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Original poster

Church for non-believers

65 replies

RosaWaiting · 11/05/2019 15:18

hi all
I have seen this topic come up before but I would be really interested to hear more views.

I am thinking of going to local church services and possibly becoming part of the community - they do various charity things.

I will be honest, there are two reasons for this. One is that the local community has completely changed, close friends have moved away and I thought it would be a good route to meeting more local people.

the other is that I have been in touch with the church because of helping with charity things that just happened to be there, if you see what I mean (food bank and homeless shelter).

The impression I have is that the Reverend and some other people I met - who I admit might be linked to the charities rather than the church - are very open minded people and would probably be okay with someone coming along for that reason.

so has anyone openly gone to church and said "not sure what I think about all this"?

the local community seems to be disappearing. A non-religious "hub" was recently closed down and I find myself wondering where everyone goes. I know my neighbours but we mostly commute into central London for work, most have children and are very busy and frankly with a few close friends who have moved out of London all together, I am finding I get a bit lonely. If I am prepared to schlep all over town and go to bars etc, then certainly there's no shortage of stuff for me to do. But I have no interest in any of that any more.

Interested to hear thoughts. Thank you.

OP posts:
TeacupDrama · 11/05/2019 21:24

our church has lots going on to help people and be involved
it has the normal church things of Sunday services Sunday School, bible study groups ( for people exploring faith, new christians and mature christians) and prayer groups it also it has mother and toddlers, a saturday bacon roll club for dads and kids, it runs a CAP course twice a year leading on to a life skills course. .it has at least 1 if not 2 drop in cafes a week, there are regular family fun nights and meet ups in playparks in the holidays; they together with 3 other churches in town run a youth club for kids in P6-S6, there is a group that visits the vulnerable lonely and housebound
There is plenty for the not sure or even non believer to get involved in, obviously you would not be asked to lead a bible study unless you were well grounded in faith but involvement in CAP toddlers cafes is open to most folks ( some would need volunteer scotland clearance )

Paddington68 · 11/05/2019 21:30

Come, you who have much faith and you who have little,
You who have been here often
and you who have not been for a long time or ever before,
You who have tried to follow and all of us who have failed.

Babdoc · 11/05/2019 21:45

As PPs have said, church is for everybody. It’s not some exclusive club of smug people who think they’re God’s favourites! Jesus came to save sinners, to heal the sick, not be with people who felt no need of him and thought they were already perfect in body and soul.
My own village church congregation includes atheists, agnostics and Buddhists, and all are warmly welcomed by our minister. We are very much a hub of village life, running folk music nights, drop in centre, Sunday school, teen group, night prayer, walking group etc etc.
I wish more people all over the country would pop in and give their local church a try - I think you’d be pleasantly surprised by how uplifting it is to sing great music and worship together, to stay for coffee and a chat afterwards, to feel part of a community and to volunteer for activities to support local issues.

jackstini · 13/05/2019 06:58

Hi Rosa

I think it's a great idea
We have people at all levels of faith and curiosity attend our church, whether it's for devices, groups or events

All are welcome, whatever their reasons for attending
It's like a second family and I hope you find that sense of community you're looking for

@Golden - your situation sounds quite disturbing and not Christian Sad who comes and gets you and which denomination is this? I definitely feel you need to be out of this

jackstini · 13/05/2019 06:58

Services not devices!

RedSheep73 · 13/05/2019 07:19

I don't think any church is going to throw you out, although as one poster said you shouldn't take communion if you aren't fully onboard. But as an ex-believer, I would say look at every other option first. I do hanker sometimes for the community aspect of church but I couldn't stomach the lies and delusions that go along with it.

CherryPavlova · 13/05/2019 07:26

We’re Catholic but often go to local Anglican Church as it is the community hub. There is nothing else where everyone meets. We do have good social events but they are by invitation usually and we’d not see some of our more elderly or weekend neighbours were it not for the church.
The vicar knows we are Catholic and accepts that completely.She is marrying our daughter next year as they wanted a very local wedding involving the whole community.
I think Church as a place for social food, for people exploring or looking for things other than a God moment is just fine. Plenty of people in the Catholic Church don’t support Catholic doctrine in its entirety.

Partylikeits20199 · 13/05/2019 07:36

Interesting thread. But I’m glad to see you are still being encouraged to go. A very different tone to the threads where people are interested to join church even though they aren’t sure of their faith for their children to go to their local faith school. These posters are normally ripped apart...

IrenetheQuaint · 13/05/2019 07:43

Nothing to lose, so why not give it a go! I am a long-term agnostic but sing in a church choir and really value attending services.

I wouldn't take communion though as I think it's disrespectful to do so if you're not confirmed and don't believe in God and Jesus. There are usually quite a few people who don't go up to receive communion so you won't stick out.

drspouse · 13/05/2019 08:02

I know you have a specific church in mind but have you thought about Quakers? They do a lot of charity and activism and have a broad spectrum of belief.

GoldenEvilHoor · 13/05/2019 08:02

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

picklemepopcorn · 13/05/2019 08:18

A very different tone to the threads where people are interested to join church even though they aren’t sure of their faith for their children to go to their local faith school. These posters are normally ripped apart...

And they often object when, having got their child into a faith school, they then participate in faith based activities.

And those parents leave as soon as their child gets in.

Joining a community temporarily to gain access to something else is totally different from joining that community for what it's own sake.

picklemepopcorn · 13/05/2019 08:19

*its

Original poster
RosaWaiting · 13/05/2019 10:01

thank you for all the replies.

There are posts here that are a bit unnerving. I will take some time to think it over.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 14/05/2019 23:47

RosaWaiting go for it. You've nothing to lose.

Our local church is quite friendly, dies lots of stuff and doesn't expect people to believe anything necessarily.

Flowers
Italiangreyhound · 14/05/2019 23:48

does loads of stuff!

Madhairday · 15/05/2019 08:48

Our church is also a place that welcomes all, and would never question your belief/lack of belief - we might invite you to explore it with us but never with any caveats or expectations that you will, and certainly not a condition of being in church. We also do a load in the local community and encourage people to be involved, whatever they think about faith matters. It sounds like it would be worth a try for you, OP - church is a place you can often find real community and friendship. Goldens experience is unnerving but unusual, she's been positing about it for a long time and I do worry about her and what she is in - it does sound cultish and completely at odds with any of my experience of church.

If church only becomes about believers then it becomes insular and is in opposition to that which it was originally set up for, in the example of Jesus who spent his time with those on the margins and condemned the hypocrites.

Hope you find some welcome and friendship, OP :)

Original poster
RosaWaiting · 15/05/2019 11:18

thanks again

so if I go and I meet people, it's okay to say "actually I think I'm an atheist" - will they look at me like I'm bonkers?! Or find my presence annoying?

Golden's post wasn't the one that unnerved me btw, I'm not worried about being dragged into a cult.

OP posts:
ChoccyJules · 15/05/2019 13:07

You won’t have to say anything or be asked anything about your beliefs or lack of them.

If you volunteered to go to a bible study meeting then yes, people discuss what they think in that kind of scenario (having said that you can also sit and listen and never contribute). But on a Sunday morning I would be extremely surprised if anyone discussed it.

They may ask about you, where you live, what you do etc. Like all Brits doing small-talk. You might say you‘be been in and out with the charity work and thought you‘d come along to a service. But nobody will expect you to justify why you are there.

picklemepopcorn · 15/05/2019 14:25

I agree with choccy. It just won't come up. They may ask if you've been to church before.

If you want to be totally up front, you could make an appointment to chat with the vicar ahead of time. Explain that it isn't belief that draws you, but community.

Original poster
RosaWaiting · 15/05/2019 14:35

thanks
I think I might chat with the vicar in advance, I feel a bit weird about it all.

I wouldn't want to attend bible study, no!

OP posts:
ChoccyJules · 15/05/2019 14:51

No, I was just saying that might be where people want to talk about their faith, questions, doubts etc. Not on a Sunday. Hope you have a good first visit Brew - that’s the post-Service cuppa!

Original poster
RosaWaiting · 15/05/2019 14:54

it just feels so fundamentally weird

surely people just assume you believe in god if you turn up at church, or any other such place?

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 15/05/2019 15:26

If you aren't comfortable leave it but seems a shame not to give it a go. People really wont ask your views. Plus if anyone wants to judge, thats not very Christian, they'd be in the wrong!

Go, give it a try once. You dont really need to speak to the vicar.

Abigwhale · 15/05/2019 15:45

People turn up at church for all sorts of reasons. They’re lonely, they’re ill, they’re depressed, they’re hungry, it’s somewhere warm. I’ve been in churches where all these things have happened. Never once have I asked someone but what do you believe. We just say hello, do you want a cup of tea, what’s your name etc and they share whatever you choose to.