Church for non-believers

[RosaWaiting]

hi all
I have seen this topic come up before but I would be really interested to hear more views.

I am thinking of going to local church services and possibly becoming part of the community - they do various charity things.

I will be honest, there are two reasons for this. One is that the local community has completely changed, close friends have moved away and I thought it would be a good route to meeting more local people.

the other is that I have been in touch with the church because of helping with charity things that just happened to be there, if you see what I mean (food bank and homeless shelter).

The impression I have is that the Reverend and some other people I met - who I admit might be linked to the charities rather than the church - are very open minded people and would probably be okay with someone coming along for that reason.

so has anyone openly gone to church and said "not sure what I think about all this"?

the local community seems to be disappearing. A non-religious "hub" was recently closed down and I find myself wondering where everyone goes. I know my neighbours but we mostly commute into central London for work, most have children and are very busy and frankly with a few close friends who have moved out of London all together, I am finding I get a bit lonely. If I am prepared to schlep all over town and go to bars etc, then certainly there's no shortage of stuff for me to do. But I have no interest in any of that any more.

Interested to hear thoughts. Thank you.

I think I'll have to square it with the vicar mostly because I'm interested in the social aspect and it doesn't sit right with me to go with people who might be thinking I have a specific set of beliefs

I will pop in and ask when the vicar is around for a chat, explain that I'm looking for community stuff and see what he feels about it. I can imagine it might be awkward and he won't actually say no, but if he is horrified it will be showing in some way

I spoke with a neighbour who isn't sure about her beliefs and apparently she tried church within walking distance and she said she felt very uncomfortable there, but from listening to the audio recordings on their website I can see/hear why. They are very....um.....deep into their faith I guess? The place I'm looking at seems a bit more general.

she actually wears a cross, which is interesting, but she says she just wears it because her late mother wore it.

while thinking about all this it has occurred to me, I don't think much about people's outward appearance, but I do just assume someone wearing a cross is Christian. Which is mad, considering I know someone who wears a turban because he never had the courage to say "no" to it when growing up.

I also used to dislike the term "culturally " but now I realise I probably am culturally Christian, if we are going to get into labels.

surely people just assume you believe in god if you turn up at church, or any other such place?

Nope! Churchwarden here of a tiny village congregation. I wouldn't assume anything about anyone new who turned up at our services. We welcome everyone whether committed Christian, atheist, agnostic, uncertain or just fancy a nice coffee and breakfast with others in the village (we do breakfast church). I know some of the people in the congregation don't believe (because they've told me) but I've got no idea about the others and I wouldn't assume anything one way or the other. I'm quite happy if people come just for the breakfast and a chat.

wondering if "tiny congregation" is like, 5 people or something.

yes, I suppose never having been, I have no idea what they will think.

my mum was a bit stunned by this development - she's not against at all, just very stunned. She said to me "what about community centre etc". She has trouble remembering stuff, but the sad thing is, the community centre closed, the library closed, the other local hub, or at least unofficial hub that I used, all closed.

so much as I think it's nice to have a non-religious hub, I admit freely, I don't want to run things, I want to have something organised that I can drop into, and that only leaves church.

if I ever manage to make enough money to hire a hall and set up something non-religious, I could do that, but for now it does seem like church is the only way to meet the need. If it's horrible then it will be back to having hardly any local friends. Plops.

Church congregations work on the basis that we respect each other, and each other's right to our own beliefs. Paradoxically you'd have to be a really big church to try and insist everyone agrees about everything!
My church's mission is about building community. We recognise that's needed, and try and fill the gap. So we do lunches for older folk, toddler groups, games nights etc.

I think they do gay weddings at this church

but what if they are anti-abortion? Well, I mean, the vicar, I guess.

actually if the vicar told me he was anti-abortion I just couldn't go.

I might have to rethink this....!!

"I will pop in and ask when the vicar is around for a chat, explain that I'm looking for community stuff and see what he feels about it. I can imagine it might be awkward and he won't actually say no, but if he is horrified it will be showing in some way"

He will not be horrified, and I guess he won't even be surprised! People drift into church looking for friends, meaning, community. I joined aged 16 looking for friends! (I'm still here almost 40 years later - different church though!).

I think you said it was URC, the ministers are called ministers not vicars, I think. Although their name may still be 'Rev'.

"I think they do gay weddings at this church"

The URC are pretty equality minded as far as I know and I would imagine they will perform same sex marriages. The Anglican Church cannot perform same sex marriages and some other churches choose not to. But I think the URC are pretty liberally-minded.
I would be quite surprised if the minister talked about abortion. but even if he (or she) does have views on abortion, we are all entitled to our own views.

There are also local things like park runs, local charities that rely on volunteers, arts groups, book clubs, theater groups etc. Why not try a variety of things.

You sound quite anxious, OP. Rolling up for a look see won't do any harm. If you hear things you don't like, you can just leave. No one will hold it against you, no one will mind.

My church is like a big extended family- it contains brexiteers, remainers, UKIP voters and people who despise UKIP. We're positive about gay rights, though one of us wrestles with the definition of the word marriage. Some of us won't do yoga, others think that's ridiculous. Most of us are fair trade, one keeps buying Yorkshire teabags. Some believe in God's direct intervention (miracles), some absolutely reject that. We all get on.

I know these things because I've been going there 18 years, and there aren't that many of us.

Just turn up, you are really over thinking it, in over 30 years of attending (different) churches no one has ever asked me about my beliefs, I have been welcomed, made friends, joined in events, made coffee, ran the Food Bank etc etc. Please try it, you may like it, you may not.

Thanks everyone for your input

I had been having a weird few days when I was thinking about this. I now feel like myself and won't be doing it.

Really appreciate everyone's advice.

Rosa, you sound like you've been feeling a bit low. Im glad you are feeling better. I hope you find some other way to improve your social life. Local friends aren't essential.

And it's all this,I realise,that made life so hard as a believing teenager in an Anglican Church.Loads of people into community activities,jumble sales,socialising,doing stuff but no one actually talking about God,which is why I thought we were there.
And now I'm agnostic/atheist,I'd obviously fit in just fine.
Go,OP why not?

OP if you do not want to, don't go. But it sounds a bit like you've gone through the whole scenario in your head. What you do or don't believe, what the minister may or may not believe, or may or may not say, etc.

In our church we do talk and think about God but also about a lot of other stuff.

And as I said there are some community charities, fun runs, projects etc you could explore.

Good luck.

As long as you’re on the tea rota no one at my church cares if you’re Muslim, Christian or atheist.

Infinite "Loads of people into community activities,jumble sales,socialising,doing stuff but no one actually talking about God,which is why I thought we were there.
And now I'm agnostic/atheist,I'd obviously fit in just fine."

oh dear, that must have been hard