Do you struggle with the 'rules'?

[marmite92]

I know it sounds strange, but I've been thinking a lot about religion lately as my mum passed away last month in her 50s, and I am struggling to come to terms with it. I'd describe myself as agnostic but do pray sometimes, but my auntie has a very strong faith and feels comforted by it.

The trouble is, when I think about the rules in Christianity it worries me, because there are things I can't undo, and things I don't want to adhere to. For example, I've been married for a short amount of time which was a rushed mistake (mainly due to the diagnosis of my mum), so I'm divorced and I know that's frowned upon. I'm also very liberal, and I cannot believe things like being gay is wrong, that having sex unless married is terrible etc. I also struggle to think we are all born in sin, doesn't make sense to me.

So I guess my question is, am I allowed to feel like I can explore this if I know I will cherry pick what I like and don't like? How do you deal with the conflict? Sorry for the ramblings!

@marmite92 your reply made me sad. I continue to pray for you and your struggle with grief.

It's good that prayer brings you peace. If I'm lucky enough to get that feeling I sometimes take that as my answer. I dont doubt God is listening to you and looking out for you.

I get that you might feel like you're talking to yourself. All I can say is it gets easier. And prayers get answered. Which in itself is completely befuddling. I think its a bit too early on to start pointing you in the direction of ways to pray. Doing what you're doing is good. And finding a church to attend after lockdown might help.

Please please don't worry or punish yourself for things you can't change, like your divorce, or haven't happened yet like future sex life. I think sex and religion should be kept well apart, providing you aren't hurting anyone. First: pray. Later: deal with how you do good in the world.

And look after yourself.

@Cherrycee have PMed you, hope it helps!

Thank you @ZenNudist I really appreciate your advice and kind words x