Hello all! I just posted a long post on the old thread and realised it's full up, so just going to copy this here to sunshine - will try and do a roundup of other prayers too later. Everyone welcome here!
Just want to reiterate what Oma and Cocoa have said so well, sunshine. It's no wonder church feels like a hostile place and you freeze up. I feel so sad for you that that man did this to you. But Christ isn't the church , the church is supposed to be his body, reaching out hands of love and help and compassion, and sometimes they mess that up. Hugely. Sometimes evil crawls in. But that doesn't mean God's abandoned you. I love that Oma referred to the prodigal son, I was looking at Rembrandt's study of that parable the other day and so struck afresh by the father's absolute joy in his son being home, his grace in embracing him whatever he'd done. Sadly you've had a poor excuse for a father so it must be so difficult to frame God in the language of father for you 
but God is the father who loves you beyond your imaginings, who reaches out arms of compassion and forgiveness, who gathers you in and just loves you. Loves you so much, so, so much, without end. You can never do anything that will make God abandon you. Jesus said that he is with us always, even to the end of the age.
I know church is threatening, lovely, but there are a lot of people who would love to help, here on the internet and in real life. It's just a case of reaching out, but I know that must seem impossible right now. I've learned that God is a God of restoration, a God who longs to mend the broken places and devastations in people's lives. I've seen people set free from so much and believe with everything I am that God longs to set you free, too.
I'd love you to find some medical support. I'm so sorry your GP is so rubbish. More and more the case, sadly. I pray you can get in to see someone. Would you also consider some counselling? Like cocoa says, that doesn't mean they would take your DC away, just that they would want to support and help you. you sound a lovely mum and have done so well to get to this point. I'm glad you are reaching out here. Please take care and know God's love pouring over you by the Holy Spirit.