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Original poster

How do I actually go to church?!

39 replies

scortja · 20/06/2017 14:20

Please help! I would like to go to a local church but I just don't know what I'm supposed to do..
Say the service is at 1030 on a Wednesday morning - do I just go at 1030, slip into a back row and listen? Or do i need to get there early? Or a bit late so I can avoid talking to people?
Will someone hand me a bit of paper? Do i need to get anything?

If I'm not initiated into the church (you can tell I'm not!) do I just listen? Can I slip away after? Do I have to explain myself?

Thank you for your help!

OP posts:
Electricaid · 20/06/2017 14:23

I don't have any helpful advice but I'm interested too.

Wolfiefan · 20/06/2017 14:24

Service would start at that time. Don't arrive afterwards. You may be given a printed copy of the order of service and any hymns and readings.
You shouldn't need to explain yourself! If you feel awkward you could always email the vicar beforehand and introduce yourself!

mintich · 20/06/2017 14:26

5-10mins early and you normally get a little booklet or paper telling you about the service. Just follow what everyone else does but at the same time, if there are things you don't want to do, it's cool to sit out

anonymice · 20/06/2017 14:27

10.25. Walk in and say hello to whoever says hello. They will hand you a service sheet and a hymn book. Find a seat and sit down. Job done. They will prob have a collection so bring a pound if you like? If they do communion and you are not confirmed but would like a blessing take your hymn book up with you and don't put your hands out in front of you for receiving communion. Or you can just sit in your chair while the others go up. There might be a peace 'let us offer one another a sign of peace' after the reading, in which case shake hands with the people round you and say 'peace be with you'. There will probably be tea and biscuits at the end so do have some!!!

PaperdollCartoon · 20/06/2017 14:27

Get there about 10 mins before, smile and sit wherever you like. Just sit and listen. Someone might give you an order of service when you go in, with info about the church. If people go up to take communion you're not obliged to and no one should mind if you stay seated. Is it quite a traditional church or a more modern one?

PaperdollCartoon · 20/06/2017 14:28

You can definitely just slip away after, I often do. Or if you feel like chatting there will definitely be some people around who'd like to chat to you.

BertrandRussell · 20/06/2017 14:28

Just turn up. There'll probably be an order of service being handed out, or on a table to pick up. Sit at the back-particularly if it's a more traditional church because then you can be pretty sure you're not sitting in Doris's seat. Make sure you have some change in case there's a collection. And just quietly leave at the end. The priest/whatever will probably be standing at the door to shake hands and say goodbye but you don't have to if you don't want to. Just smile and keep walking.

PicardsCombOver · 20/06/2017 14:29

Be prepared for many friendly people to invite you up at communion time for a lovely blessing but they don't mind if you'd rather not. I hope you like it op

Scrumple · 20/06/2017 14:30

I used to attend catholic mass. Not sure how useful my experience is?

Get there about 5 minutes early so you're not disrupting the service by asking people to budge up for you, or the ushers trying to guide you to a seat, or creaky doors echoing around the hall.

As you walk in to the building, you are handed a sheet which outlines the mass (what hymns/prayers will be said). You might also get a sheet that lists what's going on in the parish that week.

No one will talk to you unless they know you/recognise you. Some people may try to make small talk, just as they would in a shop/at a bus stop etc. i used to hate the 'peace be with you' bit at mass where we had to shake hands with everyone around us. Convinced that's why i always had a cold (pretty sure this is just catholic practice though).

You don't need to sit in the back row. And you won't be criticised for not joining in. Just sing/pray along at whatever you're comfortable with.

Also not sure if this is at every church - but our mass used to pass a bowl round twice per service during hymns to collect for charity and for the church (repairs etc), so might be handy to have a few coins ready in your pocket if you wish to donate so you're not hunting for them when the bowl reaches you. Absolutely not compulsory to donate! I used to just hand the bowl to the person next to me as i had my doubts about the £££££££ roof repair the priest wanted us to cough up for.

Seeline · 20/06/2017 14:30

Just a warning - midweek services are usually much quieter (and less well attended) than the sunday morning ones. If you are trying to 'blend into the background' you might be a bit more obvious at a mid week service, and regulars might be a bit more enthusiastic with their welcomes!
But basically - yes, come and go as you please, join in with coffee afterwards (if it's on offer) or not. You would normally be given some sort of service sheet to follow, unless things are put up on a screen of some sort. Hymn books are often already in the back of the chair in front - join in with the singing of you want to, or don't. People will normally greet you at the door, sometimes show you where to sit, ready to answer any queries you might have.
Every church is different though - if the first one you go to doesn't feel right, try another!

C0RAL · 20/06/2017 14:30

What kind of church is it ? We can give more specific advice if we know.

Original poster
scortja · 20/06/2017 14:31

Thank you so much for those answers!

I know i just have to get it over with but I literally don't know how to behave..

Another thing while you're here - parish eucharist is a regular type service, right? Is there much singing? or does it vary?

OP posts:
anonymice · 20/06/2017 14:35

it varies. Hopefully you will know some of the hymns. It's a CofE church then? The bits you respond to are in bold on the service sheet, and CofE churches do the handshaking too....

anonymice · 20/06/2017 14:36

it's fine NOT to know the hymns though!!! Just sit there and let them all sing!! Just a bit dull for you :(

Original poster
scortja · 20/06/2017 14:36

I think they're all C of E churches - I'm not sure if there are divisions within that?

On closer inspection this is what's happening tomorrow - book of common prayer, right?

Holy Communion (BCP said - in the Chancel)

OP posts:
Seeline · 20/06/2017 14:37

A Eucharist service is a communion service. The amount of singing will vary (also the type of music - some churches have more traditional hymns, perhaps with an organ, whilst others are more modern with drum kit and music group, some mix it up quite happily!) They tend to be more serious services. If you're looking for something a bit more relaxed they might have a 'family' service once a month or so, which wouldn't necessarily involve the communion bit.

Original poster
scortja · 20/06/2017 14:38

I hope I'll know some of the hymns - I like a good sing song.. bit worried I'll know the chorus and mutter the rest..

and I'm happy to read the lyrics..

OP posts:
Seeline · 20/06/2017 14:39

The book of common prayer service will be quite formal, and quiet. There is a set service with lots of said responses that you will follow from wither the prayer book of the service sheet. There will be no music if it is a said service.

Seeline · 20/06/2017 14:40

either the prayer book or the service sheet.........

Seeline · 20/06/2017 14:40

either the prayer book or the service sheet.........

Original poster
scortja · 20/06/2017 14:41

Thank you again everyone for your answers.. I really do appreciate it - hopefully tomorrow is the day (or, failing that, next Sun) xxx

OP posts:
wewentoutonsunday · 20/06/2017 14:42

I am in a similar situation, OP. Went to check recently. VERY out of my comfort zone. Felt very exposed for some reason. Managed to sing a bit, didn't go up for a blessing when others took communion. That was fine. I did what I felt comfortable with. Took some money for the collection.

The service was very small - about 12. I did know some of them and they were very friendly. I stayed and chatted afterwards - if I go again, it is time well invested and may make me feel less awkward.

It was a traditional-language BCP service but I didn't have any trouble following or understanding it.

I hope you find it a positive experience, OP.

foolonthehill · 20/06/2017 14:46

BCP will be traditional book of common prayer...old fashioned (Shakespearian type) English with thees and thous. Mid week is most likely to be spoken only (no songs) unless it's a very big church or cathedral. It would be likely to be small, not easy to disappear in...but not intimidating hopefully. Just follow the words in the book or sheet, and the actions the other people do (stand, sit, kneel)

Hope you enjoy it......Sunday would be more likely to have songs/hymns although some city churches do a full mid week service for city workers/students/shift workers.

Don't worry if you want to "shop around"to find somewhere that suits you.

MikeUniformMike · 20/06/2017 14:47

Look if the church has a web site. That may offer you some more information about different services.
Go a few minutes before the service starts. There may be someone handing out the order of service - you could ask them where to sit, or just sit somewhere in the middle.
If it is a small church they will probably welcome you and fuss over you a bit. In a large church this is less likely.
If there is a cup of tea afterwards, pop along. You will probably want to take loose change with you in case there's a collection or as a contribution.
Go. The worst that happens is that you won't like it, in which case you don't have to go again, or you could try a different church.

Original poster
scortja · 20/06/2017 14:53

Thanks wewentout

Do you think you will go regularly? I am horribly horribly shy so dreading being asked to have tea and biscuits - even though I think that might be what I'm looking for really!

OP posts:
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