Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and saw the light on beneath our en-suite door and DH wasn't in bed. Didn't hear any noise and felt suspicious (past behaviour explained below). Looked at his phone this morning and on the recently accesssed tabs there is a subreddit called something like 'SexyWomenInBoots'
. All the pictures had been viewed. I looked at a couple and the were nothing hardcore but definitely nudity and very suggestive.
Myself and DH are Christians and have been married five years. DH was a virgin when we met and we didn't sleep together until our wedding night. I found porn on his computer before we married and twice since. After the last time we put a filter on the internet and put it in my name so only I could lose the filter if that makes sense.
I just feel so disappointed and gutted.
The first time I found it on the PC he told me he was addicted. He was so so sorry and said he would stop blah blah blah. He obviously didn't. I think he tries but I think it is an addiction. However he has not seemed sorry the past times I have found it and more annoyed at me and impatient if I bring it up because I'm meant to have 'forgiven' him.
We have a 9 month old baby and tbh our sex life is OK at the moment. Since we moved DS into his own room it's been easier ut we have not had sex for about three weeks as I am waiting to have a coil fitted so don't want to risk pregnancy.
What do I do next? He tends to get angry if I bring stuff up like this and will turn it round on me e.g. 'why did you look at my phone?' 'we've not had sex for ages because YOU haven't got your coil yet and I needed to' etc. He would probably act all sorry and I forgive him and then he'll just cntinue to do it, trying to cover his tracks.
This is not a loving Christian relationsgip and I know it. He never offers to pray for me. We don't read the Bible together. He absolutely puts himself first before God, DS or me.
There is no way he would share this with a church leader or counsellor. He is embarrassed and ashamed (and rightly so I think) as am I. I have no idea.
Sorry it's so long.