So confused.

[McBounty]

Hi

I am just going to get stuck in and explain how I am currently feeling.

I have recently just found Jesus.
I think.

I was invited to my very first Cell meeting just under a year ago.
I decided to go to a few and I found it overwhelming and not for me. I did however, find it very peaceful.

If you're unsure about what a cell group is, it's a group of women (or men) and we meet at a leaders home. The leader spends an hour reading from the Bible, listening to Christian music and praying. Then we eat snacks and socialise.

After about 5 visits, I stopped going. I left all of the ladies that attended and had become friends, behind.

I thought it might be a good time to tell you all, I was a very strong atheist.

I decided recently to go back to a cell group. I feel like, I need to give this a chance. I need to believe in Jesus and God's plan. I have started attending Cell groups again and I even went to my first Church service on Sunday. I cried and I found it amazing.

I have been praying. I have been asking Jesus to forgive me. I want to become a faithful Christian, but I am scared. I still have my doubts.

I wish I didn't, but I do. I want this so so bad. I have started getting excited knowing I am going to see the Cell ladies again at Cell. They have all become amazing friends.
I am excited to attend Church again. I listen to Christian music in my spare time now also, I love it.

I am confused. Just so confused.
I don't even know what to ask.

Annie mentioned 'not praying' as an example of 'sins that are really specific to believers' so I was giving a concrete example of this: someone sitting in church looking like they are praying whilst musing about what to cook for tea.

Imagine. It's a 'let us pray' moment. This person has their head bowed, their eyes are closed, their hands are clasped but, rather than focussing on communing with/worshipping God, they are meal-planning. Food is a sensual delight. To think of it whilst faux-praying in church is to besmirch the sacred with the profane.

I'm forever meal planning in church.

I don't think God minds too much.

I think God would mind more if I was making a big song and dance about giving to the poor then putting a penny in a charity tin, or something along those lines...

But MHD if you never prayed and just meal-planned ....? There must be a limit at some point unless you are mulling over how to feed starving waifs?

There's only so much meal planning one can indulge in. Besides, prayer is so much more satisfying... But I'm human. My mind drifts. Just trying to compare it to something God would be more sad about, ie injustice.

God doesn't call anyone hateful, does he? Why would you describe yourself as that?

Sounds like you found something to make you happier, which is great, but there are other routes to happiness. Lots of us non-believers have complete and utter wholesome happiness and don't think anyone in the world is hateful.
Even if you question your beliefs and decide there is no God, there can still be immense happiness. They are not related.

Not sure you care about what I think, as you have found your new path, but I have empathy, charity, faith in the inate goodness of people and I don't believe a god is responsible for any of it, human character is.
Humans are amazing and if you are are exploring different belief, humanism is another interesting one to look into for the community aspects you like.

I have empathy, charity, faith in the inate goodness of people and I don't believe a god is responsible for any of it, human character is.

Absolutely.
And the bible taught us nothing. The bible was written by men, and it's all simply observation of the good bits of a working society.
If we leave out the bad bits of the bible like human sacrifice and revenge killing it is simply an anthropological analysis of human altrusim- which existed long before christianity.
Good working societal rules can be observed everywhere, even in societies that have never heard of the bible, to help and care for others, to have respect- all these aspects are common throughout the world- and even in the animal kingdom. Elephants, giraffes, wolves, primates all use altruism to maintain good healthy pack interactions.

For any christian to assume that the bible is a novel human manual are deluding themselves.
Much of the bible is plain nasty, and even the cherry picked parts are simply not news worthy.

Worshipping God, they are meal-planning. Food is a sensual delight. To think of it whilst faux-praying in church is to besmirch the sacred with the profane.

Imagine you're God. If you wanted someone to think about you and talk to you, and you notice they were worrying about what to cook for dinner when they had a chance to talk to you, would your first reaction be anger or frustration? Imagine you're on a date and your partner wants to talk about how you should start clearing out the garage. But you want them to sit quietly and adore you? Surely you'd recognise that they had stuff they were stressing about and work with them. Getting stroppy about the fact that they deigned to think of anything but you would just show you up to be a selfish egoist.

What's wrong with things being sensual? Is it okay to think about housework that isn't sensual during prayer? Is washing your wheelie bin sensual? Can we have a list of sensual/non-sensual housework jobs?

Head do you not think perhaps I wasn’t being entirely serious?

I’m just intrigued by the notion of there being a whole extra set of sins available to the believer. It hardly seems fair!

I do get a bit leery when threads career off in a direction not anticipated by the OP. (I may not have helped in this case!)

Anyway I would like to wish McBounty well on the path she has chosen.

All I would say is that it’s probably not a good idea to think of oneself as having been a ‘hateful atheist’. It would seem better to make peace with the person you once were, not judging yourself - or those you might perceive as being like your former self - too harshly.

Outwith- I don't know about Head, but it seemed entirely credible to me-I know people in real life who might say exactly that.

Yes, I know people who think like that too Bert.

I was only trying to say that I was providing a viewpoint from the perspective of such people rather than giving my own opinion.

Gah. Sorry didn't realise it was in jest as yes, have known of people to think like that (inc. me in a previous life) Apologies. Been off work at home with kids and probably too keen for an adult debate. For the last 7 days it's pretty much been 'Mum, Mum, come and watch this YouTuber play Roblox'. 😳🔫

Haha hih I also have that shoot me now feeling about ds' kind invitations to watch YouTube with him... Hope you're off work on holiday, not sick?