The 'leap of faith' to go from atheist to Christian?

[christianitymaybe]

My faith is very up and down. Sometimes I will go months, maybe a year or so, believing in God and identifying myself as a Christian. Then it will gradually wane away until I would class myself as an atheist. The last year I would say I have had no faith.

The thing is I find life so much easier when I have faith. I find it comforting. I find the constant reminders of the brevity of this life "under the sun" grounds me and puts things into perspective. It simultaneously makes me take life more seriously whilst also acknowledging that this life is nothing more than a brief blip. I have a lot of anxiety about uncertainty and faith helps remind me that everything will be ok.

I think I need to take the leap back to Christianity. Has anyone experienced this and consciously decided to 'make' (for lack of a better word) themselves have faith until it returns?

I spent the longest part of my life denying God. I was an Atheist, an Agnostic and even a humanist up until about 9 years ago.
A group from a local church was going door to door handing out, of all things, light bulbs. I got chatting with them and my DH and I ended up going to one of their home groups the attending their church.
After a few weeks I was up late one night and just said I have spent my whole adult life trying to prove God exists but could never do it, what if I try living my life like he exists?
Like you OP my life became, not easier, but less of a struggle. I became more content and realised that what made me that way was having Christ in my life.
I still have doubts, like how can a kind benevolent God allow illness, pain and death in the innocent but I realise that I just have to have faith.
For me, I'm not a great bible reader, it's the worship songs that keep me attached and my amazon music playing is full of Hillsong church tracks.

You're in an interesting position, OP. I'm an atheist, and all the comfort and peace you describe as coming from your faith - when it's strong in you - is what atheism gives me. Knowing there is no afterlife and that after I die, the molecular components that make me go back into the melting pot of the universe gives me peace. Knowing that there is no God and that all I can do is be the best human being I can be gives me peace and enables me to accept my failings and move on. Accepting uncertainty can be incredibly liberating - maybe you should try making peace with unbelief?

It doesn't sound like things are being done in the right order. You believe it because it has explanatory power, but because you enjoy the fringe benefits. It's like going to a coffee house because you love the ambiance and trying to like the coffee because that would be convenient.

not because

OP, I have been reading a lot and thinking a lot about God this year, having not consistently gone to church since my teens. I started by listening to books on Audible by CS Lewis and Sheldon Vanauken, and now have gone back to the Bible. I am trying to read a little every night and to pray for people I love and for people I don't love, when I wake up feeling anxious at night. It has felt good.