Is this normal 3 year old rubbish? Or a bit unusual? It freaks the hell out of me...

[funnypeculiar]

DS ( 3 1/2) says that a lady comes in the night - he is often nervous of her coming at bed time. He doesn't like her (I tried to suggest she was nice, he said "He, she is bad" - an ususual choice of words for him). He wants us to tell her to go away, and sometimes wakes in the night saying she has come - once we tell her to go away he calms down. This has happened in houses other than our own. This morning he said "She has big hair, and she says things and makes me sad". He has been talking about her for probably 4 months or so now.

It should also be said that he has regular visits from sharks, crocodiles etc - but the lady visits with more consistancy, and is clearly always the same lady...

Any ideas on how to tackle it?

So far our policy has been not to deny that she is there, but to tell her to go away when he asks us to, and assert that she's now gone.

Hijack not a problem

And interesting point, starrystarrynight... I'd always thought you shouldn't deny children's imaginings, if they feel real to them, but can see that I could have 'fueled' this.

Ds inspired a soln this morning, by asking for the Turkish protective eye that his grandpa brought back from holiday recently. We discussed whether it would protect him from the lady & he agreed that it would - he decided we should fix it on the door so she can't come past. We nailed one onto his & one onto his sisters door, and he said she'd gone back to her house now. I'll reiterate this at bedtime .... & see if that sorts it.

Thanks for your help everyone - will let you know if she reappears...

It was just a suggestion, seeing as your approach of "normalizing" it and getting in to his imaginary world did not seem to have the decided effect, in that he was scared and you concerned. Just thought it might be worth trying to imagine her gone for good, or somewhere else completely, as this would not deny him his imagination, but steer it in the direction you want it to take. I think this might be a better approach to take before contacting the church? Keep us posted!

If you want to take the approach that it is in his imagination and working on ways to divert from that, perhaps consider this. As a child I got a phobia that the big bad wolf would come and get me in bed. My mum and dad put the child gate across my bedroom doorway to stop him getting in! I apparently was totally happy with that, even to the point they could leave it so I could open it to get out for the toilet later on when I was old enough to do that, yet would still freak without it there! Perhaps if he does not have a gate there you could get one to keep her out?

Good luck whatever happens

saw this had popped up again, so just to update - after fixing his 'protective eye' up, ds has been talking about the lady in the daytime - & I have reiterated that she can't come now.
First couple of nights he woke up with other nightmares, and asked if the lady still couldn't come - & was reassured. Last few nights he's slept through undistrubed.

Today (whilst eating his strawberries) he told me the lady likes strawberries too .. so seems like we have resolved it (fingers crossed!)

Thanks for your help, all

Havent read all of the thread, but i have got a suggestion.
(I would also point out that i DO believe alot in spiritualist and reincarnation and stuff... but this might appeal a bit more to your DS's side of things)
My DS used to have nightmares about monsters coming to get him. He would cry out and alsorts, it used to scare the living daylights out of me.
Do you know how i 'cured' him?
I mixed some green food colouring in with some water, in a sports bottle, and we went and squirted it all infront of the house, and the back, like you would do with Ant Powder.
When he started to speak of the monsters again id repeat the process... (i never let him see me making the 'special brew' up) but i only ever had to do this 3 times.
If it persists after that id consider looking into some more 'spiritually based perception'
HTH

OOooops
Seems like youve already resolved the problem..
Il shut up and go away then

• great idea for next time, though FF - DS would love it !!