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Original poster

If you are Christian but don't go to "Church" what are your reasons?

85 replies

Cazee · 02/05/2007 19:33

Reading another thread made me wonder. I am a Catholic, and I find Church deeply spiritual, I engage with my Christian brothers and sisters, I hear the word of God proclaimed and discussed and I reaffirm my faith. What's not to like ? I know many christians don't like to go to church, and I was wondering why. Perhaps negative experiences, grumpy parishoners?

OP posts:
allieBongo · 02/05/2007 19:35

My dh doesn;t go as people become OTT and it really puts him off, when they dance in the aisles and start to wail and speak in tongues. I also find it quite miserable, the hymns are drony and there really is no evidence of rejoicing

nickytwotimes · 02/05/2007 19:36

cazee, i am also a church attending catholic and really enjoy it. however, where we used to live i didn't really go because i found it so dull! bad, i know, but...
i think this is the case for many people. we have a great church here - we are lucky!

Whoooosh · 02/05/2007 19:37

Can't bear trying to keep dd entertained/quiet.
Can't bear the "cliquey" mentality that if I don't go every week I am not worthy.

Quite frankly,I prefer to be at home with dd on a Sunday morning and make my own "spiritual" time.

Had horrendous experience with a group of regular churchgoers when trying to arrange dd's christening-was looked down on as what they believed was a single parent-God only knows how they would have been had they known I have been in a relationship with a woman for 13yrs.

percypig · 02/05/2007 19:40

Do you and your DH go to the same church alliBongo - cos it sounds like you're describing 2 totally different churches!

I do go to 'church' every week, it's a huge part of my life and really important to me. I know a few people who are definitely Christians but who have decided they 'don't do church' any more. Their reasons are mostly to do with disillusionment and disappointment in their previous church, which I feel quite sad about. Obviously they have their reasons, but I think that sort of attitude is missing the point of church.

nickytwotimes · 02/05/2007 19:40

whoooosh, i think that's the good thing about our church - no real issue with marital status, kids, etc. everyone is welcome. my friend is a single mum with 2 kids and i lived with my dh before we got married and we take the sunday school!

LadyMacbeth · 02/05/2007 19:43

Perhaps I feel that my relationship with God is very personal and I'm not sure that the rules of the church reflect my personal beliefs about God and spirituality. Perhaps I like to pray in solitude. Perhaps it's because I had church-going forced upon me as a Catholic child and it's only been of late that I've started to believe again.

I don't know. All I do know is that it doesn't appeal to me massively.

Let's face it, I wouldn't want people to come to my house because they felt they had to, so why on earth should God?

Whoooosh · 02/05/2007 19:43

Nickytwotimes-I long for a church like yours where we would be accepted but the local vicar is a complete .
I therefore am forced to worship in my own way.

nickytwotimes · 02/05/2007 19:44

it's rubbish having a vicar like that, whoooosh. if you ever fancy moving to ayrshire!!!........

LadyMacbeth · 02/05/2007 19:46

It's very sad Whoosh that you feel like this. There is an awful lot of intolerance within a religion that preaches tolerance IYKWIM.

allieBongo · 02/05/2007 19:46

no, I don't do religion full stop so I'm not really the best person to ask, I'm judging this on the few that I have visited for weddings etc over the last few years. His family church is the one that can get a little OTT. I just know that dh would feel more inclined to go if there wasn't such extremes. He still believes and does his own thing which I think is sufficient for him

PeachyChocolateEClair · 02/05/2007 19:46

Because of a few things: last time I went properly I gave up because of a Vicar who humilaiated my SN DS1 by getting publicly angry at a tic of his (foot tapping).

The mroe I learn about Christianity though, I realise that I am a CHRISTian not a Churchgoer, and that there is a difference, the history of the two are interlinked but not inseparable. I find more spirituality that appeals to me in teachings such as the Gospel of St Thomas, for example. The Church is way too political and too much of an 'entity' for me. Give me faith and Love any day, but take away the hierarchical organisations!

Original poster
Cazee · 02/05/2007 19:47

What I am trying to get at is why people feel they don't want to go.
Interesting so far. Everyone has a personal relationship with God, but don't you feel that it helps to have the support of others who believe? I have to go and put dd to sleep now, DH is having trouble , but I will be back.

OP posts:
Califrau · 02/05/2007 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeachyChocolateEClair · 02/05/2007 19:50

Actually no, I don't find it helps to have other support- the answers I have (or rather the questions I have) are those I have come up with through personal consideration and introspection, that's the sort of person I am though- I don't like discussing intense things with anyone much. Certainly not face to face anyway.

Crotchety · 02/05/2007 19:51

Since having children. although we do go to church and DH plays the organ, I've found the control of two small boys rather takes the edge off it. For all the "we welcome children" sentiment I think people still don't want to hear too much noise so supervising all the colouring etc at the back makes it a bit of a non-experience for me. Sunday School is there but after a few months I was asked to join the rota for it, and explaining that I sometimes work Sundays (true) didn't seem to be a good enough reason not to. Also then admitting that I really really didn't want to do it as it is absolutely not my thing didn't go down well either. So now I feel a bit iffy about "using" it, as it were.

moominsmummy · 02/05/2007 19:53

don't go cos the services are at totally inconvenient times for those with small children
10.30 or 11am - tired, hungry and fractious wanting lunch and nap
6.30 tired again liable to fall asleep on way home
how about a service at 9am when at least little ones will be in a decent mood?
or one at 8pm so I can get DS to bed first and come along in some peace

PeterAndreFanCLub · 02/05/2007 19:54

cos its BORING
fess up

Original poster
Cazee · 02/05/2007 19:54

I know that the people who form the church can be horrid, but isn't church more than that? I read a lovely quote "All that is wrong with the Church's earthly pilgramige can be seen by looking in a mirror" We are all imperfect. It can be really horrible when you meet a nasty priest or parishoner, but I try to frame it as a chance for me to show them a nicer way to be. Baby really crying now, back in a mo...

OP posts:
Original poster
Cazee · 02/05/2007 19:54

lol COD

OP posts:
PeterAndreFanCLub · 02/05/2007 19:55

you cna makeup allt he frigging time dh workign crpoal you like
if there was free money thre youd all be there before oyu can say" anyahindmarsh bag"

berolina · 02/05/2007 19:56

I think a whole lot depends on the church tbh. One bad experience or several indifferent ones can be enough to put one off for life, I think. I have a good one and go most weeks.

Whoooosh · 02/05/2007 19:56

I used to love going to church with my Grandma and loved Sunday school too and equally would love dd to experience the saem.

Our vicar refused to Christen dd so I have to be content with my own form of worship,teaching dd to say her prayers before bed and reading her bible stories

berolina · 02/05/2007 19:56

PMSL cod

LadyMacbeth · 02/05/2007 19:57

I agree Peachy, (as I do with a lot of your posts - must be the Somerset in us!). I said on another thread recently that going to church muddies the waters for me. The beliefs I hold deep down and intrinsically do not marry up with all those of the Church.

For example, the belief that non-believers will not go to Heaven. So, if you don't believe in God you will be sent down even if you are the most giving, wonderful person on this planet... etc.

Whoooosh · 02/05/2007 19:58

Oh and Cod-yes it is boring