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Original poster

Help me wise mumsnetters-tell me about mediums, the good, the bad and the ugly....

31 replies

DarrellRivers · 21/09/2007 21:28

Here's my background.
My brother died suddenly a few months back. My SIL and mother have felt it would be helpful and comforting to see a medium.My SIL went today and I'm sure my mum will go soon.
I suppose I hail from a sceptical camp, being a scientist and also being naturally a bit of a cynic. |Any religious faith that I used to have seems to be being whittled away as the years go by.
Tell me both sides, as I want to understand how helpful it can be for others and I feel like this non belief on my side is driving a wedge between myself and my mother and my SIL.

OP posts:
CaptainUnderpants · 21/09/2007 21:41

Having lost my Mum In july I can understand why your SIL and Mum want to go and see a Medium . It is the comfort of knowing that your loved one is OK , free of pain , and is still with you in some way.

I have thought about it , having before Mum went having a passing interest in it. I'm sure that seeing a medium and getting a message form a loved one is a great source of comfort.

I dont really have the couarge to go and see one and in a way a bit frightened and I fell that it is still early days for me .

If it gives comfort to your SIL and Mum then I suppose let them be , did your SIL get a message or good reading today ?

Original poster
DarrellRivers · 21/09/2007 21:47

Thanks \captain U
Yes , i agree about them finding it comforting.
There are so many other feelings that you experience at this time that it can sometimes be confusing dealing with other things which are slightly out of your comfort zone.
Hope you are holding up ok.

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Spidermama · 21/09/2007 21:47

I got a medium to come and talk to my Grandmother in her last few months with us. I went into one of those crystal, witchy wicca type shops (StGeorge is good on these things I reckon) and I asked their opinion on who to call. They gave me a kind of list of good ones, like a governing body, and I chose a woman who lived close to my Grandma who was in Leicester.

SHE WAS AMAZING! I didn't know what to expect but she 'knew' so much and brought forward so many people to talk to my Grandmother.

She didn't want any money either. Only her bus fare.

It was very enlightening I have to say.

Sorry about your brother. x

Original poster
DarrellRivers · 21/09/2007 21:54

thankyou spidermama, it sounded like your grandma benefited from it all

captainunderpants,my \sil phoned to tell me about the reading and it sounded like it went very well,and left her feeling upbeat.
When someone young dies suddenly it feels like there are so many things left instead

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Original poster
DarrellRivers · 21/09/2007 21:55

unsaid even

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CaptainUnderpants · 21/09/2007 22:02

I would like to go to a medium but I think that I am too vunerable at the moment and may only hear what I want to hear or interpret it so it fits .

I think DH would go potty if I did go and he found out .

Original poster
DarrellRivers · 21/09/2007 22:03

Apparently it is recommended that you wait until 6 months after bereavement to go, for that very reason.

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CaptainUnderpants · 21/09/2007 22:07

I can see how people may get sucked in to it soon after a loved one has gone. I must say even after a week or so I wanted to know that Mum was Ok and had to quickly bring myself back to some reality.

Original poster
DarrellRivers · 21/09/2007 22:15

It is very important to feel they are ok isn't it?
So difficult to cope with the not being in contact anymore.

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Boredveryverybored · 21/09/2007 22:25

I echo spidermamas experience in that the only 'genuine' mediums imo that I have met have not charged me money.
It can be enormously comforting for those who are grieving, but I would very strongly reccomend caution. There are a lot of people out there who will take advantage.
A local spiritualist church or a shop like spidermama mentioned would be a good place to go. Those who are genuine will have a reputation.

SaintGeorge · 21/09/2007 22:52

The longer you can leave it the better. You are right not to go whilst you are feeling vulnerable. Personally I would say wait a year or more, you need to get through that first year of anniversaries as part of the grieving process.

I echo the advice on how to find a reputable medium. If/when you go, avoid giving information. A good medium will not want or need you to provide details.

Mediums cannot contact those who have passed, all contact comes from the spirit side so it is for your brother to decide if/when he will get in touch. If a 'medium' starts the conversation with 'who is it you want to talk to', my personal advice would be to get up and leave.

Original poster
DarrellRivers · 15/02/2008 16:24

It has now been 8 months and i feel that i would like to get in contact with a medium.
This is a big swing for me , as previously i was a BIG sceptic, but now i would like to hear anything from my brother.
the worst i feel is that i used to believe in heaven or somewhere for the soul to go.
Now i can't believe that there is anywhere for them to go.
my DH who i thought might chuckle at me, thought it seemed a comforting way forwards.
StGeorge or anyone else, where do you find a spiritual shop??? are there websites you recommend etc etc

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fransmom · 16/02/2008 14:51

hi dr (((((((((((((((((dr))))))))))))))))
which region are you in? if you in sw i can personally recommend yvonne anne, she is very good and a lovely woman, one of the very few people i can trust on sight. her website has contact details on www.yvonneanne.com

good luck xxx

fransmom · 16/02/2008 14:52

ooh that didn't work sorry try www.yvonneanne.co.uk

fransmom · 16/02/2008 14:52

that's better. good luck dr x

Christywhisty · 16/02/2008 15:33

Why don't you try grief counselling instead, where you get taught to know why you are feeling the way you do, rather than having someone just telling you what you want to hear.

Nettee · 16/02/2008 17:07

Hi DarrellRivers - I know how tempting this option is - I hope it works out well for you. I have not done this since my sister died and would be interested to hear how you get on. Thinking of you

Lulumama · 16/02/2008 17:12

i used someone from the spiritualist church when we had an unwanted spirit in the house, he only charged petrol money. so they churches can be a good place to start. and personal recommendations. certainly none of the ads in the back of magazines with 'all credit cards accepted' .

am really sorry about the sudden loss of your brother, it must be so hard when so unexpected.

i hope you find peace

hazygirl · 16/02/2008 17:21

i have been several times since jayden died,spent a fortune some have been rubbish but one from spirtual church knew everything,even repeated words said by me,and said you keep searching for the answer by seeing mediums,and to stop it, he knew so much

Original poster
DarrellRivers · 16/02/2008 18:09

thanks to you all
fransmom, no-where near somerset unfortunately
nettee , will let you know
lulu, thanks
hg,
christywhisty, don't think i really want to go the counselling route. i am having a normal grief reaction related to a bereavement, i don't think they will add anything.
i want something 'more 'than that.

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Surfermum · 16/02/2008 19:05

Personal recommendation is probably the best way. Other than that I'd say your local spiritualist church or "spritual" shop. Try searching for "new age" shops in Yell. I could recommend someone in Dorset if you're in that area.

What you could also do is go along to a spiritualist church service. They have mediums on the platform who give messages. There is no guarantee that you will get a message, but you might just get a feel by being there of whether it is what you need or not. The one I go to is really, really friendly so it might be a good way of getting a recommendation too.

I agree with StG, you shouldn't have to give any details to anyone who is doing a reading for you. The messages you will get will be the same whether or not the medium knows anything about you. But please do bear in mind, like St G says, that the medium will only be able to pass the messages that are given to her and there will be no guarantee that your db will come through. I say that not to be negative, but so that you aren't disappointed.

I really hope you can find someone good who will give you some comfort, and am sending out some positive thoughts .

mumofdjandp · 16/02/2008 19:15

I personally have had some bad experiences with mediums and wouldnt go near having a reading with a barge pole.

fransmom · 17/02/2008 15:31

hi mumofdjandp i am so sorry you have had bad experience but please don't let you view of those you have seen colour those you haven't. it's using a vast generalisation to say that all mediums are bad.

foxinsocks · 17/02/2008 15:35

I would be careful too, especially after a bereavement. My parents were into all this sort of stuff and in 'contact with the spirits' and they were/are mad as hatters. It's so easy to spot people's vulnerabilities and exploit them and when you are desperate to make contact or looking for more, that desperation can be seen a mile off, I'm sorry to say. Just be careful.

fransmom · 17/02/2008 15:37

i respect your viewpoint fox but please remember that not all mediums are the same, the fakes have spoilt it for the rest of us. please please don't tar us withe the same brush as those you see in the classifieds.

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