If you are Christian but don't go to "Church" what are your reasons?

[Cazee]

Reading another thread made me wonder. I am a Catholic, and I find Church deeply spiritual, I engage with my Christian brothers and sisters, I hear the word of God proclaimed and discussed and I reaffirm my faith. What's not to like ? I know many christians don't like to go to church, and I was wondering why. Perhaps negative experiences, grumpy parishoners?

nah, high Anglican

I wasn't being flippant re tea either - tea is an important part fo my lifelong church experience, but IME it's a bit that churches rarely get wrong - it's the serious bits where they fall down.

I only asked because one of the lovely things about Catholic Mass is that the readings complement each other well. Our readings last week were about Jesus appearing to the deciples after he had risen from the dead (although we did have a letter from the bishop read out at the homily...) If you don't mind discussing it, what is it about church that you feel is wrong for you? I know that you said the Eucharist seemed out of place, but maybe it is the other stuff that is out of place, and the Eucharist that shines out of the service?

At the end of the service that we go to (which is a children's service on a Saturday evening) we have coke and doughnuts . Definitely a HUGE part of my dc church experience.
FWIW because of this service both myself and dh have started to attend the Sunday service as well (with dc going to Sunday school). It also starts a 9:30am which is helpful - Do miss the Sunday lie-in though.
Before this I was a lapsed church-goer having attended whilst a child and teenager. I too thought that I could still call myself a Christian (not that I am saying your not if you don't attend church), but have realised that there is more to it than just 'believing'.
Am extremely lucky that the church is very family orientated, but also very accepting of all people with SN.
What i am trying to say i suppose is that i lumped all churches together, but there are some really good ones out there.

Used to be interested (am CofE) when I was a child and an earnest teenager. Then dabbled in paganism as a 20-something. Now vaguely inclined to get back to CofE but put off because I don't know anyone at my local church, having moved house (excepting the obvious, of course!) and I get the feeling they are a bit exclusive, having come across a couple of the mums from the CofE school who are very involved. And very churchy. Even my neighbour, who is a regular worshipper and works for the diocese, now goes to a different church for worship as our local one is a bit much, Apparently.

And I'm bleeding lazy on a Sunday morning, tbh.

Btw, local United Reformed were very welcoming when I went to a toddler group held in their hall - invited us all along to their carol service and were great. As were local Christian missionary centre (another Christmas children's service, raising funds for AIDS orphans in Uganda). Just not sure about CofE and I am CofE, IYKWIM.

I really do want to take part, as I'm very concerned about the extreme evangelicals who are trying to disestablish the church and turn it into their private, exclusive, intolerant club. Feel it incumbent on lazy arse Anglicans like me to actually turn up now and again to support the whole tolerant, wishy washy CofE consensus of old!

I think you're right re the eucharist Cazee - the Methodists of my childhood only did communion at the 10am service once a month, so when it came it felt like a big important thing - seemed like it wasn't appreciated properly at the service I mentioned.

Also have a deep dislike of sung responses - I want a minister calling 'Lift up your hearts!' and the congregation responding like they really are, not waiting for the organ chord so they come in in tune

you have prompted me to try the local Methodists this Sunday...

marymoocow, coke and doughnuts . Must talk to my priest about that...
Mrs Badger - I couldn't agree more about your desire for people to respond with their hearts. I think some of the problems are that there are a lot of people who go to church who perhaps don't really believe. Don't mean to judge anyone, but I feel that most of the congragation at my mass see Christianity as an hour on sunday sort of thing, rather than their reason for living. It hit me the other day that if someone was to tell us all that God had worked a miracle for them and they were healed there would be a lot of shoe gazing, embarassment and disbelief, rather than rejoycing. Thanks to everyone who has contributed to this discussion. In the end I feel that although church is not perfect, and often filled with moany old biddies, grumpy priests and apathy, Jesus must have known what he was doing when he asked us to gather together in His name.

I didn't go because I found it boring and distracting.

Now, however, I am a pagan.

I don't go becuase i am lazy. I don't feel welcome, the new priest is a loon, i don't know anyone after 5 years, and in true catho0lic style i turned up to pray for my marriage, i prayed and i cried, i went to confession

But - and i think only christians know what i mean - i dont feel 'it' by the 'it' i mean the holy spirit.

the church building itself is a modern one - i hate that.

so i dont like the building, the priest, the other people.

always went as a child, christened and confirmed. no presure from parents. stoped going when at 14 helping out with sunday school woman in charge humiliated me in front of everyone (wasnt a very confident person then or now) so i swore i would never go back. got married in same chuch ( mum and dad, dad still very involved) had both kids christened there (local church did not want to know as we just out of catchment!!) then nothing, went to church parades at urc, and c of e (liked urc....till minister left under strange circumstances) didnt like c of e coz vicar was lacking in personality and never seemed very welcoming.

all changed when new vicar came, he is fantastic, loves children and youth. all much livlier now.

I have always had some sort of faith...........but then did the alpha and my life has changed sooooooooooo much. i look forward to every sunday my dd loves sunday school ( i even help out sometimes) my faith is stronger than ever, i read my bible all the time and pray much more. I understand it all much more now.

going to chuch means meeting with my "other" family, i miss them when i dont see them.

hope this all makes sense. xxx

grumpy parishioners

the incestousness of village life

the happy clappy family services

it all seems deeply unintelligent and has made me question my faith altogether

spot on with 'deeply unintelligent'

The bits I remember most fondly are the youth group sessions from when I was about 14 when you could argue properly about the Bible, how the church as an institution has moved away from God etc, and didn't just have to swallow it whole in silence like you do on a Sunday.

(And don't suggest Alpha, they have an agenda.)

yes! the debates! they were so good

you can't do any of that here or you are seen as lefty pinko troulbe maker (not far from truth)

"going to chuch means meeting with my "other" family, i miss them when i dont see them" - totally agree there imback
Our vicar is an old-school Socialist so her sermons are usually challenging and invigorating (funny and informal too, but not particularly Biblical) and any pleas for money/gardening duties/parish mag selling are kept to the notices at the end.
The readings are never random and the brief notes on them in the pewsheet are relevant and interesting.
Our services aren't very beautiful liturgically (I am a High Church Angligan by upbringing and inclination too), and the music can best be described as variable, but they are thought-provoking, outward-looking and prayerful.
Now that the dcs are in Sunday School (also very Fairtrade/social activist oriented) I love the short time I have to review my week and how I can be a better person, during the prayers.
Above all it is a merry place, full of laughter and warmth, but your initial impressions would be of a dwindling congregation of old ladies and five young families.
Last Sunday dd took exception to a small blemish on the grape she was offered at the altar rail and handed it back requesting another. In our old, spiky, posh-suburb church she'd have been fixed with a basilisk stare by a variety of po-faced servers, I think. In our new place everyone was chuckling apparently (I missed Grapegate thank goodness )

that sounds nice marina

imback, I followed your alpha thread, and was so pleased for you

I guess the difference is that I don't feel that the church has moved away from God. I am only speaking about the Catholic Church. I see the beauty in the Mass, I confess that I am a sinner, ask for God's forgiveness, listen to His word, proclaim my belief in the creed, and participate in the Eucharist. I feel I am obeying Jesus' command to gather together in His name. I don't feel that I "have" to go, rather I feel that I have accepted the authority of the Church, which actually gives me a greater freedom (the monk on "The Abbey" expressed it better than I can). I don't have to think shall I go, shall I wash up instead..? I just accept that I need to go for my spiritual health, much as I go to the gym for my physical health. (and eat cake for my emotional health ). Maybe we could have a seperate thread, How do you feel the church has moved away from God?

We do go, partly because we work in the church, but we would go anyway. One of the churches we go to is quite like marina said - it is really like an extended family, the sense of community there is amazing, and as it's our local church whenever we go out to the local shops, we meet people from church. My children have 40 extra "brothers and sisters" at church who they play with - the boys and dd charge round the church and the girls play with ds2. My kids love it! It is also a time of quiet, with ds2 in creche and the children in sunday school, and gives some space in the week.

It's the utter inverse of the smart churches locally Enid. Apart from a horde of new hon. grannies and the prayers you don't "get" anything from ASBR. No desirable new yummy mummy chums, no "in" on the local church school. If you say you worship there, no-one goes, oh, yes, how nice.
We do a mean Fairtrade tea and coffee though.
After our old "how much has your house appreciated by this week Arabella" congregation it is utter and total bliss. I can totally understand why people are hacked off with aspects of Sunday worship. In too many places it's just an additional venue to be judged and found wanting

Marina, I know exactly what you mean about thinking about the week and resolving to be better next week. It is really good to have a set time each week to do that.

tortoiseSHELL, having a Cresh must be brilliant. I do think that is one area where Catholic churches fall down.

Cazee, maybe it's just because my recent experience of the church has been so unfulfilling but my personal experience of God hasn't dulled or changed, and has if anything sharpened and increased.
But this is exactly the kind of debate that it's hard to have at church...

I do accept that Catholicism is a bit of a different way of approaching God though - my Low Church upbringing means it's not one I am quite comfortable with myself.

Cazee - the whole set up is great - ds2 goes to creche for the whole service, ds1 and dd sit on their own in church and go out to Sunday School on their own (which has led to some embarrassing moments when the minister has asked them a question with the microphone in the childrens' address and I am not in reach to poke them...)

i do think the church is starting to change, but it will take time, and people need to speak up. i went to a confirmation service the other week, very happy clappy and full of youth. some black, some white, some with pink hair and some with their hoods up. they the ones singing loudest, they were great and not affraid to say how they felt about god.

when we left it struck me that had someone been walking past them all huddled together outside, laughing and shouting, they would have imediatly thought they were up to know good.............first impressions ha? they go every week, and during the week as well, and not all their parents are christians.

my church has an active sunday school, creche and a great youth group (which my son has actually agreed to try tonight - hes not into god.............yet)

there are lots of churches out there, just hunt until you find the one thats for you.

as for debate, we have lots of very open debate, during alpha we all said what we thought and i am certainly not one to hold back on my thoughts, although i do spend the rest of the week thinking,,,,,oh i wish i hadnt said that.

mrsb we feel the same

we must start our own church

or move house and go to Marina's