've seen them on 5-6 year olds in our city centre. It's a shame for them, they don't need that at school and before anybody says they are copying their mum, I used to totter around in my mum's high heels, but she wouldn't have let me leave the house in them.
lunar1 · 11/09/2021 19:12

I wouldn't touch it unless it was dangerous. If she's too young to manage it she's too young to wear it.

I certainly wouldn't keep reinforcing that she needs to keep covered.