The 'leap of faith' to go from atheist to Christian?

[christianitymaybe]

My faith is very up and down. Sometimes I will go months, maybe a year or so, believing in God and identifying myself as a Christian. Then it will gradually wane away until I would class myself as an atheist. The last year I would say I have had no faith.

The thing is I find life so much easier when I have faith. I find it comforting. I find the constant reminders of the brevity of this life "under the sun" grounds me and puts things into perspective. It simultaneously makes me take life more seriously whilst also acknowledging that this life is nothing more than a brief blip. I have a lot of anxiety about uncertainty and faith helps remind me that everything will be ok.

I think I need to take the leap back to Christianity. Has anyone experienced this and consciously decided to 'make' (for lack of a better word) themselves have faith until it returns?

Hi there, are you actually seeking God, praying to Him, spending time in His presence? Because it sounds like maybe you are thinking of faith in a more philosophical way, the life is short perspective etc. That's not how I experience faith personally, I have sought God and he has completely changed me, I could never go back from that or be changed back! There have been periods where I don't 'feel' my faith so much or Gods presence, but that's because in those times I forget to seek Him and read the Bible. In those times I still believe that He exists and that He died for me etc, I just don't feel it's very alive in me. Does any of that resonate with you? Do you feel you have had a personal connection with God that changed you?

I'm an atheist but teach RS. Have you ever read Augustine's Confessions.. Is his autobiography of how he wended his way through various options and then arrived at Christianity.. Sorry, I'm coming at this from an academic standpoint but might be useful.. Or Cs Lewis Mere Christianity. Mbit dated but he was also an atheist who sort of reluctantly became a Christian.

@mollycoddle77 Yes, I think you are correct that I am viewing this from more of a philosophical perspective than an emotional one. I really relate to what you say about when you go through times where you don't "feel" your faith but still believe - I think that's how I feel right now. Even writing in the OP that I class myself as an atheist right now was hard and felt 'wrong' because I do still believe deep down, it's just He feels so distant.

There have been times where my faith has been so strong that I have thought I could never, ever lose my faith because my faith was so strong and I experienced so much peace, yet it has happened.

Sometimes I wonder whether these periods with no faith are purposeful to show me how much better life is with faith? I don't know.

@HugeAckmansWife I haven't, thank you for the recommendation I will look it up. :)

I have found bible reading, and sometimes even praying, difficult, yet I am a practicing Christian.

I definitely sense a disconnect from my faith when I don’t pray, read the bible or speak to others about my faith (living with a non believer doesn’t help this either, especially during lockdown).

The best way I feel connected is through worship / song. I love the Christian music out there. I feel it is simple enough for me to understand what Jesus did for me, for all of us.

I now listen to UCB radio and have worship music on my Spotify in the background whilst working from home.

Music has helped me move a bit closer to God (during 2020 I’ve definitely felt myself moving away) and I find words and verses speak to me.

Not sure if any of that helps.

This song was redone by lots of churches in the UK during lockdown. I found it very comforting just listening to the words.

Yes I think that to feel close to God, you need to reach out to Him, spend time reading and in prayer and reminding yourself that He is good and faithful. But you can be sure that, regardless how you feel, He is always close to you and nothing can separate you from Him. You are His child still. But maybe He is calling you to ask for more, to live a fuller life in His spirit, and yes the contrast between the life with and without his spirit is probably useful in knowing that if you do not give yourself to Him daily, things will feel very different to when you do. I will pray for you.

For me it was an Alpha course that helped (they are still running on Zoom). I’ve done a few now. They let me ask all my “doubt” questions. Didn’t put any pressure on me to believe anything. Just let me explore and sound things out with other people in conversation. Gave me tips for how to go deeper if I wanted etc. Highly recommend doing an Alpha or doing one again if you have already. It’s good to get back to basics.

Could you explore being in another way? Being part of the earth helped my anxiety, not reaching out to a god up above. Knowing I had the power in me to feel connected.

I am an atheist.
Why would you even want to worship the god of the bible?
I wouldn't have a coffee with the guy.
He sounds mean, psychotic.
Even by his own admission he is jealous, wrathful, quick to anger.
Thinks nothing of genocide, infanticide, smiting, causing pain. He has a bad temper.
Look at the 10 commandments- he has a perfect opportunity to lay out altrustic ideas- yet he wasted the first 5 on his narcissist views about how to worship him.
And only a couple of those that remain stand up to scrutiny.
The bible supports slavery, is homophobic, racist and misogynistic.
And these are "holy" words???
I am a spiritual person but christianity is offensive.

@speakout I was looking at this feeling a little like the OP but what you wrote about christianity is spot on. I've tried going to church, seeking the christian God etc, but the moral part of me feels so uncomfortable with so many of this things christians say and do. And the most frustrating thing is they actually think they're so much better than everyone else.

I was in a Bible group where someone actually said 'christians are the most persecuted group in the UK' followed by 'I have no problem with muslims as long as they don't blow people up' and 'We have no freedom of speech anymore, if I try to say people shouldn't be gay I get silenced'.

I could never return to christianity after that.

Christians honestly don't think we are any better than anyone else! If anything, worse - we are aware of our sins and how broken we are.

I am a Christian because I have a relationship with God through Jesus. That relationship isn't always easy but I work at it. My main problem however is with other Christians & the institutions that have grown up around the faith. I cannot accept so much of what they say & do.

If anything, worse - we are aware of our sins and how broken we are.

So you are more aware of your sins? Us non believers ae dullards? Warndering around as zombies without realising we are broken? You are woke?

Why do you even buy into this idea of being broken?? Stockholm syndrome at its worst.

AppleBlossomTimeNow

What is christianity if not the insitutions?

Do you use the bible as a source for good living?

Honestly you can feel connected and whole without the bible.

The answers you are looking for and the strength to cope with life is within you.

I would second reading some CSLewis, either mere Christianity or Surprised by Joy. He was very academic and passionately atheist.
Although I definitely do not see Christianity as a' crutch' , I do find that having a raison d' etre in life makes such a difference. I also agree that generally speaking Christians have a deeper sense of what needs to change about them to become more Christlike ( or certainly should do) . However, this can be interpreted as holier than thou. I see this with my teen-agers... if I challenge an attitude or use of an othering term, I get accused of acting if I am better than them, whereas I would say I am far more aware of where I fall short of Christlikeness on a daily basis. I am certainly no better and would never claim to be.

Why would you even want to worship the god of the bible?
I wouldn't have a coffee with the guy.

and also entirely true. The God of the OT is a homicidal toddler, throwing his toys out of the pram and arbitrarily choosing favourite peoples and individuals.

I grew up in a devoutly Catholic household in a deeply Catholic society, and now, having become (cheerfully) atheist in adulthood, one of the deeply odd things about stepping back into a church service of any denomination is the emphasis on 'worship' of a supernatural entity who doesn't seem to be all that interested in his creation. Looking at it externally, it looks awfully like frightened children ritually trying to placate an unloving, unavailable parent, and communing with an imaginary version of that parent who is lovingly involved in every detail of their lives.

OP - I think feeling disconnected is quite common among Christians. For me ‘knowing’ that God is there for me is comforting and hopeful. I know that I can’t know, but I also can’t know if my husband will always love me or what other people’s motives are. Sometimes I find over-analysing things counter-productive and doesn’t spur me to move on with life and care more about others. I try to pray - even when I doubt someone is listening. I find the last passage of John’s gospel v beautiful John 21:10-25. Jesus asking Peter to continue looking after people even after denying him. Then Jesus asking Peter to continue - no matter what anyone else was doing. Blessings and peace.

I think if you want to believe because it's more comforting, then you don't really believe. I'm an athiest but sometimes I do wish I believed, believed that everything happens for a reason and that I would live forever in paradise. That sounds awesome obviously. I'd be kidding myself though.

In many ways my faith in God is like the love in my marriage. It’s a choice, it’s always there, but sometimes I doubt it and often I don’t feel it.

I know that my feelings are not very trustworthy, so I don’t use them to define my beliefs. Maybe that would be a helpful step for you? If I don’t pray and spend time with God then (like my marriage again!) my faith dwindles. I’d second the pp who said music and radio is a great help in these times. But our feelings, like anxiety, are so often not true.

Also, I have written a list of why I believe. Rationally I know it has to be true, and I’ve done loads of research and questioning. The alpha course is a helpful starting point. Then try writing down your logic so that when your emotions change you can go back to the facts.

When I’m far from God it’s tempting not to believe because of all the stuff that pp write about the OT etc, and the mocking of my family. But I know that wouldn’t be true to the evidence that I have researched and seen in my life.

I hope and pray you find a way to be comfortable with your doubts and questions, while still having a secure relationship with God.

@peakotter really lovely words and ones I needed to also hear today. Thank you for posting.

Hello @christianitymaybe I wanted to write when you first wrote but @mollycoddle77 hit the nail on the head. Then this took a discouraging turn Christian bashing. I hope that hasn't put you off. The old testament has nothing to do with this quandary, neither has the bigoted views of a random anecdotal 'Christian'. We dont all think the same!

Anyhow. Silly question but have you tried prayer? I don't pray enough myself lately but I chat to God throughout the day at least. The less I pray the less I feel connected. Weekly mass is the bare minimum for me but we all have our own ways to express our faith.

I only reply as I went slowly from professed atheist-well-agnostic-really to doubting agnostic to being more convinced by a combination of reading and my own experiences with God and spirituality.

If you feel the lack of faith in your life then it's worth persuing but I dont think you can approach it just philosophically or even just academically via reading. I think you need a practical expression of faith and prayer is the best place to start.

A prayer which helped me was "Lord I want to believe, help me with my unbelief".

Be interested to see how you are getting on. I pray you find what you are looking for.

Faith does wane, it happens. It helps to do your best to spend time every day in the Word. For me this looks like listening to Christian podcasts when I am cleaning or cooking, watching superbook on YouTube or Bible adventures with the kids, reading my Bible as I choose rather than following a plan and not always studying! I have a book from Amazon called prayer map for women which I do every day and also scripture map too for memorising Bible verses. I am also in a Christian woman's Group on my social media. I enjoy adult colouring so I print off scripture colouring pages.

So basically try to surround yourself with the Word in everything you do. Some good podcasts are Daily Grace, Risen Motherhood, She Proves Faithful, The Otherside by Jamie Ivey. Some great books, Mere Christianity, the Screwtape Letters both by C S Lewis, the Case For Christ by Lee Strobel, The Hiding Room by Corrie Ten Boom, The Secret Confessions of an Unlikely Convert to name a few.

I could have written your post, op. Except for me there's the added complication that God the father, Jesus the son and all the endless Hes and Hims feel in direct contradiction to what I've learned over the years as a feminist. (And that's before I even get stsrted on the silencing and sustained campaign of defamation of Mary Magdalen by the early church!) It seems such a narrow and skewed starting point from which to try and contemplate something bigger than ourselves.

It simultaneously makes me take life more seriously whilst also acknowledging that this life is nothing more than a brief blip

Isn't this true from both a theist and atheist perspective?