Is there room for one more? I don’t often post on mumsnet these days, but for reasons I can’t really explain, I feel like I stumbled across this thread for a reason.
I cannot call myself a witch, but in my late teens I lived in a tiny hamlet in Summer Wine country, where I often felt the presence of something sentient that was older than its human inhabitants. It frightened me, but I was drawn to it, and I dabbled a little in witchcraft, attending a pagan moot and attempting a couple of spells / rituals -- I remember having a very vivid waking daydream about a horned man in the woods behind my dad’s house. His words were strange and have always stayed with me. But my Christian upbringing made it difficult to go into things with a clear head, and when I moved away for university I lost touch with that part of myself. I even tried for a while to go back to the church but ultimately could not reconcile them with my personal beliefs and past experiences.
For several years now, there’s been a hollow inside me, like something is missing. I suffer quite badly from depression and have found the only thing that truly soothes it is being out in nature. In fact I often fantasize about being able to go off and spend some healing time in the wilderness. I’m fascinated by the history, both ancient and modern, of the village where I now live and feel very connected to the landscape. I feel like I’m on a path but am struggling with the steps if that makes sense? For now I’ve been filling a little notebook with things I feel I need to know, such as learning the names of the trees and plants in my local area, walking the land, learning about the moon and the night sky, teaching myself how to tend a garden. That sort of thing.
Several of the women on my maternal line are, for want of a better word, very woo -- I am less so but I think it’s because I subconsciously suppress it, although occasionally I still experience things.
I’m not sure what I’m asking for here, I think it’s guidance, as I feel very lost… but like I might have found my people?
Anyway, I’m sorry for the ridiculously long and rambling interruption. This thread has been fascinating.